Write dialog as if REAL people were speaking to each other

[Irreverent1]

One of my biggest pet peeves in all of Literotica is when characters speak to each other in an unreal manner during dialog.

Example: Sister to brother- "You're licking that pussy really good, little bro"

No one addresses anyone else by their relationship to the other. It sounds completely ridiculous. I get that writers are trying to emphasize the familial aspect of the taboo being committed in order to make the sex more enticing but it makes no real sense. There are better methods to draw direct lines to the relation to make the sex hotter for the reader that thrives on that.
Let's simply change the relationship slightly in the example and see how idiotic it really is.

Example: "You're licking that pussy really good, husband"

Who the hell talks like that?! It's utterly stupid. It makes the writer seem simple and typically ruins an otherwise good literary moment.
Real people address each other by their given names, NOT by their familial relationship status. If the only person licking pussy in the entire room is her brother she literally does not need to remind him of his relation to her. He's known that he has been her brother for at least 18 years now. Simple rule of thumb could be the use of Husband or Wife as substitutes in sentences that address familial aspect. If it sounds stupid when said out loud maybe drop it out altogether.
Now I'm sure someone is right now thinking "I address mom as Mom" and that is a valid point. Mom, Dad, Aunt, Uncle, Grandmother and Grandfather are also used as honorifics of respect much the same way as Sir or Ma'am are used towards respected non-familial relations. Only douches call their parents by their given names.

Another thing real people don't do is address someone by name or relation if they are the only two people in the room. One simply talks out loud and assumes the other knows they are the only possible recipient.
Please, writers, knock it off

 

[SamScribble]

Do you feel better now?

 

[lovecraft68]

Okay, technically you're right. Technically.

But when you're writing to a fetish crowd? You're wrong.

Why?

Because people want their kink driven home to them.

Using your example, of brother and sister. Damn straight you use bro and sis....its what drives the fetish, its what gets the readers cranked up. Take those buzz words away and you have...any two people having sex.

"Hey, honey, want to see my tits?" Straight up Erotic couplings, sure. Incest, that tanks.

"Hey, Jason, want to see your little sisters tits?" That's gold. That made them go "Oh, yeah!"

Just like in interracial. Once you stae the guy or woman is black, Asian, etc...then according to you, it should never be called out again.

But in IR they don't want "I want your big cock." its "I want your big black cock" and its not her smooth skin, but always her smooth mocha skin, play to the fetish.

I know his cocks black because he is, but...its the kink.

So basically you're wrong when a specific kink is involved.

 

[HeyAll]

I agree with above. Erotica, in my opinion, is about hitting the buzzwords and pushing the right buttons.

Also, fictional stories have a different type of dialogue than real life. No one talks exactly like in a tv show or movies, and vice versa. If you put real life dialogue in a movie, it would sound like crap on film. It just doesn't work.

 

[oggbashan]

Real life dialogue is full of Um, Er, and breaks in the flow. People interrupt each other, talk across each other, finish each other's sentences. In real life you don't have to identify the speaker. Their voice tells you which one is speaking.

A transcript of a real conversation would be difficult to read and annoying. What authors do is give the flavour of the dialogue but cleaned up from reality.

What looks real on a page or a screen is NOT reality but a careful construct. It ain't easy to get it right in a story.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

The best literary dialog writers were John O'Hara, Raymond Chandler, and George V. Higgins.

 

[TxRad]

The best literary dialog writers were John O'Hara, Raymond Chandler, and George V. Higgins.

And this applies to Lit how?

Like Ogg said, writing like people talk is a lot harder than it looks. It takes thought and smoothing. The buzz words for the kink is exactly the case also.

 

[NotWise]

And this applies to Lit how?

Like Ogg said, writing like people talk is a lot harder than it looks. It takes thought and smoothing. The buzz words for the kink is exactly the case also.

I had an anonymous comment on my most recent story that the dialogue seemed real. I liked that, because I did spend some time on the dialogue. On the other hand, a lot of the dialogue is a ghost stuck in 1949 talking with a contemporary couple. I'm not sure what the standard for "real" is in a case like that.

 

[TxRad]

I had an anonymous comment on my most recent story that the dialogue seemed real. I liked that, because I did spend some time on the dialogue. On the other hand, a lot of the dialogue is a ghost stuck in 1949 talking with a contemporary couple. I'm not sure what the standard for "real" is in a case like that.

1949 had a different speech pattern that today but most people today wouldn't realize it. If a ghost had been around all that time, his/her speech might have been altered by what they heard.

One of the best comments I ever got was that I write like people talk.

 

[lovecraft68]

I love seeing a rant from someone who has no stories here telling us how to write.

 

[NotWise]

One of the best comments I ever got was that I write like people talk.

I read "A Dance with the Devil," and I think that would be an apt description. You use some familiar, informal phrases. Someone with a different cultural background might not find them familiar.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

I love seeing a rant from someone who has no stories here telling us how to write.

PILOT says the same as you.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

1949 had a different speech pattern that today but most people today wouldn't realize it. If a ghost had been around all that time, his/her speech might have been altered by what they heard.

One of the best comments I ever got was that I write like people talk.

At the state home?

 

[Zeb_Carter]

You want to know about dialog? Read Robert B. Parker.

 

[coldwater1]

One of my biggest pet peeves in all of Literotica is when characters speak to each other in an unreal manner during dialog.

Example: Sister to brother- "You're licking that pussy really good, little bro"

No one addresses anyone else by their relationship to the other. It sounds completely ridiculous. I get that writers are trying to emphasize the familial aspect of the taboo being committed in order to make the sex more enticing but it makes no real sense. There are better methods to draw direct lines to the relation to make the sex hotter for the reader that thrives on that.
Let's simply change the relationship slightly in the example and see how idiotic it really is.

Example: "You're licking that pussy really good, husband"

Who the hell talks like that?! It's utterly stupid. It makes the writer seem simple and typically ruins an otherwise good literary moment.
Real people address each other by their given names, NOT by their familial relationship status. If the only person licking pussy in the entire room is her brother she literally does not need to remind him of his relation to her. He's known that he has been her brother for at least 18 years now. Simple rule of thumb could be the use of Husband or Wife as substitutes in sentences that address familial aspect. If it sounds stupid when said out loud maybe drop it out altogether.
Now I'm sure someone is right now thinking "I address mom as Mom" and that is a valid point. Mom, Dad, Aunt, Uncle, Grandmother and Grandfather are also used as honorifics of respect much the same way as Sir or Ma'am are used towards respected non-familial relations. Only douches call their parents by their given names.

Another thing real people don't do is address someone by name or relation if they are the only two people in the room. One simply talks out loud and assumes the other knows they are the only possible recipient.
Please, writers, knock it off

Sorry, but I don't agree with much of what you said. That sentence that bothered you so much does not sound ridiculous to me given the context. You seem to be assuming that people in the throes of sexual passion speak the same way as they do in normal conversation. That just isn't true.

If we have already accepted the idea that a brother and sister are having sex, this is already not a typical situation. I would expect that the illicitness of the familial sex is part of the turn on for them (not just the author) so they might want to emphasize it to each other during sex.

I've had sexual partners call me all sorts of things that sounded sexy at the time, but they would never address me as in normal conversation. There was no one else in the room, so they didn't need to identify me at all, but they did because it was a turn-on for them or they thought it would be a turn on for me.

Who's to say "little bro" isn't a term of endearment for the sister? People use those in conversation all the time when addressing others, even when only two of them are in the room.

Lets go back to your example that "proved" your point: "You're licking that pussy really good, husband."

Yes, that does sound totally stupid, women just don't address their husbands that way. Lets try another version:

"You're licking that pussy really good, baby"

Sounds totally realistic to me. According to your rules, no one would ever say such a thing. She's not addressing him by his given name and there's no one else in the room.

 

[NotWise]

"You're licking that pussy really good, baby"

Sounds totally realistic to me. According to your rules, no one would ever say such a thing. She's not addressing him by his given name and there's no one else in the room.

Honestly, if he's "licking that pussy really good" why is she saying anything intelligible at all? The dialogue doesn't make sense to me regardless of whether it ends with "bro" or "baby" or "Donald."

"baby" in this context is not the relationship between the lovers. It's a term of endearment. Also it works (better, for me) if you just leave the "baby" part off.

I find the use of "bro" and "sis" in dialogue to be pretty annoying. I've never known anyone to address their own family members that way. "bro" in particular seems to be used between two men who are unrelated, not between siblings. The panhandlers in the parking lot outside my office used to say things like, "hey, bro! You got some change?" It's hard to translate that into an exchange between lovers.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

"Lick it, lick it, oh my god don't you dare stop!"

 

[NotWise]

"Lick it, lick it, oh my god don't you dare stop!"

If she has to say something, then that seems more like it.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

If she has to say something, then that seems more like it.

And she shouldn't have to say anymore unless it's not just two people. If it's an orgy with like 10 people you might want to know who is talking, but with to people you usually know who is talking or grunting or whatever.

 

[Bramblethorn]

One of my biggest pet peeves in all of Literotica is when characters speak to each other in an unreal manner during dialog.

Example: Sister to brother- "You're licking that pussy really good, little bro"

As others have said, this is one of those things that's more about pushing people's turn-ons than realism. Me, I prefer realistic stories so you won't see me writing that way, but other people like different stuff.

Now I'm sure someone is right now thinking "I address mom as Mom" and that is a valid point. Mom, Dad, Aunt, Uncle, Grandmother and Grandfather are also used as honorifics of respect much the same way as Sir or Ma'am are used towards respected non-familial relations. Only douches call their parents by their given names.

Only douches over-generalise. Different people, different places, different customs. My parents preferred being called by their given name, so that's what I called them.

Another thing real people don't do is address someone by name or relation if they are the only two people in the room. One simply talks out loud and assumes the other knows they are the only possible recipient.

Again, this ain't so. There are several reasons somebody may address another by name or relation even if there's nobody else around...

Some folk talk to themselves now and then. Using a name is a way to make it clear that this time they're talking to somebody else.

Some people (me included) have a tendency to hyperfocus, and may tune out even when people are speaking to them. Saying my name is an effective way to break me out of that and get my attention.

And using somebody's name can add emphasis or modify the tone of a sentence:

"Mary, kiss me!"

"Jonathan James Smith, how dare you!"

 

[Irreverent1]

To Lovecraft68-

To wit, you hit the nail directly on the head because you used the address properly. Your example is, in fact, perfect because it preserves the kink while producing a believable dialog.

Why? Because you wrote "Hey, Jason..." rather than "Hey, bro...". The (hypothetical) sister in this case addresses her brother by his first name and THEN mentions the relationship kink separately to emphasize it for the reader. THAT makes sense. And you're right...it IS gold. You instinctively used the brothers name, Jason, to establish to whom the sister is speaking to (let's assume more than one person is in the room) and THEN highlighted the familial nature of their relationship to enhance the readers need for such a kink

I never said I didn't understand the reasons for mentioning the relationship between two (or more) lovers in order to punch home the erotically twisted nature of incest/taboo or, in your further examples, interracial kinks and beyond. They make perfect sense. In most instances the reason for even mentioning such a thing is A) because it emphasizes how it goes against one of the characters nature to interact in such a way or B) emphasizes a particular fetish to satisfy a characters (by extension, readers) specific need(s).

I never argued against anything you said to be perfectly honest. We're on the same page it seems.
When I understand the quote system in the forum better, I'll direct quote in the future

 

[Irreverent1]

I love seeing a rant from someone who has no stories here telling us how to write.

That is a fair criticism that I acknowledge fully. One I am plotting to remedy soon so you'll all have full shot at criticizing my work. But, to be fair, I wasn't criticizing anyones works directly, just a pet peeve in a greater context.

 

[Carnal_Flower]

Have to agree with you, there.

That's instant click away for me. Say what? Who says that?

Honestly, if he's "licking that pussy really good" why is she saying anything intelligible at all? The dialogue doesn't make sense to me regardless of whether it ends with "bro" or "baby" or "Donald."
.

 

[NotWise]

Have to agree with you, there.

That's instant click away for me. Say what? Who says that?

Honestly, I think that's a modern porn video thing. The actors are given a scenario and little or no script and they make up dialogue. That's the sort of thing that comes out. Great, ain't it?

 

[NOIRTRASH]

I love seeing a rant from someone who has no stories here telling us how to write.

I see you didn't return with a bigger chip on your shoulder as PILOT would. Who in fuck died and left you in charge?