The "Fuck you cancer!" thread

[scotluvsoral]

My sweet darling caring friends.

I don't know how to say this,
but I thank you very much
for always being there for me
your gentle, friendly touch

You helped me to get better
and stop what I regret
you helped me through the hard times
that, I can't forget.
thank you.

You listened to my problems
in a kind and caring way
and without you
I may not be smiling today
thank you.

I trust you with my health problems
I trusted you with my feelings
and in my heart, your words I'll take
until I'm grey and old
thank you.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, FOR A BRIGHTER, HEALTHIER 2017.
AND FUCK YOU CANCER.
EMM

As always, dear Emmy...you are gracious and loving! You have been my hero this last year, as you fought back to good health! FUCK YOU CANCER!!!

 

[scotluvsoral]

I guess I don't see the "support" as being anything other than surreal, which is why I don't get the point. That you do, is up to you.



There are things I'd like to say, things I'd like to vent, but saying them doesn't give a fulfillment or ease my feelings. I'm mad at the person who died because she gave control to someone with a heart of stone (or was completely and utterly ignorant) and when it came down to crunch time, she2 went off to suck her thumb because she2 didn't know what to do, or made very bad decisions.

I think she thought she2 would rise to the occasion because she utterly controlled her2 and therefore thought she2 was a clone of her thoughts. She didn't trust me because she couldn't control me. I spoke my mind and contrared when I didn't see reason.

She2 decided to ramrod medication into her's mouth, when she asked she2 "what was she2 giving her?" She just wanted to be reassured. She was used to always being in control and got scared and distrustful whenever she wasn't. She2 liked to have quiet conversations with me on how we should "control" she. She2 whispered and I spoke normally. She2 tried to maneuver me, to use me as a powerbase for her2 to take control of she.

She2 gave her overdoses of sedatives to make her compliant, all the while saying she was quoting the nurses.

She heard the conversations and grew distrustful of both of us. She2 tried to be the utter sycophant, while I got irritated and mad. She2 eventually stayed in her room attached like a Siamese twin with separation anxiety, effectively eliminating me from being with her, and allowing her to control her medication doses. She2 needs to take medication herself, and indolently neglects to take it all the time.

In the process of her2 being with her 24/7, she2 was awake more times than was healthy and watch over someone conscientiously. Thus, she2 neglected to give medication on a timely basis and thus she's pain level would go though peaks and valleys, where it should be a steady line.

She2 didn't write a medication schedule, so I did. She2 didn't like going by my schedule because it looked like She2 wasn't in control by following my schedule, so she2 made her2 own schedule which didn't follow a regular pattern and was chaotic.

She2 wanted me to watch over she and be in there when she2 wasn't there. I would use a baby monitor to listen while I took care of the house. She2 didn't like that.

Eventually, one of the nurses realized that I was saying she2 was over-medicating her and looked at the drip's frequency of additional squeezes. They found she was getting in a 24 hour period, with a greatest potential of one squeeze every ten minutes, that she was getting 125 emergency squeezes (where it should have been maybe 10 times in a 24 hour period).

They told she2 she was wrong to do this, and instead of taking responsibility for her2 actions, she2 said she2 was doing EXACTLY as the nurses told her to do. At this point, she2 had brought up her tolerance to the medication by overdosing her, effectively accelerating the process instead of lengthening it.

She2 had a frequent habit that whenever she didn't do as she2 said, she would use the baby monitor to alert me at any hour of the day and especially night. She2 had no interest in taking time to talk and explain what she2 was doing to her. This made her distrustful of she2.

Eventually, she2 would just RAM medication into she's mouth where she would try to blow it out of her mouth, then call she2 "evil."

I started to stop responding to she2's pleas for help. If she2 left for whatever reason, I'd tend to she as needed. Sometimes, I'd hear she asking for help via the baby monitor, and hearing nothing else, would wake, walk in and find she2 blissfully asleep. Then when she2 woke to find me in there would accusatorily demand "what are you doing?"

I tried to be the calm voice and tell she2 she needed to leave her's bedroom and look after herself better, but she would hear no counsel except her own bad judgement.

All of which was tentatively at she's request, which is, again, why I was mad at she.

Eventually, she2 overheard some of the things I'd do and say while I tended she and tried to emulate me in her2's attempts to control she, though she did so poorly, in my opinion.

In the worse times, when I was alone tending to her, she would be wailing in pain, begging for more meds, and I would hold her hand, and explain that she couldn't have more medication or we had to wait until a nurse came by to give her more. She looked at me and gave me a brief nod that she understood, and in that I think she knew she could trust me.

In the end, I tended to she on her deathbed; her final 6 hours, in spite of my own declining health because she2 didn't allow me to sleep at the same time she wasn't getting sleep (in my mind, it should have been in shifts, but in her2's mind we were both on shift 24/7).

My health has been steadily getting worse over the course of the last year and now I'm taking a heavy course of steroids to get back into a quasi-healthy state. I shouldn't be in this state and might not have needed to be here if it wasn't for her2's lack of consideration for others (health).

I tended her in her final 6 hours because she2 couldn't, because she2 was too emotional.

Accordingly, she was bleeding out into her stomach and the blood was flowing up and then out her mouth, but it wasn't red, but dark grey and white. I endlessly wiped the stuff from her mouth for 6 hours. My back was locked up, but I continued, because there was no one else.

In my opinion, her heart spasmed twice in a heart attack and then she died.

She was told and hoped that she would go into a coma and die, but she wasn't allow that in the end it seems. I finished cleaning her up, fixed her hair and put her body into a position of calm rest.

She2 would lie and tell she that people were there when in fact they had died years before. I don't like telling patronizing lies to people. In life, she didn't like that either.

Why she left herself over to she2 instead of me is beyond me. I would have insisted she take her medication, but I would have told her what it was and gotten her okay first. In spite of the pain, in spite of the cancer, in spite of everything else, she was quite savvy and knew when someone was bullshitting her. In spite of me getting angry at her and her being angry with me, in the end, I believe she knew she could trust me because I was predictable and plain spoken.

They say the hearing is the last thing to go. Eyesight, is one of the first. Not seeing something, not knowing what is going on, you are less likely to feel secure when someone is shoving something in your mouth. In that case, would it hurt to take an extra 10 minutes or even half an hour to help a person understand they have to take the medication instead of ramming down your gullet?

Nurses, of course, don't have the time or patience to placate patients and justify briskly treating their charges (She2 is not a nurse).

****​

It doesn't make me feel better for saying this.

I don't have an abiding love for she2. She2 blundered and fumbled and took poor care of her, which makes me like her2 even less.

I have voiced these feelings to her2 and she2 denies everything and tries to supplant reality with her2 own. Her2 way of avoiding guilt. For someone older than me, she2 acts half her2 age.

I still don't get the point of posting here.

I guess I only hope others who have cancer might learn something from my saying this, in their choice of who to put in charge of their care in their final days.

I hope you have gotten some small measure of relief in sharing this, but perhaps not. I have certainly used this forum to vent my anger at times and have always found it to be a supportive place to do so, because others here, understand that anger. In any event, thanks for sharing it

 

[midwestyankee]

LWulf, I get it, I really think I do, anyway. Sometimes my experiences with cancer and other debilitating illnesses (personal and through friends and family) have left me so empty that I'm sure I wouldn't feel a thing if I cut off my own hand. I have no definitive proof, but venting in one way or another while choosing not to cut off my own hand seems to have helped a little. You may never know if this helped either, but there's one thing I can say for certain about your post and others like it (this is for you, Mr. or Ms. Lurker who reads this thread without posting): whether they ever say anything to you or not, on some level your knowledge that others with similar experience know you're in pain will give you some relief.

 

[desertslave]

You took one of my favorite people tonight, and I despise you for it. The only good thing is that she is free from her pain.

FUCK YOU CANCER, IN THE WORST WAYS POSSIBLE.

Godspeed, Nancy. I will miss you very much.

 

[LucyBee01]

You took one of my favorite people tonight, and I despise you for it. The only good thing is that she is free from her pain.

FUCK YOU CANCER, IN THE WORST WAYS POSSIBLE.

Godspeed, Nancy. I will miss you very much.

So sorry desertslave.
FYC!

 

[Shankara20]

Godspeed, Nancy. I will miss you very much.

My heart goes out to you and all missing Nancy... ((heart))

 

[midwestyankee]

You took one of my favorite people tonight, and I despise you for it. The only good thing is that she is free from her pain.

FUCK YOU CANCER, IN THE WORST WAYS POSSIBLE.

Godspeed, Nancy. I will miss you very much.

So sorry, my friend. I hope you find peace for your heart soon.

 

[scotluvsoral]

You took one of my favorite people tonight, and I despise you for it. The only good thing is that she is free from her pain.

FUCK YOU CANCER, IN THE WORST WAYS POSSIBLE.

Godspeed, Nancy. I will miss you very much.

So sorry for your loss! FUCK YOU CANCER!

 

[cascadiabound]

I echo the condolences of everyone else...So sorry for your loss desert slave.
cb
FYC

 

[Shankara20]

Saw my Doc the end of last week for my one-year-after-surgery PSA.

0.00 all clean. Very good news. Go back in 6 months...

Relieved, I am.







ps: Fuck You Cancer!

 

[cookiecat]

Saw my Doc the end of last week for my one-year-after-surgery PSA.

0.00 all clean. Very good news. Go back in 6 months...

Relieved, I am.



ps: Fuck You Cancer!

Yay yay!! Very good news.

 

[LallyH]

Saw my Doc the end of last week for my one-year-after-surgery PSA.

0.00 all clean. Very good news. Go back in 6 months...

Relieved, I am.







ps: Fuck You Cancer!

Glad to hear

 

[midwestyankee]

Saw my Doc the end of last week for my one-year-after-surgery PSA.

0.00 all clean. Very good news. Go back in 6 months...

Relieved, I am.

ps: Fuck You Cancer!

Happy, I am. Good news. I should be able to post my newest annuals in a few weeks.

 

[cascadiabound]

Saw my Doc the end of last week for my one-year-after-surgery PSA.

0.00 all clean. Very good news. Go back in 6 months...

Relieved, I am.



ps: Fuck You Cancer!

Yippee!!!!!
So glad Shank.

 

[scotluvsoral]

Saw my Doc the end of last week for my one-year-after-surgery PSA.

0.00 all clean. Very good news. Go back in 6 months...

Relieved, I am.







ps: Fuck You Cancer!

CONGRATULATIONS! FUCK YOU CANCER!!!

 

[Shankara20]

Yippee!!!!!
So glad Shank.

CONGRATULATIONS! FUCK YOU CANCER!!!

So far so good, goos news indeed.

 

[GoAztecs]

Saw my Doc the end of last week for my one-year-after-surgery PSA.

0.00 all clean. Very good news. Go back in 6 months...

Relieved, I am.

ps: Fuck You Cancer!

Great to hear!

 

[LallyH]

My brother's best friend has been diagnosed with colon cancer and there is also a shadow on his lung.

It will come as no surprise that this guy and my brother, who met when they were 11, have been super fit all their lives, running marathons together and cycling across entire European countries. Hopefully this will help him put up a strong fight.

My brother is devastated.

FYC

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

Dollie

Didn't think we'd write in this post.

We found out my husband has prostrate cancer. But after many tests it is only in his prostrate. PSA of 14.
In the next city is a cancer center with the latest no touch no pain radiation treatments. 45 or more times five days a week for only minutes.
At least he can wait until winter is over and will not suffer with the ways his friends were cured.

If you or a friend has prostrate cancer find out about this fairly new treatment.
Our hearts go out to others who have suffered much worse cancer.

 

[Shankara20]

Didn't think we'd write in this post.

We found out my husband has prostrate cancer. But after many tests it is only in his prostrate. PSA of 14.
In the next city is a cancer center with the latest no touch no pain radiation treatments. 45 or more times five days a week for only minutes.
At least he can wait until winter is over and will not suffer with the ways his friends were cured.

If you or a friend has prostrate cancer find out about this fairly new treatment.
Our hearts go out to others who have suffered much worse cancer.

I'm sorry to hear they found cancer. (Fuck You Cancer), glad to hear it looks to be found early. I wish you all the best dealing with this. Good outcomes are likely although some life changes will happen.

Mine was discovered just about a year ago and I have of course read up on it a bunch.

If there is any support I or others here can offer, ask away.

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

Denny

I'm sorry to hear they found cancer. (Fuck You Cancer), glad to hear it looks to be found early. I wish you all the best dealing with this. Good outcomes are likely although some life changes will happen.

Mine was discovered just about a year ago and I have of course read up on it a bunch.

If there is any support I or others here can offer, ask away.

Most men will have prostrate cancer. Many will never know and die of something else. We know friends with it for 10 to 15 years. I still question if it's worth the bother to get the radiation.

This newer treatment takes awhile but I'm hoping it's worth the trouble. I've lived a full life but my wife needs me now.
Changes came several years ago.

 

[midwestyankee]

My brother's best friend has been diagnosed with colon cancer and there is also a shadow on his lung.

It will come as no surprise that this guy and my brother, who met when they were 11, have been super fit all their lives, running marathons together and cycling across entire European countries. Hopefully this will help him put up a strong fight.

My brother is devastated.

FYC

With a spot on his lung, he almost certainly has 1 if not 2 surgeries in his near future, along with adjuvant chemotherapy following. His fitness alone will be of immense help to him because the treatments are going to beat him up. He will be better equipped to respond to the pain and distress of the treatment than 95% of the patients out there. At least as important, in my mind, is that people who do systematic training such as one does to prep for marathons are highly skilled at facing difficulties with a purposeful and hopeful attitude.

I have some additional thoughts, some more particular to colon cancer, that I can share, so please send a PM if you're interested.

 

[sexyblonde2015]

Now it's time for me to pipe in. I hope our experience helps any man here considering surgery. My husband had a DaVinci robotic prostatectomy in June 2013. His cancer was contained and his Gleason stayed the same at 3+3. He's been cancer free since the surgery.

The reason he chose surgery over radiation is if radiation is done and cancer comes back, surgery is NOT an option. If surgery is done and cancer comes back, radiation IS an option. The side effects of surgery are immediate: incontinence and impotence. The side effects of radiation are the same but happen down the road.

He made sure he had a top surgeon. Because of good prepping, his recovery wasn't awful. The moment he decided to do surgery, he did kegels every day to build those muscles to less the impact of incontinence. He started taking Cialis every day to keep oxygen and blood flow going to his penis.

After the catheter came out, he started using a battery powered pump every day in the shower.

He is till mostly impotent but hasn't leaked urine since a few weeks after surgery because of doing the kegels.

He does a shot into his penis called Trimix. This gives him an erection that lasts up to 2 hours. Gotta love Trimix!

There definitely is life after PC surgery. While this is not a journey we would chose to take, it's not been as bad as I anticipated. We have (had) a very active sex life and we are in the lifestyle.

These videos are a must watch (several times) for any man even if he doesn't have pc. They are basically the same but one is a doctor from Sloan Kettering and the other is a doctor from Australia.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ie8NkOu2VNA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWyMzYp1UXg

I was out of town on a business trip when my husband was diagnosed. After work, I researched prostate cancer on the web and cried myself to sleep every night. I was scared to death he’d die, scared to death we’d never have sex again, scared to death of everything connected with pc. There was almost NOTHING positive about life after pc.

Our surgeon told us that given his age and some prior ED, a natural erection most likely never happen again. I was very stressed, depressed and yeah, freaked out. I let MrSB know, but not to the extent I was. I couldn't stop crying and wasn’t sure how I would handle the last time we'd have sex before surgery because after that nothing would ever be the same.

If one has surgery, there are “must do’s”, etc.

1. Kegels are an absolute necessity to curtail incontinence.
2. Daily Cialis
3. Penile rehab is also essential to keep the blood flowing for erections.
4. Become or stay open minded. You will be talking about things you never dreamed you would.
5. Keep a good sense of humor. Laughter can go a long way to healing and confidence.
6. Stay intimate with your partner. No matter how embarrassed you are, no matter how much you want to withdraw, be intimate even if it’s not intercourse.
7. Don’t sweat the small stuff. If you leak, you leak. Women have been dealing with this for years! Have sex in the shower if leaking during arousal, orgasm or sex is uncomfortable emotionally.
8. Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk to your partner, friends, family and loved ones. Communication is key to surviving the emotional part.

I found that men don't talk about pc. At least men not on sites like Lit and others. I was on many pc support forums and it's amazing to me how men don't talk. Ask a guy how he's doing after surgery and he'll say fine. He's not about to tell you that he leaks and can't get hard.

My passion and goal is to change the awareness of pc. MrSB and I have been on a radio program talking about Sex and Intimacy after prostate cancer. We've been invited to do podcasts for the couple that are hosts. I want to change the perception of PC one man at a time.


Questions? Ask away! Want to hear more about our journey? Ask!

 

[midwestyankee]

Most men will have prostrate cancer. Many will never know and die of something else. We know friends with it for 10 to 15 years. I still question if it's worth the bother to get the radiation.

This newer treatment takes awhile but I'm hoping it's worth the trouble. I've lived a full life but my wife needs me now.
Changes came several years ago.

Denny, I'm sorry to hear that they found out that your prostate has been misbehaving. As you suggest, there are lots of guys who have cancer in their prostates who never get it treated and who live on for a good long time. If you question your doc's recommendation I hope you'll think about getting a second opinion. My experience is that it's best to go into treatment fully committed to what you're doing, and if i will take hearing the same recommendation from a second doc, then I'd go for that.

Either way, I wish you all the best and keep talking about this and about what it might be doing to your head. Ideally, with someone who has been there before you.

 

[sexyblonde2015]

I hope you'll think about getting a second opinion. My experience is that it's best to go into treatment fully committed to what you're doing, and if i will take hearing the same recommendation from a second doc, then I'd go for that.

Either way, I wish you all the best and keep talking about this and about what it might be doing to your head. Ideally, with someone who has been there before you.

I agree! If one sees a doctor that specializes in radiation, they are going to push that. Surgeons push surgery. So see both and get opinions. Then make the decision that is best for you.