Online wardrobe control........who should fund it?

[xxxSubSamxxx]

If a sub enters into an online agreement with a Dom and one of his protocols is wardrobe control and he expects the sub to buy new items, should the sub be submissive to the point of financial control too?

If a female decides she will not submit to buying new clothes before entering into an online agreement with someone that she has never met and never likely to, does this mean she is not submissive.

As far as funding a new wardrobe who really should be responsible to do it?

Sam xx

 

[SpunThings]

If a sub enters into an online agreement with a Dom and one of his protocols is wardrobe control and he expects the sub to buy new items, should the sub be submissive to the point of financial control too?

If a female decides she will not submit to buying new clothes before entering into an online agreement with someone that she has never met and never likely to, does this mean she is not submissive.

As far as funding a new wardrobe who really should be responsible to do it?

Sam xx

Having limits is not un-submissive. If the sub doesn't want a relationship in which they are expected to buy things, then they have every right to say so. The dom has every right to move on to someone more compatible with their wants.

 

[SpunThings]

In short, who is responsible is whoever the couple agrees is responsible. If they can't agree, maybe they need to find other people.

 

[xxxSubSamxxx]

Having limits is not un-submissive. If the sub doesn't want a relationship in which they are expected to buy things, then they have every right to say so. The dom has every right to move on to someone more compatible with their wants.

Thanks for this response. I have talked to many guys in PMs and some things they say to me just don't ring true, and have a feel of abusive manipulation to them. Like ultimatums such as "you will if you're submissive" " you're not submissive then"

So I value this input very much. I do have limits, the right online Dom would be able to push those limits and other limits are hard limits. It really depends on the Dom and how seductive he is. A demanding Dom is very off putting indeed for me.

Sam xx

 

[SpunThings]

Thanks for this response. I have talked to many guys in PMs and some things they say to me just don't ring true, and have a feel of abusive manipulation to them. Like ultimatums such as "you will if you're submissive" " you're not submissive then"

So I value this input very much. I do have limits, the right online Dom would be able to push those limits and other limits are hard limits. It really depends on the Dom and how seductive he is. A demanding Dom is very off putting indeed for me.

Sam xx

Anyone who says you're not a sub if you don't do X is being manipulative, and is a clear sign you're not compatible with them.

 

[SpunThings]

I mean if you're not getting what you want out of this, what the fuck is the point? The ideal is to find someone whose desires best compliments your own. Good luck!

 

[xxxSubSamxxx]

I mean if you're not getting what you want out of this, what the fuck is the point? The ideal is to find someone whose desires best compliments your own. Good luck!

Getting what I want out of what?

I am single and exploring different options. Do you think I am doing something wrong Spun Things?

Sam xx

 

[SpunThings]

Getting what I want out of what?

I am single and exploring different options. Do you think I am doing something wrong Spun Things?

Sam xx

Getting what you want out of the relationship. If all you're doing is things that work for the other person, and not considering your own needs and limits, what's the point? Also, you may identify as submissive, you're not their submissive until you decide. You don't have to submit to them until you decide. You can and should pick and choose who is right for you just like you would a vanilla boyfriend.

 

[xxxSubSamxxx]

Getting what you want out of the relationship. If all you're doing is things that work for the other person, and not considering your own needs and limits, what's the point? Also, you may identify as submissive, you're not their submissive until you decide. You don't have to submit to them until you decide. You can and should pick and choose who is right for you just like you would a vanilla boyfriend.

That's why I started this thread. I have never submitted to a Dom online. Spending money on a new wardrobe is something I would consider after I had been in a relationship after a long period of time and had evidence they were committed.

I just wanted to see if Doms and subs in general would have this protocol in place before they even knew someone. I wanted to see if spending money or not spending money precludes someone from being either Dom or sub.

Thanks for your input SpunThings

 

[SpunThings]

That's why I started this thread. I have never submitted to a Dom online. Spending money on a new wardrobe is something I would consider after I had been in a relationship after a long period of time and had evidence they were committed.

I just wanted to see if Doms and subs in general would have this protocol in place before they even knew someone. I wanted to see if spending money or not spending money precludes someone from being either Dom or sub.

Thanks for your input SpunThings

There are no rules about what makes someone a dom or sub. It may help you to stop focusing on what you think you're supposed to do, and focus more on what you think the right relationship FOR YOU should look like. I think our culture gives us this idea that relationships and romance are one size fits all. There is this implication that there are rules to follow. Many people who do BDSM have realized that this isn't actually true, because the rules expected in vanilla relationships haven't worked for them. Instead of looking for new rules for this new concept, what I'm trying to communicate is that there never were any rules to begin with. It's important to learn to negotiate with prospective partners what you want, and see disagreements as a sign of incompatibility rather than their understanding of the rules is just wrong.

Have you ever listened to a friend complain about a first date, and how their date didn't do the right things that were expected of them? I've often wondered what their date told friends about how she didn't follow the expectations he thought everyone had about dating too.

I feel like I'm saying this in a convoluted way, but I hope it helps. Your question is very common if that makes you feel better.

 

[xxxSubSamxxx]

Thank you SpunThings you are very clear in your advice.

I like to make public when a Dom in private gives me ultimatums and makes accusations. Instead of argue about what is and isn't submissive in private I like to get a variety of opinions about a particular topic.

Today's thread is "Wardrobe control........who should fund it?"

Thank you for answering SpunThings you're advice is great.

Anyone else have an opinion online wardrobe control? Who should fund it?

Sam xx

 

[DudeA]

Um, well I think that in either online or real life, the dom should financially fund such things. It seems like a strange thing to do, especially if it's not a proper long term thing and it's just a fun online thing.

If somebody says "you're not submissive then", then you can also reply, "you're not a dom then". It goes both ways.

 

[xxxSubSamxxx]

Um, well I think that in either online or real life, the dom should financially fund such things. It seems like a strange thing to do, especially if it's not a proper long term thing and it's just a fun online thing.

If somebody says "you're not submissive then", then you can also reply, "you're not a dom then". It goes both ways.

Hey DudeA,

You must be a chivalrous Dom. I would agree with you. If it's something that pleases them and it's expensive and they will benefit from it, it should be their purse strings. However if I feel I want to buy a gift to please my Dom, it's a gift not a prerequisite order.

Thanks for your input DudeA

Sam xx

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Being submissive does not mean you must comply with any order any Dom gives you in PM. You choose who you submit to. The relationship should work for you, too.

You should come to an agreement over who would purchase needed/requested items. Going broke or making purchases you can't afford is not smart, and a partner shouldn't expect that of you.

Ultimatums are a definite red flag.

 

[xxxSubSamxxx]

Being submissive does not mean you must comply with any order any Dom gives you in PM. You choose who you submit to. The relationship should work for you, too.

You should come to an agreement over who would purchase needed/requested items. Going broke or making purchases you can't afford is not smart, and a partner shouldn't expect that of you.

Ultimatums are a definite red flag.

Thanks for you're opinion. It's sensible and relevant to this thread. All the answers are in line to my own thoughts as well which is good to confirm a sub is not dumb or irresponsible.

Sam xx

 

[Primalex]

All the answers are in line to my own thoughts as well which is good to confirm a sub is not dumb or irresponsible.

a) Dumb and irresponsible people are still allowed to be submissive. This is not mutually exclusive. It especially does not mean that someone who decides to do things you personally refuse to do is dumb or irresponsible or that you are especially smart for refusing them. Stuck-up bitch.

b) Regarding wardrobe control the first key question needs to be on whether we are talking about purchasing new, extra stuff upon his whim or when you decide to purchase something new, he determines what it is going to be. And the second aspect is of course the financial situation. I'm usually the one with the higher disposable income in a relationship, so I cover additional costs without a second thought, but I have topped women, who had so much money that it would have been ridiculous if I had given them money for their set of new panties - and who would have merely rolled their eyes if I would have tried to.

 

[xxxSubSamxxx]

Primalex.....I didn't expect you to call me a stuck up bitch.....that surprised me. It wasn't really helpful.

Thanks for confirming my bias as far as funding is concerned

Sam xx

 

[SpunThings]

Primalex.....I didn't expect you to call me a stuck up bitch.....that surprised me. It wasn't really helpful.

Thanks for confirming my bias as far as funding is concerned

Sam xx

You still don't get it though. Neither you or the dom are wrong. You are just INCOMPATIBLE.

 

[CutieMouse]

I value my real-world responsibilities far more than what some random set of pixels on a screen want in the name of "submission".

Which means that in order to have the free time to engage in D/s, I have to first take care of the...

Mortgage
Car payment
Child support
Bills
Savings

Notice, nowhere on that list is "assume additional financial responsibilities/burdens, as a means to provide free porn for some dude online." Especially if there is no intent to move the relationship to real-life/face to face.

It has jack-all to do with being submissive, and everything to do with Adulting. Because the bank, and the lawyers, and the car dealership and utility companies don't care if Skype pixels on a screen wanted me to wear X while he masturbated. They still want their money. Which means I 'submit' to them, first.

 

[xxxSubSamxxx]

I value my real-world responsibilities far more than what some random set of pixels on a screen want in the name of "submission".

Which means that in order to have the free time to engage in D/s, I have to first take care of the...

Mortgage
Car payment
Child support
Bills
Savings

Notice, nowhere on that list is "assume additional financial responsibilities/burdens, as a means to provide free porn for some dude online." Especially if there is no intent to move the relationship to real-life/face to face.

It has jack-all to do with being submissive, and everything to do with Adulting. Because the bank, and the lawyers, and the car dealership and utility companies don't care if Skype pixels on a screen wanted me to wear X while he masturbated. They still want their money. Which means I 'submit' to them, first.

Lol hahaha cutiemouse......it's so true and hilarious too. It's great to see there are people who understand my perspective.

Thanks for your input

Sam xx

 

[Primalex]

It has jack-all to do with being submissive, and everything to do with Adulting.

Because Mrs. CutieMouse has never in her life done stupid shit to satisfy her cunt/brain.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Thank you SpunThings you are very clear in your advice.

I like to make public when a Dom in private gives me ultimatums and makes accusations. Instead of argue about what is and isn't submissive in private I like to get a variety of opinions about a particular topic.

Today's thread is "Wardrobe control........who should fund it?"

Thank you for answering SpunThings you're advice is great.

Anyone else have an opinion online wardrobe control? Who should fund it?

Sam xx

You know, I get being curious about how other people do things or what they think about things.
You have a way of asking these questions though as if there is a definite answer to be found about how it should be.

Asking around and following what a statistically significant majority of Lit people think is right might be a way to do a remake of Reinhart's The Dice man, but I don't really think that's what you want to do here?

It's hard to get all dogmatic about things that are really just about what the involved people find hot, reasonable and doable.
If you're into financial domination/submission for example, you might find paying for the clothes you didn't choose extra hot.

 

[xxxSubSamxxx]

You know, I get being curious about how other people do things or what they think about things.
You have a way of asking these questions though as if there is a definite answer to be found about how it should be.

Asking around and following what a statistically significant majority of Lit people think is right might be a way to do a remake of Reinhart's The Dice man, but I don't really think that's what you want to do here?

It's hard to get all dogmatic about things that are really just about what the involved people find hot, reasonable and doable.
If you're into financial domination/submission for example, you might find paying for the clothes you didn't choose extra hot.

I see I get your point. I have never thought of it like that. Perhaps in time I would submit like that, but for me I feel it's an imposition if they have no history with me.

I consider the expense and how long I will be in contact with the person. Agreeing this upfront is not practical for me.

Thanks for giving me a balanced view about how others feel. I would be interested to hear from them too.

Sam xx

 

[desertslave]

Thanks for this response. I have talked to many guys in PMs and some things they say to me just don't ring true, and have a feel of abusive manipulation to them. Like ultimatums such as "you will if you're submissive" " you're not submissive then"

So I value this input very much. I do have limits, the right online Dom would be able to push those limits and other limits are hard limits. It really depends on the Dom and how seductive he is. A demanding Dom is very off putting indeed for me.

Sam xx

Those replies have always sounded like little boys having tantrums when they don't get their way, to me. You have every right to give as much as you wish, while drawing the line where you feel comfortable. That doesn't make you more or less than, it makes you, YOU. The domly ones can like it or lump it.

When you find the one who genuinely fits with you, you might be surprised by how those limits expand. It won't happen through pouting or belittling, though.

As for the clothing thing, if they want you to wear something special, especially if it's out of your budget, tell them and let them decide how to manage it, but don't go broke just to please some horndog who just wants to see a girl on the net in a push-up bra.

 

[CutieMouse]

Because Mrs. CutieMouse has never in her life done stupid shit to satisfy her cunt/brain.

Oh no, I've done some spectacularly stupid shit to satisfy my cunt/brain, and occasionally still do... But more often than not? Adulting wins. I can take care of the cunt/brain stuff other ways.