Cheating in Romance stories

[DwellerDark]

Some of my stories posted here involve someone cheating on their spouse, but recently I've gotten some backlash from a few readers because of my "cheating" stories being posted in the Romance category. The readers say that someone cheating on their spouse cannot be romantic, yet to me it seems like a pretty common theme throughout romance stories and novels.

What are your opinions on the subject? Has anyone else seen this kind of backlash? Has the Ashley Madison fiasco changed peoples' opinions on the matter? The criticism doesn't bother me much, but it makes me curious.

 

[holliday1960]

I would be curious as well to hear the answer to that. I am currently working on what I would call a romance story that involves a woman married to another man. Despite the fact that she cheats on her husband, the romance is between her and her lover. Unlike my other stories the sex is mild, so I wouldnt dare post to LW category. (Besides, she doesnt love her husband, so that blows LW out anyway.) So where do the readers think these stories fit? Thank DD for raising the subject.

 

[Kimikimidoll]

Trauma builds (the) character. We know people by how they react. In a perfect world, couples won't cheat- either out of duty or love. They would be sure- I like this person, and I will be with them, I dislike that persona totally, I'll never be with them. But feelings change, situations cause things to happen, people misunderstand, words hurt more than stones and cheating happens.
What's that thing about love? That even if you know they're wrong/did wrong, you still are willing to forgive them, because it's easier to be with them than without them? (Obsession would be if you didn't even SEE the wrong). Then it's romance, right? Who said love is easy?
Just my two cents.

 

[Hypoxia]

Go with the main theme. Is your emphasis on the romantic buildup, or the rule-breaking of cheating, or some other aspect of the relationships like interracial or bisexual? I can imagine a 'romance' of a woman falling deeply for two men of different ethnicities on alternate days while sleeping with a girlfriend on weekends. The women are fuck-buddies; the GF helps the MC sort out her feelings toward the men.

 

[TamLin01]

It's fine.

I mean, if you want to please all the people all of the time, this won't do it. But neither will anything else, so what's it matter? It's your story. Write it however you want.

 

[NotWise]

What are your opinions on the subject? Has anyone else seen this kind of backlash? Has the Ashley Madison fiasco changed peoples' opinions on the matter? The criticism doesn't bother me much, but it makes me curious.

Oh yeah... Have her cheat with another woman and see where THAT gets you.

You can post most anything you want to Romance (Laurel permitting) but successful stories need to fit a formula. Cheating isn't part of the formula and merely being romantic is irrelevant.

The formula as it was described to me is "boy meets girl and they struggle against the odds to build a relationship. They succeed, and live happily ever after." Starting a story with a successful relationship, then placing the relationship at risk (through cheating, for instance) doesn't follow the formula even if the couple resolves their problems and lives happily ever after.

I think most of the categories on Lit will reward romantic stories -- even LW. Maybe your story would be better off there.

 

[Kantarii]

The "love triangle" /"cheating element in my storyline "A Slut's Triangle" is basically what kept me from posting the storyline in the Romance category. Now, since the chapters are mostly stand alone, I probably could have gotten away with posting the last two chapters in either Erotic Couplings or Romance and gotten away with it even though there is part of a much larger story arcKant

 

[Blind_Justice]

Boy wants girl. Girl doesn't want/isn't allowed to have boy. Boy goes off with another girl. First girl suddenly realizes she madly deeply truly wants him and fights to get him back. Happy end.

Sounds like your typical Hollywood script with reversed gender roles.

 

[Kantarii]

Oh yeah... Have her cheat with another woman and see where THAT gets you.

You can post most anything you want to Romance (Laurel permitting) but successful stories need to fit a formula. Cheating isn't part of the formula and merely being romantic is irrelevant.

The formula as it was described to me is "boy meets girl and they struggle against the odds to build a relationship. They succeed, and live happily ever after." Starting a story with a successful relationship, then placing the relationship at risk (through cheating, for instance) doesn't follow the formula even if the couple resolves their problems and lives happily ever after.

I think most of the categories on Lit will reward romantic stories -- even LW. Maybe your story would be better off there.

Hey now, I had the guy in my storyline cheating on his girlfriend with a T-girl that thought the guy was a single guy only to find out the T-girl and girlfriend are sleeping with the same guy and using them both..... interesting turn of events when a "love triangle" collapses because cheating is revealed.

 

[GoldenCojones]

...
You can post most anything you want to Romance (Laurel permitting) but successful stories need to fit a formula. Cheating isn't part of the formula and merely being romantic is irrelevant.

The formula as it was described to me is "boy meets girl and they struggle against the odds to build a relationship. They succeed, and live happily ever after." Starting a story with a successful relationship, then placing the relationship at risk (through cheating, for instance) doesn't follow the formula even if the couple resolves their problems and lives happily ever after.

...

Formula stories are very commercially successful. Look at Dean Koontz and writers like him. They only have one story. They change names and locations and sometimes drop in a new description or two, but all of their stories are the same story, the same formula. Now go look at some good writers like Hemingway. His stories are not all the same and they are not written to a formula.

Dean Koontz has probably sold more books than Hemingway, but Hemingway is more respected as an author then Dean Koontz will ever be. Which one do you want to be?

If you want people to love your stories and don't care about anything else, write formula stories.

If you have something to say, don't worry about the "Formula" write what you want / need to write.

Those who hate it are not your target audience so don't worry about them. You will reach some people. They will listen to what you have to say as they read your story. Hopefully you will have changed someone's life for the better. Even if it is just one person, and even if that change is very small, it's what makes writing worth while for me.

 

[Hypoxia]

Boy wants girl. Girl doesn't want/isn't allowed to have boy. Boy goes off with another girl. First girl suddenly realizes she madly deeply truly wants him and fights to get him back. Happy end.

Sounds like your typical Hollywood script with reversed gender roles.

The straight sci-fi equivalent: Boy meets girl. Girl disses boy. Boy goes off on long space voyage and masturbates a lot. Boy returns to Earth, quashes alien invasion, and takes girl as his prize. Girl willingly submits to conquering hero. The end.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I think most of the categories on Lit will reward romantic stories -- even LW. Maybe your story would be better off there.

Can't speak for LW but I've certainly had positive feedback for romance in SFF and Lesbian.

 

[NotWise]

Can't speak for LW but I've certainly had positive feedback for romance in SFF and Lesbian.

I don't read LW regularly, but possibly the most romatic story I've read on Lit was in LW. But then, that is irrelevant to the Romance category.

 

[CoffeeWithMonkeys]

My Serendipity story is pure romantic, but the guy is cheating so I put it in EC category and not romance.

Now to read all the other replies.

 

[LadyVer]

The majority of Romance readers don't want cheating involved. There's nothing romantic about cheating. Erotic, for some, but not romantic.

 

[Black_and_White_Writer]

Some of my stories posted here involve someone cheating on their spouse, but recently I've gotten some backlash from a few readers because of my "cheating" stories being posted in the Romance category. The readers say that someone cheating on their spouse cannot be romantic, yet to me it seems like a pretty common theme throughout romance stories and novels.

What are your opinions on the subject? Has anyone else seen this kind of backlash? Has the Ashley Madison fiasco changed peoples' opinions on the matter? The criticism doesn't bother me much, but it makes me curious.

If it's more a romantic story and not so much a straight four wars 'stroke' story yes I'd place it into the romance or erotic encounters. At the end of the day not all the story categories fit 100%

 

[Black_and_White_Writer]

Formula stories are very commercially successful. Look at Dean Koontz and writers like him. They only have one story. They change names and locations and sometimes drop in a new description or two, but all of their stories are the same story, the same formula. Now go look at some good writers like Hemingway. His stories are not all the same and they are not written to a formula.

Dean Koontz has probably sold more books than Hemingway, but Hemingway is more respected as an author then Dean Koontz will ever be. Which one do you want to be?

If you want people to love your stories and don't care about anything else, write formula stories.

If you have something to say, don't worry about the "Formula" write what you want / need to write.

Those who hate it are not your target audience so don't worry about them. You will reach some people. They will listen to what you have to say as they read your story. Hopefully you will have changed someone's life for the better. Even if it is just one person, and even if that change is very small, it's what makes writing worth while for me.

Best advice I've ever read on writing.

 

[Nezhul]

I think cheating is perfectly normal in a romance story. The relationship can have its ups and downs, and still be romantic. There can be cheating, fights, even temporary breaks. I think that the lower points just stress out how good are the upper sides. If two people can live through hardships and betrayal and still be together - that's what truly romantic is.

Your readers just want to see a cheesy perfect relationship with roses and hearts and teddy bears, and without a single tear. That's fine for them, but it doesn't mean they have any right to constrict you as an author or define the romance genre.
All classical romance has to do SOMETHING with betrayal and cheating and breaking hearts. It's pretty much a must for Romance.
Your readers are just clueless. And remember that for every one guy who pops in to comment on how wrong you are - there's probably hundreds of people who read your story and were perfectly content with it.

 

[Nezhul]

The majority of Romance readers don't want cheating involved. There's nothing romantic about cheating. Erotic, for some, but not romantic.

Overcoming and dealing with the consequences of cheating is what is romantic.
Cheating itself? No.
But seeing how your characters resolve that issue, seeing how the one who cheated understands that what he/she looses is far more than what they gain - that's romantic.
Love and relationships is not straightforward. If you don't understand that - doesn't mean you can dictate your opinion to everyone else.

 

[LadyVer]

Overcoming and dealing with the consequences of cheating is what is romantic.
Cheating itself? No.
But seeing how your characters resolve that issue, seeing how the one who cheated understands that what he/she looses is far more than what they gain - that's romantic.
Love and relationships is not straightforward. If you don't understand that - doesn't mean you can dictate your opinion to everyone else.

I disagee with you. Modern romance stories cannot be compared to medieval romance stories. At all. You must not read much romance, either medieval or modern. What I am saying is that romance readers know what they want, and it isn't cheating stories. Now writers can write whatever they want, but if they place their story that has cheating in it in Romance, they better warn the readers-- if they care about their readers.

 

[CoffeeWithMonkeys]

The majority of Romance readers don't want cheating involved. There's nothing romantic about cheating. Erotic, for some, but not romantic.

My story really is a romance story, but he's married.
I didn't put it in romance though because I knew it would probably get a bunch of hate.

But in the end, it's a romance story.

 

[Carnal_Flower]

I love the theme of an affair because it's Taboo. But there's no real place for a really hot, romantic affair on this site. If I wrote one I'd probably make it long and put it in Novels.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I think cheating is perfectly normal in a romance story. The relationship can have its ups and downs, and still be romantic. There can be cheating, fights, even temporary breaks. I think that the lower points just stress out how good are the upper sides. If two people can live through hardships and betrayal and still be together - that's what truly romantic is.

Your readers just want to see a cheesy perfect relationship with roses and hearts and teddy bears, and without a single tear.

Disagree. There's a big difference between "want everything perfect" and "don't want this specific thing".

That's fine for them, but it doesn't mean they have any right to constrict you as an author or define the romance genre.
All classical romance has to do SOMETHING with betrayal and cheating and breaking hearts. It's pretty much a must for Romance.

All? Not hardly. Pride and Prejudice is one of the most famous romances in English literature; nobody cheats within the scope of that novel. Wickham probably will cheat on Lydia but it doesn't happen within the book (that we know of). My resident Jane Austen expert tells me only one of her romances (Mansfield Park) has actual cheating and even there, it's a minor side character, not between the romantic leads.

There's plenty of betrayal and heartbreak in those stories, it just isn't driven by sexual infidelity.

Myself, I have no issue with stories about cheating. I think it's an interesting aspect of the human condition; the most "romantic" story I've written here starts with one of the leads cheating on her boyfriend before she breaks up with him. But it's not the only way to create a worthwhile romance.

Your readers are just clueless.

Nobody is clueless about their own tastes. People like what they like. Authors are within their rights to write a romance with cheating in it; readers are equally within their rights to say "I hated this because of the cheating".

 

[sr71plt]

Romance isn't any different in very basic structure to any other story: dilemma and resolution. I don't see why cheating can't be the dilemma and revelation, penance, and redemption the resolution in a Romance. I think the resolution is what's most important in a Romance, not so much what happened that arrived there. I think in Romance, though, that the reader has to believe that the regret for cheating is genuine and isn't going to happen again.

 

[FunWhileItLasted]

Wish I had known this sooner...

I've been posting a multi-chapter story about a married man in a dead marriage who falls in love with a single woman, and I thought "Romance" would be the proper category, since the main story I'm telling is about the love that develops between them. Does this mean I'm not sharing my stories with the proper audience?

Where would I post if not in Romance?

Be nice, I'm new at this.