More mild dom/sub

[chrissy1988]

I assume this is the right thread. I wasn't sure if I was even going to get a response. I think I know very VERY little about the life style.

My question is: Does BDSM include people who just like a few specific fetishes? i.e. Spanking is hot if done right. And when they do that hair grip thing, SO hot when done right. And there are other really specific examples, but I was just wondering if it's a dom-sub thing to just simply get turned on by "aggression" and someone taking control.

Another question: Whenever I want to find "spanking", I really HATE it when I come across beating, and crying, and blood, and The list goes on. I guess I just like a certain amount of dignity. It doesn't have to be 100%. Especially if someone is "getting what they deserve." But Jesus help me, I'm NOT into torture! Is there a website where I can sift through some juicy stuff (stories or videos) and NOT have to worry about stuff that undoubtedly decreases my mood? I always find that the free female sites are kind of boring. Also to me, the aggression is usually only hot if its an assertive guy to a girl.

 

[ab724u]

I assume this is the right thread. I wasn't sure if I was even going to get a response. I think I know very VERY little about the life style.

My question is: Does BDSM include people who just like a few specific fetishes? i.e. Spanking is hot if done right. And when they do that hair grip thing, SO hot when done right. And there are other really specific examples, but I was just wondering if it's a dom-sub thing to just simply get turned on by "aggression" and someone taking control.

Another question: Whenever I want to find "spanking", I really HATE it when I come across beating, and crying, and blood, and The list goes on. I guess I just like a certain amount of dignity. It doesn't have to be 100%. Especially if someone is "getting what they deserve." But Jesus help me, I'm NOT into torture! Is there a website where I can sift through some juicy stuff (stories or videos) and NOT have to worry about stuff that undoubtedly decreases my mood? I always find that the free female sites are kind of boring. Also to me, the aggression is usually only hot if its an assertive guy to a girl.

First, you must turn on your PMs to get some guidance here

 

[Primalex]

My question is: Does BDSM include people who just like a few specific fetishes? i.e. Spanking is hot if done right.

Spanking is not a fetish. A fetish involves an inanimate object - the fetish! That's why it's called fetish in the first place.

if it's a dom-sub thing to just simply get turned on by "aggression" and someone taking control.

No, it's a rough sex thing, not a dom-sub thing. Of course there is an intersection of these two areas where plenty of couples might fall in.

 

[Primalex]

First, you must turn on your PMs to get some guidance here

Who the fuck let you in, asshole?

 

[SpunThings]

First, you must turn on your PMs to get some guidance here

No, she doesn't.

If you're looking through BDSM porm you're going to encounter stuff that makes you uncomfortable. Partly due to the buffet nature of BDSM. It encompasses a lot of interests. I can't imagine there's anyone who is interested in every single activity that would fit under the umbrella term that is BDSM. Pretty much everyone has stuff that they'd scrunch their nose at.

Also, mild doesn't sell as well. There's nothing wrong with what you're into, and I'm sure there are a lot of people like you. It's just the extreme stuff tends to float to the top.

 

[SpunThings]

I hope I'm not coming across as a grump. Someone else might have a resource for what you're into. I just wanted to discuss expectations. I don't think your experience is uncommon.

 

[Farawyn]

Chrissy, what's torture to you may be ecstasy to someone else.

If you haven't even indulged, don't judge it.

Good luck.

 

[Blue]

I hope I wrote this well.

I assume this is the right thread. I wasn't sure if I was even going to get a response. I think I know very VERY little about the life style.

My question is: Does BDSM include people who just like a few specific fetishes? i.e. Spanking is hot if done right.[1] And when they do that hair grip thing, SO hot when done right. And there are other really specific examples, but I was just wondering if it's a dom-sub thing to just simply get turned on by "aggression" and someone taking control.[2]
.

[1] - It's an umbrella term for 6 different interests which generally corroborate but aren't necessarily related. And that doesn't include the literally thousands of different ways that somebody might act out those interests.
'BDSM' [practitioner] I guess would include anyone who engages-in/is-attracted-to anything with a feasible connection to its categories, not just stereotypical S&M black latex, dungeons & chains you've probably seen in media. So "a few" would be a ginormous understatement.

[2] Plenty of "normal" people like aggression...

Another question: Whenever I want to find "spanking", I really HATE it when I come across beating, and crying, and blood, and The list goes on. I guess I just like a certain amount of dignity. It doesn't have to be 100%. Especially if someone is "getting what they deserve." But Jesus help me, I'm NOT into torture! Is there a website where I can sift through some juicy stuff (stories or videos) and NOT have to worry about stuff that undoubtedly decreases my mood? I always find that the free female sites are kind of boring. Also to me, the aggression is usually only hot if its an assertive guy to a girl.

Yes,
Here!
There's something like ~300,000 stories on this site and even more images, gifs, links, threads and discussions. If you sift through using keywords then you'll never not find something you like.

 

[cookiecat]

I assume this is the right thread. I wasn't sure if I was even going to get a response. I think I know very VERY little about the life style.

My question is: Does BDSM include people who just like a few specific fetishes? i.e. Spanking is hot if done right. And when they do that hair grip thing, SO hot when done right. And there are other really specific examples, but I was just wondering if it's a dom-sub thing to just simply get turned on by "aggression" and someone taking control.

Another question: Whenever I want to find "spanking", I really HATE it when I come across beating, and crying, and blood, and The list goes on. I guess I just like a certain amount of dignity. It doesn't have to be 100%. Especially if someone is "getting what they deserve." But Jesus help me, I'm NOT into torture! Is there a website where I can sift through some juicy stuff (stories or videos) and NOT have to worry about stuff that undoubtedly decreases my mood? I always find that the free female sites are kind of boring. Also to me, the aggression is usually only hot if its an assertive guy to a girl.

BDSM is bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism. Sure, it includes spanking under that umbrella.

BDSM doesn't necessarily include Dom/sub -- for example, my husband isn't super dominant. But he LOVES kinky perverted stuff like tying me up, sticking goofy things up my butt, peeing on me. (I know! Torturey stuff!!) But he's a pretty mellow guy who sometimes tries to make me be all obedient but doesn't try all that hard...

Isn't it weird what one person likes vs another? I like having my dignity stripped away so I'm left a wet, hot mess begging for more.

As to finding things you like, it's sooo needle/haystack. I google lactation because I dig the idea of being milked but I don't want to be turned in to a cow on a farm, for god's sake. The crazy stories I have to sift through!!

Anyways. To answer your question -- try googling something like "erotic spanking" There's a site called spankingtube that's good. But - like everything else - you have to sift through a lot to find what you like.

Just looking around I found this: http://hotbottomstories.com/m_f_stories/index.html

So you just have to look around, find the right key words to google. Good luck!!

 

[Gwanji16]

Great answers

Great answers from everyone, except mr. PM. This is a great place to explore and sort things out, but you will find what, and perhaps whom, you are after here. Cookie's right, as always, you have to sift through some stuff from time to time. I am also not a big fan of pain and blood and such, so mild is fine with me, both giving and receiving. I have found a few like minded dons and subs here who are into same!

 

[ToPleaseHim]

First, you must turn on your PMs to get some guidance here

No, she does not. Not at all. Also, don't be a creep. If you are not a creep, then maybe you should rethink a post like this one.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I assume this is the right thread. I wasn't sure if I was even going to get a response. I think I know very VERY little about the life style.

My question is: Does BDSM include people who just like a few specific fetishes? i.e. Spanking is hot if done right. And when they do that hair grip thing, SO hot when done right. And there are other really specific examples, but I was just wondering if it's a dom-sub thing to just simply get turned on by "aggression" and someone taking control.

Another question: Whenever I want to find "spanking", I really HATE it when I come across beating, and crying, and blood, and The list goes on. I guess I just like a certain amount of dignity. It doesn't have to be 100%. Especially if someone is "getting what they deserve." But Jesus help me, I'm NOT into torture! Is there a website where I can sift through some juicy stuff (stories or videos) and NOT have to worry about stuff that undoubtedly decreases my mood? I always find that the free female sites are kind of boring. Also to me, the aggression is usually only hot if its an assertive guy to a girl.

Are you just looking for porn?

Real life BDSM is not something that can be easily narrowed down into just a few search terms because the range of acts is huge. You may try searching for "light BDSM." I know you aren't alone. I, too, generally don't even try to find kinky porn as it's often more extreme than I want to watch.

 

[DiscusDave]

So first off, welcome! Glad you're here.

Secondly, I have to say that Consilience and cookiecat have pretty well covered it. The resources are at your finger tips. It's just, yes, a sad fact that to find that one video or story you sometimes have to sift through a bunch of stuff that are definite mood killers.

I would like to add my own postulation to the discussion of just how your specific interests might fit into BDSM. Just as cookie said BDSM is an acronym for many different aspects of sexual interests that are often labeled as "kinky." Just as the idea of a spectrum being a better way of describing sexual orientation, so too could it arguably fit sexual interests, fetishes, and personal sexual preferences. You could simply say, "your somewhere on the spectrum of being kinky," and that is fine. Whilst labels are nice and neat and often comforting, the most important label of all is the one you feel is right and ascribe to yourself. So if you want to consider yourself "miss kinkiest of all naughtiness, Queen of the dirty thoughts, and seductress of the slutty spankers" then by-gum consider yourself that!! No one else can tell you what you are or are not. Some things for you might be too much for someone else. And other things that are horrific to behold to you might be someone's yawn fest. It's a matter of personal tastes. That is what it really is. It's not that BDSM is something to try and strive for, some bar to reach; it's that BDSM just is a way to describe many different things that get a lot of peoples' mirrors running.

I will agree with the previous suggest that you look into "erotic spanking" stuff, as that strikes me as fitting with your reported interests, and would add the suggestion of looking into disciplinary spanking as well since you said you didn't mind a bit harder if people were getting what they deserve. I will also reiterate that this site is a pretty amazing resource in and of itself. The literature section is very comprehensive, as well as the photo and video parts. Then there is always these forums! With great picture threads and some personal story posts that are definitely hot enough to get you burning in your britches.

One last idea, is that if you're not finding any story or video that's really firing you up, you could always submit your own. I have known many a person who was fed up with not seeing a story that interested them enough, so they started writing the kinds of stories they wanted to read. But what matters is having fun.

 

[KayceeCharles]

Some terminology

I am reasonably certain you meant "kink", i.e. alternative sexual gratification when you say BDSM.

BDSM specifically means bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism. Kink is a broader and more socially acceptable term.

Spanking is a "kink", not a fetish. Fetish generally involves inanimate objects to achieve sexual pleasure. Sniffing panties to maturbate would be a fetish, as would be boot or toe licking.

There is a thing called erotic spanking. It involves spanking just hard enough so the skin tingles and touches are enhanced, and there was just enough pain to trigger an endorphin high but not leave any permanent marks. It can be a very pleasurable form of foreplay. It could be a part of dominance/submission play but it can be done completely separate as well.

Unfortunately I don't know where you can find such filter to get you only the "light" spanking.

 

[SpunThings]

It is really not uncommon for people to use the word fetish in the broader sense the OP used. Language changes with usage, and while I'm not usually the first to adopt language changes, it moves on whether we jump on board or not. I think it's giving her the impression that no one uses the term the way she did. A heck of a lot of people do, whether one thinks it right or wrong.

 

[KimGordon67]

I assume this is the right thread. I wasn't sure if I was even going to get a response. I think I know very VERY little about the life style.

My question is: Does BDSM include people who just like a few specific fetishes? i.e. Spanking is hot if done right. And when they do that hair grip thing, SO hot when done right. And there are other really specific examples, but I was just wondering if it's a dom-sub thing to just simply get turned on by "aggression" and someone taking control.

Another question: Whenever I want to find "spanking", I really HATE it when I come across beating, and crying, and blood, and The list goes on. I guess I just like a certain amount of dignity. It doesn't have to be 100%. Especially if someone is "getting what they deserve." But Jesus help me, I'm NOT into torture! Is there a website where I can sift through some juicy stuff (stories or videos) and NOT have to worry about stuff that undoubtedly decreases my mood? I always find that the free female sites are kind of boring. Also to me, the aggression is usually only hot if its an assertive guy to a girl.

Re: trawling through buckets of nasty porn ... I'm with you on that. I used to have an online friend who I'd watch porn with - we had happily similar tastes. Apart from that it was super-hot (and sometimes hilarious), the side-benefit was that it halved my trawling time, because he'd come up with stuff for me.
Other tricks - find an actor you like and follow them. Or a production company. Often one particular producer will have a specific 'code' - there was one I used to follow who made consistently well-produced stuff and NEVER anything in which the women looked actually miserable. (I can't bear women looking miserable in porn.)

The biggest problem is really that women just aren't the target demographic. And the stuff that's made 'for women' can be deathly dull. (Not all of it, but definitely sum. Who the hell decided we all like candles?)

And I think Primalex is right - if you Venn diagrammed 'rough sex' and 'BDSM', there'd be a fairly significant bit where the two circles over-lapped. A lot of what I like is probably technically 'rough sex', but much of it does tend to get filed under 'BDSM' too.

 

[KayceeCharles]

It is really not uncommon for people to use the word fetish in the broader sense the OP used. Language changes with usage, and while I'm not usually the first to adopt language changes, it moves on whether we jump on board or not. I think it's giving her the impression that no one uses the term the way she did. A heck of a lot of people do, whether one thinks it right or wrong.

It was not meant as criticism but assistance in helping OP locate what s/he requires. Using the wrong term will definitely locate the wrong items or too many items.

Erotic spanking is barely related to BDSM. It's more in the kink, the more general category.

 

[Primalex]

It is really not uncommon for people to use the word fetish in the broader sense the OP used. Language changes with usage,

It doesn't change with usage but with people using it in a wrong way, because nobody taught them - or they don't care.

A heck of a lot of people do,

A lot of people write "Your beautiful.", too.

 

[BeautifulBlueSky218]

I assume this is the right thread. I wasn't sure if I was even going to get a response. I think I know very VERY little about the life style.

My question is: Does BDSM include people who just like a few specific fetishes? i.e. Spanking is hot if done right. And when they do that hair grip thing, SO hot when done right. And there are other really specific examples, but I was just wondering if it's a dom-sub thing to just simply get turned on by "aggression" and someone taking control.

Another question: Whenever I want to find "spanking", I really HATE it when I come across beating, and crying, and blood, and The list goes on. I guess I just like a certain amount of dignity. It doesn't have to be 100%. Especially if someone is "getting what they deserve." But Jesus help me, I'm NOT into torture! Is there a website where I can sift through some juicy stuff (stories or videos) and NOT have to worry about stuff that undoubtedly decreases my mood? I always find that the free female sites are kind of boring. Also to me, the aggression is usually only hot if its an assertive guy to a girl.

Here's a link of fetishes and links. Check this out Chrissy. See what you feel comfortable with. You don't have to try every single thing on here. Just do what you like and don't let anyone force you into something that you don't want to do. Remember to tell your partner what you want exactly and have open communicate before anything goes. It's very important to use a safe word or some type of code word in case you're freaked out or upset by what their doing. Not everything is about beating and blood. There's light bondage too. Just find someone you trust and willing to work with you. You deserve to be with someone who wants to make you feel comfortable. BDSM is supposed to be fun. People like different things and get aroused by different things. Just find the things you're willing to try and write them down. Overtime you're fetishes and kinks may change over time. I give you all the best of luck Chrissy. I hope I helped you in some way. Stay safe hun. You can also buy books on BDSM and read things off the net if you want and I found a few free books off of Kindle that people have written.

http://rekink.com/guides/kinks/