Shouldnt I be dominate?

[guns44]

I have scrolled through some pages on here and see alot of dom men. I am a dominate man in my everyday life, I have played college football and work in a "manly" profession where I am very vocal and dominate every day. But I get home and into the bedroom I do not want to be in control, I want to be a sub told what to do, degraded, humiliated etc. Is this normal? My wife is a sub all ways around, which makes our sexlife lacking due to noone wanting to take control.

 

[guns44]

Should you be dominant? Well someone needs to take charge if you want to move beyond vanilla sex. Have yo talked to her about it? Maybe she's not as submissive as you think? Maybe she's just not imaginative or creative. Only you two can work this out unless you want to introduce a third party to the mix.

We have talked about it, the act of being dominate doesnt really excite either of us. I have tried I just feel uncomfrtable and not turned on by it.

 

[guns44]

And what is her response? Does she have any interest at all?

She is total sub. I mean she kind of enjoyed it but could tell I wasnt comfortable with it so it wasnt as enjoyable as it could be

 

[guns44]

Had her hands tied, put clamps on her nipples and denied her orgasm, with a vibrator. I mean it was fun cuz it was sex, but it just didnt turn me on more than normal ya know

 

[guns44]

Its is what she wants and likes being a sub. I dont think she would tie me up or be willing to explore her being a domme

 

[YoungToy]

Try taking turns with her. Dominate her one night and have her do the same to you the next. See what happens. You never know, some people may be surprised how much they enjoy it.

EDIT: As for SHOULD you be dominant, thats another matter. Youre in the same boat as me then. Outside of the bedroom I hate feeling submissive to another person (something that has bothered a lot of Dommes). In the bedroom, however, is a completely different story. Either learn to be comfortable with it or keep experimenting. Ive begun to enjoy controlling a woman, not much is sexier than seeing a woman naked on her knees willing to do anything for you (besides one in stockings and a corset).

 

[Monica_112]

You are what you are, there is no should. Many who take control in their working and social lives need to throw off the mantle of control and completely surrender

You will have to find a way to deal with the difference in your desires / sex life if you are married

I assume you don't have an open relationship, or any desire to bring in a top to control both of you?

 

[guns44]

You are what you are, there is no should. Many who take control in their working and social lives need to throw off the mantle of control and completely surrender

You will have to find a way to deal with the difference in your desires / sex life if you are married

I assume you don't have an open relationship, or any desire to bring in a top to control both of you?

I do think that is something that could work for us. We do discuss it from time to time. But finding one is much easier said than done

 

[Spanknunow]

your post

You are right and talking about bringing someone else into the dynamic unless you are all on the same page is bad for the relationship. What normally happens is one starts to like someone more then the other. You also need to think if we bring someone in is it male or female? It more sounds like you are a switch. You like to have control every where else other then the bedroom. Another thing you might ponder is find someone that can speak to the both of you and give a set of directives and you be able to carry them out on her. That way you do not need to make the choices and she does not need to worry about it either.

 

[guns44]

You are right and talking about bringing someone else into the dynamic unless you are all on the same page is bad for the relationship. What normally happens is one starts to like someone more then the other. You also need to think if we bring someone in is it male or female? It more sounds like you are a switch. You like to have control every where else other then the bedroom. Another thing you might ponder is find someone that can speak to the both of you and give a set of directives and you be able to carry them out on her. That way you do not need to make the choices and she does not need to worry about it either.

I guess for me I really wouldnt have much preferance either way male or female, but I would feel more like a sub with a woman giving directions. I wouldnt really say im a switch but I have tried to dom for her sake, but I didnt really like it. I am intrigued by the idea of someone to talk to who can give directives and have the choices made for me already. I have never had a sex session where I am a complete sub but it is what I desire and the thought of it drives me nuts, I know this would be the highest level of satisfaction for me.

 

[Que]

What you describe is not at all uncommon. People who are dominant in their day-to-day personal and business affairs find submitting sexually, relaxing.

One's nature is what it is. Dominance and submission can be described on a continuum with people falling often somewhere in the middle. We cannot all be Johnny Bravo Hear-Me-Roar dominants.