Topping from the bottom

[ttrsub]

i am new and in need of some advice. i am submissive and i have recently disscussed this with my wife. i was very nervous about telling her, but, she responded well. i told her that i would like for her to be my Dom and that i would completly submit to her. This talk was about 3 weeks ago and this is completely new to her. We have purchased some books and she has been reading on line to help her figure out her roll.
This is my delima. We have set up rules for me and chores that i am responsible for but she will not inforce them. She feels like she is being "mean". i have told her that it is not being mean,i am here to serve her and that it gives me purpose when i am pleasing her. i do not want to "top from the bottom" but how can i help give her the confidence to take control and feel good about it. How can i get her to inforce the rules?
Now, with that being said,here is the real kicker. As a submissive, should i even be worrying about this? If i belong to her and i am truley submissive, i should not be concerned with my needs? If she wants to inforce the rules its up to her? Should i just continue to do my chores without direction? should I sit on the couch beside her even though I am suppose to be on the floor at her feet? It feels lonely,like i am being submissive by myself. It has only been 3 weeks, am i expecting to much? What are your thoughts?

 

[Blue]

You can't 'get her to' do anything. I would give it more time and discussion but it could well be the case that she doesn't have a repressed domly side and is not interested in what you like in the same way you're not interested in what she likes. In which case you both have to find a mutually agreeable solution to that quandary.

Also there's no should's or should-not's on how to 'do it properly'. Do whatever you want.
Unless it involves killing somebody.
Probably shouldn't do that.

 

[Primalex]

Now, with that being said,here is the real kicker. As a submissive, should i even be worrying about this? If i belong to her and i am truley submissive, i should not be concerned with my needs? If she wants to inforce the rules its up to her? Should i just continue to do my chores without direction? should I sit on the couch beside her even though I am suppose to be on the floor at her feet? It feels lonely,like i am being submissive by myself. It has only been 3 weeks, am i expecting to much? What are your thoughts?

The question is if you can get in the mindset that makes you feel proud of serving, even without acknowledgement.

how can i help give her the confidence to take control and feel good about it.

There is only one method: positive reinforcement when she does things right.

 

[cookiecat]

Talking about something, especially something so new, is called communication, not topping from the bottom. Its only been three weeks. I've been at this for ten years and I'm still learning.

Is being at her feet a rule she set up for you or something you think you should be doing?

My husband isn't huge on enforcing rules. He thinks I should do stuff because I'm willing to serve. If I don't do something, he doesn't want to be chasing me around "punishing" me.

I get that you're new at this and you want feedback. Think of this as no different than anything else in a relationship. You need to discuss expectations, make adjustments, have fun.

Discuss what you think "enforcement" looks like. Why does she have to be mean? Why not just discuss? Why can't enforcing rules be positive reinforcement?

Meet each other in the middle. It sounds like she's trying. Good luck!

 

[CutieMouse]

Is it possible there are too many rules being introduced at once? Why are the rules there in the first place? Do they exist to make her life easier, or to help you feel submissive? Do the rules create additional work for her? Are the rules just one more thing she has to keep track of, instead of something that creates intimacy for both of you? What is the end goal here?

As a separate issue, the service submissive in me is honestly wondering why on gods green earth is she even needing to "reinforce" the rules and/or remind you about chores when you told her you would "completely submit"? Are you an adult? If one of the "rules" is to sit at her feet, and you know this, why does she need to remind you? Take ownership of your decision (to "completely submit"), make D/s enhance her (and your) life, and do what you've agreed to do. If you sell her on the idea of submitting, but submitting = constantly reminding someone they agreed to X, I don't see how that will result in a happy, healthy D/s relationship.

 

[Showmewhatchugot84]

We're 3 weeks into an FLR lifestyle. We have tried in the past and always fell back to normalcy after a couple days. This time I found a great book to share with her and it seems to have flipped the switch for her. We communicate daily, amd we agreed that for the first few weeks I can give out ideas and share my curiosities and fantasies of what I expect from all this. We will try different things and discuss how we both feel about it afterwards. Once we have an understanding of what activities work for our relationship. I will no longer be able to "top from the bottom" and she will be in complete control. I think the problem people get into, myself included, is sharing erotic stories and porn pics/vids. Which alot are not realistic and over the top and can scare the woman in our lives that they wouldn't be able to live up to what you're expecting. Find some good realistic stories or guides(kindle has a bunch) to share with her and point out the benefits she will have by pursuing the lifestyle.