What to expect on my trip?

[sharon__nj]

My husband and I have been married for over 25 years, and we are both hard working professionals, though there is a good degree of stress for me in my work, more than he experiences. But I still have very good relationships with most everyone I know and work with and I try to take care of myself. The two of us attend quite a few dressy events, fundraisers, dances and so on.

We were at a very special community event, a fundraiser, at a large table of twelve, so we were four of the twelve, and the eight others were four of his co-workers partners and their wives. This couple I was speaking of were the man I work for in a way, and his wife.
He asked if he could have his picture taken with me, and I said yes, and he and I posed together, and his wife took the picture on his smartphone.

My husband was taken a little aback by it I think, he was a bit surprised. After I thought about it, I'm not sure if the others around the table knew who he really was or what it was about...
Later, the following year, the four of us were again together at a work conference for he and I, and my husband and his wife came along on the trip to a large resort.

At the end of the first day there was a cocktail reception and we all attended, and again he asked if he could have his picture taken with me, and again she took the picture.

This fall, we have another of these kinds of conferences in San Francisco....he and I are going on this one again, but his wife and my husband are not able to make it to come along with us....I was just wondering what your thoughts and observations are on all of this?

 

[screwher]

My husband and I have been married for over 25 years, and we are both hard working professionals, though there is a good degree of stress for me in my work, more than he experiences. But I still have very good relationships with most everyone I know and work with and I try to take care of myself. The two of us attend quite a few dressy events, fundraisers, dances and so on.

We were at a very special community event, a fundraiser, at a large table of twelve, so we were four of the twelve, and the eight others were four of his co-workers partners and their wives. This couple I was speaking of were the man I work for in a way, and his wife.
He asked if he could have his picture taken with me, and I said yes, and he and I posed together, and his wife took the picture on his smartphone.

My husband was taken a little aback by it I think, he was a bit surprised. After I thought about it, I'm not sure if the others around the table knew who he really was or what it was about...
Later, the following year, the four of us were again together at a work conference for he and I, and my husband and his wife came along on the trip to a large resort.

At the end of the first day there was a cocktail reception and we all attended, and again he asked if he could have his picture taken with me, and again she took the picture.

This fall, we have another of these kinds of conferences in San Francisco....he and I are going on this one again, but his wife and my husband are not able to make it to come along with us....I was just wondering what your thoughts and observations are on all of this?

Two things here:

One - you're wondering if this gentleman is attracted to you. Also, if he's interested in something happening with you on this trip minus your spouses. Sounds like he at least finds you physically attractive. If that's the case then yes I could see him wanting to share a hotel room with you.

Two - sounds like you're contemplating something with this gentleman yourself.

Ultimately this trip is exactly what you're going to make it. I'm curious as to what else is going through your head about it.

 

[sharon__nj]

Two things here:

One - you're wondering if this gentleman is attracted to you. Also, if he's interested in something happening with you on this trip minus your spouses. Sounds like he at least finds you physically attractive. If that's the case then yes I could see him wanting to share a hotel room with you.

Two - sounds like you're contemplating something with this gentleman yourself.

Ultimately this trip is exactly what you're going to make it. I'm curious as to what else is going through your head about it.

It's several months away, but I find myself thinking quite a bit about it, and as I have made travel plans for the flight I find I need to take care on how excited I sound about the whole process as my husband does not seem to be taking it well. So most of the plans I've made I've been mostly private about. He has not come out and asked me what I think might be the obvious questions and I really don't want to bring it up because I don't want him hurt or threatened. I want him to know this is a trip for business and that's all of it.

Having said that, as I've said, I'm extremely excited, but I will not make the first move. I love to dance and I often meet others at similar conferences I attend and we have fun nights out on the town where I go and learn about each other. This one may be different, as I sense he wants to "escort" me in a way, and act in a sense as my protector, and I will have to accept that, or risk hurting or upsetting him.

 

[chargergirl]

Where there's smoke, there's fire....

 

[Hipshot1554]

What do you expect will happen...?

 

[StrongMaster7]

Well, looking at the situation analytically, I think a number of things can be inferred.

1) This man has positive feelings towards you based on his wanting to have a picture of just you and him together. It's fair to assume his feelings may be romantic, even sexual. I would not feel comfortable if my wife wanted wanted to take such a picture, not once, but twice with someone who is ostensibly a co-worker or business superior and not a close friend.

2) You seem to reciprocate his presumed positive feelings as you allowed the two pictures to be taken and seem to have no concern about anything negative happening on your upcoming trip.

3) It seems this man may be seeking a sexual liaison (i.e. adultery) with you and you seem to be open to it.

If adultery is ok with you both morally, then the only question is if you will be open and honest with your spouses or if the affair will be illicit. There are potential consequences to an illicit affair that could irreparably damage two marriages and destroy two families. Consequences could include STDs, pregnancy, guilt, and strong negative emotions should the illicit affair come to light.

So, the question is really a moral one for you and this man.

I am curious if either of you have children who would be impacted by the possible consequences of the fallout should an illicit affair occur and be exposed.

Morals aside, if there is a sexual encounter, it might be wonderful or not. It would be a shame to risk so much and have the experience be disappointing. Personally, I think fantasies such as this are generally best left as fantasies. The risk/reward balance is best weighed in a dispassionate state. I suggest giving this a lot of serious thought after you have masturbated or had (presumably satisfying) sex with your spouse. A temporary pleasure could lead to permanent life-changing events.

Good luck.

 

[policywank]

Hard to know what is on his mind. Wanting to have a picture with you multiple times does suggest a heightened level of familiarity, but who knows? How did his wife react in those circumstances by the way?

So you said you want your husband to know that this is just a business trip but you seem to suggest you are open to more than that. Excited, but won't make the first move - does that mean if he makes the first move you will go along with it?

I think you need to come to grips with how far you are willing to go. The fact that you are excited is natural and undeniable. There is nothing you can do to turn that off and shouldn't feel guilty about that. But your husband's trust and your actions come down to you and you alone (whether you or this other man initiate an encounter).

 

[sharon__nj]

Hard to know what is on his mind. Wanting to have a picture with you multiple times does suggest a heightened level of familiarity, but who knows? How did his wife react in those circumstances by the way?

So you said you want your husband to know that this is just a business trip but you seem to suggest you are open to more than that. Excited, but won't make the first move - does that mean if he makes the first move you will go along with it?

I think you need to come to grips with how far you are willing to go. The fact that you are excited is natural and undeniable. There is nothing you can do to turn that off and shouldn't feel guilty about that. But your husband's trust and your actions come down to you and you alone (whether you or this other man initiate an encounter).

His wife seemed to take it all in stride and took the pictures each time with pleasure, and showed them to us all to make sure she had composed each photo to our liking, which I thought was rather interesting, but I never really thought that much of it at the time, only later. My husband, after the first incident, the one with all of his colleagues at the table with us, got up and took a walk around and came back about 30 minutes later, and I learned that he was upset at the whole idea of it. He told me that this man wanted to fuck me and that I should realize that, and that it upset him.

I was a little thrown off balance as I only just agreed to have a photo taken and that was all, but apparently it meant a lot more to each of them and I was just being naive. I know now that I need to be prepared for this upcoming trip. I've made the decision that this trip is for me and for enjoyment as well as business....I'm sure he is going to try to find a way to satisfy my desire to go out a few nights on the town to dance and enjoy the nightlife, and that he probably isn't going to accept me wanting to go out on my own, which I wouldn't do....I'd likely do it with a friend that I had met at the program. I get the impression from our talking about it that he would want to be my "protector" or "guardian" in a way.

I love to dance, and I can see him approaching me then, and perhaps I will ask him to take some pictures of me himself...I'm sure that would please him....

 

[screwher]

The longer this thread goes the more it becomes apparent you want to have sex with this man. True you won't instigate anything but you're going to willfully succumb to his charms.

That said I say "go for it"! Ever since my wife screwed around on me I've loved the idea of married women getting laid by other men. Be sure to share the details with us after you're trip.

 

[Erodicus]

If he puts the word on you, then the ball's in your court. Best be certain of how you will respond before you go. If you are leaning towards acceptance, then be clear about the rules of engagement you want to be observed. An academic friend of mine gave a guy who she knew was going to try to seduce her a written test over dinner - which she told him jokingly he had to pass before he'd get to square one.

He passed.

 

[RawHumor]

It almost seems to me like his wife may be encouraging his interest in you.

Your husband, on the other hand, not so much.

 

[sharon__nj]

It almost seems to me like his wife may be encouraging his interest in you.

Your husband, on the other hand, not so much.

You suspect the same as I? She seemed to have no issue at all taking our pictures...it was actually quite exciting and I felt quite at ease in posing for them. Maybe there is more to it than I've thought to this point ...

 

[screwher]

You suspect the same as I? She seemed to have no issue at all taking our pictures...it was actually quite exciting and I felt quite at ease in posing for them. Maybe there is more to it than I've thought to this point ...

Hmm perhaps. Hopefully you'll luck out and they'll have an open relationship.

 

[geronimo_appleby]

san francisco? you could expect to take a boat out to alcatraz, have a drink in vesuvio, and then take a ride out to the GG bridge.

nice.

 

[sharon__nj]

san francisco? you could expect to take a boat out to alcatraz, have a drink in vesuvio, and then take a ride out to the GG bridge.

nice.

I think this trip is going to be a chance for me to pose...and to just make myself available for pleasure...I think I've made up my mind to flirt and tease...to show myself ...and I'd like to talk about it in front of all of you here and receive your suggestion and thoughts ...

 

[geronimo_appleby]

I think this trip is going to be a chance for me to pose...and to just make myself available for pleasure...I think I've made up my mind to flirt and tease...to show myself ...and I'd like to talk about it in front of all of you here and receive your suggestion and thoughts ...

my suggestion would be to take the 'night tour' to alcatraz. that way you don't get the sausage machine effect of other boats offloading tourists behind you.

 

[Green_Knight]

Something makes me wonder whether, at the last minute, his wife is suddenly able to make it. Are you up for the possibility of a threesome?

And are you prepared for possible implications for your work situation?

Also, one of your first comments was that "we are both hard working professionals, though there is a good degree of stress for me in my work, more than he experiences". I am not sure why you mentioned this but it is clearly something that you consider important. Do you consider this justification for having extra-marital sex?

 

[policywank]

Your husbands reaction to the first picture seems a bit much which suggests there is some accumulated jealousy. Whatever direction you take this situation it will be good if you can mitigate those negative feelings for him.

It has been my experience that they best way to do that is to "own it." And that starts with seeing other men's behaviour for what it is. If a man wants to get in your pants he will behave in whatever way he thinks will work. If he thinks playing the gentlemanly chaperone will win you over then that is what he will do. That shouldn't be confused with his actual character, personality or intent.

Your husband and every other man already knows this. When women deny it we aren't fooling anyone but ourselves which leads our partners to believe we are either naive and vulnerable or trying to hide our desire for the other man.

His comfort level can only come from confidence that you are in control and aware of your circumstance. By all means enjoy it. Accept that you are sexually desirable, that this (or other) man is thinking about fucking you when he is opening the door for you and know that what you do or don't do is your prerogative.

Instead of trying to convince your husband that the guy who chaperoned you all over town doesn't want to fuck you (credibility=0) make it clear that you enjoyed the attention and you are in control of who fucks you.

 

[roc23]

You suspect the same as I? She seemed to have no issue at all taking our pictures...it was actually quite exciting and I felt quite at ease in posing for them. Maybe there is more to it than I've thought to this point ...

I wouldn't doubt if he and his wife might have had some pillow talk where you were the topic of discussion.

 

[vibes]

Your husbands reaction to the first picture seems a bit much which suggests there is some accumulated jealousy. Whatever direction you take this situation it will be good if you can mitigate those negative feelings for him.

It has been my experience that they best way to do that is to "own it." And that starts with seeing other men's behaviour for what it is. If a man wants to get in your pants he will behave in whatever way he thinks will work. If he thinks playing the gentlemanly chaperone will win you over then that is what he will do. That shouldn't be confused with his actual character, personality or intent.

Your husband and every other man already knows this. When women deny it we aren't fooling anyone but ourselves which leads our partners to believe we are either naive and vulnerable or trying to hide our desire for the other man.

His comfort level can only come from confidence that you are in control and aware of your circumstance. By all means enjoy it. Accept that you are sexually desirable, that this (or other) man is thinking about fucking you when he is opening the door for you and know that what you do or don't do is your prerogative.

Instead of trying to convince your husband that the guy who chaperoned you all over town doesn't want to fuck you (credibility=0) make it clear that you enjoyed the attention and you are in control of who fucks you.

Excellent reply, as many others of yours in fact!

 

[Thickguy4]

Have they ever shared the photos with you? If they share them it could be something as innocent as a pic of 2 coworkers at an event. If they don't share the photos then I would have to believe they want them for some other reason.... Which is what it sounds like you want.

 

[vibes]

The actual point is you sound like you want this guy to fuck you - and your husband's reaction to the guy's attitude towards you is already rather insightful - so, really, this trip will give you what you expect, no more no less

 

[sharon__nj]

Your husbands reaction to the first picture seems a bit much which suggests there is some accumulated jealousy. Whatever direction you take this situation it will be good if you can mitigate those negative feelings for him.

It has been my experience that they best way to do that is to "own it." And that starts with seeing other men's behaviour for what it is. If a man wants to get in your pants he will behave in whatever way he thinks will work. If he thinks playing the gentlemanly chaperone will win you over then that is what he will do. That shouldn't be confused with his actual character, personality or intent.

Your husband and every other man already knows this. When women deny it we aren't fooling anyone but ourselves which leads our partners to believe we are either naive and vulnerable or trying to hide our desire for the other man.

His comfort level can only come from confidence that you are in control and aware of your circumstance. By all means enjoy it. Accept that you are sexually desirable, that this (or other) man is thinking about fucking you when he is opening the door for you and know that what you do or don't do is your prerogative.

Instead of trying to convince your husband that the guy who chaperoned you all over town doesn't want to fuck you (credibility=0) make it clear that you enjoyed the attention and you are in control of who fucks you.

And perhaps I might sound disingenuous if I were to say I'm not sure how I feel, how I might react...my feelings and expectations change from day to day, sometimes from hour to hour. The idea of getting away....being free to just be myself and to choose how I desire to entertain myself is ecstasy in itself! I feel like I live my life first for so many others and for this time, I'm incredibly excited to put myself first. So I have no expectations beyond meeting as many new friends as I can and enjoying the nightlife and all the pleasure that can bring. I would like to spend some time on my own or with someone interesting I meet, enjoy some seafood on the wharf, some wine....
Some of your suggestions ate wonderful and I wish I had more time.
I understand it's very difficult to get to Alcatraz without reservations far in advance...maybe someone can help me make that happen....

It sounds as if you all expect it's likely he will want to take responsibility for me while we are together and that it's certain he will approach me to be in his bed....

 

[Lazy_lay]

His wife seemed to take it all in stride and took the pictures each time with pleasure, and showed them to us all to make sure she had composed each photo to our liking, which I thought was rather interesting, but I never really thought that much of it at the time, only later. My husband, after the first incident, the one with all of his colleagues at the table with us, got up and took a walk around and came back about 30 minutes later, and I learned that he was upset at the whole idea of it. He told me that this man wanted to fuck me and that I should realize that, and that it upset him.

I was a little thrown off balance as I only just agreed to have a photo taken and that was all, but apparently it meant a lot more to each of them and I was just being naive. I know now that I need to be prepared for this upcoming trip. I've made the decision that this trip is for me and for enjoyment as well as business....I'm sure he is going to try to find a way to satisfy my desire to go out a few nights on the town to dance and enjoy the nightlife, and that he probably isn't going to accept me wanting to go out on my own, which I wouldn't do....I'd likely do it with a friend that I had met at the program. I get the impression from our talking about it that he would want to be my "protector" or "guardian" in a way.

I love to dance, and I can see him approaching me then, and perhaps I will ask him to take some pictures of me himself...I'm sure that would please him....

As far as having an affair, this guy is the worst possible pick, because he's already been around you, your husband, etc.

Find a secret lover if you want and need one.

 

[policywank]

And perhaps I might sound disingenuous if I were to say I'm not sure how I feel, how I might react...my feelings and expectations change from day to day, sometimes from hour to hour. The idea of getting away....being free to just be myself and to choose how I desire to entertain myself is ecstasy in itself! I feel like I live my life first for so many others and for this time, I'm incredibly excited to put myself first. So I have no expectations beyond meeting as many new friends as I can and enjoying the nightlife and all the pleasure that can bring. I would like to spend some time on my own or with someone interesting I meet, enjoy some seafood on the wharf, some wine....
Some of your suggestions ate wonderful and I wish I had more time.
I understand it's very difficult to get to Alcatraz without reservations far in advance...maybe someone can help me make that happen....

It sounds as if you all expect it's likely he will want to take responsibility for me while we are together and that it's certain he will approach me to be in his bed....

That doesn't sound disingenuous. It sounds like the truth. Being uncertain is natural in so many circumstances and it sounds like in this situation it is a genuine reflection of your feelings. I tend to think that these emotions are largely involuntary. You can't just switch them on or off. But being uncertain about what you will do in the circumstance doesn't preclude you from seeing the situation for what it is and owning your own decisions along the way.

As for your husband's perspective.......obviously if you told him that you are unsure of how you felt about the other man in the picture taking situation he might find that unsettling. But you don't need to get into all that - just emhasize the fact that you are in control with your eyes open rather than pretending nothing is happening. Remember your husband may or may not feel like he can trust you not to cheat but he knows with absolute certainty that he can't trust all other men not to prey on your vulnerabilities (and fuck you if given the opportunity).

I totally understand the desires you are experiencing. They are natural and you deserve the freedom. But the fact that you have no expectations doesn't mean others are reading from the same script and you can't change that.