Insecurity with very attractive spouse

[Kittyscave]

Hi everyone.

While I generally don't bitch about having an extremely attractive spouse, there are times when I'd really like to be the pretty one in my relationship. My husband has done a fair amount of modeling and is constantly hit on. He's very focused on his appearance and over time it has worn on me.

I wonder what other people, women in particular, do to maintain a feeling of sexiness when their bodies age and fitness becomes more challenging. I've gained a few pounds due to adrenal fatigue and my husband is still asked to do fitness modeling.

He's very focused on appearance and, after 30 years of hearing about the ideal attractive fitness body, I've internalized this standard and I know I don't measure up anymore despite his reassurance that he still finds me beautiful and desirable.

Getting old is great in so many ways. But, my body not behaving as I'd like for it to is not wonderful. I see other men on here posting about how they enjoy MILFs and bodies that are not fitness model quality. But, after spending a lifetime with someone so focused on appearance, it's difficult to believe others would actually find me attractive. I'd like to meet face-to-face with some of the incredible Lit people who have kept in touch with me over time. But, I'm terribly afraid of a look of utter disappointment when they meet me. And, should a situation ever present its self where clothes might be shed, that potential look of disappointment would devastate me.

I suppose I'm just wondering if anyone else is in the same boat. I really want to be sexy. I exercise, eat a very clean diet, practice good sleep habits... everything! But, I'm not going to be 20, or even 40, again.

Thanks in advance for any possible commiseration and words of wisdom.

K

 

[vibes]

Well, Kitty, judging from the picture in your profile your body is to die for ... I can't imagine your husband, however handsome, being the pretty one in the relationship ... not from a male perspective

You go girl

 

[Kittyscave]

Well, Kitty, judging from the picture in your profile your body is to die for ... I can't imagine your husband, however handsome, being the pretty one in the relationship ... not from a male perspective

You go girl

Thank you, Vibes. I'm being defensive, I know, but robes and camera angles can work wonders.

But, I appreciate the positive comment. It truly does help.

 

[vibes]

That's what we're here for, sexy friend.

And it's too bad I live way too far away from you because I would have no probleming in ruling out any form of disappointment

 

[gregy70]

i'm with vibes.
You not being anything but a knockout is ridiculous honey.

 

[crashD]

Hi everyone.

While I generally don't bitch about having an extremely attractive spouse, there are times when I'd really like to be the pretty one in my relationship. My husband has done a fair amount of modeling and is constantly hit on. He's very focused on his appearance and over time it has worn on me.

I wonder what other people, women in particular, do to maintain a feeling of sexiness when their bodies age and fitness becomes more challenging. I've gained a few pounds due to adrenal fatigue and my husband is still asked to do fitness modeling.

He's very focused on appearance and, after 30 years of hearing about the ideal attractive fitness body, I've internalized this standard and I know I don't measure up anymore despite his reassurance that he still finds me beautiful and desirable.

Getting old is great in so many ways. But, my body not behaving as I'd like for it to is not wonderful. I see other men on here posting about how they enjoy MILFs and bodies that are not fitness model quality. But, after spending a lifetime with someone so focused on appearance, it's difficult to believe others would actually find me attractive. I'd like to meet face-to-face with some of the incredible Lit people who have kept in touch with me over time. But, I'm terribly afraid of a look of utter disappointment when they meet me. And, should a situation ever present its self where clothes might be shed, that potential look of disappointment would devastate me.

I suppose I'm just wondering if anyone else is in the same boat. I really want to be sexy. I exercise, eat a very clean diet, practice good sleep habits... everything! But, I'm not going to be 20, or even 40, again.

Thanks in advance for any possible commiseration and words of wisdom.

K

if he doesn't appreciate you, he's nuts..

take action - find a lover (maybe he'd join in since is ego is so big)

dump him.

play more on lit!!

 

[Hussar73]

... I see other men on here posting about how they enjoy MILFs and bodies that are not fitness model quality. ...

http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2008/04/the_sexstarved_wife.html

 

[suckonsimon]

Kitty you lovely. you posted:

"despite his reassurance that he still finds me beautiful and desirable."

I very much ask you to live inside that reassurance. Here you are with the delight for yourself of a man whom time has treated kindly, you have him to enjoy, and you are his desire. Totally gorgeous.

Hey, I'm no model. But I am aware that I am a bit of a Peter Pan. And my wife is aware of that and it sometimes gets her thinking like you do. I tell you this: that lovely saying, 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder' holds truer still when the beholder is looking at the person who has over the years given so much unspeakable satisfaction to him as well as all the other stuff a woman has given her man. A man's good woman of a wife becomes more and more an ultimate treasure and pleasure to him, because of the 'build' of what they have had together over the years. That is an attraction to him which goes deeper than any other 'body beautiful' stuff.

I'm not saying a fit guy with a wife doesn't glance around at the field and enjoy. He does. But he does that from the confidence and pleasure and pride that he has in his woman. That confidence and pride in her ripens into the best thing he has ever known.

Please let those things colour your perception of what anyone else may see in you, and in you both.

 

[hpycpl]

no model here

Hi Kitty

Let me start by saying the I am no model, not even close!

Just like your husband, I have a beautiful wife. Another thing we have in common is that our wives don't believe that they are beautiful.

Whenever I told my wife that she was beautiful she would say "Your only saying that to make me feel good" or "you're saying that because you're was stuck with me" or "because you have to, you married me"

I got so irritated every time she said those thing that I finally made a bet with her. And she had to put up or shut up. The bet was that I would take some pics of her (no face) and post them on a web site where you get comments and the members would vote on their favorites.If she didn't score in the monthly top 25, I would shut up and never mention it again and I had to take her on a cruise! If she did score in the top 25 she would have to take a getaway weekend with me to Haulover Beach Florida (clothing optional for those of you not familiar)

we went to the beach! She came in 4th!!!

Maybe you could try that too? Or if you like you can just send some "non-identifying" pictures to a select few people that you would trust to give you an honest opinion. (BTW I volunteer to be one of the select few)

My bet is that you would have to go to the beach also!!

 

[Kittyscave]

Thank you all for very thoughtful and thought provoking replies.

I greatly appreciate the time and effort that went into these kind posts.



K

 

[pplwatching]

Kitty,

You are asking two questions. First, can your husband find you attractive? I don't know about your husband, but I can tell you why I still can't wait to make love to my wife every chance that I get. I'm over 50 and her age is top secret After more than 20 years of marriage I still look when she steps out of the shower, watch her sleeping in bed, cop a feel every chance that I get, and adore spending time having sex with her. Both of us have our lives spent together written on our skin. She wears the stretch marks from pregnancy, the slightly less than perky breasts from breastfeeding our children, the scars from her hysterectomy, and lots of other little imperfections that come from life that make her body uniquely hers, and perfect and desirable. She is even more beautiful than when we met.

Your second question will strangers find you attractive, and want to have sex with you? Is my wife 18 with a hard ass and perky tits? No. Would some stranger want to fuck her? Would my son's friends call her a MILF? My answer is "who cares". Not because we're monogamous, but because I think that I can speak for my wife when I say that someone who's only looking skin deep is completely missing who she is. I don't think that she would want to have sex with someone who was just looking at her body, because (in my experience) sex is a deeper connection to her (and me, for that matter). She does occasionally make comments about her figure even though she's not a vain woman. So, I get it. Every TV commercial and magazine ad sets the bar pretty high, even for mature women.

As to what I find attractive when I meet women of any age, for as long as I can remember I have not been attracted to 'traditional' beauty. Even when I was 18 I was attracted to more "mature" women because I love seeing self confidence and having intelligent conversations about life and experiences that show me that a woman uses her mind. As I have gotten older myself, I see loyalty, kindness, and compassion in a woman and then start wondering if her passion for life makes her sizzle in bed. It's sexy as hell and rarely has anything to do with having the perfect body for her age. I have seen enough "beautiful" women through the years with bad, selfish, entitled attitudes and have never thought about sex with any of them because they're probably that way in bed.

I don't know your arrangement with your husband, but vows aside if you are pondering extramarital fun then let your personality accentuate your sexuality. I think that you will attract men who are much more fun in bed than those who only care about looks. A man who's totally into you isn't going to be disappointed with the way that you look. He's going to want to make you feel good.

 

[Fierywhore]

Kitty, you spouse must find it difficult having such a gorgeous sexy and confidant woman in his life, I am certain he appreciates every small part of you and wonders what you see in him !

Love FW

 

[Dreamliner]

Kitty, what FW said.

 

[Green_Knight]

A woman with whom I was having an affair got very upset when, in my mid-fifties, I decided it was time to get back into fitness activity to stave off the effects of too much good living and an unhealthy, sedentary lifestyle. Even though she went to the gym regularly herself, it really worried her that I should want to get fit. She convinced herself that my reason for doing so was to make myself attractive to other woman or, more worryingly, a specific other woman. She refused to believe that my sole aim was to keep myself healthy.

I don't think she thought she was unattractive - she was, in fact, extremely attractive and she knew how much I adored looking at her naked body - I could never get enough of it. It was rather more that my getting and looking fit posed a potential threat. I suspect she was worried that I might want a relationship that offered more than an affair and this led to her feeling insecure.

None of that applies in your case. You are very attractive and I'd be very surprised if your husband doesn't think that too. Maybe you should be pleased that he wants to keep fit. He wants to look good for you just as you want to look good for him. Modelling may just be his incentive to achieve that. The fifties are a dodgy age healthwise – for men in particular. Without putting too fine a point on it, would you rather be the widow of an unfit man or the wife of a fit one?

 

[irishblade]

Kitty, I'm slightly above average looking if you ever want to hang out. ;-)

 

[Amalgamation]

I've always thought you an exquisitely attractive woman. You have a mix of intelligence, deviance, high-class, and "get down" that absolutely makes me crazy. I don't know what you see in the mirror, but I can relate to not feeing like you measure up.

If any of these posts say anything with a commonality,

You more than measure up. You're it, girl.

 

[Ghostee]

Hi everyone.

While I generally don't bitch about having an extremely attractive spouse, there are times when I'd really like to be the pretty one in my relationship. My husband has done a fair amount of modeling and is constantly hit on. He's very focused on his appearance and over time it has worn on me.

I wonder what other people, women in particular, do to maintain a feeling of sexiness when their bodies age and fitness becomes more challenging. I've gained a few pounds due to adrenal fatigue and my husband is still asked to do fitness modeling.

He's very focused on appearance and, after 30 years of hearing about the ideal attractive fitness body, I've internalized this standard and I know I don't measure up anymore despite his reassurance that he still finds me beautiful and desirable.

Getting old is great in so many ways. But, my body not behaving as I'd like for it to is not wonderful. I see other men on here posting about how they enjoy MILFs and bodies that are not fitness model quality. But, after spending a lifetime with someone so focused on appearance, it's difficult to believe others would actually find me attractive. I'd like to meet face-to-face with some of the incredible Lit people who have kept in touch with me over time. But, I'm terribly afraid of a look of utter disappointment when they meet me. And, should a situation ever present its self where clothes might be shed, that potential look of disappointment would devastate me.

I suppose I'm just wondering if anyone else is in the same boat. I really want to be sexy. I exercise, eat a very clean diet, practice good sleep habits... everything! But, I'm not going to be 20, or even 40, again.

Thanks in advance for any possible commiseration and words of wisdom.

K

Not to be rude but trash your doubts and remember this male model married you and you have to know why.
Being flawed is the human condition and how we deal or don't deal with it is the + or - way it effect us all.

And yes a woman is only as sexy to others as she feels and believe in herself.
Curvey,BBW or skinny its all in how you feel and treat yourself.
Guys show us some tits or ass and we're happy ,yep we're easy.
Feel better and lets see them boo bee's!

 

[PokieMon]

He's very focused on appearance and, after 30 years of hearing about the ideal attractive fitness body, I've internalized this standard and I know I don't measure up anymore despite his reassurance that he still finds me beautiful and desirable.

Is it more important to you to be perceived by other men as pretty and desirable, or to drive your man crazy with desire? If its the latter, then find out what you can do that drives him crazy with desire just thinking about it, and do it.

And keep in mind that if your husband is everything you describe, in this day and age, he's still married to you because he wants to be married to you. If that's not a strong vote that he finds you appealing, I don't know what is.

after spending a lifetime with someone so focused on appearance, it's difficult to believe others would actually find me attractive. I'd like to meet face-to-face with some of the incredible Lit people who have kept in touch with me over time. But, I'm terribly afraid of a look of utter disappointment when they meet me. And, should a situation ever present its self where clothes might be shed, that potential look of disappointment would devastate me.

You could always send them some teasing pictures that lets them know what you're like beforehand. If there're not into you, then when you meet, the issue will never come up. But I'll bet they'll work just the opposite. I've only been hanging around here on lit for a little while, but this seems to be a refreshingly open minded and accepting group of people.

 

[LadyVer]

There comes a time for everyone when they realize they can't control aging, no matter what they do to stay in shape. It is at this point we learn the difference between character and physical beauty. Love and respect yourself, in spite of what else is going on around you. (Easier said than done. Good luck!

 

[Kittyscave]

You people are AMAZING!!!!!

Thank you so much for such a validating bunch of responses. I know in my heart that everything you all said is true. Some times it just helps to hear it from other people.

I feel much better today. I wish I could give each and every one of you a hug.


Have a beautiful wonderful day lovely people.


K

 

[knottygirl]

There is a whole lot more to being sexy than just looks. And there is a whole lot more to being an attractive partner than just being sexy. That said, I hope look as good as you do when I'm 50.

It does seem like there are some guys who are practically immune to aging. What's the deal with Paul Rudd? My dad is 70 and looks like he is 45. My mom is 65 and looks like she is 65. But they are still happily married.

 

[SlutAddicted]

Even at the skin deep level the standard applied to women is ridiculous and frankly not even true. I see lots of ladies that don't fit the mould that are.....well......fucking hot. Those ass dimples and middle aged boobs......ya I wanna lick em, spank em, and fuck em. Not because I've settled in my own middle age. I prefer your fully developed woman's body to that Cosmo shit. Give me a real woman with some real body and real personality every time.

 

[Kittyscave]

Even at the skin deep level the standard applied to women is ridiculous and frankly not even true. I see lots of ladies that don't fit the mould that are.....well......fucking hot. Those ass dimples and middle aged boobs......ya I wanna lick em, spank em, and fuck em. Not because I've settled in my own middle age. I prefer your fully developed woman's body to that Cosmo shit. Give me a real woman with some real body and real personality every time.

Drop the mic!!! Thank you.

 

[GhostFeather18]

I'm only 25 and I'm not married but I am with someone who I find stunningly attractive while I myself am not of the same body type or fitness level. When we go out dancing we get interrupted by people wanting to dance with her and not me and it's a little disheartening at times. When we are alone together I'm ashamed of my body compared to hers, but at the end of the day, no matter how I feel about myself, that's not how she sees me. Just remember that your husband isn't just with you because of what you look like and even if he was he's told you that you are desired by him. You should listen to him unless he's giving you a reason not to believe him.

 

[HighPlainsDrifter]

Hi everyone.

While I generally don't bitch about having an extremely attractive spouse, there are times when I'd really like to be the pretty one in my relationship. My husband has done a fair amount of modeling and is constantly hit on. He's very focused on his appearance and over time it has worn on me.

I wonder what other people, women in particular, do to maintain a feeling of sexiness when their bodies age and fitness becomes more challenging. I've gained a few pounds due to adrenal fatigue and my husband is still asked to do fitness modeling.

He's very focused on appearance and, after 30 years of hearing about the ideal attractive fitness body, I've internalized this standard and I know I don't measure up anymore despite his reassurance that he still finds me beautiful and desirable.

Getting old is great in so many ways. But, my body not behaving as I'd like for it to is not wonderful. I see other men on here posting about how they enjoy MILFs and bodies that are not fitness model quality. But, after spending a lifetime with someone so focused on appearance, it's difficult to believe others would actually find me attractive. I'd like to meet face-to-face with some of the incredible Lit people who have kept in touch with me over time. But, I'm terribly afraid of a look of utter disappointment when they meet me. And, should a situation ever present its self where clothes might be shed, that potential look of disappointment would devastate me.

I suppose I'm just wondering if anyone else is in the same boat. I really want to be sexy. I exercise, eat a very clean diet, practice good sleep habits... everything! But, I'm not going to be 20, or even 40, again.

Thanks in advance for any possible commiseration and words of wisdom.

K

Kitty, you have nothing to worry about though I'm sure you do. Don't we all. But you have an amazing body and an incredibly sexy mind. Hubby would be a fool not to want you... every day in every way!