Repetition as a device

[Bramblethorn]

Both for words and for things like sentence structure: what makes the difference between good and bad repetition?

I just read a feedback-request story where the first four sentences all had the same structure: "X, but Y". I commented that it'd be better to mix it up.

But... I've also just submitted a story where I deliberately start with a lot of repetition. "I knew Rafi was a fellow nerd, I knew she liked cats, I knew 'Rafi' was short for Rafeeqa...but there was one thing I didn't know about her". It's hard to judge one's own work, but I think it works there, or at least doesn't hurt it.

Any thoughts? What makes the difference between repetition that just feels unimaginative, and repetition that strengthens the story?

 

[sr71plt]

I sometimes purposely use direct repetition of phrases (and words) for "pound it how effect." I try to use it rarely enough that it stands out (as it was supposed to). I try to avoid repetition of "and" and "but" sentences and the like, but I don't worry about that much in the drafting--I try to pick it up in review. I'm Germanic, so my biggest problem is long, complex sentences--which get some cutting down after the editor, gasping for breath, has pointed them out to me.

 

[Hypoxia]

I love repetition for effect. I usually stop at three or four. Sometimes i clobber the message even more with archaic phrasings.:

She damply spread her creamy thighs to him.

And he did slide slickly into her tunnel of love.
And she did gasp like an impaled ferret.
And they did fuck like weasels.

Only later did she notice the crab lice. The bastard!​

I would not try such a device much in one tale. Overuse breeds contempt. Or parody.

 

[AMoveableBeast]

A great question. Hard to give a definitive answer.

I suppose the truth is that you generally know when you read something whether the repetition is due to a lack of skill, or something purposely chosen for effect.

One of the clearest signs to me of amateur writing is when an author is overly concerned with breaking rules or conventions.

Having said that, breaking a rule has a far different feel than not understanding one in the first place.

Like anything else, technical competence is the first step toward bigger things.

I've read your writing, Bramblethorn. You're much more than competent. Use what feels right.

 

[beachbum1958]

Repetition, when used correctly, and for emphatic, dramatic effect, can be both powerful and emotive. Winston Churchill's speechwriters understood and used this most effectively, creating 'soundbites' that still have power and meaning, 76 years later. This is an extract from arguably his most stirring and defiant speech in 1940, as the threat of invasion loomed and the battle of Britain raged.

"We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in France,
we shall fight on the seas and oceans,
we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our Island, whatever the cost may be,
we shall fight on the beaches,
we shall fight on the landing grounds,
we shall fight in the fields and in the streets,
we shall fight in the hills;
we shall never surrender"

Pretty heady and compelling stuff even two generations later.

 

[beachbum1958]

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[NotWise]

Beachbum's example is wonderful. That was one of the greatest speeches by any English speaker in the 20th century. We studied it in school, but now when I read the words I see Churchill's expression and movement and I hear his voice in the way they were preserved in the old news reels. Repetition is a powerful tool, but delivery is extremely important and we don't have much control on how a reader reproduces the message in his mind.

Repetition always gets attention and people can react to it in different ways and maybe for reasons that aren't really clear. I used it (with minor, intentional variations) in one of my stories to briefly describe a repetitive act -- a blow job -- in a hopefully sensual way. Readers never commented on it, then I asked for a critical review and the reviewer seemed to think it was unintended.

I will continue using repetition and expect that if it doesn't produce the intended effect then I will get comments.

 

[NotWise]

Another example of powerful repetition with a slightly larger structure.

And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of "interposition" and "nullification" -- one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; "and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together."

(courtesy of americanrhetoric.com).

Again though, while I read this I see and hear MLK's delivery and that is a difficult thing to give to a reader.

 

[FantasyXY]

Poetry is one place where repetition does well. The famous MLK I have a dream speech is more like poetry than anything else.

When it comes to repetition in a story for dramatic effect, I like the three plus one method...

I Knew this, I knew this, I knew this. What I didn't know was...

I did this, I did this, and I did this. What I should have done was...

You can hide all sorts of information in these three plus one things and the readers just absorb it without having to read a long boring description. It's like an action description of sorts.

Another place I like to use repetitive sentence structure is when someone is leading up to an orgasm. Short little bursts of descriptive information, followed by a long release of feelings and emotions. However, doing this in a story about edging can be a bit of a challenge.

 

[NotWise]

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[NotWise]

Repetition is a basic tool of writing, but I think more importantly it is a basic tool of communication. I haven't found a link to the full text, but Frederick Douglass

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/7a/Frederick_Douglass_by_Samuel_J_Miller%2C_1847-52.jpg

Delivered the most powerful message I've ever read, by repeating the concept that equality is the foundation (the anchor bolt) of freedom.

But then, you read Machiavelli's "The Prince" and you realize that "freedom" is a term used to manipulate popular opinion, and maybe little more.

 

[AMoveableBeast]

Now that's funny.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I've read your writing, Bramblethorn. You're much more than competent. Use what feels right.

Aw, thanks The new one's waiting for approval, so I guess I'll see how it went soon enough.

 

[oggbashan]

I used repetition very deliberately in my story https://www.literotica.com/s/repeat-ad-lib

What I find annoying is my tendency to overuse a single word in the same story. Sometimes I don't notice until after the story has been posted for some time.

I KNOW that I overuse 'then' - then this, then that, then the other - and I watch for too many 'thens' but other words can recur too. In my latest April Fool story I use 'again' too often. After the contest I might edit it to reduce the number of 'agains'. Readers might not notice even though the repetition irritates me.

Oops! Another word I use too much - even.

And I had to correct this post twice to remove repeated words.

 

[DreamCloud]

I like repetition in a character's thoughts.

Situations occur that reinforce previous thoughts and characters define themselves again in a repetitious word set. When things change, a word in the repetition changes, reversing their previous assumptions.

I'm using it now in a follow-up story. The main character has a particular talent she keeps thinking, "it's a nuisance." When it works to her benefit, "it's not always a nuisance." As long as it enhances the plot, I enjoy the word play. I think it also provides a comfort level for the reader, something that grounds the character.

 

[Handley_Page]

Repetition, when used correctly, and for emphatic, dramatic effect, can be both powerful and emotive. Winston Churchill's speechwriters understood and used this most effectively, creating 'soundbites' that still have power and meaning, 76 years later. This is an extract from arguably his most stirring and defiant speech in 1940, as the threat of invasion loomed and the battle of Britain raged.

"We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in France,
we shall fight on the seas and oceans,
we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our Island, whatever the cost may be,
we shall fight on the beaches,
we shall fight on the landing grounds,
we shall fight in the fields and in the streets,
we shall fight in the hills;
we shall never surrender"

Pretty heady and compelling stuff even two generations later.

Listen:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MkTw3_PmKtc

 

[Hypoxia]

The ultimate repetitive LIT semi-erotica:

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. [repeat 30 times] Ungh!​

There, a 751-word story. Easy-peasy.

 

[Carnevil9]

I once counted all the "doo doo doo doo doos" in Suite: Judy Blue Eyes. There were 160 of them.

 

[loquere]

I try my best not to use the same descriptive word more than two times in a short story.

 

[Hypoxia]

A nearby thread promotes a text analyzer [ http://www*******-utility.org/text/analyzer.jsp ] which quantifies a writer's vocabulary and memory. Duh, HOW many times did I write, "of course" ?? But it doesn't point to their proximity -- and repetition needs neighbors.

Fucking to the left of me
Fucking to the right of me
Fucking all around me
Fucking in my head​

That just wouldn't be the same with interspliced comments.

 

[HankDolworth]

I saw a scene in the HBO series The Wire where two detectives process an old crime scene and discover new evidence using only the F-word in all its glory. I wrote a story as a semi-homage to that scene:

https://www.literotica.com/s/fucking-elevator

The reception was split, half hated it, some loved it. So the audience can rebel a bit if it's used hamfistedly (as my execution might have been)

I like repetition in doses. Catch phrases, mirroring, echoes. Several thing reoccur in my long story. Use what you think will work.

I used reptition in a mind control story that ended up getting posted to Loving Wives:
https://www.literotica.com/s/are-you-1

It was also a split audience - some understood it was hypnotic triggers, others saw it as ham-fisted repetition.

*shrug*

I enjoyed writing each story, even if neither got an "H"

 

[Hypoxia]

<===

I saw a scene in the HBO series The Wire where two detectives process an old crime scene and discover new evidence using only the F-word in all its glory.

That's the only The Wire scene I've ever seen and it was absolutely fucking brilliant. (I seem to recall three cops in the scene but my memory could be faulty.)

A much earlier comedic version was the 1951 Stan Freberg sketch. A man and woman address each other. "John?" "Marsha?" "John!" "Marsha!" "Johnnn..." "Marshaaa..." Only the two names, repeated with developing emotional tension. Questioning, seductive, romantic, ecstatic, dramatic, angry, apologetic, faster, slower, louder, quieter, etc. (I see this was used on Mad Men -- which I haven't watched.)

I'll note that repetition is really useful in epic odes and ballads that must be memorized. Get the pattern and run with it.

 

[HankDolworth]

The third guy was the landlord. Forty uses of the word Fuck (in various forms) and one Pow

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1lElf7D-An8

 

[jehoram]

One of the best uses of repetition I've seen is the way Mark Antony uses it in "Julius Caesar" when he's inciting the crowd against the conspirators.

"And Brutus is an honorable man."

 

[TamLin01]

I usually find repetition amateurish, and sometimes pretentious.

Of course, we've seen a great many examples in the above replies where it was used to good rhetorical effect. I'd say the distinction is in why something is being repeated. If you've got a material reason, maybe it's a good idea; if you don't, then it's just needless ornamentation.