Some poly, some kink, some other stuff ...

[The_Ghost_Man]

Hi Kim,

Thanks so much for sharing your story. Like many here, I'm keen to hear more. It's heartening to hear that there are real couples out there who are able to make non-traditional partnerships work. And even more so, are prepared to put in the work required to make them work.

Ghost

 

[Green_Knight]

I think it's extremely difficult to get around the discourse of monogamy, and the fact that so many societies that practice forms of non-monogamy do it so badly doesn't help. There's a level of honesty (to oneself and others) involved that I suspect is problematic too. I've certainly been less than stellar in this regard - were I to have the chance to relive this story knowing what I know now, it would be quite different. It's just taken me a long while to work out what's actually been going on, and to attempt to rectify mistakes I've made in the past at this point would involve needless hurt. I'm trying to be better about that now though.

I'm so glad that you're back. I feared for one moment that you might be another of those losses - people who contribute so much but then suddenly vanish as real life interposes.

I love reading your story of your awakening. I'm often tempted to comment but I find it so hard to get enough appropriate thoughts and words together, so I just lurk around, reading. So many of the things you say strike a chord with me. The sad thing, I find, is that it takes a lifetime to come to these conclusions – if only I'd known what I know now when I was in my 20s – and even longer to find someone/ones who share these ideas.

 

[ADIDAS00]

Love the story Kim! Great to see someone open up and lay it all out there like you did. I have a feeling you're not alone in your situation. A lot of women and men feel the same way and are in the same situation. They love their wife or husband and find them attractive but sex has just become as you say,"meh"

I'll elaborate on my story a bit since we're all friends here

So me and my wife deeply love each other. We're successful grown ups and are respected in our community. Everything is great between us but a few years back we kind of drifted. Sex was mundane and a bit predictable and boring. It was like we had nothing to look forward to. Then something happened......

We had always texted each other but I started to push the envelope hinting around to sexual ideas. That was fun for a while and it kind of played itself out. We started sending kinky pics of porn to each other and that was sexy as well. Then it happened.....I sent her a mfm threesome pic and told her I was imagining it was her with me and another. Silence on the other end....."OMG, she probably thinks I'm crazy" was going through my head. I was absolutely terrified she was going to freak the hell out!!!

.....to be continued

 

[ADIDAS00]

After a long wait, she replies back,"really?!?! I was thinking the same thing babe". It was like music to my ears hearing that she was into something so kinky and risqué. It was like the flood gates opened sexually for us. Just the idea of another man joining us in bed made us both incredibly aroused which lead to amazing sex as we role played it. We ended up purchasing dildos, lifelike dildos, cumming dildos, etc. we couldn't get enough of the erotic fantasy! That morphed into the hot wife fantasies and thoughts of her being promiscuous on business trips and at work. Now it's part of our normal sex life to imagine her being with other men and me enjoying it. Although we haven't actually found another guy in real life to share her with, we may one day. The best part is the possibilities of it all. Whether we do it or not doesn't really matter.....it's the fact that we're open to it happening that makes it so sexy and arousing. We even opened our own tumblr account where she can show her body and guys comment on her and we look at the comments together. It's been a real game changer for us and it's the best thing that's happened to our marriage. Totally brought us closer

Anyway, enough of my rambling. I just wanted to share my story in hopes that it may add to the thread in some way positive

 

[KimGordon67]

After a long wait, she replies back,"really?!?! I was thinking the same thing babe". It was like music to my ears hearing that she was into something so kinky and risqué. It was like the flood gates opened sexually for us. Just the idea of another man joining us in bed made us both incredibly aroused which lead to amazing sex as we role played it. We ended up purchasing dildos, lifelike dildos, cumming dildos, etc. we couldn't get enough of the erotic fantasy! That morphed into the hot wife fantasies and thoughts of her being promiscuous on business trips and at work. Now it's part of our normal sex life to imagine her being with other men and me enjoying it. Although we haven't actually found another guy in real life to share her with, we may one day. The best part is the possibilities of it all. Whether we do it or not doesn't really matter.....it's the fact that we're open to it happening that makes it so sexy and arousing. We even opened our own tumblr account where she can show her body and guys comment on her and we look at the comments together. It's been a real game changer for us and it's the best thing that's happened to our marriage. Totally brought us closer

Anyway, enough of my rambling. I just wanted to share my story in hopes that it may add to the thread in some way positive

Great story - always nice to hear of couples who manage to keep any aspect of their relationship heading the same direction as each other. So NOT how things would go with my husband ... and over the years, I've realised that, for me, the emotional aspect of having more than one relationship is as important (if not more important) than the physical aspect. In some respects, that's almost the harder bit.

 

[KimGordon67]

I'm so glad that you're back. I feared for one moment that you might be another of those losses - people who contribute so much but then suddenly vanish as real life interposes.

I love reading your story of your awakening. I'm often tempted to comment but I find it so hard to get enough appropriate thoughts and words together, so I just lurk around, reading. So many of the things you say strike a chord with me. The sad thing, I find, is that it takes a lifetime to come to these conclusions – if only I'd known what I know now when I was in my 20s – and even longer to find someone/ones who share these ideas.

I don't know if that's really sad. I was a dick in my 20s ... even if I 'knew' some of this stuff, I'd probably have been a dick about it. Also, when you're in your 20s, just the 'normal' stuff is a heap of fun - everyone's young and bouncy and enthusiastic. I'm sort of glad to have come to some of these things later in life, when I can approach things with a bit more maturity. (Well, hypothetically anyway.)

 

[KimGordon67]

One of my favourite online friends was a younger guy - he somehow slipped through the net and beguiled me before I got around to working out his actual age. However, he was just so awesome I couldn't bring myself to enforce the rule ... we fooled around online for a year, maybe more, and were in contact most days. I loved his openess, the ease with which we talked about anything, but also nothing - at the end of it, we really barely knew anything about each other, but also had told each other things that I certainly wouldn't repeat elsewhere. And he was SO game ... anything I suggested (within some mutually agreed upon boundaries) was open for trying out. He was also a little bit bi, which suited me well. We chatted through scenarios involving other guys ... in fact, we managed to orchestrate an online version of an MMF with another 'friend' ... that was interesting and extremely difficult to manage. We played around with me having a cock and fucking him more than once. Nothing ever really moved into the BDSM area, but it could have if we'd wanted too - we just didn't seem to work like that together. He would chat with me while he was in a bar with his friends, while he was on the train, while he was at work ... knowing that he was in public places, hard and 'doing' all sorts of things 'with' me was so much fun. One of my favourite moments was in the middle of a play session, I suddenly started describing in great detail peeing on him while having sex ... I knew this was something he fantasised about, even though it does little for me, and just afterwards he told me he'd taken a break from masturbating in that moment, but when he read what I was describing, he just came instantly, with no physical contact. We would talk about girls he was seeing, and guys I was fooling around with online, and there was never any jealousy - it was all just interesting. He was an amazingly descriptive lover - he could spend ten minutes explaining the smallest act, so that I knew exactly what it would feel like. We tried talking/camming a couple of times, but for some reason it just failed - text-based chat was the best medium, although I'd sometimes send him photos or audio recordings, which he always loved. At various points one or the other got a bit too emotionally attached, and pulled back a bit, but in the end we just kind of ran out of things to 'do', and it all finished quite naturally. We're still friends and catch up every now and then ... I really credit him with opening out my world sexually, just because anything and everything was up for discussion and maybe trying out - there was no judgement and we were totally honest and it was completely safe. Everyone entering the world of online sex should be lucky enough to find someone like that fairly early on.

... and then I stumbled across my first in-charge guy ...

 

[KimGordon67]

... and then I stumbled across my first in-charge guy ...

Let's call him John. I was mostly connecting with people in an online chat room at that time - it was a 'room' specifically dedicated to 'adult chat', long before I found Lit. Those places are so weird, and so feral. There's such a lot of sorting through chaff to be done before you find anyone even vaguely compatible - although it's where I met all of the above guys, through sheer perseverance and learning a few tricks. So many arguments though ... so many guys messaging to hit on you, and then getting all pissy when you don't immediately drop your clothes for them so they start insulting you (some combination of fat/old/ugly was the standard). I can't actually remember how John and I connected, but there was something about him I liked from the start, although he was clearly into the whole d/s thing, which I very much wasn't. In spite of that, we decided we liked each other enough to start chatting outside of the site - even though I have numerous 'fake' email accounts set up for this purpose, I'm still always pretty wary as to who I give even those contacts to, as these accounts seem like they're my own personal little universe. Obviously everyone works on the basis that you're still using pseudonyms anyway, but the fact that we started communicating outside the chat site was a clear indication to me that I enjoyed his 'company' a lot.

 

[KimGordon67]

My memory of the original conversations are a little shakey, but we pretty quickly moved into online sexual encounters, all chat based at first - at that point, I'd only used anything voice-based with the Scottish boy (see above), and he was a known quantity (and even then, it took him a year to talk me into Skyping with him. Literally. A year. He was very patient ... but that was really mostly visual rather than talking/sound). He always very much led what we were doing. Although I was pretty clear that I wasn't interested in any real d/s stuff, he was just a take-charge kind of guy, and it obviously suited him to decide how things were going to go ... and he decisions were pretty much always fine with me. He was, however, pretty insistent about wanted to communicate aurally - eventually he convinced me to let him call, and he would do ALL the talking - I would just be able to stay quiet, and type if I wanted to say anything. So he called ... and his voice just melted me. I'm not American, so American voices always have accents for me, and I've discovered (starting with him) that I have a bit of a weakness for the East Coast accent - I'm not sure if that's because of the actual accent, or just that the guys I've talked to the most have been from the East Coast. The other thing about John was that he was a big guy. I know that should be irrelevant online, but it actually made a different that when he talked about doing things that necessitated a fair degree of physical strength, I knew he was actually capable of that.
Anyway, the me-not-talking thing probably last 90 seconds ... Although I couldn't stay exactly quiet, I was still a bundle of nerves - I'm pretty adept with the written word, but the idea of having to vocalise the same sorts of things as I wrote just made my mortifyingly embarrassed. So at first, he would lead and I would respond more with sound than actual words. Even that took a while before I worked out that my responses had to be ... hmm ... increased, I guess, both in frequency and range. I'm fairly vocal during sex at the best of time (not so much actual talking, but lots of noise), so this wasn't too much of a stretch for me, but it did require a bit of thought.
That first time, though, (and a lot of times after that) I got to hear him cum. That was something else ... so raw, guttural - I swear he actually growled. And hearing that really switched things up for me - knowing that I could provoke that in someone, even from thousands of miles away, was kind of awesome.

 

[KimGordon67]

A side note ...

It's possibly a bit unclear from the above, but with pretty much all the guys I've talked about, there was more than 'just sex'. We all clicked in ways that would have made us compatible in the real world ... and that was pretty much unilaterally based around a shared love of music. It's one of the things that I think helps with establishing connections with people, especially in the virtual-verse, where the usual social markers (what someone's wearing, where you meet them, all the other cues we use) that indicate certain things about someone are missing ... establish something that's sort of a defining things about you, and use that to make those connections. For me, it's music ... I love music, I'm still going to see bands semi-regularly, I have a fairly eclectic but distinctive taste. People who are similar in that respect are the sorts of people I get on with - pretty much all friends similarly love music, I think every relationship in RL I've ever had has either been with someone in a band or started at a gig. People often think that because we're in a virtual environment that's premised around sex, 'compatibility' means sexual compatibility, and obviously that's important, but if you want something sustained, all the other points of reference remain.
From there, I've talked with these guys about politics, social issues, work-related stuff, family ... you know, the things we talk about with anyone.
Obviously that's just me, but I think trying to make things in the virtual world somehow exempt from the standard processes of developing relationships is a bit of a mistake.

 

[KimGordon67]

Post script

I just remembered something else this guy and I used to do together - watch porn. We'd find videos that we thought the other might like, and when the time was right, we'd start watching them simultaneously while chatting. That was always fun ... sometimes fun in the 'fuck, this is hot - we could do this' sense, and sometimes in 'god, really, can they not at least take their socks off?' sense. we had really similar tastes, which was great ... it was a really good work-around to being at a distance - something we could 'do together' even though we were in different places.

One of my favourite online friends was a younger guy - he somehow slipped through the net and beguiled me before I got around to working out his actual age. However, he was just so awesome I couldn't bring myself to enforce the rule ... we fooled around online for a year, maybe more, and were in contact most days. I loved his openess, the ease with which we talked about anything, but also nothing - at the end of it, we really barely knew anything about each other, but also had told each other things that I certainly wouldn't repeat elsewhere. And he was SO game ... anything I suggested (within some mutually agreed upon boundaries) was open for trying out. He was also a little bit bi, which suited me well. We chatted through scenarios involving other guys ... in fact, we managed to orchestrate an online version of an MMF with another 'friend' ... that was interesting and extremely difficult to manage. We played around with me having a cock and fucking him more than once. Nothing ever really moved into the BDSM area, but it could have if we'd wanted too - we just didn't seem to work like that together. He would chat with me while he was in a bar with his friends, while he was on the train, while he was at work ... knowing that he was in public places, hard and 'doing' all sorts of things 'with' me was so much fun. One of my favourite moments was in the middle of a play session, I suddenly started describing in great detail peeing on him while having sex ... I knew this was something he fantasised about, even though it does little for me, and just afterwards he told me he'd taken a break from masturbating in that moment, but when he read what I was describing, he just came instantly, with no physical contact. We would talk about girls he was seeing, and guys I was fooling around with online, and there was never any jealousy - it was all just interesting. He was an amazingly descriptive lover - he could spend ten minutes explaining the smallest act, so that I knew exactly what it would feel like. We tried talking/camming a couple of times, but for some reason it just failed - text-based chat was the best medium, although I'd sometimes send him photos or audio recordings, which he always loved. At various points one or the other got a bit too emotionally attached, and pulled back a bit, but in the end we just kind of ran out of things to 'do', and it all finished quite naturally. We're still friends and catch up every now and then ... I really credit him with opening out my world sexually, just because anything and everything was up for discussion and maybe trying out - there was no judgement and we were totally honest and it was completely safe. Everyone entering the world of online sex should be lucky enough to find someone like that fairly early on.

 

[KimGordon67]

Feedback welcome

[It's really tricky to tell if anyone's actually reading my random ramblings. Comments indicating ... well, anything really, if it's some sort of engagement ... are always welcome. Maybe I need to ask some questions in my posts?]

 

[LordMorningwood]

Do go on, this is fascinating, and you write so well.

 

[KimGordon67]

Do go on, this is fascinating, and you write so well.

'Fascinating' seems a bit strong but thanks. How are you?

 

[LordMorningwood]

I'm well, life sucks. No, really, I love this sort of honest talk about sexual experience as it is rather than the various conventions of what it should be.

 

[KimGordon67]

I'm well, life sucks. No, really, I love this sort of honest talk about sexual experience as it is rather than the various conventions of what it should be.

I know the feeling.
Obviously it's all a bit edited ... although there are some hilariously embarrassing stories I may choose to include when I get to them.

 

[Porkwarrior]

[It's really tricky to tell if anyone's actually reading my random ramblings. Comments indicating ... well, anything really, if it's some sort of engagement ... are always welcome. Maybe I need to ask some questions in my posts?]

Well basically...you're an older trophy wife that has grown up, but doesn't have the balls to divorce him.

Yadda yadda, something about a bed, lie in it, yadda yadda.

 

[KimGordon67]

Well basically...you're an older trophy wife that has grown up, but doesn't have the balls to divorce him.

Yadda yadda, something about a bed, lie in it, yadda yadda.

So, so wrong. On all counts. Feel free to not read - I would assume anyone who bothered wading through my substantive prose was actually interested, but if you're just looking for ammunition, maybe look elsewhere. Or not - I guess it's ultimately up to you.

 

[Porkwarrior]

So, so wrong. On all counts. Feel free to not read - I would assume anyone who bothered wading through my substantive prose was actually interested, but if you're just looking for ammunition, maybe look elsewhere. Or not - I guess it's ultimately up to you.

I did admittedly only make it through your 2nd post in this th'd, and your proifile.
You are still married, no?

 

[KimGordon67]

I did admittedly only make it through your 2nd post in this th'd, and your proifile.
You are still married, no?

Nothing like a well-informed opinion.

 

[KimGordon67]

I did admittedly only make it through your 2nd post in this th'd, and your proifile.
You are still married, no?

... and my marital situation is not correlated to my balls - trust me, I've had conversations with my husband that are a lot trickier to negotiate than 'I'm over this - I'm leaving'. Neither leaving nor staying are necessarily the easier options - that's entirely contextual.

 

[The_Ghost_Man]

If it helps

I have spent a couple of hours on the phone the last few weeks, with a Litster on the other side of the world.

We've been discussing relationships; her's, mine and ours. Your thread has come up more than once.

 

[KimGordon67]

I have spent a couple of hours on the phone the last few weeks, with a Litster on the other side of the world.

We've been discussing relationships; her's, mine and ours. Your thread has come up more than once.

Well, that's interesting. Now I'm blushing a bit.

 

[Christobal]

I would wager you get a lot of PM's. I am trying to compose mine but I think I will have to up my game. I'm thinking "hubba hubba" just won't do.

 

[RustyIron]

Kim I have found your story quite interesting actually, read all of it. It's a little different from some threads, but interesting none the less. Thank you for sharing.