Do you like yourself? - Rant/Stream of Consciousness

[onlinefun1234]

I apologize in advance if this is hard to follow.

Do you like yourself?

I don't mean in the self esteem sort of way (too fat, too skinny, too shy, too weird, etc.). I mean do you like yourself as a person. If someone reacted to situations exactly the way you acted, would you like them?

I find myself increasingly at odds with what my instinct seems to be and what I consider "good" characteristics.

When I reread some interactions I have online, I think that that's not representative of who I am. However, that is a side of me, that I apparently show to strangers online. I'm petty. Obnoxious. Angry. Resentful. Entitled. Judgmental. And I don't know why or how I got to this point.

I used to think that being quiet and submissive would prove how good I was and people would consider it desirable characteristics and would take note... not the reality which is that I blend into the background.

As a result, I try to be more assertive. To try to know what I want, how I want it. And it makes more critical of... everything. I noticed that I start to mentally assess people and make assumptions. "They spend too much time on how they look" "They don't take pride in their appearance" "They're too fat/ lazy" "They're weird"

I don't think the best of people anymore. I don't give anymore. I've become more selfish. I mentally mock idealists and dreamers for being out of touch with reality. When did I stop thinking that I could change the world one smile at a time?

I smile more than I used to. But it's expected. Forced. Strained.
I'm tired. I don't feel sad. Just this emptiness. Once upon a time I thought I found someone that filled it, or maybe he distracted me from it. Alas, that sort of thing isn't realistically sustainable.

I think I once told him that the emptiness is just a part of me. It's always with me. Sometimes it needs to take centre stage for a while and then I can live for a while as it obediently waits for its turn again later.

Is it loneliness? I crave a connection, I think. But I'm quick to judge and dismiss people. Too desperate. Too "efficient" in handling people. Too stupid. Too disconnected.

I read somewhere "Some people are only waiting for their turn to talk in a conversation." That's what it feels like a lot of the time. Noone's listening.

I went on some of those "online listeners"/chatting sites. They pretty much start off with "So what do you have to say/ vent about?"

Nothing. I have nothing in particular to vent about. I just wanted to make a connection. I wanted to find someone I could enjoy the silence with again.

 

[BotanyBoy]

No I'm a shitbag.

Rules, laws, morals, ethics.....all for dumb ass sheep.

Being good and doing the right thing never got me anything but spit in my eye and a shot to the nuts. Thankfully I wised up before getting fucked up the ass for it.

Fucking people up and being a piece of shit got me 10x further 10x faster than doing the right thing.

 

[Colonel Hogan]

I think there is a lot going on here. For starters, I applaud your inclination to self-reflect. Too many people don't.

Part of what you are experiencing is the natural temptation of a wide reaching electronic soapbox with the promise of anonymity. There is no compelling reason NOT to let it all hang out. Civility here has become expendable regardless of whether it is advisable.

Another part may have to do with your life experience. You didn't say how old you are, but if you're over or near 40, you may have seen enough of life to already know it is perhaps disturbingly divergent from your earlier hopes and dreams.

That doesn't mean you've lost the ability to make meaningful connections. But it may mean those meaningful connections lie in new places and with new people which you simply haven't discovered yet.

Be patient with the process. I have a feeling you'll figure it out.

 

[thør]

What's not to like?

 

[Noor]

I am fine with myself, but I am pretty much the same everywhere in rl and online.
If I wasn't fine with myself, I would change.

 

[LadyVer]

I like myself most of the time. No one will like me better than myself. But given that I'm human, I do and say things I regret. I think we all have to get to a place where we have to decide what characteristics are important to us, and what is it that we can do to grow those characteristics. It may be part of growing up.

 

[thør]

If I wasn't fine with myself, I would change.

If I'm not, I usually apologize.

 

[weekender43]

If I'm not, I usually apologize.

But why appologize for who you are? I have issues with self-esteem but apologizing for who i am...?

 

[BotanyBoy]

But why appologize for who you are? I have issues with self-esteem but apologizing for who i am...?

Sometimes polite is all you can afford.

 

[weekender43]

Sometimes polite is all you can afford.

Sometimes polite can be misunderstood for weakness.

 

[BotanyBoy]

Sometimes polite can be misunderstood for weakness.

Sometimes.

Sometimes you correct that misunderstanding by making them an offer they can't refuse.

Or you might decide you want to manipulate and use them.

Maybe it's not worth the hassle.

But sometimes......

 

[weekender43]

Sometimes.

Sometimes you correct that misunderstanding by making them an offer they can't refuse.

Or you might decide you want to manipulate and use them.

Maybe it's not worth the hassle.

But sometimes......

Sometimes. I believe in politeness and try to treat everyone with respect on and offline...but appologize for who i am...not a fan

 

[Aphro]

Profound truths once again from the Laurelmeister.

This is absolutely spot-on.

The constant navel gazers will never, ever be happy. Those who spend their lives in angst over what might have been will never be happy. Joy is in the small, every day things, those little moments.

Want a connection? My suggestion (based on personal experience) is that you stop talking, and start listening.

The unhappiest people are the ones who live in their own head. They think about what other people think about them. They think about what they are feeling. They think about themselves, all the time - when they're alone, when they're with others, always. When people are talking to them, they don't really listen - they are thinking about what they're going to say next, or trying to steer the conversation towards themselves, or getting annoyed because the other person isn't just like them - instead of being intrigued by the variety of viewpoints and opinions in the world.

And this is natural. When I was younger, I was very self-centered, and unhappy/lonely most of the time. Manu is a natural extrovert. Being with him taught me how to be happy.

Unhappy people don't consider themselves to be self-centered because much of what they think about themselves is negative - but that doesn't change the fact that they are living a life centered around themselves.

We're really, really small and limited, each of us. So we get really bored, really fast, sitting around in our own heads. And what a shame to do so, when the world around us is vast, ever-changing, endlessly interesting.

If you think about the happiest times in your life, I'll bet they were when you were busy doing something that was not talking about or focused around yourself.

The happiest people are those who are engaged in the world. They listen to people when they talk because people are interesting, even when they aren't like us. How did they get to be who they are? Who are they? What can I learn from them?

When happy people walk outside, they aren't thinking about how lonely they are and how no one is paying attention to them. They don't care if not a single person notices them. They're too busy looking around, feeling the sun and the breeze, listening to the sounds, experiencing the world. They're too busy admiring the way that stranger wears their hair, or enjoying the sounds of a good song from a passing car, or enjoying the smell of fresh baked bread from a nearby bakery.

Happy people don't care what they world thinks of them. They care what they think of the world. They are fascinated by life. They have interests. They don't like everything they see, smell, and hear, of course - but they enjoy life in its infinite variety. They don't have an adversarial relationship with life - they see life and people and the world for what it is: part of them, and they are part of it all.

This is why "venting" is never satisfying. We talk about ourselves because we yearn for connection - but the reality is that talking about ourselves is boring af. To truly connect, you have to disengage from yourself and focus outwards.

My suggestion is to go do something that interest you. Move your mind outside of yourself, and focus it on a hobby or a skill or goal. Learn a language. Learn to draw. Take up swimming. Enroll in a dance class. Join a book club. Find something that will take up all your time, teach you something about life, make you a more well-rounded (and, by extension, happier) person.

When you meet people, don't talk about yourself. Talk about food. Talk about music. Talk about movies. Talk about things that interest you. And get them to tell you what interests them. Because that's how you connect - not by firehosing them with your life story, but by sharing and exchanging bits and pieces back and forth over time. By shared experiences. By shared laughter. By sharing.

 

[Disgustipated]

I apologize in advance if this is hard to follow.

Do you like yourself?

I don't mean in the self esteem sort of way (too fat, too skinny, too shy, too weird, etc.). I mean do you like yourself as a person. If someone reacted to situations exactly the way you acted, would you like them?

I find myself increasingly at odds with what my instinct seems to be and what I consider "good" characteristics.

When I reread some interactions I have online, I think that that's not representative of who I am. However, that is a side of me, that I apparently show to strangers online. I'm petty. Obnoxious. Angry. Resentful. Entitled. Judgmental. And I don't know why or how I got to this point.

I used to think that being quiet and submissive would prove how good I was and people would consider it desirable characteristics and would take note... not the reality which is that I blend into the background.

As a result, I try to be more assertive. To try to know what I want, how I want it. And it makes more critical of... everything. I noticed that I start to mentally assess people and make assumptions. "They spend too much time on how they look" "They don't take pride in their appearance" "They're too fat/ lazy" "They're weird"

I don't think the best of people anymore. I don't give anymore. I've become more selfish. I mentally mock idealists and dreamers for being out of touch with reality. When did I stop thinking that I could change the world one smile at a time?

I smile more than I used to. But it's expected. Forced. Strained.
I'm tired. I don't feel sad. Just this emptiness. Once upon a time I thought I found someone that filled it, or maybe he distracted me from it. Alas, that sort of thing isn't realistically sustainable.

I think I once told him that the emptiness is just a part of me. It's always with me. Sometimes it needs to take centre stage for a while and then I can live for a while as it obediently waits for its turn again later.

Is it loneliness? I crave a connection, I think. But I'm quick to judge and dismiss people. Too desperate. Too "efficient" in handling people. Too stupid. Too disconnected.

I read somewhere "Some people are only waiting for their turn to talk in a conversation." That's what it feels like a lot of the time. Noone's listening.

I went on some of those "online listeners"/chatting sites. They pretty much start off with "So what do you have to say/ vent about?"

Nothing. I have nothing in particular to vent about. I just wanted to make a connection. I wanted to find someone I could enjoy the silence with again.

*waves to miles1*

 

[JohnnySavage]

Want a connection? My suggestion (based on personal experience) is that you stop talking, and start listening.

The unhappiest people are the ones who live in their own head. They think about what other people think about them. They think about what they are feeling. They think about themselves, all the time - when they're alone, when they're with others, always. When people are talking to them, they don't really listen - they are thinking about what they're going to say next, or trying to steer the conversation towards themselves, or getting annoyed because the other person isn't just like them - instead of being intrigued by the variety of viewpoints and opinions in the world.

And this is natural. When I was younger, I was very self-centered, and unhappy/lonely most of the time. Manu is a natural extrovert. Being with him taught me how to be happy.

Unhappy people don't consider themselves to be self-centered because much of what they think about themselves is negative - but that doesn't change the fact that they are living a life centered around themselves.

We're really, really small and limited, each of us. So we get really bored, really fast, sitting around in our own heads. And what a shame to do so, when the world around us is vast, ever-changing, endlessly interesting.

If you think about the happiest times in your life, I'll bet they were when you were busy doing something that was not talking about or focused around yourself.

The happiest people are those who are engaged in the world. They listen to people when they talk because people are interesting, even when they aren't like us. How did they get to be who they are? Who are they? What can I learn from them?

When happy people walk outside, they aren't thinking about how lonely they are and how no one is paying attention to them. They don't care if not a single person notices them. They're too busy looking around, feeling the sun and the breeze, listening to the sounds, experiencing the world. They're too busy admiring the way that stranger wears their hair, or enjoying the sounds of a good song from a passing car, or enjoying the smell of fresh baked bread from a nearby bakery.

Happy people don't care what they world thinks of them. They care what they think of the world. They are fascinated by life. They have interests. They don't like everything they see, smell, and hear, of course - but they enjoy life in its infinite variety. They don't have an adversarial relationship with life - they see life and people and the world for what it is: part of them, and they are part of it all.

This is why "venting" is never satisfying. We talk about ourselves because we yearn for connection - but the reality is that talking about ourselves is boring af. To truly connect, you have to disengage from yourself and focus outwards.

My suggestion is to go do something that interest you. Move your mind outside of yourself, and focus it on a hobby or a skill or goal. Learn a language. Learn to draw. Take up swimming. Enroll in a dance class. Join a book club. Find something that will take up all your time, teach you something about life, make you a more well-rounded (and, by extension, happier) person.

When you meet people, don't talk about yourself. Talk about food. Talk about music. Talk about movies. Talk about things that interest you. And get them to tell you what interests them. Because that's how you connect - not by firehosing them with your life story, but by sharing and exchanging bits and pieces back and forth over time. By shared experiences. By shared laughter. By sharing.

tl;dr

 

[Penuche]

<snip> appologize for who i am...not a fan

Exactly!

 

[eyerami]

Isn't ironic that many of those who so easily spew their you-get-what-you-pay-for advice about happiness are those who champion the intentional and torturous killing of completely innocent and totally defenseless human life simply for convenience?

Why are they so angry and hateful toward the very most vulnerable among us?

 

[Disgustipated]

Isn't ironic that many of those who so easily spew their you-get-what-you-pay-for advice about happiness are those who champion the intentional and torturous killing of completely innocent and totally defenseless human life simply for convenience?

Why are they so angry and hateful toward the very most vulnerable among us?

I was wrong about you having children- you obviously have none.

 

[barefootgirl69]

I like myself just fine. When I post, you are seeing who I am for the most part. What you won't see are the deeper aspects that only come by getting to know me. I'm not perfect, but no-one is.

 

[RobDownSouth]

I like myself just fine. When I post, you are seeing who I am for the most part. What you won't see are the deeper aspects that only come by getting to know me. I'm not perfect, but no-one is.

Is this about your butt dimples?

I'll say again for the record, most guys like butt dimples on a woman!!

 

[Comshaw]

No I'm a shitbag.

Rules, laws, morals, ethics.....all for dumb ass sheep.

Being good and doing the right thing never got me anything but spit in my eye and a shot to the nuts. Thankfully I wised up before getting fucked up the ass for it.

Fucking people up and being a piece of shit got me 10x further 10x faster than doing the right thing.

An asshole piece of shit would heap violence on those who are weak, take that which is essential to sustain a life for his own pleasure and end an existence because it pleases him. Being an asshole piece of shit is much different then being free:

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/8a/26/a9/8a26a9061811499ebe6aa5e32081f610.jpg


Comshaw

 

[NOIRTRASH]

Want a connection? My suggestion (based on personal experience) is that you stop talking, and start listening.

The unhappiest people are the ones who live in their own head. They think about what other people think about them. They think about what they are feeling. They think about themselves, all the time - when they're alone, when they're with others, always. When people are talking to them, they don't really listen - they are thinking about what they're going to say next, or trying to steer the conversation towards themselves, or getting annoyed because the other person isn't just like them - instead of being intrigued by the variety of viewpoints and opinions in the world.

And this is natural. When I was younger, I was very self-centered, and unhappy/lonely most of the time. Manu is a natural extrovert. Being with him taught me how to be happy.

Unhappy people don't consider themselves to be self-centered because much of what they think about themselves is negative - but that doesn't change the fact that they are living a life centered around themselves.

We're really, really small and limited, each of us. So we get really bored, really fast, sitting around in our own heads. And what a shame to do so, when the world around us is vast, ever-changing, endlessly interesting.

If you think about the happiest times in your life, I'll bet they were when you were busy doing something that was not talking about or focused around yourself.

The happiest people are those who are engaged in the world. They listen to people when they talk because people are interesting, even when they aren't like us. How did they get to be who they are? Who are they? What can I learn from them?

When happy people walk outside, they aren't thinking about how lonely they are and how no one is paying attention to them. They don't care if not a single person notices them. They're too busy looking around, feeling the sun and the breeze, listening to the sounds, experiencing the world. They're too busy admiring the way that stranger wears their hair, or enjoying the sounds of a good song from a passing car, or enjoying the smell of fresh baked bread from a nearby bakery.

Happy people don't care what they world thinks of them. They care what they think of the world. They are fascinated by life. They have interests. They don't like everything they see, smell, and hear, of course - but they enjoy life in its infinite variety. They don't have an adversarial relationship with life - they see life and people and the world for what it is: part of them, and they are part of it all.

This is why "venting" is never satisfying. We talk about ourselves because we yearn for connection - but the reality is that talking about ourselves is boring af. To truly connect, you have to disengage from yourself and focus outwards.

My suggestion is to go do something that interest you. Move your mind outside of yourself, and focus it on a hobby or a skill or goal. Learn a language. Learn to draw. Take up swimming. Enroll in a dance class. Join a book club. Find something that will take up all your time, teach you something about life, make you a more well-rounded (and, by extension, happier) person.

When you meet people, don't talk about yourself. Talk about food. Talk about music. Talk about movies. Talk about things that interest you. And get them to tell you what interests them. Because that's how you connect - not by firehosing them with your life story, but by sharing and exchanging bits and pieces back and forth over time. By shared experiences. By shared laughter. By sharing.

This never fails to remind me of you.....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLgYAHHkPFs

Youre one of my favorite people ever yet I know I couldn't be around you for 5 minutes without screaming, because I truly expect you to say I'M HAVING ELVIS' BABY, all the time. Somewhere in you is a crazy place, and it works for you. I love storms but don't wanna be beneath one.

LISTENING means YOU MAKE NO FUGGIN SENSE AND CANT BE CLEAR AND PLAIN. I wont waste my time with such people. I was stunned at how many women had sex with me when I simply said, WANNA FUCK? All were strangers.

I rolled my eyes at your post. Its so John Lennon. My style is Erich van Manstein who never failed to let Hitler know he was a crazy piece of shit, and wrong. Manstein couldn't care less if Hitler luvved him.

Do I like myself? God created me for a purpose, and I do my duty. I do stop to smell the pussies along the way, tho.

 

[Comshaw]

Emptiness, anger, judging those around me, aye I know that place. After a while I discovered all the running and hiding was running and hiding from someone I couldn't loose. When I finally had to stop, sit down and face that guy chasing me I realized I didn't like what I saw. From there the path diverged. I changed what needed to be and left what shouldn't be touched. And now he's no longer a shadow in the dark, a boogie man that I fear to face. I can spend time alone with him and know I like him. Because of that I can appreciate others, really listen to what they say because they are no longer drowned out by the shadow in the dark that was. I can allow them to be them and take them for who they are. When we look in the mirror and don't like what we see, we can run and hide or change that person to someone we like. For me a long journey, but one I would do again for the outcome is worth the effort.

Comshaw

 

[Noor]

If I'm not, I usually apologize.

Do you accept your apology?

If I am mean to others, I usually apologize.

 

[Noor]

Sometimes polite can be misunderstood for weakness.

Some of the strongest people I have ever met have also been the most curious.
There is a saying that the more polite a society, the closer Violence is to the surface.

Want a connection? My suggestion (based on personal experience) is that you stop talking, and start listening.

The unhappiest people are the ones who live in their own head. They think about what other people think about them. They think about what they are feeling. They think about themselves, all the time - when they're alone, when they're with others, always. When people are talking to them, they don't really listen - they are thinking about what they're going to say next, or trying to steer the conversation towards themselves, or getting annoyed because the other person isn't just like them - instead of being intrigued by the variety of viewpoints and opinions in the world.

And this is natural. When I was younger, I was very self-centered, and unhappy/lonely most of the time. Manu is a natural extrovert. Being with him taught me how to be happy.

Unhappy people don't consider themselves to be self-centered because much of what they think about themselves is negative - but that doesn't change the fact that they are living a life centered around themselves.

We're really, really small and limited, each of us. So we get really bored, really fast, sitting around in our own heads. And what a shame to do so, when the world around us is vast, ever-changing, endlessly interesting.

If you think about the happiest times in your life, I'll bet they were when you were busy doing something that was not talking about or focused around yourself.

The happiest people are those who are engaged in the world. They listen to people when they talk because people are interesting, even when they aren't like us. How did they get to be who they are? Who are they? What can I learn from them?

When happy people walk outside, they aren't thinking about how lonely they are and how no one is paying attention to them. They don't care if not a single person notices them. They're too busy looking around, feeling the sun and the breeze, listening to the sounds, experiencing the world. They're too busy admiring the way that stranger wears their hair, or enjoying the sounds of a good song from a passing car, or enjoying the smell of fresh baked bread from a nearby bakery.

Happy people don't care what they world thinks of them. They care what they think of the world. They are fascinated by life. They have interests. They don't like everything they see, smell, and hear, of course - but they enjoy life in its infinite variety. They don't have an adversarial relationship with life - they see life and people and the world for what it is: part of them, and they are part of it all.

This is why "venting" is never satisfying. We talk about ourselves because we yearn for connection - but the reality is that talking about ourselves is boring af. To truly connect, you have to disengage from yourself and focus outwards.

My suggestion is to go do something that interest you. Move your mind outside of yourself, and focus it on a hobby or a skill or goal. Learn a language. Learn to draw. Take up swimming. Enroll in a dance class. Join a book club. Find something that will take up all your time, teach you something about life, make you a more well-rounded (and, by extension, happier) person.

When you meet people, don't talk about yourself. Talk about food. Talk about music. Talk about movies. Talk about things that interest you. And get them to tell you what interests them. Because that's how you connect - not by firehosing them with your life story, but by sharing and exchanging bits and pieces back and forth over time. By shared experiences. By shared laughter. By sharing.

This