Hi. First post. Go easy on me.
So I'm a 35 y/o straight male in the UK, and been single for about a year now. That is not to say haven't had a few adventures though. I've always been really curious about the darker side of my desires, and have dabbled in bondage and light non-consent fantasies in relationships. I've written erotic literature on and off for maybe 10 years and been active in a few forums on and off.
BDSM has always been a curiosity for me, but a lot of it has seemed too 'pantomime' for me. I think from a distance, all we see is the visual, and the mechanics and aesthetics aren't that interesting to me (i.e. outfits, materials, devices). However, the psychology is 100% where I'm at. I'm very interested in the rush, fear, humiliation, degradation, anticipation, power-play, etc. Sex has always been exhilarating for me when there has been a psychological element outside the vanilla.
I guess I'd like to establish my place, and what I might want from getting more involved, and obviously whether it'd make sense for me to try and find a partner who's into the same thing.
I never really considered myself a Dom, despite my obvious interest in control and power-play, because I have quite a lot of conflict with my caring nature. Non-consent fantasies were always exciting to me, but a struggle because ultimately the wellbeing of the person I was with was far more important, so I was always very restrained. But having had a chat with a few kinksters over the years though, they've helped me see that the true role of a dominant is actually a caring role, where pleasure and control are taken, but nurturing is returned.
So actually, it sounds like maybe that is my place in the community, if I was to choose to immerse myself in it. There is zero danger of me not taking care of a submissive, as that's my overriding instinct, but I feel like, in real life, I would need a sub who could understand my conflict between caring and desire, and understand how to work with that.
In my head there is a perfect dynamic where it's exciting, and I get to indulge all these complex dark psychological sides of me, but she feels totally safe with me, and a completely normal and fulfilling relationship is possible in parallel. Does that actually work?
Where do I begin with this shit? Obviously in normal life I will just meet vanilla girls, perhaps with a little kink here and there, but not someone who could help me explore this side of me. I'm at a good time of life now where I think it's time to really explore more.
So I'm a 35 y/o straight male in the UK, and been single for about a year now. That is not to say haven't had a few adventures though. I've always been really curious about the darker side of my desires, and have dabbled in bondage and light non-consent fantasies in relationships. I've written erotic literature on and off for maybe 10 years and been active in a few forums on and off.
BDSM has always been a curiosity for me, but a lot of it has seemed too 'pantomime' for me. I think from a distance, all we see is the visual, and the mechanics and aesthetics aren't that interesting to me (i.e. outfits, materials, devices). However, the psychology is 100% where I'm at. I'm very interested in the rush, fear, humiliation, degradation, anticipation, power-play, etc. Sex has always been exhilarating for me when there has been a psychological element outside the vanilla.
I guess I'd like to establish my place, and what I might want from getting more involved, and obviously whether it'd make sense for me to try and find a partner who's into the same thing.
I never really considered myself a Dom, despite my obvious interest in control and power-play, because I have quite a lot of conflict with my caring nature. Non-consent fantasies were always exciting to me, but a struggle because ultimately the wellbeing of the person I was with was far more important, so I was always very restrained. But having had a chat with a few kinksters over the years though, they've helped me see that the true role of a dominant is actually a caring role, where pleasure and control are taken, but nurturing is returned.
So actually, it sounds like maybe that is my place in the community, if I was to choose to immerse myself in it. There is zero danger of me not taking care of a submissive, as that's my overriding instinct, but I feel like, in real life, I would need a sub who could understand my conflict between caring and desire, and understand how to work with that.
In my head there is a perfect dynamic where it's exciting, and I get to indulge all these complex dark psychological sides of me, but she feels totally safe with me, and a completely normal and fulfilling relationship is possible in parallel. Does that actually work?
Where do I begin with this shit? Obviously in normal life I will just meet vanilla girls, perhaps with a little kink here and there, but not someone who could help me explore this side of me. I'm at a good time of life now where I think it's time to really explore more.