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TheSilverCrown

Virgin
Joined
Nov 28, 2016
Posts
4
Hey everyone, I hope I'm posting this in the right place.

I am working on my final project and it is about BDSM and the love and risks that come along with it. I'm doing my best on gathering personal stories and just some experiences in the lifestyle and what love means in the BDSM culture. I have my own personal experiences with it but everyone is different and there are so many facets of the BDSM culture that I'm sure my perception is a little skewed but I would love it if some of you could send some pms of stories that you have about love and risk that you have encountered in the lifestyle. I'm open to happy stories or sad stories or anything in between.

Thanks!
Crown
 
I'm 88.62% certain this is a new roundabout way of acquiring material for nefarious and/or lecherous purposes.

For the 11.38% remainder; your project is going to be skewed against reality if you're presenting BDSM as a distinctly alternate 'lifestyle choice' or as though there exists parallel societies defined by sexual homogeneity. Which is the impression I'm getting from that short descriptor.
 
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I 100% promise (for as much as that is worth) that this is actually for homework. I know its going to be skewed but its mostly in an effort to show that there can be love in a BDSM relationship although there is a great amount of risk going into it. I hope that makes a bit more sense.
 
 
I would point you to this thread - which is NOT from the BDSM library.

good luck Crown.

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1123391

Also - I would note that ALL relationships involve risk. Risk of heart. Risk of hurt. Risk of loss. BDSM relationships are just relationships. They have their own negotiated kinks perhaps, but that does not mean they are necessarily more or less "risky"
And the idea that love is less likely in the context of a BDSM spectrum relationship is just plain stupid. Love is difficult to achieve and maintain in ANY relationship.

Cascadia
 
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TheSilverCrown said:
I 100% promise (for as much as that is worth) that this is actually for homework.
Click to expand...

Are we talking high school here, or tertiary?

If high school, that's a very odd topic. (Also, I hope you're over 18.)

If tertiary: any reputable institution follows some fairly standard rules about how human subjects research can be carried out, and your approach here is breaking those rules. (For example, need to give the name of the institution authorising the research, a contact person at that institution, and a privacy statement about how the info will be used.)

A while back we had a university student get in hot water with their advisor for interviewing people on this board without following those rules, so you might want to check your institution's policy first.

I know its going to be skewed but its mostly in an effort to show that there can be love in a BDSM relationship although there is a great amount of risk going into it.
Click to expand...

"great amount of risk" - no, not really. Most BDSM is vastly safer than e.g. playing football or cycling to work through traffic.

All things are possible but I've never heard of anybody dying from consensual spanking, nipple clamps, being peed on, or being required to kiss their lover's feet and call her "mistress".

Some BDSM activities e.g. restraint, blood-play, electro-play, candle-play do have risks for somebody who goes in clueless, but those risks can usually be mitigated by following basic safety rules.

Some "edge-play" activities do come with risks that can't be entirely negated - e.g. I don't think there's any 100%-safe form of choking play. But I wouldn't generalise about BDSM relationships on that account; not everybody does those things.

There are the standard risks that come with any emotional/sexual relationship (abusive partners, heartbreak, STIs) but I don't know that BDSM is anything special in that regard.
 
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cascadiabound said:
I would point you to this thread - which is NOT from the BDSM library.

good luck Crown.

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1123391

Also - I would note that ALL relationships involve risk. Risk of heart. Risk of hurt. Risk of loss. BDSM relationships are just relationships. They have their own negotiated kinks perhaps, but that does not mean they are necessarily more or less "risky"
And the idea that love is less likely in the context of a BDSM spectrum relationship is just plain stupid. Love is difficult to achieve and maintain in ANY relationship.

Cascadia
Click to expand...

I appreciate the link and think it's a good read to see examples of what OP is looking for but I want to warn against using anecdotes from there for this homework. I don't want my posts used in that way and the thread was not created for research purposes. If something is of use then I encourage the OP to ask permission of the individual users that shared their experiences.
 
TheSilverCrown said:
I 100% promise (for as much as that is worth) that this is actually for homework. I know its going to be skewed but its mostly in an effort to show that there can be love in a BDSM relationship although there is a great amount of risk going into it. I hope that makes a bit more sense.
Click to expand...

I'm curious how/where you got the idea that BDSM relationships include love less often (or not at all) than non-BDSM relationships?

The way you phrased this -

effort to show that there can be love in a BDSM relationship although there is a great amount of risk going into it.
Click to expand...

Tells me that your entire project hinges on the argument that BDSM relationships that include love are more uncommon than BDSM relationships that do include love. IMO, the assumption that BDSM relationships are automatically NOT loving, is a weak premise.

How are you defining (proving) love?
Are you comparing/contrasting BDSM relationships to non-BDSM relationships to prove your thesis? That could turn into comparing apples to apples, or just as easily come across as comparing apples to kumquats.
Where did you get the idea that BDSM relationships aren't loving?
What research (that BDSM relationships aren't loving) are you trying to disprove?
 
I think Con's 11.38% remainder is overgenerous.

The theoretical proposition is childish and without any stated basis for the level of work, the purpose of the work (eg; educational/scientific/medical advancement), or how the study is to be conducted other than gathering nonscientific 'stories' without supporting provable data.

Then, there are the inherent problems with disclosure, privacy, etc. already mentioned.

This from a new member with two posts who talks about having his own "experiences" but wants to read about yours.

IMO, this is just a request for wank fodder. Move along folks, nothing to see here.
 
Okay first I think there is some confusion, this is not a survey or scientific in anyway. I was looking to find out if there were some folks that might be interested in sharing their stories, more like an interview, more personal. I know this is a personal subject and that was what I was getting at. Second of all I don't believe there is less love in a BDSM relationship at all. I personally am interested in the lifestyle and I very much enjoy it, I was just interested in again seeing if anyone was willing to talk about the subjects of love and risk in BDSM. I will go ahead and clarify that anything that is written about would be posted on a website that I am making as the presentation for the course which I would of course be willing to share with those interested. I also plan on taking down the site once I know the project has been submitted and graded. To date there have been no stories taken and I will reach out to those whose stories I would be interested in posting.
 
TheSilverCrown said:
Okay first I think there is some confusion, this is not a survey or scientific in anyway. I was looking to find out if there were some folks that might be interested in sharing their stories, more like an interview, more personal. I know this is a personal subject and that was what I was getting at. Second of all I don't believe there is less love in a BDSM relationship at all. I personally am interested in the lifestyle and I very much enjoy it, I was just interested in again seeing if anyone was willing to talk about the subjects of love and risk in BDSM. I will go ahead and clarify that anything that is written about would be posted on a website that I am making as the presentation for the course which I would of course be willing to share with those interested. I also plan on taking down the site once I know the project has been submitted and graded. To date there have been no stories taken and I will reach out to those whose stories I would be interested in posting.
Click to expand...

Yeaaaahhhhh... no.

If you want to write a research paper on relationships within established, consensual power dynamics, basing everything on anecdotal evidence will [hopefully] earn you a well deserved F.

If you want to actually present a project that will do BDSM relationships justice, might I suggest actual research, with footnotes, citations, etc? You know... like it's a worthwhile subject that deserves resepct? It isn't as if there hasn't already been I dunno... books written on the subject. Less than 10 minutes on Amazon.com (including creating the links), and I found the following [search term "BDSM relationship books"] -


Domination & Submission: The BDSM Relationship Handbook Michael Makai

Living M/s: A Book for Masters, slaves and Their Relationships Dan & Dawn Williams

Leading and Supportive Love: The Truth about Dominant and Submissive Relationships Chris M. Lyon

Partners in Power: Living in Kinky Relationships Jack Rinella

The Loving Dominant John Warren

Care and Nurture for the Submissive: A Must Read for Any Woman ina BDSM Relationship Elizabeth Cramer

You're welcome. :rolleyes:
 
HisArpy said:
I think Con's 11.38% remainder is overgenerous.

The theoretical proposition is childish and without any stated basis for the level of work, the purpose of the work (eg; educational/scientific/medical advancement), or how the study is to be conducted other than gathering nonscientific 'stories' without supporting provable data.

Then, there are the inherent problems with disclosure, privacy, etc. already mentioned.

This from a new member with two posts who talks about having his own "experiences" but wants to read about yours.

IMO, this is just a request for wank fodder. Move along folks, nothing to see here.
Click to expand...


For once, I agree with you.
 
There are too many psychiatrists, nurses, professional BDSM specialists and long term lifestyle experienced people to fall for someone coming here for research purposes. This kind of thing is well documented and since you quit after two posts you haven't given this a whole lot of thought.

There is a whole library topic here for anyone who wishes to research just about every facet of BDSM so looking through there will get you far more material than just randomly asking people about their personal life experiences.

Try the library first and if you have a specific question ask it in the BDSM talk forum and not the BDSM cafe. This is more for people to just relax and chat without having to censor themselves like we have to do in public.
 
Betticus said:
There are too many psychiatrists, nurses, professional BDSM specialists and long term lifestyle experienced people to fall for someone coming here for research purposes. This kind of thing is well documented and since you quit after two posts you haven't given this a whole lot of thought.

There is a whole library topic here for anyone who wishes to research just about every facet of BDSM so looking through there will get you far more material than just randomly asking people about their personal life experiences.

Try the library first and if you have a specific question ask it in the BDSM talk forum and not the BDSM cafe. This is more for people to just relax and chat without having to censor themselves like we have to do in public.
Click to expand...

How are you feeling Betticus?
 
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