First (kind of) story, would love your comments!

[netflixandclits]

Hey all! This is my first post on the forums so please forgive me if I'm transgressing any unspoken (or spoken) rules, and if I have please feel free to let me know.

This is my 'first' story (or at least, the first one I'm posting here), but I've written both erotic and non-erotic stuff, but just as a hobby and nothing too grand. I usually write erotic stories for my girlfriend, of which this is one. Since this one was slightly longer than the usual, we decided we'd post it here and get you guys' feedback on it - we hope you enjoy it! We'd also love to hear your comments on how it can be improved objectively (language, plot/character development), even if the subject-matter (incest, interracial, non-con) is not your cup of tea. Do drop it an honest rating as well, whatever you feel it deserves, as well as any comments you may have for it. If the story does okay enough, I'd be happy to share the others (albeit, much shorter ones) I've written with/for her as well.

Also, since the story has some strong interracial themes/language, I thought it might be relevant for the readers to know that we are an interracial couple as well, so as to not create any misunderstanding or offense

Thanks for your time!

The story - https://www.literotica.com/s/invasion-6

 

[8letters]

I'll try to give it a look tomorrow, but I'll say now that I'm a big incest reader and forced incest doesn't have much appeal for me.

 

[netflixandclits]

I'll try to give it a look tomorrow, but I'll say now that I'm a big incest reader and forced incest doesn't have much appeal for me.

No worries, appreciate your candidness. Hope you'll have a look at the story nonetheless, looking forward to any advice you can offer

 

[netflixandclits]

I've opened our DM box on the advice of a feedback mail I got, in case some of you prefer to give your advice privately. Thanks again to the people we received messages from!

 

[BlumanNasta]

Story review

Man, you had my emotions everywhere. I enjoyed most of story, I'm not a big fan of forcing due to trouble in my past. It was very well written and the resoulution was a perfect touch.

 

[netflixandclits]

Man, you had my emotions everywhere. I enjoyed most of story, I'm not a big fan of forcing due to trouble in my past. It was very well written and the resoulution was a perfect touch.

Thank you! I'm sorry for the effect some portions of the story might have had on you though - do you think it would be a good idea to briefly let people know that there may be non-con elements in the story, especially since the story is not in the non-con section? I'll do this for future stories.

 

[ElectricBlue]

...do you think it would be a good idea to briefly let people know that there may be non-con elements in the story, especially since the story is not in the non-con section? I'll do this for future stories.

Absolutely. Readers can go hostile if you go non-con without warning, or incest without warning.

Keep in mind that for many readers these subject matters are fantasy and always fantasy, but for other readers the subject matter may be an unwanted trigger.

 

[Bramblethorn]

The story themes aren't my thing, so I will leave it to others to comment on how well it worked. Just a few comments and nitpicks:

Yes, if you're posting non-con outside NC (or indeed incest outside Incest), it's good to let people know up front. I expect most readers would have figured it out from the tagline, but it doesn't hurt to make sure.

Your intro reads like an apology. Don't get defensive before people have even read the story! Certainly give them an idea of what sort of story it is, and it's fine to say something like "this is my first story, hope you like it", but don't undermine yourself.

You mention the father who went missing a year ago. That sort of thing suggests to a reader that at some point in the story he's going to resurface one way or another... but he didn't. If you're not going to resolve that loose end, probably better to avoid it (e.g. just have the father die in an accident, or make it clear that they have a good idea why he left and he's not expected back). I note you have a "to be continued (possibly)" at the end, so maybe you're thinking of coming back to that, but it wasn't clear.

Leroy laughed as he watched a despondent Ben being handcuffed to the leg of a solid wooden dining table

Couldn't Ben just lift that end of the table by half an inch or so, and get the cuffs out under the table leg?

Continuity: while Ben's still gagged, before he spits it out:

"Mom, ma, are you alright?" he called out anxiously across the room.

 

[netflixandclits]

The story themes aren't my thing, so I will leave it to others to comment on how well it worked. Just a few comments and nitpicks:

Yes, if you're posting non-con outside NC (or indeed incest outside Incest), it's good to let people know up front. I expect most readers would have figured it out from the tagline, but it doesn't hurt to make sure.

Your intro reads like an apology. Don't get defensive before people have even read the story! Certainly give them an idea of what sort of story it is, and it's fine to say something like "this is my first story, hope you like it", but don't undermine yourself.

You mention the father who went missing a year ago. That sort of thing suggests to a reader that at some point in the story he's going to resurface one way or another... but he didn't. If you're not going to resolve that loose end, probably better to avoid it (e.g. just have the father die in an accident, or make it clear that they have a good idea why he left and he's not expected back). I note you have a "to be continued (possibly)" at the end, so maybe you're thinking of coming back to that, but it wasn't clear.



Couldn't Ben just lift that end of the table by half an inch or so, and get the cuffs out under the table leg?

Continuity: while Ben's still gagged, before he spits it out:

Thanks for your reply!

The story is in the Incest/Taboo category, but as you said, it's probably a good idea to warn the readers of the non-con element in the story. I'll definitely take that into account the next time I post a story!

As for the intro, I guess it was a sign of nervousness being the first time I was posting here! Wasn't sure how people would take to my writing at all. Glad I've mainly got positive comments and a decent rating; I've become a little more confident, so thank you everyone!

As for the story, I do plan to address the issue with the father, which is why I left the story open for a possible sequel The continuity error though, is a sloppy error on my part. When I was writing it the first time, I had actually completely forgotten the gagging scene (sometimes because I take 2-3 day-long breaks in my writing). Thankfully I spotted it in my re-read and added the 'spit out' scene and removed some of the dialogue he had in between. Somehow, I missed this line. I'll see if I can edit it out without damaging too much of the story, good spot!

Once again, thanks for all your feedback, it's definitely useful for future improvement.