Is biting S&M?

[TransChick]

So I have a question that I'd like folks' thoughts on. I like other kinds of pain, too -- floggers, canes, whips, hand spankings.

But maybe my very favorite way to be hurt is being bitten really hard. All over the chest and shoulders especially, with pretty marks that last for days and start out deep purple and eventually then that sickly yellow before they go away. And, oh man, orgasms that happen when I'm being bitten good and hard just explode and they last for the longest time.

So, in y'all's opinion, is that masochism too? Or is that a rough sex thing that people who are not into S&M also do and like and wouldn't really call masochism?

Thanks in advance for any thoughts.

 

[Farawyn]

I think it can be both, depending on the intent of the biter and the interpretation of the bitee.

I love it, too.

 

[Miles Long]

It sounds like you might be equating S&M with D/s. S&M can certainly go along with D/s, but by no means do they have to overlap.

S&M = sadism and masochism, masochism being defined as deriving pleasure (often sexual) from physical pain and/or emotional pain like humiliation.

D/s = Domination and submission, wherein the submissive partner gives control in some form to the dominant partner, in any number of ways that they agree to.

There are many, many people in D/s dynamics who enjoy S&M, and there are so many people who are on the D side of the slash that are sadists and people on the s side of the slash that are masochists that many people often end up equating them, respectively. But the truth is there are lots of D's who are masochists and lots of s's who are sadists and there are lots of both who are neither sadists nor masochists. (See the currently en vogue "sensual Daddy Dom" identity as an example of Doms who aren't sadists.)

And there are lots of sadists and masochists who aren't interested in D/s. They just want pain without power exchange.

Your description of how much you get off on being bitten during sex sounds to me like rough sex which is very much a textbook definition of masochism. You are processing pain into sexual pleasure and that is masochism. Whether or not that is part of a D/s dynamic with the person biting you does not impact the masochism classification.

As for the people who are not into S&M, I cannot speak for what they would call anything. They would probably call me fucked up, but to be fair so do some people who are into S&M, so whattayagonnado?

 

[Paul_Chance]

If it the pain itself that brings the pleasure, then I would drop it into masochism.

 

[TransChick]

LOL, fair enough. And thanks for your thoughts.

And no, I wasn't trying to mix it up with D/s. I mean, I'm submissive as fuck as well as liking to be hurt, but I know lots of people who love pain who aren't at all submissive. (Though I haven't met many subs who are sadists for whatever reason.)

 

[yossi]

I'd say if you derive pleasure from the pain of the bite, then, yes, it definitely counts as masochism on your part. If your partner derives pleasure from giving that pain, then yes on his/her part. Ta da! Makes sense - teeth are just another implement.

I think for some it can just be a part of rough sex.

 

[Farawyn]

I'd say if you derive pleasure from the pain of the bite, then, yes, it definitely counts as masochism on your part. If your partner derives pleasure from giving that pain, then yes on his/her part. Ta da! Makes sense - teeth are just another implement.

I think for some it can just be a part of rough sex.

I also like the thought of the bite. That he is going to make a mark on me that others may or may not see, because he can.
That turns me on as much as the pain of the bite, which I also love.

 

[yossi]

I also like the thought of the bite. That he is going to make a mark on me that others may or may not see, because he can.
That turns me on as much as the pain of the bite, which I also love.

Yes, that's a big part for me as well. Marks are beautiful and make me feel loved, cared for, thought of.

For the most part my pleasure from pain comes from submitting to that pain, either because it pleases my partner, or because I've simply been told to do so. Pain in and of itself doesn't make me orgasm, though I do have a high threshold for it.

 

[cascadiabound]

Miles pretty much hit on all this, but the following article recopied covers the three categories and how they may or may not overlap. Perhaps this will be helpful to some folks.


"There is absolutely no one true way to “BDSM.”

I want to break down the three major categories of what BDSM includes based on what my experience has been.
Three major categories:

SM. Kinky sex. Power Exchange.
https://68.media.tumblr.com/e7978e696723c64966db314e7ba27443/tumblr_inline_op1bv6fYAr1uvi3bd_500.jpg

SM:

Sadism is “the tendency to derive pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from inflicting pain, suffering, or humiliation on others.” Masochism is “the tendency to derive pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from one’s own pain or humiliation.” Sado-masochisitc activity is often referred to as a scene or play. It typically involves a designated Top and bottom, indicating who is doing what. The Top is the one in charge of deciding what is happening in the scene. The bottom is the one on the receiving end of the Top’s decisions. And in the definitions you can start to see how varied SM can be. Deriving either pleasure or sexual gratification or both of those, from any or all of pain or suffering or humiliation. Examples of SM would involve anything falling under the pain (emotional, mental, or physical) category. Impact play is one of the most common. Flogging, spanking, whipping, paddling, caning, etc. Also humiliation scenes, interrogation, some bathroom play if it causes pain. If it pleases somebody to be hurt in a way, or it pleases somebody to hurt someone in a way, it is included in the SM category.

Sex or power exchange is NOT a requirement.

Kinky Sex:

If it is an “unconventional” sexual fetish fantasy, or concept. If it turns you on sexually, it falls under kinky sex. Being sexually attracted to xyz, being turned on by xyz, xyz getting your dick hard or panties wet. Of course xyz can be any number of alternative sexual preferences. The goal of this category is sexual gratification.

Pain or Power Exchange is NOT a requirement.

Power Exchange:

Power Exchange is a relationship dynamic, even if that “relationship” is only for the duration of a scene. It involves two parties, one of them giving up agreed upon control and one taking said control from the other person. Examples of this are the many designations of “Dominance and submission,” including D/s itself, Master/slave, Caregiver/little, etc.

Pain or kinky sex is NOT a requirement.

You don’t have to be into more than one of these to be involved with the BDSM community. You do not have to be interested in all of them. Just one. One tiny piece of any one of these categories is all it takes to join in and include yourself. Sometimes the categories overlap for people. Sometimes not.

You can be into pain but not want to have sex after a spanking. Not want to give up control to your Top during the scene. That’s okay.

You can be turned on by sexualizing bimboification. You do not have to want to control every aspect of your partners life. You do not have to want to cause him/her pain. That’s okay.

You can be into control and want to live as Master/slave and have a completely vanilla sex life and never pick up a paddle. That’s okay.

You can do rope to cause/feel pain. You can do rope because it gets you wet. You can do rope to take control of another’s body. They’re all okay.
Your BDSM is your BDSM. Don’t ever let anybody else define it for you. Don’t ever believe that one way is the only way.

That said, there are some cornerstones of BDSM that all practitioners should follow.

Everything under all three categories should be done consensually on behalf of all parties involved.

Take time to have an open dialogue and proper negotiation before you engage in any of these categories.

Be aware of the risks that are associated with your kink and educate yourself on safety.

Other than that, the vast world of BDSM is your playground and you have a lifetime to figure out these divisions and their significance in your life. Take your time, trust your instincts, listen to other people’s kink with an open mind and accepting heart, and do what feels good to you. Not what you read somewhere is 'supposed' to feel good."

 

[Farawyn]

TransChick, what do you think?
Are you looking for labels and definitions, or more of a dialogue?

 

[TransChick]

I was mostly looking for advice on categorizing things to make it simpler to talk about as I explain to a prospective partner what kinds of things I like. As in, will "I'm a masochist who likes X, Y, and Z." effectively convey what I'm trying to say?

I've always thought of my love of being bitten as a masochism thing, but somehow I got the impression from someone (I forget where or when) that other people might not think of it the same way. So I just wanted to hear other thoughts.

I mean, regardless of what you call it, it's such a freaking turn-on. I just wonder about language things sometimes.

Thanks everyone, this was exactly the kind of things I wanted to hear from folks.

 

[cascadiabound]

You might also look into using a check list of things you like or using the human sex map as a way to talk about your interests.

http://www.humansexmap.com/

Many folks around here have also taken the BDSM quiz which gives you a weird collection of % (submissive/ masochist/ rope bunny/ little/ dominant/ sadist etc)

http://bdsmtest.org/index.php

 

[Bramblethorn]

Certainly can be. I like to leave marks

 

[cascadiabound]

Certainly can be. I like to leave marks

I like to be marked...

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I love being marked. The marks are like souvenirs that fade too quickly.

Whether or not biting is BDSM just depends on the people involved.

 

[TransChick]

You might also look into using a check list of things you like or using the human sex map as a way to talk about your interests.

http://www.humansexmap.com/

Many folks around here have also taken the BDSM quiz which gives you a weird collection of % (submissive/ masochist/ rope bunny/ little/ dominant/ sadist etc)

http://bdsmtest.org/index.php

Thanks, both of those are interesting.

And apparently I'm especially a submissive / rope bunny / pet / masochist. Ok, well, I more or less knew that without a quiz, but the quiz was nice.

 

[ouchfeelsgood]

I also like the act of biting and being bitten, although not to the point of breaking the skin -- just to the point of some nice distinct bite marks.

Is biting a form of S/M? It is in the sense that it's a way of deriving pleasure from pain. But it also falls into the category of primal love-making, which may have it's evolutionary roots in the "rough" way certain species mate, so it may not fall strictly into the sadomasochistic behavioral classification.

But any way you categorize it, I think it's an amazing turn-on!

 

[OldUncleJack]

My kitten loves being marked.

 

[Primalex]

I was mostly looking for advice on categorizing things to make it simpler to talk about as I explain to a prospective partner what kinds of things I like. As in, will "I'm a masochist who likes X, Y, and Z." effectively convey what I'm trying to say?

Well, being bitten is a kink that lies in the transition zone of rough sex and S&M. You can approach it from the rough sex direction or from the S&M direction.

To minimize confusion you should approach it from the direction with the biggest overlap.

I think it's easy to see that this one is a bad approach:
"I like rough sex, so I like being bitten. But don't like my hair pulled, being thrown on the bed or my head being pushed down. I don't like being hammered or to gag on a cock, I prefer it more gentle, with candles and a massage before."

 

[Nezhul]

WHy not? Everything that causes pain or marks can be considered masochism, I think.

 

[Porkwarrior]

If the pain from biting is foreplay...then it's just that.

I lean the other way, I only bite when I'm severely turned on, and I LOVE to be bitten while we are fucking. Mild S&M mebbe, but it makes my cock twitch enough she likes it, and even if she isn't into it I'll find a nonsensitive spot on her naked body I can plunge to the root and bite at the same time.


If nothing else, there's dental impressions for CSI to work with, lol.

 

[Etoile]

I had my shoulder bitten during sex - hard, deep, to the muscle - on Thursday around noon. It's now Monday at 10am and that muscle is still tender to the touch. I liked it. That's pretty definitely masochism.