A question of Chicago Writing Style

[SusanJillParker]

How would I write these two passages, a story that I'm writing for a fan, Bill Belichick of the New England Patriots?

Now that the Republican Party controls the Senate, the House, the Presidency, and soon the Supreme Court, now that they'll soon be no more checks and balances, Social Security for those greedy, selfish, entitled, lazy, elderly citizens will be slashed by 15%.

Or

Now that the Republican Party controls the Senate, the House, the Presidency, and soon the Supreme Court, now that they'll soon be no more checks and balances, Social Security for those greedy, selfish, entitled, lazy, elderly citizens will be slashed by fifteen percent.

###

Having to raise the taxes of the poor while giving tax breaks to the rich, our overworked and underpaid public servants need ever penny to make our 2017 budget work.

Or

Having to raise the taxes of the poor while giving tax breaks to the rich, our overworked and underpaid public servants need ever dollar to make our 2017 budget work.

Which is the correct way to write the above passages?

 

[SusanJillParker]

Hmm, now that I see it in print and now that I think about it, should that be 'controls' or 'control'.

 

[SusanJillParker]

Write tight.

Maybe it should be:

"We ain't got nothin' and will never have nothin'."

Nah, that's too many words.

How about?

"We're fucked. Unless you're a millionaire, we're all fucked."

Still way too many words. I know. Forget about the end is near...

"The End is here!"

Yeah, I like that better.

 

[Haulover]

First, I'd get an editor. "...they'll soon be no..."

Then, I'd check your facts

And only then, would I focus on the writing style.

But of course, YMMV...

 

[TxRad]

First, I'd get an editor. "...they'll soon be no..."

Then, I'd check your facts

And only then, would I focus on the writing style.

But of course, YMMV...

Please don't feed this obvious political thread. It's freddie disrupting things as usual and nothing more.

 

[SusanJillParker]

First, I'd get an editor. "...they'll soon be no..."

Then, I'd check your facts

And only then, would I focus on the writing style.

But of course, YMMV...

Editor? Nah, I don't trust editors. I don't want anyone fooling around with my story but for me.

Huh? Check my facts? About writing? What's to check?

As Bill Belichick would say, "It is what it is."

 

[Haulover]

Editor? Nah, I don't trust editors. I don't want anyone fooling around with my story but for me.

Yes, but grammar is absolute - and in that sentence, your grammar needs attention.

I won't say any more about the opinion you're expressing as a fact ... this isn't a political board.

 

[SusanJillParker]

Yes, but grammar is absolute - and in that sentence, your grammar needs attention.

I won't say any more about the opinion you're expressing as a fact ... this isn't a political board.

Politics? I wasn't writing about politics. I was asking a question about writing.

Perhaps, my Boston accent gets in the way of good grammar. Sorry about that.

"Can you hear me now? Is that better?"

Then, again, need I remind you that this isn't the Harvard Review or the New Yorker? Need I remind you that the writers write here for free?

This is a porn board where most writers write pornography, don't name their characters, don't even describe their characters, don't develop their characters, nor add imagery, dialogue, or description.

Thank you for posting to my thread.

 

[AverageGary]

How would I write these two passages, a story that I'm writing for a fan, Bill Belichick of the New England Patriots?

Now that the Republican Party controls the Senate, the House, the Presidency, and soon the Supreme Court, now that they'll soon be no more checks and balances, Social Security for those greedy, selfish, entitled, lazy, elderly citizens will be slashed by 15%.

Or

Now that the Republican Party controls the Senate, the House, the Presidency, and soon the Supreme Court, now that they'll soon be no more checks and balances, Social Security for those greedy, selfish, entitled, lazy, elderly citizens will be slashed by fifteen percent.

###

Having to raise the taxes of the poor while giving tax breaks to the rich, our overworked and underpaid public servants need ever penny to make our 2017 budget work.

Or

Having to raise the taxes of the poor while giving tax breaks to the rich, our overworked and underpaid public servants need ever dollar to make our 2017 budget work.

Which is the correct way to write the above passages?

Don't have a Chicago Book of Style handy. If it follows AP Style with numbers, then your first passage, 15 percent is correct. For the second set, it should be every, not ever, and I think penny works better than dollar.
I have yet to read your other works. Can we got to the bah in a cah togeheh and have some fun? (Sorry i couldn't resist typing in a Boston accent)

 

[AverageGary]

Hmm, now that I see it in print and now that I think about it, should that be 'controls' or 'control'.

Republican Party is a singular entity, so controls.
However i see your point about it possibly being a singular plural (like the NBA's Miami Heat), in which it would be control. In the end, controls sounds better, it passes the ear test.

 

[sr71plt]

Can we got to the bah in a cah togeheh and have some fun? (Sorry i couldn't resist typing in a Boston accent)

You'd have fun with a man named Freddie wearing a dress? (Because that's what you'd get.)

I do have a CMS in hand, but since, although Freddie asked for editorial help here even though he later said he doesn't want an editor, he only posted this to push the "no politics on the AH" request. Bet you were duped on that by Freddie, the guy in the dress, as well.

 

[SusanJillParker]

You'd have fun with a man named Freddie wearing a dress? (Because that's what you'd get.)

I do have a CMS in hand, but since, although Freddie asked for editorial help here even though he later said he doesn't want an editor, he only posted this to push the "no politics on the AH" request. Bet you were duped on that by Freddie, the guy in the dress, as well.

I don't understand what you and TxRad have against me other than the fact that you both hate women.

You're a blatant homosexual calling yourself bi-sexual and TxRad is a lesbian woman from New Hampshire named Rachel who enjoys dressing like a man. So what? Who cares?

I don't bother you. I don't follow your posts around the board. I mind my own business, yet here you are again and again and again.

There should be a rule about stalking and harassing. The AH moderator is quick to close my threads but she needs to put a leash on you two.

Just to make myself clear, I used my brother's name Freddie when I wrote as BostonFictionWriter in 2007 & 2008 because as a woman, I feared posting on a porn board because of men, and I use that term loosely, like you.

Get a life, pretend pilot.

 

[TxRad]

Yes, freddie. You sure sounded like a lady in your early posts and the dead baby thread. Keep shoveling but no one is buying.

And yes, the only reason you posted this was to push the no politics rule in the AH.

 

[SusanJillParker]

Yes, freddie. You sure sounded like a lady in your early posts and the dead baby thread. Keep shoveling but no one is buying.

And yes, the only reason you posted this was to push the no politics rule in the AH.

Rachel, I'm sorry your father got your pregnant. I'm sorry that your baby died. Yet, it was for the best that your baby died. Okay? You need to get help. You need to move on with your life.

You need to stop bothering me because I'm a woman and your a woman, kind of, who enjoys dressing like a man.

You are the quintessential Norman Bates of the Forum board but in reverse with you dressing like your father instead of your mother.

Get a life, pretend cowboy. And stop pretending you're from Texas.

 

[TxRad]

Here's a typical freddie post from back when he was Bostonfictionwriter. Very lady like don't you think.

Feed a troll?

Listen fuck face, sock fucking puppet. When you write as many fucking stories as I've written is when you can even refer to me in a post, you fucking cocksucker.

This is my 5th year here and I haven't even posted on these board 3,000 times and I'm called a lunatic and a troll.

Go fuck yourself.

When all the rest of these assholes who post here have tens of fucking thousands of posts, I'm the one clogging up the site.

Well, fuck you and your fucking whore of a mother.

Ah, there, I feel better now.

Now, we can resume talking about the Earth Day contest, which by the way, I'll be posting more stories than most of you morons put together.

Fuck wad!

I have plenty more if you want them freddie.

 

[SusanJillParker]

I'm done with constantly and continually being attacked by the two biggest maladjusted humans on the board, Sr71plt and TxRad.

Even though he pretends to be, Sr71plt was never a pilot. The Air Force would never allow a gay man to fly an SR71 plane. No ask no tell wasn't a law when Sr71plt claims he was in the Air Force in Viet Nam (lol).

He's an angry gay, old man. No one likes him on the site. He has virtually fought with and insulted everyone with his superior attitude.

These two people post here 24/7. Yet, if I dare to make a post there they are starting trouble with me.

TxRad is not even from Texas. She's from Derry, New Hampshire. She's not even a man but a woman, a lesbian woman. So what? Who cares. The photo is of her father not her. My photo is to the left of me. A bit dated, I wish I still looked like that but I look pretty good for a 44-year-old woman.

All this started because they're jealous of me. I've written more stories than the both of these clowns put together.

Go do something constructed instead of posting on the forum boards. Go write a story.

I've won three times the contest money then the both of them put together.

TxRad is angry because he has never earned a Green E, an award given to the writer that Laurel, the owner of this site with Manu, believes is the best story.

I've earned 3 Green E's and Sr has earned a bunch of them.

They're both mad at me because they've never had a story in the most read 250 stories. I've had 3 stories in the most read 250 stories. I deleted two such stories that were in the top 50 most read stories under my BostonFictionWriter name to publish as e-Books, Stripping my Mother-in-law Naked and Sex with my Sister-in-law Sarah.

I still have a story in the top 60 under my WmForrester name, I Love You, Mommy at #58, last time I checked with 2 million hits.

That story was the most read story in all of 2010.

Anything else? Possibly they're pissed at me because I'm the #21st most favored writer. I was #15 when I was writing as BostonFictionWriter and they are somewhere way down the list. I don't know. I have no idea.

What you need to do, the both of you, is to get a life. Get off the computer and go outside.

I write every day, 7 days a week from 4:30 am until 11:30 am then later, I answer e-mails. In the meantime, I'm outside doing things and living a life outside of posting tens of thousands of nonsensical posts on the forum boards.

I've written more than 2,000 stories and poems under 15 different names in 9 years of more than 10 million words that has amassed more than 300 million hits. I wish I had a penny for every hit.

I write stories for fans. I always have. For every e-mail I answer, I receive one from a fan who wants me to write a story. For every 1,000 e-mails I answer, I receive one from a fan who wants a multi-chapter story. For every 10,000 e-mails I answer, I receive one from a fan who wants me to write him or her a novel length work.

I don't solicit fans from Literotica, just from my personal e-mail accounts. I treat writing as a business and have earned enough money pay my bills, keep me in food, and to save a few dollars. Instead, these two write e-Books that don't sell. I earn 10 times what they earn put together writing custom, creative stories. Possibly, they're jealous of that too. I have no idea.

I'm sorry that you both have sucky lives but it's not my fault.

I wish you both well. I'll pray for both of you. Just leave me alone. Okay?

 

[SusanJillParker]

Thank you for your post, NHRad.

That just goes to show how you've harassed and hounded me for years.

The bottom line is that I don't bother you. I never post after you. Yet, every time I make a post to someone else's thread, there you are starting trouble.

Why don't you post something where I started trouble with you? You can't. Every post you have is you harassing me, calling me names, calling me Freddie instead of my real name, Susan.

 

[SusanJillParker]

You got me, NHRad, I ain't no lady, I'm a broad. Yet, this isn't the Harvard Review. It's a porn site.

I grew up with four, much older brothers, who were all criminal types.

Every other word out of their mouths was fuck or cocksucker.

My mother, a prostitute and a stripper, swore like a sailor.

My ex-husband, a Boston, undercover cop had a mouth on him too.

I am what I am, no excuses. I haven't had an easy life.

Yet, what's your excuse for being such a shit?

What's your excuse for stalking me and harassing me?

I know you had a hard life too. I know your father impregnated you at 18-years-old.

That's not right. Yet, it was best that you lost your baby. You need to get over that.

Get help. Go see a professional. There's drugs now that you can take.

I'd never take any drugs but you certainly need to take something.

 

[sr71plt]

People here deserve to know you are a malicious performance artist--and male--Freddie. That's the way it is.

And just a little bit crazy in the head.

 

[SusanJillParker]

People here deserve to know you are a malicious performance artist--and male--Freddie. That's the way it is.

And just a little bit crazy in the head.

You've made nearly 50,000 posts and not one of them positive.

No one likes you. No one. The last thing that your mother said to you on her death bed was, "I hate you for being gay and not giving me a grandchild."

I know you're hurting, but that's not my fault. Even your cats didn't like you.

"Wow! Now that's bad."

Yet, here you are posting photos of good looking men when you are just the opposite. You wish you looked like that.

Do you see the photo to the left. That's me, albeit some years ago, but it's me.

You don't see me posting photos of Christie Brinkley, do you?

You are the one who has lived a lie. You pretend that you were an SR71 pilot (lol), a diplomat, a spy, a singer, an actor, a model, a Broadway actor, and a movie star (lol).

Who's the liar now, pretend pilot, not me.

You hate the fact that I'm a woman. For you to harp on this one issue for 9 frigging years, there seriously something wrong with you.

Get help Pilot. You're making a total fool of yourself. I'm embarrassed for you.

 

[sr71plt]

I'm positive that you are a crazy and malicious performance artist named Freddie. There you go, Freddie, a positive post for you. You may now continue your ranting.

 

[SusanJillParker]

I'm positive that you are a crazy and malicious performance artist named Freddie. There you go, Freddie, a positive post for you. You may now continue your ranting.

Is that it? Is that all you have?

Your biggest insult is to call me after my brother, Freddie (lol).

My biggest insult to you is to have you look in the mirror (lol). You wished you looked half as good as me. You wish you were born a beautiful woman instead of a gay man.

You're angry and you're sad. Get help.

Deal with it, Pretend Pilot. Go check yourself in a mental institution.

 

[AverageGary]

I don't give a rat's ass about this pissing match between Susan, Tx and Sr - where it is now or the history behind it.
I just want to know, did my responses help answer the style questions posed in the original post?

 

[sr71plt]

I don't give a rat's ass about this pissing match between Susan, Tx and Sr - where it is now or the history behind it.
I just want to know, did my responses help answer the style questions posed in the original post?

Well, you wanted to flirt with Freddie too. Maybe you still do.

You've already been told that Freddie doesn't give a rat's ass about the question he seemingly was asking (in order to get into politics on the AH), and he's demonstrated that he doesn't care. Be dense about it if you like. That can be fun to watch. Maybe change your account name to "BelowaverageGary"?

 

[AH_Mod]

This is the last attempt at dancing around the rules on political discussion that I'm going to entertain with only a lock on the topic.

The next attempt to post a "politics but not politics" thread not fit to be moved but still outside the guidelines will simply be removed from the board.