I feel like giving up....

[sweetjen35]

Not in a suicidal kind of way but in a "fuck it" kind of way. I am sick of caring about EVERYTHING!

I'm not sure where to post this, or even WHY I'm posting it!

I am NOT looking to hookup with anyone because quite frankly I've been through HELL the past month to 6 weeks because I cling to this silly idea of what love and respect should look like and I have this misguided belief that if I'm patient long enough I will have everything I've ever wanted. In other words, I have watched too many fairy tales growing up.

I'm sitting here crying as I type this - probably moreso out of frustration than hurt.
Mostly frustration at myself.

I often joke about my brother who is currently in jail because he ALWAYS makes the wrong decision or picks the wrong choice (if he had 100 choices/options, and 99 were good... he would would pick the one bad/wrong one everytime).

It's easy for me to say, "what an idiot my brother is - I'm glad *I* am not like that."

But It hit me today - I am like that too - only my decisions are different kinds. They do not leave me in a prison cell, but instead in a prison within my mind.

My tears have brought me some clarity and I realize I have made some wrong decisions--some I need to walk away from and others I need to fix. There are other decisions I NEED to make!

I sooo need that fairy godmother who doesn't exist in the fairy tales that aren't real where there is a happily ever after and a prince to rescue me! Silly, silly stuff! But such is my lot in life. And THAT is exactly why I need to get my shit together and start WRITING because the ONLY place fairy tales do exist are in books and I'm not one page closer to writing my book than I was when I came to this site with the intention of pursuing that dream.

Rambling over... Pity party is going mobile as I need to drive.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

(((((hugs)))))

 

[Poppaperm]

In GA also

Not in a suicidal kind of way but in a "fuck it" kind of way. I am sick of caring about EVERYTHING!

I'm not sure where to post this, or even WHY I'm posting it!

I am NOT looking to hookup with anyone because quite frankly I've been through HELL the past month to 6 weeks because I cling to this silly idea of what love and respect should look like and I have this misguided belief that if I'm patient long enough I will have everything I've ever wanted. In other words, I have watched too many fairy tales growing up.

I'm sitting here crying as I type this - probably moreso out of frustration than hurt.
Mostly frustration at myself.

I often joke about my brother who is currently in jail because he ALWAYS makes the wrong decision or picks the wrong choice (if he had 100 choices/options, and 99 were good... he would would pick the one bad/wrong one everytime).

It's easy for me to say, "what an idiot my brother is - I'm glad *I* am not like that."

But It hit me today - I am like that too - only my decisions are different kinds. They do not leave me in a prison cell, but instead in a prison within my mind.

My tears have brought me some clarity and I realize I have made some wrong decisions--some I need to walk away from and others I need to fix. There are other decisions I NEED to make!

I sooo need that fairy godmother who doesn't exist in the fairy tales that aren't real where there is a happily ever after and a prince to rescue me! Silly, silly stuff! But such is my lot in life. And THAT is exactly why I need to get my shit together and start WRITING because the ONLY place fairy tales do exist are in books and I'm not one page closer to writing my book than I was when I came to this site with the intention of pursuing that dream.

Rambling over... Pity party is going mobile as I need to drive.

Sweetjen, sounds like you've had that break down point and really need some hugs, a shoulder and a drink. I'm in Georgia as well and would just love to help you out and chat it up.

 

[greengamegirl]

Alternative perspective

It is perfectly normal to notice things you don't have. You run into trouble when you dwell on why you don't have those things. It gets worse if you are already upset over something else. It sounds silly but it really does happen.

For example, someone is perfectly happy and one day they notice they don't have children. Maybe someone asks them about it or they saw someone with children. If they don't think about it, they will be fine. Once they start dwelling on the idea, they will make themselves upset. They or someone else will start to explain why their life is bad because they don't have children. They may start to get depressed. It also happens with sillier things. Someone is perfectly happy. The person notices they don't look like someone else. Someone points it out or they just observe it themselves. If they don't think about it, they will be fine. Most likely they will dwell on the idea. They or someone else will start to explain why their life is bad because they don't look like someone else. They may start to get depressed.

You don't have to live like this. You don't have to read or watch a romantic fairy tale, notice you don't have a romantic fairy tale, dwell on it, then get upset. You can just observe you don't have a romantic fairy tale and stop there. You don't need to beat yourself up over it. You don't need to think about it. You don't have anything to gain from tormenting yourself. You aren't obligated to act this way. You can just stop. It's okay to be upset but you shouldn't stay there.

You should think of something simple you can do today that makes you happy. Then think of other things. You should focus on doing what makes you happy or find out what makes you happy if you have no idea.

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

D(.)(.)

Dollie---------- I hope that ride helps. If not take a weekend away or at least a walk on the beach.
Maybe it won't help, but read a few of our short stories. It will take your mind off your troubles and show you any one can write. My husband writes our stories and for the most part they are true.
I have had a fairy tale life and feel sad that others can't have one too. Maybe not in the crazy way I have lived but at least we've had love.
Everyday is not perfect. We are selling our fairy tale dream and moving back home. Still we will be together and nothing else matters.
Change you life one day at a time.

 

[sweetjen35]

Sweetjen, sounds like you've had that break down point and really need some hugs, a shoulder and a drink. I'm in Georgia as well and would just love to help you out and chat it up.

Thanks! If I were anywhere near Atlanta I'd take that drink!

 

[Poppaperm]

Thanks! If I were anywhere near Atlanta I'd take that drink!

Check your PM!

 

[jasten]

I play blues when I get fed up, crank up Heart Shaped Box and just strum guitar. Find something that helps you relax and clear your mind, take a hot bubble bath, treat yourself to a massage. Fairy tales often disappoint but you can find something when you least expect it, like I found the woman I'm going to marry on here. Just keep your chin up, find a way to forget about things and relax, put things into perspective and it won't seem that bad.

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

but in a "fuck it" kind of way. I am sick of caring about EVERYTHING!

I did that five years ago. I've been in a holding pattern since and will be until .... well, you know.

 

[box13]

I hope you get past "fuck it" and on to writing something. I've heard that's frustrating to get stuck and not have the motivation or the concentration to go forward. But hopefully you'll find those things soon.

 

[UrbanBohemian]

Not in a suicidal kind of way but in a "fuck it" kind of way. I am sick of caring about EVERYTHING!

I'm not sure where to post this, or even WHY I'm posting it!

I am NOT looking to hookup with anyone because quite frankly I've been through HELL the past month to 6 weeks because I cling to this silly idea of what love and respect should look like and I have this misguided belief that if I'm patient long enough I will have everything I've ever wanted. In other words, I have watched too many fairy tales growing up.

I'm sitting here crying as I type this - probably moreso out of frustration than hurt.
Mostly frustration at myself.

I often joke about my brother who is currently in jail because he ALWAYS makes the wrong decision or picks the wrong choice (if he had 100 choices/options, and 99 were good... he would would pick the one bad/wrong one everytime).

It's easy for me to say, "what an idiot my brother is - I'm glad *I* am not like that."

But It hit me today - I am like that too - only my decisions are different kinds. They do not leave me in a prison cell, but instead in a prison within my mind.

My tears have brought me some clarity and I realize I have made some wrong decisions--some I need to walk away from and others I need to fix. There are other decisions I NEED to make!

I sooo need that fairy godmother who doesn't exist in the fairy tales that aren't real where there is a happily ever after and a prince to rescue me! Silly, silly stuff! But such is my lot in life. And THAT is exactly why I need to get my shit together and start WRITING because the ONLY place fairy tales do exist are in books and I'm not one page closer to writing my book than I was when I came to this site with the intention of pursuing that dream.

Rambling over... Pity party is going mobile as I need to drive.

I think a lot of us go through a time in our lives where we make self-destructive decisions and don't know why we're doing it. For some people it's just a little while and for others it's a lifelong struggle. I think there are a lot of reasons for that. If you and your brother have similar issues but they manifest in different ways it would seem a good thing to do would be to apply your ideas about what he can do to improve his situation to yourself. You might be surprised how much you have in common that you didn't even realize.

If you want someone to talk to or vent or whatever I'm a pretty good listener. I don't know you so you can tell me whatever you want and it won't matter. I'll never talk about anything you say and if you want to bounce some things off me I'd be happy to help you out with that.

Anyway, think about it. Sometimes it helps to get a fresh pair of eyes on it or even just to talk it out with someone. You can message me any time day or night if you want, though I should tell you I often forget to log out so if it says I'm online that doesn't necessarily mean I am. But I will try to reply to you as soon as I can.

 

[Pennyshub]

Chin up sweetjen,
Stop being so hard on yourself. If you want to write than change your life so can focus more on what you want. Stop thinking about past mistakes, people and events, work and think more towards what YOU want and expect out of life, surround yourself with people who reinforce your aspirations not tare them down. I tell my girls . Wipe your face, get up and show your strength. Be proud of who you are and defend and protect what you want. Be strong!!!

 

[Kitist02]

Please don't give up!

Assuming the photo with your personal is indeed you, I think that if I give you a suggestion of two that you might feel less inclined to give up. I hope.

First, the photo shows me another Georgia Peach, one who has a lot to offer.

Second, I have found that for me, the only way I can write is to sit down and start hammering the keys. Don't worry about spelling, grammar, punctuation, or the niceties of plot. Just dump words into your computer.

Third, when you have been consistently dumping into the computer for a while, (and it works best to be regular about doing it), you'll wind up with a whopping pile of "stuff". I suggest a half hour per day at a specifically scheduled time at first. Use a timer and when it goes off, finish that sentence and walk away.

Fourth, when you've banged a lot of keystrokes, you may find yourself actually constructing something without thinking about it. You have been letting the inner "stuff" flow out through the keyboard. When you have a pile of "stuff", consider organizing it into paragraphs. At this stage, keep NOT thinking about grammar, syntax, spelling, etc., just shove your "stuff" pile around.

Fifth, and this is a difficult task for those such as you and I, don't criticize your work or yourself while this is going on. Just keep slogging along. Eventually you will recognize something developing out of the mist and fog of your creative endeavors.

What you find you have written is not necessarily what you started out to write. You may not even recognize where it came from and who it represents. You may not even like what is there. Don't worry, you aren't going to be graded on this work, it is merely to "clear the decks" so you can begin really writing.

 

[pfflyerhot]

Not in a suicidal kind of way but in a "fuck it" kind of way. I am sick of caring about EVERYTHING!

I'm not sure where to post this, or even WHY I'm posting it!

I am NOT looking to hookup with anyone because quite frankly I've been through HELL the past month to 6 weeks because I cling to this silly idea of what love and respect should look like and I have this misguided belief that if I'm patient long enough I will have everything I've ever wanted. In other words, I have watched too many fairy tales growing up.

I'm sitting here crying as I type this - probably moreso out of frustration than hurt.
Mostly frustration at myself.

I often joke about my brother who is currently in jail because he ALWAYS makes the wrong decision or picks the wrong choice (if he had 100 choices/options, and 99 were good... he would would pick the one bad/wrong one everytime).

It's easy for me to say, "what an idiot my brother is - I'm glad *I* am not like that."

But It hit me today - I am like that too - only my decisions are different kinds. They do not leave me in a prison cell, but instead in a prison within my mind.

My tears have brought me some clarity and I realize I have made some wrong decisions--some I need to walk away from and others I need to fix. There are other decisions I NEED to make!

I sooo need that fairy godmother who doesn't exist in the fairy tales that aren't real where there is a happily ever after and a prince to rescue me! Silly, silly stuff! But such is my lot in life. And THAT is exactly why I need to get my shit together and start WRITING because the ONLY place fairy tales do exist are in books and I'm not one page closer to writing my book than I was when I came to this site with the intention of pursuing that dream.

Rambling over... Pity party is going mobile as I need to drive.

Hey! You're already writing that book... with your life, your ideas, your tears and all such things good and bad that you experience. Think about it... You have already started writing ... by writing this post, by creating this thread. You're closer than you realize.
Here's to the beginnings of your book... Cheers and best wishes.

 

[Latino2016]

at times we feel we're suppose to have or experience something based on what we saw, were told, or kept seeing as kids and youths.

This tends to not be real or you find later it was made in a way to simplify and protect. So its hard to try and make it come out as how you expect it.

You need time to just steel into your own self and then go forward after you really find you and what you really want.

 

[stigs]

Sometimes a good decision ends up going bad because of reasons beyond our control. "At the time, everything on paper looked great! Who knew that xyz, which NO ONE would have thought possible, would happen???" You did everything correctly but it still came back to bite you. That's not any fault or strike against you however.

Looking at your profile pic and reading what you wrote, it appears that "sweetjen35" is a kind, compassionate person who wants to do right by everyone, believe in the positive, lead a proud and upstanding life and be successful by helping others, not stepping on them. That kind of warm light is bound to draw people towards you, including those that would take advantage of you. It's not an easy road to take but personally I feel it's more noble and honorable.

Of course, that doesn't help with the pain you're currently feeling. I'm willing to bet that there are people around you who would trade places with you in a heartbeat, to help take the pain away if they could. But you being such a wonderful person, I doubt you'd burden them with it.

It's ok to cry. It's ok to scream. It's ok rant, rave, and rage.

It may feel bad and you may feel like you shouldn't but it's completely normal and there's nothing wrong with it. Like the others have said, we all take one punch too many at times and get knocked down. That doesn't mean we failed. It just means we need a moment to regroup and continue forward. Even fairy tales had periods where the protagonist had to suffer for a bit before getting their happy ending!

Sorry for the nonsensical ramble! But you can get through this!

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

Denny

There is some great information here for most of us. Some great ideas and hope!
This is what I expected when I came to lit. Now I'm loving it for the real membership!

We all go through our ups and downs. Right now I have a million things on my mind. just coming here and forgetting those things is a big help.

Never give up!

 

[Madhter]

Even the greatest journey started with one step, take that step and keep moving!

 

[ArthurW]

Dear sweet lady let it out. I know what you mean about being in prison with out the wall as they are the walls of your heart. Life is a pain at times but we must live it as it is I am sorry to say. We have a bad tendency to cause our own problems. So we must change our mind set think only of the good thinks in life and forget everything else. You are looking but for someone to listen but not want but to help. I hope they are here sweet lady.

 

[JaneRose65]

Sorry for the rough times you've been through. We can all feel down on ourselves, but I think the important thing is to surround ourselves with loved ones. I'm new to this site, but we're here for you