Wife has lesbian friend

[tomtom80]

My wife has told me that one of her closest friends is lesbian, and that they have established some attraction to each other without, yet, having gone to bed together, she says. I've met her, she's friendly, not a man hater. Now wonering how to play this. Anyone been in this position? Any advice?

 

[LizVegas79]

My wife has told me that one of her closest friends is lesbian, and that they have established some attraction to each other without, yet, having gone to bed together, she says. I've met her, she's friendly, not a man hater. Now wonering how to play this. Anyone been in this position? Any advice?

#1 - let her initiate and steer these conversations

# 2 - if you get the sense she's asking permission to do anything, have a conversation about whether her having sex with another woman is breaking your wedding vows ... and decide that it's not if you're long-term hope is to join in

# 3 - get her to promise to tell you EVERYTHING
(and then tell us, or ... at least me! )

 

[ydahecnot]

I cosign No. 3

 

[tomtom80]

Thanks. I agree with 1 & 2, too. Re 2. I confess I am aroused by the prospect of a lesbian relationship between my wife and her friend. I am playing it carefully. She told me in a casual, jocular way, but I sensed a deeper meaning in what she said and a diplomatic testing of the water to see how I would react. I am giving her space to see whether she wants to talk further. We are happily married with no sense of any reason to separate over this. Like most couples, we talk intimately on a number of issues; but sometimes things have to be realised gradually; it's just normal man and wife sensitivity. But I casually replied, 'Well, ask her round'. She smiled and we let the conversation lapse. Would I join in? Love to; but lesbians? I wouldn't expect an invite. I'd most likely offer to sleep in our guest's room for the night, tormented by what was happening in the main bedroom; most men would be, I suppose.

 

[Willieceedee]

I agree with LizVegas, especially number 2.

I would also add this, if number 2 is NOT an issue. If my wife had the same friend, and desires, I would support her in it, allow her the freedom to explore. I would tell her to have fun, don't fall in love and come back to me. If it turns out its just exploration, you have shown trust in allowing her to grow. If it is truly a desire and she is bi or has bi tendencies, well then, its an area for you two to explore. And if both of the ladies are willing to have you join it, then go for it!

As an aside, I would not invite the friend to spend the night in your bedroom. Allow then to sleep or play somewhere else.

 

[dacoach44]

Lizzie gots it

#1 - let her initiate and steer these conversations

# 2 - if you get the sense she's asking permission to do anything, have a conversation about whether her having sex with another woman is breaking your wedding vows ... and decide that it's not if you're long-term hope is to join in

# 3 - get her to promise to tell you EVERYTHING
(and then tell us, or ... at least me! )

Agree with Liz. First, protect the marriage. Sex is only a part of it. If I were married, and my wife had a lezzie lover, I wouldnt care a bit. And of course, I would be interested in getting in the middle of it. And if they are seen out in public? Who in hell cares? I would think the entire situation would work for you, if handled with love and tolerance.

 

[Mercury_Maniac]

maybe get some video evidence so we can believe you?

 

[LizVegas79]

Volunteering to sleep in your guest room is a playful way to break the ice

though I agree with the suggestion to let them have their space in a their own hotel room too.

 

[blowit]

My wife is well aware that she has my consent if she found herself in this situation. She has been bi curious for a long time but too scared/shy to initiate and realise her fantasy.
Along with my consent she is also aware that, whilst I wouldn't refuse an invite to join her and her girlfriend, it isn't a condition of my consent. I would be relaxed about her having a discreet relationship with a woman without my physical participation so long as it doesn't adversely affect our marriage. We are strong, loving and very 'together' so I fear not. In fact I would be over joyed for her and would very much enjoy hearing all the details if I were unable to join them.

I hope it all works out for the three of you. You should be pleased she has revealed this to you as opposed to cheating behind your back.

 

[LizVegas79]

My wife is well aware that she has my consent if she found herself in this situation. She has been bi curious for a long time but too scared/shy to initiate and realise her fantasy.
Along with my consent she is also aware that, whilst I wouldn't refuse an invite to join her and her girlfriend, it isn't a condition of my consent. I would be relaxed about her having a discreet relationship with a woman without my physical participation so long as it doesn't adversely affect our marriage. We are strong, loving and very 'together' so I fear not. In fact I would be over joyed for her and would very much enjoy hearing all the details if I were unable to join them.

I hope it all works out for the three of you. You should be pleased she has revealed this to you as opposed to cheating behind your back.

He knows what he's talking about

 

[blowit]

He knows what he's talking about

Thank you. I just love my wife very, very much.