Trust me I am not trying to be mean here, but honest. You have definitely the possibility of becoming a writer, if you can learn to get to the point and take us along. Your story amounts to a very long discussion between two people about sex. Very little action, lots and lots of meaningless dialog and tons of useless verbiage. It made me about as hard as reading a newspaper story about sex, all very cold and detached. Don't tell us, "I had an orgasm then," show us what happened! Did her pussy lips grab and squeeze his cock? Give us taste and sound and smell and touch and twisted sheets and animal sounds and feral smells and etc. What did his cock look like? Was it wide and dark and hairy or thin and smooth and pointed? White or pink or red or brown or black? What did her pussy look like, was it pink, red, swollen, wet, wide open? What kind of sounds did he make, she make? What smells were in the air?
