looking for feedback on Road to the Sun series

[IrreverentRev]

Although my story seems to be well received, I feel that there is always room for improvement. Road to the Sun is in the Incest/taboo category, there are currently 4 chapters.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thank you.

IrreverentRev

 

[sr71plt]

https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=2161275&page=submissions

 

[IrreverentRev]

Guess I should have added the link

https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=2161275&page=submissions

Thank you for adding the link.

 

[LWulf]

It kinda seems pointless. The stories are "hot" so you must be doing something right. Why mess with success? If you feel there is a need to improve it in some way, then your own choices will likely be good ones.

...unless you've hit a dry spell and are looking for inspiration.

 

[IrreverentRev]

hmm

I was a bit concerned that I may need more character development. I know that I need a bit more of the back story to come into play. It will, but when the siblings have to discus it. I guess I should say when the time is right.

I also wonder about if I have the tags correct. Do I need others?

 

[L1tTleD1fferent]

Thank you for adding the link.

Taking it, you can see same set of stories is/are listed twice, as many authors seem to get/have done to them.

 

[8letters]

It kinda seems pointless. The stories are "hot" so you must be doing something right. Why mess with success? If you feel there is a need to improve it in some way, then your own choices will likely be good ones.

...unless you've hit a dry spell and are looking for inspiration.

I got similar response to feedback threads for my earlier stories. Even though those stories had done well, there was a lot that I could have improved on. And I did improve. To me, every author should have as a goal steadily improving, no matter how good they are currently.

I'll read it and provide feedback later.

 

[8letters]

Warning: I'm going to be mainly listing things I didn't like about your story. It's going to sound very negative, probably harsh.

Thoughts:
* I think your title doesn't help sell your story. It gives me no idea of what the story is about
* Your description "A family tragedy leds siblings down a dark path" was off putting to me. "Dark path" means to me something like prostitution or drugs. Not something I want to read about. Not good to have a typo in your description
* I didn't care for your beginning. To start, things are happening to the main character when he should be in control. His lawyer works for him. His lawyer can't sell the house without his approval. It should be James making hard decisions
* Shoehorning your description of James where you did was weird
* James was sorting his clothes? What is sorting your clothes? Why should it take so long and absorb him so?
* Why does Melody walk over and kiss James on the lips? Is that normal behavior in the family? Sounds like an odd thing to have happen but James takes it without thinking about it
* The Hardwick scene hammered home to me how nonsensical your story line was so far. The parents are wealthy enough to have a family lawyer, but apparently had no life insurance, no retirement savings, were up to their eyeballs in debt and left only a pittance for the kids. Your not discussing the financial situation makes it harder for me to accept
* Why have Hardwick get the state wrong?
* Mr. Hardwick can sell the house quickly but not stocks? What the hell?
* James is 18. Claire is 20. Cindy and Melody are 19. That makes James the baby of the family. Yet, he's somehow the leader of the family, the one the lawyer talks to. Doesn't make sense to me
* Where are the grandparents? Aunts and Uncles? Friends of the family? Friends of the kids?
* When you describe the siblings, its all about their physical attractiveness. What are their personalities? What are their interests? Are any in college? Any boyfriends/girlfriends?
* James takes a shower. His parents have just died. He's going to have to move in two weeks. His financial future is dire. And all he can think about is how hot his sister looked in a bikini last summer

You've lost me. The four siblings are attractive bodies without personality or history. The family is going to go off to BFE Montana and fuck like bunnies despite doing so makes no sense. A lot of other people liked your series, but it's not for me.