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Should you really put that in there?

So, not to rain on anybody's parade or anything, but I'm going to need some new material, guys. Just sayin'. You've been slacking a whole lot lately.
 
Malena Morgan Uses Plastic Watering Can as Sex Toy

http://up4.xhcdn.com/000/116/464/527_1000.jpg

"I'm glad that I bought this watering can. It's a lot easier than hauling around the heavy garden hose."

http://up4.xhcdn.com/000/116/464/526_1000.jpg

"The spout looks similar to one of my sex toys. I wonder if..."

http://up4.xhcdn.com/000/116/464/525_1000.jpg

"Oh my God, this feels so fucking good."

http://up4.xhcdn.com/000/116/464/524_1000.jpg

"I'm going to see how far I can get it inside me."

http://up4.xhcdn.com/000/116/464/523_1000.jpg

"Oh yeah, it's in all the way now and feels awesome."

http://up4.xhcdn.com/000/116/464/522_1000.jpg

[Five minutes later]

"This watering can is the best $10.95 that I've ever spent."

http://up6.xhcdn.com/000/116/496/282_1000.jpg

[The next day]

Malena says to lesbian girlfriend, "I have an interesting new sex toy and want you to use it on me."

Girlfriend replies, "Okay. What is it?"

Malena says, "It's a plastic watering can that I bought at Walmart."

Girlfriend replies, "A watering can? You can't be serious."

Malena says, "Yes I am. Do you want to or not?"

Girlfriend replies, "Alright, I will do it."

http://up6.xhcdn.com/000/116/496/281_1000.jpg

Girlfriend says, "Is this far enough?"

Malena replies, "No, keep pushing. Yesterday, I had the entire length inside me."

Girlfriend says, "Yeah, but that was using the watering can without the round sprinkler head attachment. It's about two inches longer now."

Malena replies, "The sprinkler head feels awesome. I want more. Keep pushing."

Girlfriend says, "Okay. Whatever you say."

http://up6.xhcdn.com/000/116/496/280_1000.jpg

[Two minutes later]

Girlfriend says, "Malena, the sprinkler head popped off inside you!"

Malena screams, "Well, help to get it out of me! Pull my pussy lips apart while I try to expel it."

Girlfriend says, "Okay, I can see it. Here it comes."

[Shortly afterwards the sprinkler head is extricated]

Malena says, "That was a close one. If it didn't come out, I would have had to go to the emergency room and that would be totally embarrassing. This is the last time I have sex with a my watering can with the sprinkler head attachment."
 
http://www.well.com/user/cynsa/newbutt.html###


"Rectal Foreign Bodies" -- from Surgery Magazine (1986)


Object Number Recovered

Glass or ceramic
Bottle or jar 32
Bottle with attached rope 1
Glass or cup 12
Light bulb 7
Tube 6
Food
Apple 1
Banana 2
Carrot 4
Cucumber 3
Onion 2
Parsnip 1
Plantain (with condom) 1
Potato 1
Salami 1
Turnip 1
Zucchini 2
Wooden
Ax handle 1
Stick or broom handle 10
Miscellaneous or unspecified 3
Sexual Device
Vibrator 23*
Dildo 15
Kitchen device
Dull knife 1
Ice pick 1
Knife sharpener 1
Mortar pestle 2
Spatula (plastic) 1
Spoon 1
Tin cup 1
Miscellaneous tools
Candle 1
Curling Iron 1
Flashlight 3
Iron rod 1
Pen 2
Rubber tube 1
Screwdriver 1
Toothbrush 1
Wire spring 1
Inflated device
Balloon 1
Balloon attached to cylinder 1
Condom 1
Ball
Baseball 2
Tennis ball 1
Pool cue ball 1
Miscellaneous containers
Baby powder can 1
Candle box 1
Shampoo Bottle 1
Snuff box 1
Miscellaneous
Bottle cap ** 1
Cattle horn 3
Chain (gold) 1
Frozen pig's tail 1
"Kangaroo tumor" # 1
Hair Mousse Cap 1
Plastic rod 1
Stone 2
Toothbrush holder 1
Toothbrush package 1
Whip handle 2*
Collections (one case of each)
2 Glass tubes
72 1/2 Jeweler's saw
Oil can with potato stopper
Piece of wood, peanut
Umbrella handle and enema tubing
2 Glasses
Phosphorus match ends (homicide)
402 Stones
Toolbox ##
2 Bars soap
Beer glass and preserving pot
Lemon and cold cream jar
2 Apples
Spectacles, suitcase key, tobacco pouch, and magazine
total of 14 collections, with approximately 500 objects

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

* number may be larger (text unclear)
**cannot exclude ingestion
# unique case of pedunculated perianal skin tumor habitually
inserted into rectum
##inside a convict; contained saws and other items usable
in escape attempts.
 
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