I want to be a sub without the pain

[WhiteAusRose]

Please can someone give me some advice about dom/sub relationships. I really want to be a sub but I am really afraid of the pain. A soft flogger I don't mind but whips and straps are definitely off limits. Can I have some views from subs on what they have to do to create pleasure for their dom please.

 

[cookiecat]

Being submissive has nothing to do receiving pain. Being dominant has nothing to do with inflicting pain.

D/s has NOTHING to do with pain.

That's just called rough, kinky sex.

Being submissive to someone simply means you agree to give up some of your control to someone else. You surrender your power or control to someone else. You want to please someone so much you choose to be obedient to that person.

You can be submissive only in the bedroom or you can have a submissive mindset within all of your relationship.

To create pleasure for your Dominant, you figure out what pleases him or her. That's pretty much it.

I dated a Dominant man who hated that I chewed gum. So I didn't chew gum anymore. I had to ask permission to get my haircut or colored. He liked it when I wore red lipstick. I hated red lipstick on me but I'd wear it because it pleased him.

If your Dominant enjoys things you perceive as painful... well... that's something you need to discuss. But being submissive during sex doesn't have to equal painful stuff.

Does this make sense??

 

[Blue]

Please can someone give me some advice about dom/sub relationships. I really want to be a sub but I am really afraid of the pain. A soft flogger I don't mind but whips and straps are definitely off limits. Can I have some views from subs on what they have to do to create pleasure for their dom please.

This makes it sound as though you're trying to be submissive rather than it being a natural disposition...? Maybe it's just me.

Can I have some views from subs on what they have to do to create pleasure for their dom please.

Just do as your told.

 

[Jasmiley239]

Being submissive has nothing to do receiving pain. Being dominant has nothing to do with inflicting pain.

D/s has NOTHING to do with pain.

That's just called rough, kinky sex.

Being submissive to someone simply means you agree to give up some of your control to someone else. You surrender your power or control to someone else. You want to please someone so much you choose to be obedient to that person.

You can be submissive only in the bedroom or you can have a submissive mindset within all of your relationship.

To create pleasure for your Dominant, you figure out what pleases him or her. That's pretty much it.

I dated a Dominant man who hated that I chewed gum. So I didn't chew gum anymore. I had to ask permission to get my haircut or colored. He liked it when I wore red lipstick. I hated red lipstick on me but I'd wear it because it pleased him.

If your Dominant enjoys things you perceive as painful... well... that's something you need to discuss. But being submissive during sex doesn't have to equal painful stuff.

Does this make sense??

Perfectly said, and I totally agree with you.

 

[The_Ghost_Man]

Being submissive has nothing to do receiving pain. Being dominant has nothing to do with inflicting pain.

D/s has NOTHING to do with pain.

That's just called rough, kinky sex.

Being submissive to someone simply means you agree to give up some of your control to someone else. You surrender your power or control to someone else. You want to please someone so much you choose to be obedient to that person.

You can be submissive only in the bedroom or you can have a submissive mindset within all of your relationship.

To create pleasure for your Dominant, you figure out what pleases him or her. That's pretty much it.

I dated a Dominant man who hated that I chewed gum. So I didn't chew gum anymore. I had to ask permission to get my haircut or colored. He liked it when I wore red lipstick. I hated red lipstick on me but I'd wear it because it pleased him.

If your Dominant enjoys things you perceive as painful... well... that's something you need to discuss. But being submissive during sex doesn't have to equal painful stuff.

Does this make sense??

Pretty much this.

The most pain I am into inflicting would be nipple clamping or vigorous spanking. Nothing that would bruise or mark.

But helping a sub to be a good girl isva feeling like no other.

 

[SpunThings]

The whole point of this is to find a partner that not only has a label that suits you, but is compatible with you. Not every dominant will be compatible with you. Some will want things you cannot abide at all. Just don't get into a relationship with those dominants. Learn the things that are important to you, those things that you can't stick around if you don't have. Learn the things that you cannot have at all in any way. Then everything in the middle is up to be negotiated between you and your potential partner.

In short, if you're not a masochist (or don't want pain) stay away from dominants who are also sadists.

 

[SpunThings]

Here's an example of what I mean. I would NOT be compatible with someone who is unwilling to do painful things. This is something that I have learned that I need in a relationship. I am married to someone who wants to give me what I need to satisfy his own needs. It's a nearly perfect compliment. If I were looking for a new partner, one of my requirements would be a partner who likes to inflict pain.

On the other hand, I could not be with another masochist. I would be very uncomfortable with inflicting pain on someone else. If I met someone who was perfect in almost every other way, but they were a sadomasochist (liked receiving and giving pain) they'd have to accept that I could never inflict pain on them or find someone else.

 

[Conager]

Submissives do not necessarilly have masochistic tendencies; not all masochists are submissives.

 

[Farawyn]

Just do as your told.

 

[1sickbastard]

Please can someone give me some advice about dom/sub relationships. I really want to be a sub but I am really afraid of the pain. A soft flogger I don't mind but whips and straps are definitely off limits. Can I have some views from subs on what they have to do to create pleasure for their dom please.

Don't confuse or conflate Dominance with sadism or submissiveness with masochism.

Nor should you confuse/conflate BDSM props with the mental/emotional aspect of D/s play.

Having a whip and inflicting pain does NOT mean one is a dominant any more than being able to take a whipping and withstand pain makes one a submissive.

 

[SoulAssasin247]

Please can someone give me some advice about dom/sub relationships. I really want to be a sub but I am really afraid of the pain. A soft flogger I don't mind but whips and straps are definitely off limits. Can I have some views from subs on what they have to do to create pleasure for their dom please.

Giving in to your Dominant lover doesn't mean pain. It's a trust relationship and it's great when you give in to your fears. Your partner should know how to please you without pain being inflicted and you should trust him to do it.

 

[Primalex]

Please can someone give me some advice about dom/sub relationships. I really want to be a sub but I am really afraid of the pain. A soft flogger I don't mind but whips and straps are definitely off limits. Can I have some views from subs on what they have to do to create pleasure for their dom please.

Well...what's your take on anal sex?

 

[Our_Adventure]

Please can someone give me some advice about dom/sub relationships. I really want to be a sub but I am really afraid of the pain. A soft flogger I don't mind but whips and straps are definitely off limits. Can I have some views from subs on what they have to do to create pleasure for their dom please.

As a fellow newbie to the scene/lifestyle, I really appreciated this question. I have the same issue- I want to Dom, my wife wants to sub, but neither of us enjoy the masochism aspect of it.

I know it's an obvious question to some, but can you give some examples of way you can Dom/sub without the floggings/shipping/pain aspect. I understand positive reinforcement is a good way to Dom in this space, but what about inflicting punishments? How would I do that without floggings etc..?

Thanks again!

 

[SpunThings]

As a fellow newbie to the scene/lifestyle, I really appreciated this question. I have the same issue- I want to Dom, my wife wants to sub, but neither of us enjoy the masochism aspect of it.

I know it's an obvious question to some, but can you give some examples of way you can Dom/sub without the floggings/shipping/pain aspect. I understand positive reinforcement is a good way to Dom in this space, but what about inflicting punishments? How would I do that without floggings etc..?

Thanks again!

We don't do punishments. I do what I agreed to do, and if I can't we talk about it and adjust. Some people do writing lines, or removal of privileges. Punishment isn't very good at behavior modification anyways (assuming you're into behavior modification, not everyone is). Punishment in my opinion is more useful as a way to repent for people who struggle with guilt.

Dom/sub is about authority exchange. One person is in charge, the other obeys. As for giving your partner the feels they want, well you'll have to ask them what would do it for them.

 

[Primalex]

Posted: 08-27-2016, 03:55 AM
Last Activity: 08-27-2016 04:12 AM

 

[Duracell10]

As a dom, I am not into inflicting pain in someone else unless it is something they like. Being a sub doesn't mean you have to experiance pain. Talking about expectations and boundaries is key for me.

 

[srgreene]

Being submissive has nothing to do receiving pain. Being dominant has nothing to do with inflicting pain. D/s has NOTHING to do with pain. That's just called rough, kinky sex.

Being submissive to someone simply means you agree to give up some of your control to someone else. You surrender your power or control to someone else. You want to please someone so much you choose to be obedient to that person. You can be submissive only in the bedroom or you can have a submissive mindset within all of your relationship. ...

Nicely put. I considered myself submissive in many ways, but only with respect to sex. That is, I made it a point, within my limits (ok sometimes beyond) to please my partner. Outside the bedroom- or wherever, lol- I never wanted to obey someone just because he or she assumed some authority over me.

I've bedded many guys who I was not particularly attracted to, but I didn't like sleeping alone either, so if they were there at the right time and showed some interest, well I was probably theirs for the taking. That's an attitude an attitude that can get you in trouble :~. I suppose my attitude could be summed up as, "You can have my body, but don't think you can order me around."

 

[Our_Adventure]

Nicely put. I considered myself submissive in many ways, but only with respect to sex. That is, I made it a point, within my limits (ok sometimes beyond) to please my partner. Outside the bedroom- or wherever, lol- I never wanted to obey someone just because he or she assumed some authority over me.

I've bedded many guys who I was not particularly attracted to, but I didn't like sleeping alone either, so if they were there at the right time and showed some interest, well I was probably theirs for the taking. That's an attitude an attitude that can get you in trouble :~. I suppose my attitude could be summed up as, "You can have my body, but don't think you can order me around."

Good point. I respect that.

 

[Oldenburg]

Being submissive has nothing to do receiving pain. Being dominant has nothing to do with inflicting pain.

D/s has NOTHING to do with pain.

That's just called rough, kinky sex.

Being submissive to someone simply means you agree to give up some of your control to someone else. You surrender your power or control to someone else. You want to please someone so much you choose to be obedient to that person.

You can be submissive only in the bedroom or you can have a submissive mindset within all of your relationship.

To create pleasure for your Dominant, you figure out what pleases him or her. That's pretty much it.

I dated a Dominant man who hated that I chewed gum. So I didn't chew gum anymore. I had to ask permission to get my haircut or colored. He liked it when I wore red lipstick. I hated red lipstick on me but I'd wear it because it pleased him.

If your Dominant enjoys things you perceive as painful... well... that's something you need to discuss. But being submissive during sex doesn't have to equal painful stuff.

Does this make sense??

Could not have said it better myself

 

[xxxSubSamxxx]

I agree pretty much with what most subs have said. Personally I have experimented with pain and it doesn't turn me on but D/s certainly does.

Sam xx

 

[StylusMaximus]

I love being dominant sexually but I don't enjoy inflicting pain.

I like psychological dominance--I tell you what to do, and you do it. I don't need ropes or shackles or chains or whips. I command, and you obey.

I bet you can find someone like that, who wants to dominate you but not hurt you.

That being said, if anal is off limits for you, that could be a problem.