Need help with a poem

[coldwater1]

Hi,

I had no luck with the editor's forum, so I thought I would try here. I have something I want to say and I think it could work in poem format. Trouble is, I know absolutely nothing about poetry. I'm hoping someone could review what I have penned and give me some advice. The meaning is there, but the structure, I imagine, is a mess.

Thanks

 

[sexnovella]

I can help.

I have written many poems and you can PM me.

 

[Magnetron]

Post it here.

We'll give you honest opinions that other newbie poets can benefit from.

 

[coldwater1]

Post it here.

We'll give you honest opinions that other newbie poets can benefit from.

Ah, I guess I could have done that. I already saw Sexnovella's offer on my other post in the Editor's Forum and already sent it for review. If he (she?) reads this and wants to defer to the forum, I will do that.

Thanks.