Head hopping

[TheNaughtyCraftsman]

Hi all,

I am a serial head hopper and I really don't know how to write any other way. When I write, I see the movie playing in my head and narrate the story as it happens. The reactions of the characters are immediate and I try to capture those emotions as they occur.

Since I never really took any writing classes, with the exception of the ones that I took thirty years ago, I really have no idea how to change. Any hints and help would be appreciated. Just coming back after an extended writer's block/hiatus and would really like to get better.

Thanks in advance,

TNC

 

[NotWise]

Hi all,

I am a serial head hopper and I really don't know how to write any other way. When I write, I see the movie playing in my head and narrate the story as it happens. The reactions of the characters are immediate and I try to capture those emotions as they occur.

Since I never really took any writing classes, with the exception of the ones that I took thirty years ago, I really have no idea how to change. Any hints and help would be appreciated. Just coming back after an extended writer's block/hiatus and would really like to get better.

Thanks in advance,

TNC

Did someone complain about your head hopping?

One of the advantages to using 3rd person is that you can tell the story from multiple vantage points Conditions arise where you NEED multiple vantage points but If that change in point-of-view becomes too frequent then it can become confusing to readers. You know where you're going, so it doesn't confuse you, but your readers don't have that advantage.

You might try writing something in first person. That way you know the narrator's thoughts, but you can only know what other characters are thinking though their actions or through dialog. Those are important parts of story telling.

 

[HeyAll]

What's head hopping and what's your problem with it?

 

[sr71plt]

If you do it blatantly (and some best-selling authors do), it won't be intrusive to the read. It's more if it just gets dropped in once or twice that the reader will notice and get thrown off the rails. If you want to write a lot, though, it's best to train yourself to stick to a chosen POV.

 

[TheNaughtyCraftsman]

There were a couple of passing comments. I think they were the ever present anonymous ones though, and I know those are to be taken with a very, very small grain of salt.

Actually I was going back through one of the editors comments that I worked with and I started thinking about how I write. To be fair, she still worked with what I gave her and did a fine job too. The point being that it was true, and in the interest of full disclosure, I do swap frequently. In my defense, it's obvious who is doing the thinking/reacting as the scene progresses.

I guess that when I read something written in first person it seems irritating. I suppose it's all of the sentences that start with "I did" or "I saw". It seems clunky to me for some reason. The novels I've read that separated each person into chapters made me impatient enough to skip the chapters that didn't have the character that I was interested in. Robert Jordan did that in the Wheel Of Time series and I spent more time skipping chapters than I did reading it.

 

[NotWise]

I guess that when I read something written in first person it seems irritating. I suppose it's all of the sentences that start with "I did" or "I saw". It seems clunky to me for some reason

First person doesn't have to be littered with "I did" or "I saw." In fact, that seems like pretty poor writing. "Moby Dick" was written in first person, but you might not realize that if not for the opening,

 

[sr71plt]

It's probably best to write as you like to read. Don't then assume that it's a universal "like," though. Your like may be so particularized that it irritates more readers than it pleases. You'll never please everyone, however, so, as the song says, "You might as well please yourself."

 

[Ewobbit]

I'm not sure I'm following you. To me, when I hear "head hopping", I think of delving into hidden thoughts and emotions of multiple characters so that I, the reader, end up knowing what everybody is thinking and feeling even thought they, the characters, don't know what each other is thinking and feeling.

And, as everyone has pointed out, if that is what you like to read, then I don't really see an issue with writing it that way. Personally, it's not my cup of tea and frustrates me about as much as you say first person irritates you. But, so what? I'm one person. If you like it, then odds are there are other people out there who will too.

If it bugs you, though... note that is if you want to change it, not some anon thinks you should... then you might try an experiment I did 20 or so years ago.

My wife had written a short short story in which everyone in the house had been murdered. Everyone except the family dog. A little teacup poodle. (At least it wasn't a Chihuahua. My dog's turds are bigger than those damn pocket rats.)

Anyway, the thing that really bothered me was that the only person who survived was the killer. And the killer probably wasn't going to privy to the every nuance of the investigation beyond what was reported in news. So, how did we know that it happened that way? And how did we see what happened with the investigation?

For some insane reason, I decided to try a Stephen King and wrote a novel from the dog's perspective. I don't mean the dog's thoughts. I mean I limited myself to knowledge that the dog was present for. So, I went from her murder scene to the detective who found the dog hiding under the sink and took to carrying it around in his trench coat pocket.

What the dog saw, I saw. What the dog heard, I heard. And I did a lot of smell with that one. A lot more with smell than I had done before or since. And nothing the dog wasn't present for got reported.

Anyway, it's something to try. And best of luck whether you decide to try it or go with what has worked for you so far.

 

[Weird Harold]

I am a serial head hopper and I really don't know how to write any other way. When I write, I see the movie playing in my head and narrate the story as it happens. The reactions of the characters are immediate and I try to capture those emotions as they occur.

There is nothing inherently wrong with head-hopping. Some stories work best in that mode, and others don't work at all. As long as you stick to stories that work well with head-hopping you're fine.

If you want to spread your wings as a writer, force yourself to tell stories that work best in first person or third person limited; stories where you hide information from the reader by not revealing it to the POV character. Mysteries are good for that kind of format; not necessarily whodunits, but any problem where the POV character has to figure out what is going on.

Alternatively, try a third person limited POV where the narrator can't read anyone's mind or follow anyone but the protagonist. Only narrate what can be seen or heard. (Sometimes a narrator can see/hear things the protagonist he's following misses.)

It all boils down to whether you want to stay in your comfort zone or stretch your limits.

 

[SamScribble]

Having dipped briefly into a couple of your stories, I'd say that there's not a lot wrong with your approach as it is. However, if I was your editor, my advice would be pace, pace, pace. Action tends to be better conveyed with short sentences. Here's what happened. Here's what happened next.

Good luck.

 

[Serafina1210]

"Head hopping" is an unfortunate pejorative term for an entirely legitimate literary technique, used by some important mainstream authors. I've glanced at the beginning one of your stories ("The Bet" Ch. 01), and it looks good to me. Here's a snippet for example:

"No! I mean, ummm, no, since we're already here and all..." trailing off as she looked into the blue eyes that had unknowingly stolen her heart.

"Then I suppose we should see what our hosts have planned," and offered his arm to the beautiful brunette, smiling when she seemingly wrapped herself around it.

Scott lost himself in her eyes as he had every time they had seen each other. The result was the same every time. He would finally get his nerve up to ask her for her number and something would happen to mess it up.

First, notice that Craftsman is doing without a lot of the point-of-view signalling that's common in third-person omniscient stuff. No "she thought" or "it occurred to him." The point of view stays implicit (there's a technical term for this, but I can't call it to mind). In the first paragraph, we're with her point of view. But when you get to "the beautiful brunette" in the second paragraph, the point of view has shifted without any signal: we're looking at her through his eyes. And then we stay with him in the third paragraph.

Shifting POV without much signalling this way, you can get into different characters' heads without a lot of disruptive machinery as you move from one to the other. It's that machinery more than the shifts themselves that gets on readers' nerves. I've done several stories this way, and they've gone over well without anyone commenting on the shifts.

So I'd say, Craftsman, you're not doing anything wrong. If that's your mode, stick with it and enjoy.

 

[TheNaughtyCraftsman]

Thank you for the great posts

Sorry about not replying back sooner, I had either a psychotic laptop or the ISP decided to play mind games with it. Either way creates a suction.

I really appreciate the constructive criticism, although I'm still trying to assimilate it all. I especially appreciate people taking the time to see how I write. Although, I guess I should have just included a sample. Duh.

The sample that Serafina posted is how I see the movies playing on the screen behind my eyes. That said, I would really like to see if I could stretch myself and at least try to write from another pov. Does anyone have any people that they would suggest as examples? Melville and Moby Dick is a bit heavy at the current time.

Thank you again. Posting to a forum and admitting to having no idea about a subject is a bit daunting. Thanks for not beating me with the proverbial wet noodle.

 

[Serafina1210]

Does anyone have any people that they would suggest as examples? Melville and Moby Dick is a bit heavy at the current time.

If I recall correctly, J.K. Rowling in the Harry Potter books mostly confines herself to third-person limited: writing in the third person, but with only one point of view. But this is fairly common. I use this in Julia and Mr. Page.

Third-person objective is where no character's point of view is given. It strikes me as hard to do (I haven't tried it--it seems ill suited to erotica), but Hemingway did it sometimes, and I believe Dashiell Hammett in The Maltese Falcon.

Detective fiction is often written in the first person. Try out Raymond Chandler, The Big Sleep. Lots of first person here, though, as it works very well for erotica. I use it in The Ruination of Annabelle and a number of other things. One very cool thing you can easily do with first-person is make your narrator unreliable. The narrator may lie about events, misremember, be crazy, stupid or misinformed. I do this with my Brenda stories (not to be read unless you have a strong stomach).

 

[TheNaughtyCraftsman]

Thank you. When I get a chance to sit down this evening I will give your pieces a read. I read the Harry Potter series when my kids did and that was back in the mists of time. Hemingway will have to wait a bit I'm afraid.

 

[Carnevil9]

I don't think there's anything wrong with head-hopping, as long as you let the reader stay oriented. For example, novelists often do it on a chapter by chapter basis. Each chapter starts out as a "clean slate," narrative-wise, and the reader can see who is his new "host" as the new chapter begins.

In a short story, I like to use the technique, but I make sure to have a tip-off to the reader when I am hopping heads. For one thing, it must start in a new paragraph. For another, the paragraph will start with some inside information about the character. Such as, "Alan took a deep breath and looked down at the naked cheerleader on his bed. His mind was racing and he felt his cock twitch in his dungarees." There, now the reader knows that he is in Alan's head for the moment, and until further notice.

 

[Serafina1210]

George R. R. Martin does it chapter-by-chapter, with the POV character's name in the title. Some of the greats, on the other hand (e.g. Delillo) can drift about among several points of view in a single paragraph, and you never get disoriented reading him. I tend to change POV at a paragraph break, because I'm too timid not to signal at least that much.