Endless Curiosity

[ViciousTease]

What boundaries do you have for fantasizing about other Litsters? I'm sure we all have some boundaries as far as play partners, but do you limit your thoughts as well? For example, do you force your thoughts in another direction if you know the Litster is married? What about the Litster that has caught your eye, but is clearly involved with someone here that you like/respect? If you know he/she is here in secret without a nod from their SO, does that cause you to moderate your thoughts or actions?

 

[*Twisted*]

That's a tough question, in the past I would have said no, now days I think about it a little bit more as play increases and I contemplate meeting people in real life. If they don't want to meet ever I'm fine with that it's just good to know going in what their situation and limits are.

 

[1sickbastard]

What boundaries do you have for fantasizing about other Litsters? I'm sure we all have some boundaries as far as play partners, but do you limit your thoughts as well? For example, do you force your thoughts in another direction if you know the Litster is married? What about the Litster that has caught your eye, but is clearly involved with someone here that you like/respect? If you know he/she is here in secret without a nod from their SO, does that cause you to moderate your thoughts or actions?

Oh hell no.

I refuse to limit my thoughts on anything or anyone.

"You cannot imprison a free man. The worse you can do is kill him." ~ Robert Heinlein.

The one place anyone can ever be truly free is in his/her own mind.

 

[Endless_Night]

When it comes to fantasy, I have no boundaries. Imagining is not doing, after all.

Now if it came to actual play, boundaries would pop up like mushrooms! Engaging with someone already board involved (at least if publicly) just sounds messy, and I wouldn’t even consider poaching from a friend. As far as married goes…well, I prefer they be in some type of consensual open relationship. Just not comfortable with anything else.

Board flirtation, however, is right there along with fantasy - no boundaries.

 

[Endless_Night]

Oh hell no.

I refuse to limit my thoughts on anything or anyone.

"You cannot imprison a free man. The worse you can do is kill him." ~ Robert Heinlein.

The one place anyone can ever be truly free is in his/her own mind.

Hear, hear!

 

[AbsintheFather]

Lit is a place to explore sexual interests. Most of us try to be open-minded, even if what’s on the table isn’t exactly or cup of tea. After all, if a thread’s content holds no interest, it’s simple enough to wander off. But, what if it becomes more personal? What if you’re chatting with a Litster and a little item comes up that seriously squicks you out? Not necessarily during sexy talk, perhaps just general conversation. Do you say something? Bite you tongue and avoid further conversation? Do your best to ignore the information, run screaming into the night?

http://67.media.tumblr.com/ad8b9328ebea46cf96acd6a6e2339530/tumblr_n8vwtjYCE71s8ge1mo1_500.jpg

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

I don't think I'm capable of imagining scenarios with people I can not or should not be interacting with sexually. It's a very hard limit for me, and I've flat out stopped posting in threads where I couldn't watch the overt flirting without getting sad or upset.

Color me a weirdo, but that's the truth.

I'm better now about leaving threads that specifically aggravate me in that way, but there are so many, I have difficulty finding "my place" around here anymore.

As far as those in an open relationship, yes, I have played with them, but I prefer not to. The reason being, I fully expect to always play second fiddle in that relationship. I have no desire whatsoever to interfere with a marriage or SO. The trouble is, I want to be first and only, so consensual play with a man granted permission to play is almost as unsatisfying to me as a one night stand. It's a killjoy from the word "go" because he's already offlimits to a certain extent, so, it doesn't work for me.

My boundary pretty much limits me to taking care of myself with the help of an audio instead of cumming with an online partner. I've probably pissed off several male Litsters because I won't let go fully and "do the deed" with them.

Those I did play with caught me in "the mood."

For those gentleman (and ladies) who have been gracious enough to not drop me like a hot potato after I've explained this to them, thank you. You're friendship and support through the years has been priceless.

Again, I know I'm the anomaly here.

 

[AbsintheFather]

What boundaries do you have for fantasizing about other Litsters? I'm sure we all have some boundaries as far as play partners, but do you limit your thoughts as well? For example, do you force your thoughts in another direction if you know the Litster is married? What about the Litster that has caught your eye, but is clearly involved with someone here that you like/respect? If you know he/she is here in secret without a nod from their SO, does that cause you to moderate your thoughts or actions?

I might wonder about people. I don't generally fantasize about them unless I've gotten to know them. I also usually respect what they put in their profiles. If they say they prefer other women or don't like married guys, I'll save myself the bother. I say 'usually respect' because sometime's when someone puts 'I don't cyber' in there, it sometimes means I don't cyber right away or with everybody. But there again, that comes after getting to know someone a little better first.

There is no need to force anything here. There are plenty of potential partners in the same set of circumstances and with the same desires and similar fantasies. If there is not good chemistry, why try too hard to create it? Just move along and find the right fit.

 

[ydahecnot]

Why would one limit his or her fantasy thoughts, beyond what squicks them (vocabulary word of the week)? In the past, some of my hottest Lit thoughts have been about gals who I know would never give me the time of day.

 

[ydahecnot]

I might wonder about people. I don't generally fantasize about them unless I've gotten to know them. I also usually respect what they put in their profiles. If they say they prefer other women or don't like married guys, I'll save myself the bother. I say 'usually respect' because sometime's when someone puts 'I don't cyber' in there, it sometimes means I don't cyber right away or with everybody. But there again, that comes after getting to know someone a little better first.

There is no need to force anything here. There are plenty of potential partners in the same set of circumstances and with the same desires and similar fantasies. If there is not good chemistry, why try too hard to create it? Just move along and find the right fit.

As far as what is said in profiles: when a connection is made, boundaries stated in profiles can be fluid. I think sometimes that stuff is put up mainly to discourage love spammers and trolls, but I think it really scares off only decent guys.

 

[ViciousTease]

I may be weird, but I let it get to me. If I know someone is married and here secretly, I can flirt and chat but anything more is difficult for me to wrap my mind around.

The biggest block for me though is the public Lit relationship. If someone is openly engaged in play with someone here ... I struggle with even fantasy about that person.

I know a lot of D/s relationships here allow for and even encourage more than one sub, but ... I just can't do it. Can't even allow myself to imagine it. I wouldn't want my Sir playing with others, so I don't play with someone else's. Not even in fantasy.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

I may be weird, but I let it get to me. If I know someone is married and here secretly, I can flirt and chat but anything more is difficult for me to wrap my mind around.

The biggest block for me though is the public Lit relationship. If someone is openly engaged in play with someone here ... I struggle with even fantasy about that person.

I know a lot of D/s relationships here allow for and even encourage more than one sub, but ... I just can't do it. Can't even allow myself to imagine it. I wouldn't want my Sir playing with others, so I don't play with someone else's. Not even in fantasy.

thank you, VT, for validating this feeling. My sister gives me a hard time about not being able to"make stuff up" in my head. And she's wrong, btw. I can make up fantasies just fine. Just not sexual ones that are implausible with me.
If I can actually put myself in a situation with a non-real character? Totally different. I think I do splendidly. However, if I'm trying to write with another person, it feels like the sexual tension ends up being between us, not the characters, so I stop.

Same thing here, I don't really care who you're pretending to be, the bottom line is you are a REAL person on the other end, with real feelings, and I don't want to connect in that manner with a real person, created or not, if I'm not going to be with them.

That seems to be difficult for many to understand around here.

Who knows? maybe if I had a real life significant other it wouldn't be so difficult for me to share a little bit of myself sexually online and from afar, but as it stands, I don't have a SO to fulfill that physical part of a relationship that I need. I see no benefit in stoking a fire that can't eventually consume something.

For me at least.

And yes, I probably need therapy.

 

[Endless_Night]

< The trouble is, I want to be first and only, so consensual play with a man granted permission to play is almost as unsatisfying to me as a one night stand. >

If I were single this^ might be a problem. I fully expect to come first; I'm just wired that way. *shrug*

I do, absolutely, hands down, come first with my SO. And in truth, my one successful Lit relationship may have, in part, worked because I still had that sense of coming "first" with my Domly type. I am just not a casual player. He made it a point to not only engage me on multiple levels, but to make me feel equally important to his SO. Perhaps the key in this situation is compatible temperament, meaning, in this case, neither partner being of a casual play style.

* * *

VT and RA. Ladies, your quirks are your quirks. We all have them, and one of the great things about Lit is that we can all express what we need and want. The only time it gets sticky is when someone tries to impose their own personal likes on others. I am often surprised at how often people feel the need to judge, and/or, the need to criticize or even interfere....

 

[DarkSimian]

<snip>

I am often surprised at how often people feel the need to judge, and/or, the need to criticize or even interfere....

I wasn't going to comment, but this ^^^^ is why I moved back into my attic

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

If I were single this^ might be a problem. I fully expect to come first; I'm just wired that way. *shrug*

I do, absolutely, hands down, come first with my SO. And in truth, my one successful Lit relationship may have, in part, worked because I still had that sense of coming "first" with my Domly type. I am just not a casual player. He made it a point to not only engage me on multiple levels, but to make me feel equally important to his SO. Perhaps the key in this situation is compatible temperament, meaning, in this case, neither partner being of a casual play style.

* * *

VT and RA. Ladies, your quirks are your quirks. We all have them, and one of the great things about Lit is that we can all express what we need and want. The only time it gets sticky is when someone tries to impose their own personal likes on others. I am often surprised at how often people feel the need to judge, and/or, the need to criticize or even interfere....

I sincerely hope I don't come across as trying to impose my will on others here. I try to understand and let it go.
I will say, though, if the only topics a person can or is willing to discuss are sexual in nature, then *points to ROE below*

 

[ViciousTease]

I'm so glad to see so many of our Lit men weighing in on the topic!

That's a tough question, in the past I would have said no, now days I think about it a little bit more as play increases and I contemplate meeting people in real life. If they don't want to meet ever I'm fine with that it's just good to know going in what their situation and limits are.

I'll admit, in my early days at Lit I wasn't upfront about my limitations. Not that I would hide anything or try to deceive, but I didn't open with details of my situation. Now I try to make it clear early on so that there are no misunderstandings.

Oh hell no.

I refuse to limit my thoughts on anything or anyone.

I pity the fool that tries to limit you, Sir. You are just so ... you. No need for restrictions.

There is no need to force anything here. There are plenty of potential partners in the same set of circumstances and with the same desires and similar fantasies. If there is not good chemistry, why try too hard to create it? Just move along and find the right fit.

I agree completely!

Why would one limit his or her fantasy thoughts, beyond what squicks them (vocabulary word of the week)? In the past, some of my hottest Lit thoughts have been about gals who I know would never give me the time of day.

I'm just going to pretend I'm on the hottest thoughts list.

I wasn't going to comment, but this ^^^^ is why I moved back into my attic

Does your attic have a playroom?

 

[Amalgamation]

What boundaries do you have for fantasizing about other Litsters? I'm sure we all have some boundaries as far as play partners, but do you limit your thoughts as well? For example, do you force your thoughts in another direction if you know the Litster is married? What about the Litster that has caught your eye, but is clearly involved with someone here that you like/respect? If you know he/she is here in secret without a nod from their SO, does that cause you to moderate your thoughts or actions?

I keep 99% of my thoughts private, but don't limit my fantasies to anything. My mind travels where it does, but most women I find attractive enough to even remotely fantasize about have no idea that I really look at them that way. I may flirt a bunch in public, but private conversation is a totally different thing altogether. In those cases, I still may not share everything, but I do share some of the connection is there.

*walks back to my hole in the wall and shuts the door*

 

[midwestyankee]

Boundaries about fantasizing, you say? I don't think my memory is good enough these days to enable a fantasy life. For that I'd have to remember people in some detail beyond a screen name and avatar. That just doesn'
T work as well as it used to. However, when I was young and foolish, I had a few guidelines:

1. Must be a woman
2. Must have shown some evidence for having mutual kinky-sexy interests
3. Must share my preference for pistachio ice cream. This one was the deal-killer that kept my life entirely pure and fantasy-free, I'm afraid.

 

[Endless_Night]

LOL! I see, so RA and I are just chopped liver, huh? C'mon, RA!

*flounces out*

Totally kidding!

 

[ViciousTease]

My mind travels where it does, but most women I find attractive enough to even remotely fantasize about have no idea that I really look at them that way.

I choose to believe you do, no evidence necessary.

[*]Must share my preference for pistachio ice cream. This one was the deal-killer that kept my life entirely pure and fantasy-free, I'm afraid.
[/LIST]

I thought everyone liked pistachio ice cream. I've got some in the freezer right now.

LOL! I see, so RA and I are just chopped liver, huh? C'mon, RA!

*flounces out*

Totally kidding!

Who are you fussing at?

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

I choose to believe you do, no evidence necessary.



I thought everyone liked pistachio ice cream. I've got some in the freezer right now.



Who are you fussing at?

I don't know who I'm sashaying away from with EN, either, but apparently I'm going somewhere with her to pout about it...lol

 

[Endless_Night]

Who are you fussing at?

Well, it was supposed to be you, but the wordsmith and the Yankee managed to sneak in posts before mine.

Sneaky devils.

Boundaries about fantasizing, you say? I don't think my memory is good enough these days to enable a fantasy life. For that I'd have to remember people in some detail beyond a screen name and avatar. That just doesn'
T work as well as it used to. However, when I was young and foolish, I had a few guidelines:

1. Must be a woman
2. Must have shown some evidence for having mutual kinky-sexy interests
3. Must share my preference for pistachio ice cream. This one was the deal-killer that kept my life entirely pure and fantasy-free, I'm afraid.

You surprise me, Midwestern. I would never have guessed your fantasy life was so...conservative!

 

[Endless_Night]

I don't know who I'm sashaying away from with EN, either, but apparently I'm going somewhere with her to pout about it...lol

Hahahahaha! I am known for my pouting. It pairs well with my foot stomping.

 

[ViciousTease]

I don't know who I'm sashaying away from with EN, either, but apparently I'm going somewhere with her to pout about it...lol

Well, it was supposed to be you, but the wordsmith and the Yankee managed to sneak in posts before mine.

Sneaky devils.

My apologies to you both. I thought you knew how much I adore you. This thread, indeed my entire Lit experience, would hold little joy without the conversations shared with you two fine ladies.

 

[Endless_Night]

My apologies to you both. I thought you knew how much I adore you. This thread, indeed my entire Lit experience, would hold little joy without the conversations shared with you two fine ladies.

Oh, Honey! I was totally and completely joking!

I, too, am delighted to see the men stepping up to the plate and offering opinions. It adds a nice balance to the female heavy perspective of the thread.

You're doing a great job.