I'm a Submissive Panty Girl - A New Beginning

[stad90]

Dear Reader,

My Mistress has asked that I start a journal of my journey with her and share with the Lit community. Here is my first entry.

I have a lot to say, and I’m not sure where to start but you probably want to know who I am and why I am going to be writing a daily blog about a Little Panty Girl. So Who am I? To most of the world, I am a successful, late 30's, male, husband, father and successful investment banker. Further, to most of the world, I’m a leader, emphatic, a manager and most definitely a strong, type-a personality. But that is not the true me. If I am completely honest with myself and my beautiful Domme, Miss Ashley, I am a submissive, panty wearing, little girl, who wants to be dominated, humiliated and used for Miss Ashley’s enjoyment.

Miss Ashley and I go back almost two years as she and I had a previous period in which I was her panty-wearing submissive. But as I reflect on that time, I learned so much about myself, I started to accept that I was a panty-wearing sissy, but in all honesty, while I tried to give myself to her completely, something was holding me back. Fast forward two years and I have begged Miss Ashley to take me back because I have made peace with who I am and who I want to be. I want to be Miss Ashley’s submissive little panty girl and I want to document it for you, the reader to see in all of its glory. No one, lest myself, will ever be able to argue that I am nothing but what I am here, a submissive, panty-loving, sissy to be used, abused, humiliated solely for Miss Ashley’s pleasure.

And so today was the true first day of my submission to Miss Ashley. I had to throw out my previous panty collection when we first broke, so I was starting from scratch. Having not had the chance to restock my panty collection yet, I started with a pair of my wife’s panties. When I arrived at the office, I immediately put on my wife’s panties, a white cotton pair, with girly flowers that I picked out just for Miss Ashley.

From the moment I put them on, I was leaking pre-cum. Throughout the day, I would go to the bathroom, and stroke my sissy cock through my wife’s white girly panties and take pictures for Miss Ashley. After lunch, still wearing my wet girly panties, I took the subway to Victoria’s Secret where I bought seven pairs of pink panties in all different forms for my Miss Ashley. I want to impress my Miss, I want her to be happy with the Panties I wear for her.

Last night, in anticipation of my trip to Victoria’s Secret, I had fantasized that a saleswoman would see through me and that she would call me out that I was buying panties for me, not my wife. Every sales woman I saw, I secretly wanted them to know that my sissy cock would be wrapped by these girly pink panties before too long.

After buying seven pairs of panties for my Miss – and not being called out…I went to a lingerie and novelty store a few blocks away. I surveyed all of the toys and lingerie. There were huge dildos, that one day I’ll want to impale my sissy tushy. There were fishnet body suits that I want to wrap myself in for my Miss, but I bought a pink jeweled butt plug, lube, a cock ring and a pair of pink fishnet stockings to wear for my Miss.

After getting back to the office, I changed into one of my new silk hip hugger panties for my Miss. I can’t describe how amazing that feeling is pulling silk panties up over my sissy cock and tushy for the first time each day…god, I almost came immediately. To boot, I had my wet wifey panties in my mouth as I changed my panties and made sure to wear them on my head for a minute so that the aroma of my sissy cock and pre-cum laid right up on my nose.

The last few hours of my workday, were amazing spent in my new silky pink panties. I leaked profusely, making sure to taste my pre-cum after I rubbed my wetness on my cock. At the end of the day, Miss Ashley was gracious to let me change back into my boxers before leaving the office but not before stuffing my pink panties in my mouth and over my head.

I don’t know what lies ahead. I can’t cum until Thursday night when I am traveling for work, my balls ache, and I know the next two days will be filled with more panties, more humiliation and more rules…I can’t wait.

This is who I am. Welcome along for the journey with me.

 

[PinkPanties4me]

Interesting blog !

Please keep the story going for all of us sissys !

 

[slavemelanie]

How wonderful for you and your Mistress...enjoy and know that the only path to true happiness is being yourself!

 

[stad90]

My journal

Glad you both enjoyed it. I am loving every second of being my Mistress's little panty girl. She will decide how often and when I share my entries with the Lit community but I'm sure it will be somewhat frequently

 

[stad90]

Day 2

Dear Reader,

Welcome again on my journey. I don’t know how far my submission will go, how deep my humiliation and shame will be but I know it will be fun, it will be erotic, arousing and ultimately extraordinarily satisfying.

I have put my body and my life in the hands of Miss Ashley. I trust her completely to guide me, to push me beyond my comfort zone and to shape me into the sissy sub she knows I can be and that will provide her with an unlimited amount of pleasure and satisfaction.

Today is day 2 of my full submission and it has been wonderful. When I arrived in the office this morning, I picked a new strappy pair of pink silk panties for Miss Ashley. I was so happy that she liked them as much as she did as leaked pre cum into them for literally my entire work day and truth be told my body didn’t want to take them off.

Most exciting to me today was getting to use my new butt plug.As you can already tell, my Miss loves me in pink. So I was super excited to find a perfect pink jewel butt plugin wear for Miss Ashley…or tushy plug as I should call it. The first moment I inserted my plug in my sissy tushy was at exactly 10:34 and I loved sending Miss Ashley pics of my plugged tushy.. then, to my own surprise, I kept it in until 2:10 even though Miss Ashley gave me permission to remove it at 1pm. I can’t adequately describe the eroticness of working for nearly four full hours wearing pink silk panties and my plug while talking to my wife, my mom and clients and colleagues. There is a warmth that radiated throughout my body when I was plugged which was an unexpected yet wonderful surprise. Walking will take some time to get used to but it was remarkably comfortable and fulfilling sitting down. Miss Ashley also made me wear my tushy plug for the last 15 minutes of my work day which I hope becomes a tradition of sorts as it seeems to be the perfect way to end a sissy’s workday but that will be Miss Ashley’s decision. I love feeling full and I love even more that I’m doing it for my Miss. Miss Ashley was gracious again and allowed me to change back into my boxers before my evening commute. I am already loving my pre-commute routine of sucking on my worn dirty panties and then wearing them over my head, crotch directly over my nose and lips as I get dressed to head home.

Two more asides. First, I particularly enjoyed going to the local deli while plugged and pantied to get lunch. It is so naughty to know what is hidden beneath and wonder if anyone else is plugged or pantied alongside me. Second, not being able to cum is pure torture. Particularly that moment when I pull my silk panties up over my sissy cock and plugged tushy…I almost came without even touching my sissy cock twice today. If I ever needed re-confirmation that this is who I am and who I want to be, I guess that is it.

Finally, i want to tell all of you how proud I am of Miss Ashley. She was very busy at work today and while there are times I wish I could have her full and undivided attention or more tasks or instructions, her firm is having a banner month and year and Miss Ashley is a huge part, if not the biggest part of that success, Miss Ashley’s professional success brings me a lot of pride as her submissive and I hope that she might celebrate with me one day with special gifts or tasks.

So until tomorrow…

 

[stad90]

Being a sub...day 3

Dear Reader,

Day 3 of my complete submission as a sissy panty girl to Miss Ashley has come and gone and it really was a microcosm of what it truly means to be a sub from the highest of the highs to being put in one's appropriate place (the bottom) in the blink of an eye.

I started my day in my office in New York and ended it in a hotel room in North Carolina. Today's new pair of panties was a pink white and purple thong (see pics below) with lace in the front that did little to hide my sissy cock. My instructions for the New York part of the day were to wear my tushy plug for a minimum of 15 minutes of each hour of the day and all of lunch. In total, I wore my plug while in the office for exactly 2 hours and 57 minutes of my day as I kept a tushy plug log for Miss Ashley:

10:18am to 10:36am, 11:17am to 11:35am, 12:21pm to 2:15pm and 3:26pm to 3:51pm

There is something extremely arousing about the feeling when the widest part of a tushy plug fully enters your tushy and almost equally as erotic and arousing as when you remove it as well. I swear I almost came each time, without touching my sissy cock each time I inserted and removed it. It probably also had to do that I could just insert and remove the plug by pulling my thong aside so my sissy cock and balls were always enwraped in pink lace.

All of this led up to my trip to North Carolina which above all else, meant that I was going to get to cum. The previous three days had been absolute torture, and Miss Ashley made sure to continue teasing me as she insisted that I carry my plug and my soiled panties from yesterday in my pants pocket while in the air. I must admit that I enjoyed stroking my silky dirty panties in my pocket throughout my flight.

When I arrived at my hotel, god, I was horny and Miss Ashley made me insert my plug again immediately upon my arrival. I stripped down to my panties and awaited instructions, I was so horny that just laying on the king sized bed, in my panties that a few strokes would have sent me over the edge. I then received the following instructions: "You will go to the bathroom...leaving your panties on, I want you to pull my little clitty out, you will put [yesterday's soiled dirty panties] in your mouth, you will cum on the [bathroom] counter. Watching yourself in the mirror, you will take your panties out of your mouth and wipe up every drop and then return them to your mouth" And that is exactly what I did, and it was amazing. I came harder and more voluminously than I maybe ever have all over the bathroom counter, I cleaned it up with yesterday's soiled panties and then shoved the cummy panties back in my mouth...and I loved every second of it, the orgasm, the depravity, the dirtiness, the humiliation.

And then just as amazing a high as I was on, as I was still basking in the glow of an awesome orgasm and the release of all of the built up tension over three days of teasing and panties and verbal humiliation, I had a brief and momentary lapse of judgement and I removed my tushy plug without permission.

As a sub, everything matters. There are no such things as small rules and big rules, there are just rules. And one of those rules is you don't remove a toy or article of clothing without permission...and I did. And so even though I had followed instructions to a tee for three days and had an amazing orgasm, documented in living color on video for Miss Ashley, I screwed up and I was appropriately punished. The rest of the night was supposed to entail me modeling more panties for Miss Ashley, modeling my new stockings, using my new vibrating cock ring and yes, cumming for the second time. Instead, I was forbidden from wearing panties or touching myself, I was told that I am not allowed to cum again until Monday at the earliest and Miss Ashley left me alone for the rest of the night.

So here I am, writing in my hotel room, dying to put on a pair of warm silky panties and cuddle under the covers, dying to feel the warmth of my stockings against my legs, yearning to feel the vibrations and constrictions of my new cock ring but knowing that I screwed up, I don't deserve to wear panties to bed tonight, I don't deserve to cum again, because I deprived Miss Ashley of several additional hours of pleasure, all because I momentarily failed to remember that Miss Ashley's desires and permissions are the only desires and permissions that matter.

I will not forget tonight, which I know was Miss Ashley's point. I also know that tonight won't be the last time I am punished either, but I know I will be a better submissive for my Miss for every day hereafter.

Until tomorrow...

 

[S3xSlav3]

Wish I was a fluid of a writer. I have always been better with numbers then letters. I struggle to write my journal. Thats probably why my Master has me do it.

 

[MissAshleyToYou]

Wish I was a fluid of a writer. I have always been better with numbers then letters. I struggle to write my journal. Thats probably why my Master has me do it.

I just want him to remember what a sissy little panty girl he is. To think back on each day and what he learned. It seems to be working.
He is a much better writer then myself.
I enjoy reading them as much as he enjoys writing for me.

 

[stad90]

Life

*****

 

[stad90]

I just want him to remember what a sissy little panty girl he is. To think back on each day and what he learned. It seems to be working.
He is a much better writer then myself.
I enjoy reading them as much as he enjoys writing for me.

Thank you Miss Ashley. I do love writing my journal entries for you and I'm so glad you enjoy them.

 

[stad90]

Wish I was a fluid of a writer. I have always been better with numbers then letters. I struggle to write my journal. Thats probably why my Master has me do it.

Thank you. I appreciate the kind words. I've always found writing is not just to express what I've done but also the thoughts and emotions I've felt, however fleeting they may be. I hope perhaps they can inspire you to share more in your own journal.

 

[stad90]

What I'm thankful for

Dear Reader,

I'm sure most of you are tired of the generic thankful posts on social media but I'd be remiss in not posting today.

I am thankful for my Miss Ashley for many reasons. Most of all I am thankful she took me back after almost two years. I am thankful that she and I found each other and that i can be the submissive panty wearing sissy I desire to be when I'm with her. I'm thankful that she understands and empathizes when I feel the deep shame that I sometimes feel as my desires and sexual needs clash so directly with how I feel I need to be perceived in our society and in my marriage.

I am thankful that I have found a mistress who wants to push me to a level of submissiveness that I crave but don't know exists and I am so excited to discover myself as I serve her in the future.

And I am thankful for the Lit community. Without the community I would never have met Miss Ashley and I would never have been able or willing to explore my sexual needs and fetishes that I crave so deeply but can't share or experience in my plain vanilla marriage and profession. Being able to experience, discuss and find a community of like minded men and women is exciting and so comforting in an age when we are so quick to judge each other.

Good Night my readers...until the next time.

 

[stad90]

A weekend's worth of thoughts

Dear Reader,

I know it's been a few days, I hope everyone had a happy thanksgiving.

I'm sitting in my office in my wet, pre cummy panties missing my Miss who is busy at work catching up after a week long vacation. My fly is open so I can stroke my sissy cock through the pink lace under my desk. So far only one close call when someone came into my office to introduce themself and I couldn't stand up to shake their hand. It was a bit awkward but exposing my open fly and pink panties would have been infinitely worse.

Anyway, miss Ashley's vacation and Thanksgiving gave me some significant time alone with my thoughts and I want to share two specific topics with you.

First, there was a Literotica post asking why we submissives are the way we are...what drives our submissiveness. For me, it is a combination of factors. One, since I was very young, I've wanted to be cuddled and held and loved. I didn't grow up in a loveless household, quite the contrary, but neither of my parents can be called warm and cuddly people...at least when it comes to interacting with their children. Second, my profession and role at home as a banker and as a husband don't lend themselves either to being cuddled, held, loved. If anything, they lend themselves to the opposite and center on masculinity and traditional gender roles. So for me, my submissiveness takes its form as a submissive panty girl because deep down I want to be that baby girl who is cuddled and coddled. I don't want to be that masculine responsible figure. I want the opposite.

Sexually this has manifested itself in some of my strongest fetishes. I love wearing panties, the girlier the better. I love being plugged and reminded of my sissyness as often as possible. I love mommy/daughter stories particularly when mommy knows best and the daughter suckles from her mommy's breast. I love pee and panty wetting...the feeling of warmth on my sissy cock and then the "oops" little girl aftermath. And most of all I love giving up control and the responsibility...knowing whatever Miss Ashley wants and thinks is right for me is right for me. And also knowing that I'm much more likely to experience the sexual and emotional pleasure of my fetishes and fantasies by allowing Miss Ashley to push me beyond my limits that I may be too scared or ashamed to do on my own (e.g. eating cum) Just writing about it makes my sissy cock spasm.

The second thing that I have thought about stems from a list Miss Ashley shared with me about suggestions for how mistresses should treat their sissy slaves. One of the suggestions was for the mistress to solicit and arrange a meeting of her sissy and a real man and for the sissy to serve the man. For a while I guess I could be called bi curious but I've never acted on it. I've jerked off before watching two guys fuck but that's it.

But I've spent these past few days fantasizing about sucking a cock and balls, licking a man's asshole and having a man, pull my panties to the side and fuck my sissy asshole. I've also fantasized about licking Miss Ashley's husband's cum out of her asshole and pussy...Miss Ashley forcing my head in between her cheeks and thighs....god I get excited about licking her cream pies. The humiliation and depravity turn me on so much let alone the acts themselves.

So those have been what I've been thinking about...if you've made it this far, thanks for reading and hope it wasn't too long.

Until tomorrow...

 

[Groppius]

I just happened across this thread a little while ago and couldn't help but read the whole thing from start to finish.

I've never considered myself too much of a sissy, although I do have a very strong submissive streak and fantasize often about being a bottom. Something about chronicling the continuing sissification as it unfolds is very hot.

The last part in particular, about arranging an encounter specifically for the entertainment of Miss Ashley, really makes me hard. I've always fantasized about fucking a guy for the sole benefit of another woman.

 

[stad90]

Torture

Dear Reader,

Today was one of those days as a sub that you fantasize about and cum to when you're alone and single and then when you actually go through it... is pure torture.

Todays instructions were simple. Wear pretty girly panties (my instruction every day) and insert my plug for 20 minutes an hour every hour and all of lunchand no cumming under any circumstances.

I chose a silk pair of panties because I was horny and nothing feels better than silk panties on my sissy clitty, balls and tushy.

The torture started the first time i inserted my plug. When I got back back to my desk I literally had to dance around my office not to cum, the combination of just being plugged and wearing silk panties. Has anyone ever cum without touching themselves at all? I was one stroke away for the full 20 minutes as Miss Ashley wouldn't let me cum today (I haven't come in 11 days). I truly thought I was going to cum right there at my desk in my suit pants and panties without touching myself...I truly can't describe the intensity of the pleasure and submissiveness I felt.

Thankfully the 20 minutes ended and I got a reprieve until 40 minutes later when I went through another 20 minutes of this same torture plus 40 minutes during lunch when I went to the local deli and ate while plugged and on the edge. It is truly amazing I didn't cum today given the six separate times I was plugged today.

My favorite moments of the day though were talking to my wife and going to a meeting while wearing my panties snd plug and then going to a work cocktail party while wearing my panties with my plug in my pocket. It's at these times when I feel maximally submissive, when I truly feel that I belong to someone else who knows who I truly am.

Finally, miss Ashley and I spent time talking further about our fantasies of my watching a lover fuck her and cum inside her and then me, clad in lingerie, cleaning the cock and eating her lover's man cum out of her pussy and asshole. What a dream that would be for me. I keep thinking what it would be like to have both of Miss ashley's hands on my head grinding my face into her cummy pussy or straddling my face feeding me her cum from her asshole.

Until tomorrow friends...

 

[stad90]

I just happened across this thread a little while ago and couldn't help but read the whole thing from start to finish.

I've never considered myself too much of a sissy, although I do have a very strong submissive streak and fantasize often about being a bottom. Something about chronicling the continuing sissification as it unfolds is very hot.

The last part in particular, about arranging an encounter specifically for the entertainment of Miss Ashley, really makes me hard. I've always fantasized about fucking a guy for the sole benefit of another woman.

Thank you and welcome along on my journey.

 

[Christobal]

Dear Reader,

Sometimes life throws total curveballs at you and it shows everyone's true self.

I need to thank Miss Ashley for her understanding, her compassion and her faith in me. After Thursday's intense session, I woke up feeling ashamed. I have experienced sub drop before but it is never fun to experience and it hit hard. My shame deepened as I wore my panties to my two client meetings on Friday morning. It is such a bizarre juxtaposition having to be a manly alpha investment banker for my colleagues and my clients while feeling feminine and emasculated while wearing panties and serving my mistress at the same time.

By Friday afternoon at the airport though, I was horny again and so when I got off the plane in New York, to please Miss Ashley, I ran immediately to the bathroom, stuffed Thursday's dirty panties in my mouth and came in my pink panties. It was the perfect end to my momentous week to cum in the airport bathroom in my panties while sucking on yesterday's panties.

And then life happened. My wife was 7 weeks pregnant and on Friday night she felt terrible and on Saturday, she had a miscarriage. The sadness, the anger, the pain, the disappointment and the loneliness that our society places on us because most people don't talk about it. I was in no mindset to serve Miss Ashley, and she's been wonderful in giving me and my family the spaceit has needed.

Fast forward four days to today, and the pain and sadness is all still there but I am at least able to function. Today,I woke up wanting to wear my panties again and even though Miss Ashley is on vacation,I am wearing a new pink thong for her, licking my pre cum as it leaks out of my sissy cock and looking forward to serving her again very very soon. I miss her.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Is Miss Ashley the one that had the miscarriage?

 

[stad90]

*****