Stuff I said at work...and shouldn't have.

[LouisianaWild]

Today was the final day while I said something or held back from saying something at my place if employment that I decided I have a dirty mind. I would like to share with you some of my experiences. And feel free to add your own.

To the manager of the warehouse, "Tony won't stop, let me jump on, and go for a ride."

After I cough, Rich, "Don't choke girl."
"It takes something a lot larger to choke me."

 

[Stewart_Pidd]

Today was the final day while I said something or held back from saying something at my place if employment that I decided I have a dirty mind. I would like to share with you some of my experiences. And feel free to add your own.

To the manager of the warehouse, "Tony won't stop, let me jump on, and go for a ride."

After I cough, Rich, "Don't choke girl."
"It takes something a lot larger to choke me."

wait...is this a true story bro?

Stew

 

[Fata Morgana]

Okay I'm in.




Phil, my line manager, "See you on Monday."

Me, "Die cunt."

 

[LouisianaWild]

Okay I'm in.




Phil, my line manager, "See you on Monday."

Me, "Die cunt."

LMAO I think some version of the word cunt hits my brain a few times a day when it comes to co-workers.

 

[Hard_Rom]

"I don't take orders from criminal polluters!"

Shouldn't have had to say it. Fucker should have been long gone!

 

[Ms_Ann]

I told my boss " You gotta be fucing kidding me".

Ordinarily, you would think that would have been a bad thing but we've had a better understanding of what I will or will not tolerate ever since.

 

[Stewart_Pidd]

I was at work goofing off, and my boss yelled "hey Stew, help me with this load"

I yelled back "jerk your own self off bro!"

true story bro.

Stew

 

[Tigersman]

I was needing to get into a drawer of one of those lateral filing cabinets, the ones that have 4 - 5 drawers. One of the file clerks was standing on a ladder filing in the top drawer when I said to her "I need to get in your drawers." She replied, "You wish!" I turned beet red when I figured out what it sounded like.

 

[Ms_Ann]

I was needing to get into a drawer of one of those lateral filing cabinets, the ones that have 4 - 5 drawers. One of the file clerks was standing on a ladder filing in the top drawer when I said to her "I need to get in your drawers." She replied, "You wish!" I turned beet red when I figured out what it sounded like.

*snerk*

 

[Bray123]

(not me)

A colleague enters a lift /elevator, whatever you call them. A lady is already in there, says "Going down?"

He replies "OK, but normally I'd go for a drink first."

He then recognises the lady as the managing director of the organisation. /Chokes.


// Recited to me by the daughter of the lady, who was told it by her mother that night.

 

[lovecraft68]

A couple of years ago we were talking about an upcoming roll out for Dicks Sporting goods and I was asking if the orders had to be processed individually or could we run a batch.

Her response was "Oh, I've done Dicks in a group before." The girl that was standing behind her covered her mouth and walked away trying not to laugh and all I could come up with was, "Well, that's good to know."

 

[removed9556]

 

[LouisianaWild]

A colleague enters a lift /elevator, whatever you call them. A lady is already in there, says "Going down?"

He replies "OK, but normally I'd go for a drink first."

He then recognises the lady as the managing director of the organisation. /Chokes.


// Recited to me by the daughter of the lady, who was told it by her mother that night.

Epic!

A couple of years ago we were talking about an upcoming roll out for Dicks Sporting goods and I was asking if the orders had to be processed individually or could we run a batch.

Her response was "Oh, I've done Dicks in a group before." The girl that was standing behind her covered her mouth and walked away trying not to laugh and all I could come up with was, "Well, that's good to know."

How did you keep a straight face?

 

[Miasorrow]

A colleague was putting together some snacks for a late film showing at school. I asked what was most popular.

'Oh, definitely cockporn', she answered. In front of the Head of Department, who'd just come in.

You do understand the effect you have on women right? Especially to their state of mind.

Also "cockporn" sounds delicious.

 

[Killswitch1]

You do understand the effect you have on women right? Especially to their state of mind.

lol...

 

[juttjaw]

This was just the most recent. It certainly wasn't a slip up. A manager of mine has a very thick porn stash and a chest of thick grey pubes that he likes to display. I don't know. He's a tool. A hair tool.

Anyway, he was bitching at me about how I can perform my job more "safely". I was standing there with my eyes glassed over, thinking how ridiculous his voice sounded. He stopped mid sentence and said "Hey! Are you listening to a word I'm saying!?"

I says "I'm sorry Tim, No. Its just that your chest hair is just so mesmerizing."

He shook his head and walked away.

 

[Jennifer]

Me: I can't wait to get my mouth on that. (Referring to a surgeon's wife's baked good)

Followed by: Is everything sucked here that needed to be sucked? (referring to suctioning of various bodily fluids during a surgical procedure)

 

[Aquagal]

Dude I'm not close with telling me about his tango lessons wiping him out so he went and got a message.

Me: were you naked?

Dude: *crickets

Me: WTF? why did I say that?

Dude:

 

[LouisianaWild]

Today was what I overheard at work:

"Jimmy, you're suppose to lick it!" I didn't even ask.

 

[Bookishleigh]

My coworker "Paul" told me today that I wasn't satisfying the needs of our client. It was said with a gratuitous smirk.

I told him our client could join the list of those who needs I wasn't satisfying.

 

[Christobal]

You know those devices you see store employees walking around a device in their hand that kind of look like Star Trek phasers? They are bar code readers and give information of how many you have in stock and allow you to reorder (among a lot of other info).

The shorthand for that device is "gun" and you "shoot" the barcode on the product. There a lot more employees than guns.

It's not unusual for one of us to call out to another with customers in the store.

Hey, can I borrow your gun? I've got a bunch of things to shoot.

 

[jezzilee]

Today I taught a coworker how to pull out.

He told me he was going to go home and tell his wife that they no longer needed to use birth control because I taught him how to pull out.

I swear the pulling out was innocent.

 

[LouisianaWild]

Today I taught a coworker how to pull out.

He told me he was going to go home and tell his wife that they no longer needed to use birth control because I taught him how to pull out.

I swear the pulling out was innocent.

OMG you had me giggling in bed.

 

[jezzilee]

OMG you had me giggling in bed.

I should go pro a day in my work life and let y'all in on it...

 

[thør]

OMG you had me giggling in bed.

This is important.