How To Get To Heaven When You Die

[1sickbastard]

http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/cheech.gif

Part Maui-wowee, part Labrador retriever...

 

[1sickbastard]

Hey, did I say I was providing evidence. NO. Cool story - I choose to believe the person who told it many years ago. Heard a missionary from India today. It is illegal to try to convert people to Christianity there. .5 percent of the population are practicing Christians. If a person is turned in they serve 3 years in prison. I am just glad that I live in America where whether you agree with me or not, I can still give my opinion. If I was a biblical scholar I could not provide some people with enough evidence to make them believe. It's because in order to be a Christian you have to also have faith. That is personal and it something that can't be proved.

"Faith is believing in what you know ain't so." ~ Samuel Longhorn Clemens.

 

[Mello_SixtyNine]

The Laryngeal nerve - A perfect example demonstrating that there was no creator.

 

[1sickbastard]

The Laryngeal nerve - A perfect example demonstrating that there was no creator.

But you just don't understand, because you don't believe.
It was Adam's choice to sin that made the human body to look like it was evolved from earlier primates due to the process of natural selection caused by environmental pressures over hundreds of thousands of generations.

 

[phrodeau]

But you just don't understand, because you don't believe.
It was Adam's choice to sin that made the human body to look like it was evolved from earlier primates due to the process of natural selection caused by environmental pressures over hundreds of thousands of generations.

Yes, it was only after the incestuous relationships of the first humans that those imperfections arose which led to all those incest videos.

 

[Tryharder62]

"Faith is believing in what you know ain't so." ~ Samuel Longhorn Clemens.

Oh yee of little faith!!!

http://hinessight.blogs.com/.a/6a00d83451c0aa69e201bb08c6deed970d-600wi

No No MARK TWAIN!!!!

 

[Mello_SixtyNine]

We're chock full of reason and logic...no room left for faith.

 

[1sickbastard]

Oh yee of little faith!!!

http://hinessight.blogs.com/.a/6a00d83451c0aa69e201bb08c6deed970d-600wi

No No MARK TWAIN!!!!

It's not "yee", it's '"ye".

Not little faith.
NO Faith!

I have no loyalty to any ideology and no belief in anything that cannot be objectively demonstrated to be congruent with observable reality.

Oh, and quoting the buy-bull means sweet fuck all to me.

 

[BotanyBoy]

It's not "yee", it's '"ye".

Not little faith.
NO Faith!

I have no loyalty to any ideology and no belief in anything that cannot be objectively demonstrated to be congruent with observable reality.

Oh, and quoting the buy-bull means sweet fuck all to me.

But it's a historical and factual document!!!!

 

[1sickbastard]

But it's a historical and factual document!!!!

It's true!

The other day, I saw a Baptist preacher in the middle of his act, thus demonstrating, not only a talking ass and a talking snake, but that an ass and a snake can be the exact same critter.
It was damned difficult to see if he could also keep talking as a burning bush...

 

[colddiesel]

If xfrodthingamy really believes in resurrection, all he's gotta do is fuck off and die then get resurrected, come back and tell us about it. That'd convince me.

 

[xfrodobagginsx]

I guess I missed the Bible passage where Jesus arrives in Heaven to drop off some blood with his dad.

Joh 20:17 Jesus said to her, Do not touch Me, for I have not yet ascended to My Father. But go to My brothers and say to them, I ascend to My Father and Your Father, and to My God and your God.


Zechariah 13:1 The LORD declares, “On that day a fountain will be opened for David’s family and for those who live in Jerusalem to wash away their sin and stain.

This fountain, whose source is the mercy of Christ Jesus, refers to the death that He would die, the piercing of His side, and the blood and water that flowed out as a symbol of our redemption. Salvation is the fruit of our repentance, and the remission of sins by the blood of Christ; which are a continual running fountain cleansing us from all unrighteousness.

 

[xfrodobagginsx]

 

[xfrodobagginsx]

I am going to get slammed for this but I heard a missionary who went to an area that hadn't heard the word. (It's a long story how they were able to communicate) He met an old man. They were able to talk about Jesus and the faith and the man said. " I knew of this. I just didn't know his name was Jesus." God can reveal himself any way he wants too. In nature or through others. I think the problem is that most people are thinking that God is trying to keep people out of heaven. A wonderful person explained it with this analogy. Jesus is on a ship. All these people are trying to board the ship. He is not there trying to push people off. He is working as hard as he can to pull people on board.
God just gives you free will in regards to accepting the boarding pass. I think everyone gets opportunity to take the journey. They just may not hear the whistle sound in the same way.

Or they reject it...

 

[Tryharder62]

It's not "yee", it's '"ye".

Not little faith.
NO Faith!

I have no loyalty to any ideology and no belief in anything that cannot be objectively demonstrated to be congruent with observable reality.

Oh, and quoting the buy-bull means sweet fuck all to me.

I actually knew it was ye. I however have this need to elongate vowels. When I post happy birthday to a friend on facebook I always write Happy Birthday to youuuuuuuuuuu! Like I'm singing it. I should have put yeeeeeeee and then maybe you could have gotten my intent.

As far as literature goes I would follow the Biiiiiiiiible and not Mark Twain!

Faith is tricky that's for sure. Ok this has that verse in it but otherwise pretty funny https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kEI4OW424lE.

 

[phrodeau]

Joh 20:17 Jesus said to her, Do not touch Me, for I have not yet ascended to My Father. But go to My brothers and say to them, I ascend to My Father and Your Father, and to My God and your God.


Zechariah 13:1 The LORD declares, “On that day a fountain will be opened for David’s family and for those who live in Jerusalem to wash away their sin and stain.

This fountain, whose source is the mercy of Christ Jesus, refers to the death that He would die, the piercing of His side, and the blood and water that flowed out as a symbol of our redemption. Salvation is the fruit of our repentance, and the remission of sins by the blood of Christ; which are a continual running fountain cleansing us from all unrighteousness.

That was right after Mary had mistaken Jesus for a gardener. (John 20:15) She wouldn't be addressing him as if he was a gardener if he was gushing blood from his midsection at the time.

 

[1sickbastard]

As far as literature goes I would follow the Biiiiiiiiible and not Mark Twain!

Faith is tricky that's for sure.

The Bible as literature is not very well written, even as mythology.

The Illiad and the Odyssey are better written and more coherent.

Twain is far more entertaining, not to mention far better written.

As far as presenting a moral code. Looney Tunes does a better job than the Bible.

Of course, nobody has ever told me I need to conduct my life and limit my thoughts based on what Homer, Twain or Bugs Bunny said or did.

Face it, the Bible is a series of allegories and claims that are unsubstantiated. What claims made within the Bible generally fall into one of two categories; Those which cannot be tested and those which are demonstrably wrong.

Now, why is faith in the delusions of a bunch of goat-diddling Bronze-Age barbarians something anyone would want? For that matter, to address the passage Hebrews 11:1, why is faith in nonsense that cannot be demonstrated something to aspire to?

And once again, quoting the Bible is akin to a time-share condo salesman quoting the sales brochure as "evidence" that buying into the time-share is a good investment.
Except that in the case of a time share, one can actually go see the property, pull tax reports, financial records, talk to others who made a the same investment, etc. In other words, fact-check and verify.
And if one declines, the shill isn't going to be screeching that one will be tortured for refusing.

In fact, if one thinks about it (which you probably haven't because even questioning the sales brochure is a sin) the Abrahamic religions (Judaism, Islam and Christianity) have the very same basis as advertising.
To wit; You suck and you will continue to suck until you Buy Our Product, at which point you'll lose however many pounds, your breath will be fresher, your skin will look 30 years younger and you will suddenly be irresistible to whatever sex/gender floats your boat.


Btw, what does the sales brochure say about those with "faith" in its contents hanging about a porn site?
You been on Lit for a number of years and I'd be willing to bet you're here to perv on sexually explicit stories, pictures and Gifs, not to radiate the effervescent of Jesus from your every hole.
Or is it only a sin if you're not perv'ing fer Jesus?

Oh, yeah, you don't have to accept any personal responsibility for your thoughts or actions, 'cause Jesus.
That about right?

Fucking hypocrite...

 

[hashtag45]

Now, why is faith in the delusions of a bunch of goat-diddling Bronze-Age barbarians something anyone would want?

You been on Lit for a number of years and I'd be willing to bet you're here to perv on sexually explicit stories, pictures and Gifs, not to radiate the effervescent of Jesus from your every hole.
Or is it only a sin if you're not perv'ing fer Jesus?

Jesus!
What an asshole…

 

[LadyVer]

Is it only Christians who post this kind of thread on an erotica forum?

 

[hashtag45]

Is it only Christians who post this kind of thread on an erotica forum?

Sidetracking a bit:

I'm not religious at all, and you'll catch me dead before talking me into going to church. And I have just as much disdain for the puritanical, intolerant religious people, as anybody else has.

In saying that, I hold a deep appreciation and respect for the moral and spiritual aspect of religions. Plus Christianity is part of our cultural heritage.

So even if some bad things have been committed in the name of religions:
why derride religions, or mock the moderately religious people? Instead of acknowledging the good together with the bad?
Particularly since none of us atheists or agnostics have a PhD in history or philosophy of religions, to understand what they really are about.

I don't get this new atheist movement. A bit too intense for me.

 

[1sickbastard]

Sidetracking a bit:

So even if some bad things have been committed in the name of religions:
why derride religions, or mock the moderately religious people? Instead of acknowledging the good together with the bad?
Particularly since none of us atheists or agnostics have a PhD in history or philosophy of religions, to understand what they really are about.

I don't get this new atheist movement. A bit too intense for me.

Sure, Christianity is part of Western Cultural Heritage.
So is/was Divine Right of Kings, democracy, geocentrism, capitalism, communism, corporations as legal 'people', the notion of "natural rights", individual liberties, astrology and the scientific method.

Ideas stand or fall on their own merits.
No idea is beyond reproach, criticism or ridicule.
No idea "deserves" automatic respect or deference.

And seriously, someone is being an asshole on the GB?
Oh no, what is this world coming too?

What is "new atheism"?

 

[Tryharder62]

The Bible as literature is not very well written, even as mythology.

The Illiad and the Odyssey are better written and more coherent.

Twain is far more entertaining, not to mention far better written.

As far as presenting a moral code. Looney Tunes does a better job than the Bible.

Of course, nobody has ever told me I need to conduct my life and limit my thoughts based on what Homer, Twain or Bugs Bunny said or did.

Face it, the Bible is a series of allegories and claims that are unsubstantiated. What claims made within the Bible generally fall into one of two categories; Those which cannot be tested and those which are demonstrably wrong.

Now, why is faith in the delusions of a bunch of goat-diddling Bronze-Age barbarians something anyone would want? For that matter, to address the passage Hebrews 11:1, why is faith in nonsense that cannot be demonstrated something to aspire to?

And once again, quoting the Bible is akin to a time-share condo salesman quoting the sales brochure as "evidence" that buying into the time-share is a good investment.
Except that in the case of a time share, one can actually go see the property, pull tax reports, financial records, talk to others who made a the same investment, etc. In other words, fact-check and verify.
And if one declines, the shill isn't going to be screeching that one will be tortured for refusing.

In fact, if one thinks about it (which you probably haven't because even questioning the sales brochure is a sin) the Abrahamic religions (Judaism, Islam and Christianity) have the very same basis as advertising.
To wit; You suck and you will continue to suck until you Buy Our Product, at which point you'll lose however many pounds, your breath will be fresher, your skin will look 30 years younger and you will suddenly be irresistible to whatever sex/gender floats your boat.


Btw, what does the sales brochure say about those with "faith" in its contents hanging about a porn site?
You been on Lit for a number of years and I'd be willing to bet you're here to perv on sexually explicit stories, pictures and Gifs, not to radiate the effervescent of Jesus from your every hole.
Or is it only a sin if you're not perv'ing fer Jesus?

Oh, yeah, you don't have to accept any personal responsibility for your thoughts or actions, 'cause Jesus.
That about right?

Fucking hypocrite...

Hey, I never said I was providing evidence. I have already said in other threads that I have no excuse for being on a porn site. I take full responsibility for that. I'm a 50 year old (dang, I just had my birthday and I am not use to 50) lonely woman who enjoys seeing a little booty now and then. I also like talking to a wide variety of people. I have met the greatest and the worse of people on this site. I have talked to atheists and agnostics and Christians and people of other faith. If I wasn't a "sinner" I wouldn't need my faith in something better than me to strive for. The only thing I have never understood is the anger that comes about when I talk to some people. You can believe what you want to believe. I have no problem with that. I, however, am going to enjoy my faith and share the nuggets that have helped me. Just to set the record straight I have never been a hypocrite about fucking. (Oh I'm sweating typing that whole word). Just for your information I don't pretend, (at least not often), about that.

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/41/16/18/411618b0ab130e3a2caa2389e7f81ffe.jpg

 

[Tryharder62]

Or they reject it...

Very True!

 

[eyerami]

Wow.

The secular folks of Antioch were the first to coin an Aramaic term (which in Greek translates into what in English is "christian") with which to tag the disciples of the Christ who were then following and evangelizing The Way in Antioch; The Way being then not in any way reflective of what the secularly-created religion "Christianity" has become today...

Which is quite obviously and perfectly proven by those who proclaim themselves "Christian", yet who also claim to be "lonely" (where, then, is this savior you claim as yours who promises you'll never be alone?) and married (but obviously not a faithful bride to the Christ, either), while getting off here with "a little booty now and then" behind their wife's or husband's back.

It's ridiculously sad to witness little baby "Christians" fling around in their convenient "faith", forever to sedate themselves from the very sin they purposely pursue (blaspheming any testimony they may fluff about their all-powerful God), all the while admiring and supporting their "Christian" pimp pastors whose "forgiveness" pseudo-preaching paves their way to being able to accept themselves as so un-Christlike: too weak to resist their lustful urges even while they blasphemously proclaim to have the spirit of Almighty God himself within them.

Harlot "Christians" abound.

 

[Emerson40]

http://iansbrain.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/miracle_spring_water.jpg