I'm about to give up

[sweetsouthernsa]

I swear to bits...I'm about to totally give up on men!! The ones I like don't like me back or they live to damn far away...they don't want "anything serious"...they have time for work & their friends, but not me.
I don't get it. Has society changed so much that supposedly mature men would rather sit at a bar with a bunch of other guys TALKING about women or actually spend time with one that cares??

 

[tedsbeds]

I swear to bits...I'm about to totally give up on men!! The ones I like don't like me back or they live to damn far away...they don't want "anything serious"...they have time for work & their friends, but not me.
I don't get it. Has society changed so much that supposedly mature men would rather sit at a bar with a bunch of other guys TALKING about women or actually spend time with one that cares??

Sorry you search is going badly. It's all in the numbers. You gotta thor back a whole lotta minows before you find one keeper.

 

[phrodeau]

If you're looking for respectable and intelligent people, you're in the wrong state.

 

[neci]

don't give up! you just reached the GB.

 

[JustbeingRandy]

Hun, I'm sure there are guys out there, that are exactly what you are looking for. The best advice I can give you sexy lady, is to stop looking for him in bars. If your looking for someone longterm, well a bar is a better place to pick someone up for right now. Not someone who wants to hang around for tomorrow.

 

[sweetsouthernsa]

If you're looking for respectable and intelligent people, you're in the wrong state.

not looking...just venting

 

[Noor]

What part of Florida are you in? I know some decent guys there.

It is a numbers and exposure game, but also one of positioning.

People often look the wrong place for guys like bars. Guys, you find in bars tend to like being in bars.

I suggest you think about 5 yrs out and imagine what a nice weekend day with your ideal guy would be. Where would you live, what would you guys be doing, who else might be there?

When you figure out what that is, then look for places guys who would like the same things might be found.

 

[sweetsouthernsa]

Hun, I'm sure there are guys out there, that are exactly what you are looking for. The best advice I can give you sexy lady, is to stop looking for him in bars. If your looking for someone longterm, well a bar is a better place to pick someone up for right now. Not someone who wants to hang around for tomorrow.

True. I ain't been to a bar since...I don't even know. I'm too old for all that nonsense anyhow. If I'm gonna drink, I'm gonna do it at home. The bathroom's always open & I don't have to risk my life or someone elses to get home.

 

[JustbeingRandy]

True. I ain't been to a bar since...I don't even know. I'm too old for all that nonsense anyhow. If I'm gonna drink, I'm gonna do it at home. The bathroom's always open & I don't have to risk my life or someone elses to get home.

So true, a gorgeous lady such as yourself shouldn't and wont be alone.

 

[Noor]

I swear to bits...I'm about to totally give up on men!! The ones I like don't like me back or they live to damn far away...they don't want "anything serious"...they have time for work & their friends, but not me.
I don't get it. Has society changed so much that supposedly mature men would rather sit at a bar with a bunch of other guys TALKING about women or actually spend time with one that cares??

I am 56, and frankly it has always been the way.
I don't drink at all and never have, so unless there is really good music involved I am nowhere near a bar.
Talking about women with other guys is a low risk activity, no one's heart can get broken that way.

I seem to have the reverse of some of the above problems and I am not looking. Occasionally one shows up that I want to keep but that is a exception rather than the rule.

I also have a list of expectations which I share with prospective guys, it's kind of like an acid test. No one is perfect, but as long as we are going along with the general same idea going in, things work a lot better.

 

[Noor]

What do you like to do? Maybe you can find decent guys that way.
Have you told all your friends and relatives that you are looking for a nice guy and ask for recommendations?
Do you have an ad somewhere?
Think about what you bring to the table.
I have found that are a lot of guys out there looking for someone entertaining to retire with, would that appeal to you?

 

[Tigersman]

I found my soulmate in a club with a dance floor. I liked to dance, even took lessons, so I headed to a place where I thought I could find a dance partner. We dated for a year. It was great plus I was never without a good partner. My dad told me a good place to find a good woman was at church.

 

[eyerami]

I swear to bits...I'm about to totally give up on men!! The ones I like don't like me back or they live to damn far away...they don't want "anything serious"...they have time for work & their friends, but not me.
I don't get it. Has society changed so much that supposedly mature men would rather sit at a bar with a bunch of other guys TALKING about women or actually spend time with one that cares??

It's not last call yet, toots...

Just keep that shopping bag handy - you'll be fine.

 

[hashtag45]

I like the OP.
Because one is more likely to encounter nowadays people who say "I'm so hot and intelligent and the other gender are chasing me and falling over for me, while X or Y are ugly and stupid."
But judging by her attractive av. and her non-nonsense honesty, she's doing well in both aspects.

I'm unclear if her need to ventilate was prompted by her being disillusioned with a more recent relationship or by a pattern she found herself in, tho.

 

[Noor]

I found my soulmate in a club with a dance floor. I liked to dance, even took lessons, so I headed to a place where I thought I could find a dance partner. We dated for a year. It was great plus I was never without a good partner. My dad told me a good place to find a good woman was at church.

If you love to dance, isn't the dance floor essentially your church?

 

[Debbie]

Sometimes I think things just happen when they do when it comes to finding a possible love interest.


Perhaps find groups or activities in your area that you like and go along. You never know you might meet someone and hit it off.

 

[MattiasGraves]

It might be my youthful naivete, but I look towards love with a twinkle in my eye and hope for all. Do I believe in soul mates? No, but I do believe that there are people in this world who we can learn from and continue to learn from for an entire lifetime.

I say that, having been with my wife for 8 years, married for one with two beautiful boys (3 and 5 months). Is it easy? FUCK NO! Some days, I can barely stand to look at her. She's selfish, she thinks for some reason she needs to be my mother, she's messy, she won't leave MY shit alone. But goddammit, I love her. If I had it all to do over, I probably would have been less worried about finding SOMEONE to dance with, and spent more time vetting the women I did find to be sure they were compatible with the things that mattered.

Sex is super important to me, it's how I show love. My wife is asexual... yeah, that's fun.

Debbie, when you think of your ideal relationship, what do you see? If it's just sex (like it is for me... vibrators aren't too expensive and don't talk back or come home late and drunk). If it's intimacy and meaningful connection, concentrate on making friends. Let him come to you and make him work for it! Get that moment in every romantic comedy where EVERYONE smiles and laughs a little bit and then self consciously looks around the theater to make sure they aren't the only one with a shit eating grin on their face... I know we all do it.

Don't give up. Not for real. Give up on TRYING to find him, like your purposeful search is going to warrant a result. Instead, watch for those qualities you can't live without and be ruthless!!

Sure, there's all the relationship coaching shit that I usually peddle on my clients... love yourself, be more concerned about being his ideal woman, be healthy, etc. But I don't think that'll help you at this point. PM me if you want to have a real one on one convo, I'd love to get a feel for the REAL Debbie and see if I can help

 

[hashtag45]

Speaking of relationship coaching. This guy :

Matthew Hussey
https://m.youtube.com/results?q=mat hussey dating&sm=3

 

[NOIRTRASH]

I'm reading SONS AND LOVERS by D.H. Lawrence.

Its the story of a woman who finds her perfect man, marries him, and is miserable the rest of her life. She hated her father who made tons of money, couldn't dance, and had strong views.

We're never happy.

I married my wife 43 years ago. In the 70s CODEPENDENCE was the monster RACISM is today. Don't need anyone. Ever.

But God doesn't put the same prize in every bag of Cracker Jack, and we each bring our special prize to the marriage. I replaced CODEPENDENCE with COOPERATION.

 

[OldJourno]

I'm not interested in the bar scene, but I've been in a committed relationship for decades and have no desire to change that situation. I'm not much of a listener and my phone manners are generally lacking. I could lose a few pounds. And a few more after that.
Plus, I live too damn far away.
If I sound like the kind of guy you wouldn't waste your time on - and that would be a very smart conclusion on your part - don't send me a PM.
I'll respond in kind and will think often of this day and the time we didn't have together.
It's been, well, mythical.

 

[hashtag45]

This might be Lit.,
but I don't think the OP is looking to hook up with married men.

 

[holliday1960]

I swear to bits...I'm about to totally give up on men!! The ones I like don't like me back or they live to damn far away...they don't want "anything serious"...they have time for work & their friends, but not me.
I don't get it. Has society changed so much that supposedly mature men would rather sit at a bar with a bunch of other guys TALKING about women or actually spend time with one that cares??

Well, my experience was that when I stopped looking, that's when I found a meaningful relationship.
First, men can sense desperation, frustration, and all those negative ideas we project when we are lonely. Stop being negative, and stop telegraphing your frustrations.
Second, understand that most people in your age bracket of interest are scared to death of another serious relationship. (If they are over 30, odds are, they've had more than one disastrous long term relationship.) Remember, you arent the only one who doesnt want your heart broken again.
Learn to enjoy yourself, and how to constructively occupy your time when alone. (*you noted that they dont seem to have enough time for you) If you come off too demanding of their time, you'll appear clingy, and no one likes a clinging vine.
When they say they have other plans, accept that. But, let them know that you might be interested in learning a new activity like golf, or fishing, or whatever they enjoy doing. Don't be fake about. If it's something you absolutely hate or have no interest in, then offer an alternative as a compromise.
You may want to consider dating more than one at a time if you have that much free time. If you are a person who likes to be active alot, then find more than one to divide your time between. Think back to the popular kids in school...they were the ones who everyone wanted to hang out with...so, the larger your circle of friends, or the less available your time is, the more desirable you will be.
If you are not a regular church-goer, don't look for men in church! Likewise, if you don't drink, dont shop the bars...
Above all, be honest! With them, and with yourself. You cant have an honest relationship if it's built on dishonest expectations, or dishonest representations. You deserve more than that, and so do they.
Relax and enjoy life. Stop feeling like you are not a whole person just because you don't have a date every night of the week. There's someone for everyone in this big world...and if it is meant to be, he'll come along, just when you least expect it, so be open to every possibility. Good luck!

 

[underguy1]

I swear to bits...I'm about to totally give up on men!!

I clicked on the thread title thinking it would be something along the lines of a suicide.

Oh well.

 

[hashtag45]

Well, my experience was that when I stopped looking, that's when I found a meaningful relationship.
First, men can sense desperation, frustration, and all those negative ideas we project when we are lonely. Stop being negative, and stop telegraphing your frustrations.
Second, understand that most people in your age bracket of interest are scared to death of another serious relationship. (If they are over 30, odds are, they've had more than one disastrous long term relationship.) Remember, you arent the only one who doesnt want your heart broken again.
Learn to enjoy yourself, and how to constructively occupy your time when alone. (*you noted that they dont seem to have enough time for you) If you come off too demanding of their time, you'll appear clingy, and no one likes a clinging vine.
When they say they have other plans, accept that. But, let them know that you might be interested in learning a new activity like golf, or fishing, or whatever they enjoy doing. Don't be fake about. If it's something you absolutely hate or have no interest in, then offer an alternative as a compromise.
You may want to consider dating more than one at a time if you have that much free time. If you are a person who likes to be active alot, then find more than one to divide your time between. Think back to the popular kids in school...they were the ones who everyone wanted to hang out with...so, the larger your circle of friends, or the less available your time is, the more desirable you will be.
If you are not a regular church-goer, don't look for men in church! Likewise, if you don't drink, dont shop the bars...
Above all, be honest! With them, and with yourself. You cant have an honest relationship if it's built on dishonest expectations, or dishonest representations. You deserve more than that, and so do they.
Relax and enjoy life. Stop feeling like you are not a whole person just because you don't have a date every night of the week. There's someone for everyone in this big world...and if it is meant to be, he'll come along, just when you least expect it, so be open to every possibility. Good luck!

I think that you gave excellent advice.

In saying that, while dating advice always helps, I suspect that her current plight has a lot more to do with her environment or the type of men that she dated, than it has to do with her.
Leaving the political aspect/pun from his comment): like phrodeau said.

 

[Stewart_Pidd]

I swear to bits...I'm about to totally give up on men!! The ones I like don't like me back or they live to damn far away...they don't want "anything serious"...they have time for work & their friends, but not me.
I don't get it. Has society changed so much that supposedly mature men would rather sit at a bar with a bunch of other guys TALKING about women or actually spend time with one that cares??

have you tried Tindr bro?

Stew