Puns

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I have a great love of puns. So share your favourite puns here!

Let's start with one of my favourites:

https://68.media.tumblr.com/f027c76909a7395c38f9bb8de163bd44/tumblr_o60tzs8XdH1u8fp54o1_400.jpg

 

[lesyex19]

As the billy goat said to his wife, "You're kidding!"

 

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What do you get when you mix salmon and nutella?

Salmonella

 

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I'm reading a book about anti-gravity, and I can't put it down.

 

[lesyex19]

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity, and I can't put it down.

It sounds really uplifting!

 

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It sounds really uplifting!

Something about it repels me, but in a good way.

 

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https://68.media.tumblr.com/500a176a24a22908d0eea1420d576672/tumblr_ojjc6jgMP51qhp91uo1_540.jpg

 

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https://68.media.tumblr.com/3af1e456b82c03c7f39c244e51f2b15a/tumblr_oijsa88Plc1qhp91uo1_540.jpg

 

[frustratedthoughts]

https://photos-5.dropbox.com/t/2/AAAdEQCyPV_1T7SKQkQRr82YWpneu1lru8tHZEs9CcXBdA/12/655221387/jpeg/32x32/1/_/1/2/paperview.jpg/EL3y4qoFGKsKIAIoAg/jQTbbVgJpbMWQXAYn77ZnARODPtoSzOFYyX2_6YdJBU?size=800x600&size_mode=3

 

[lesyex19]

Reading while sunbathing makes you ... well...red...

 

[VIPER2121]

Seven days without a pun makes one weak

 

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I spent an hour deleting all the Germans from my phone contacts. My phone is now Hans free.

 

[done_got_old]

The astronauts said their experience on the moon was out of this world.

 

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Never trust atoms. They make up everything.

 

[OldUncleJack]

I used to run an origami supplies business - sadly it folded...

 

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I used to run an origami supplies business - sadly it folded...

That reminds me, I wanted to watch the World Origami Championships on TV, but sadly it was on paper view.

 

[done_got_old]

Did you hear of the logger nicknamed Barry the Hatchet?

 

[OldUncleJack]

That reminds me, I wanted to watch the World Origami Championships on TV, but sadly it was on paper view.

I bought a newspaper shop after that - it blew away...

 

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I bought a newspaper shop after that - it blew away...

I bet that was a major development.

 

[done_got_old]

One-one was one racehorse: two-one was one too -- two-one won one race: one-one won one too.

 

[lesyex19]

I'm told Dwayne Johnson hates playing Rock, Paper, Scissors because Paper always beats the Rock

 

[done_got_old]

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

 

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I farted in my wallet because I needed some gas money.

 

[lesyex19]

I farted in my wallet because I needed some gas money.

*groan*

Her whine reminded him about the cost of the wine

 

[done_got_old]

What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)