“66-Year-Old Man Struck By Lightning While Masturbating To Bible.”

[Busybody]

http://www.nigerianscoop.com/2016/02/66-year-old-man-struck-by-lightning.html

 

[phrodeau]

Fake news, miles.

http://worldnewsdailyreport.com

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

Doesn't God pull one off now and then? What a killjoy.

 

[phrodeau]

Doesn't God pull one off now and then? What a killjoy.

Apparently the Virgin Mary was impregnated through her ear.

That would be aural sex.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

Apparently the Virgin Mary was impregnated through her ear.

That would be aural sex.

You know, given the prevailing attitude there's a good chance sex will be forbidden in heaven. What fun s that?

lol - just saw ur edit.

 

[Tryharder62]

Masturbation isn't a sin, but doing it to the bible is kind of creepy. Just sayin'

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

Masturbation isn't a sin, but doing it to the bible is kind of creepy. Just sayin'

All that begetting is there to test you.

 

[Aquagal]

Masturbating to bible verses as if reading erotic literature, is weird.

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

Well, there were a lot of begats, and Solomon and his wives...


Delilah!

 

[pensivepoet]

Masturbation isn't a sin, but doing it to the bible is kind of creepy. Just sayin'

I dunno, that Rachel was kinda hot.

 

[phrodeau]

Masturbating to bible verses as if reading erotic literature, is weird.

Song of Solomon
7:1 How beautiful are your feet in sandals,
O noble daughter!
Your rounded thighs are like jewels,
the work of a master hand.
2 Your navel is a rounded bowl
that never lacks mixed wine.
Your belly is a heap of wheat,
encircled with lilies.
3 Your two breasts are like two fawns,
twins of a gazelle.
4 Your neck is like an ivory tower.
Your eyes are pools in Heshbon,
by the gate of Bath-rabbim.
Your nose is like a tower of Lebanon,
which looks toward Damascus.
5 Your head crowns you like Carmel,
and your flowing locks are like purple;
a king is held captive in the tresses.
6 How beautiful and pleasant you are,
O loved one, with all your delights!
7 Your stature is like a palm tree,
and your breasts are like its clusters.
8 I say I will climb the palm tree
and lay hold of its fruit.
Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine,
and the scent of your breath like apples,
9 and your mouth like the best wine.

She
10 It goes down smoothly for my beloved,
gliding over lips and teeth.
I am my beloved's,
and his desire is for me.

The Bride Gives Her Love
11 Come, my beloved,
let us go out into the fields
and lodge in the villages;
12 let us go out early to the vineyards
and see whether the vines have budded,
whether othe grape blossoms have opened
and the pomegranates are in bloom.
There I will give you my love.
13 The mandrakes give forth fragrance,
and beside our doors are all choice fruits,
new as well as old,
which I have laid up for you, O my beloved.

 

[Aella_]

Quote from the article:

"Ezekiel chapter 23, verses 19 and 20 read as follow:
Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses."

Is that written in the Bible?

 

[phrodeau]

Quote from the article:

"Ezekiel chapter 23, verses 19 and 20 read as follow:
Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses."

Is that written in the Bible?

Pretty much. Eze 23:20 in Hebrew uses "בָּשָׂר חֲמוֹר" and "זִרְמָה סוּס".

בָּשָׂר bâsâr, baw-sawr'; flesh (from its freshness); by extension, body, person; also (by euphemistically) the pudenda of a man:—body, (fat, lean) flesh(-ed), kin, (man-) kind, nakedness, self, skin.

חֲמוֹר chămôwr, kham-ore'; a male ass (from its dun red):—(he) ass.

זִרְמָה zirmâh, zir-maw'; a gushing of fluid (semen):—issue.

סוּס çûwç, soos; from an unused root meaning to skip (properly, for joy); a horse (as leaping); also a swallow (from its rapid flight):—crane, horse (-back, -hoof).

 

[Doom_Guy]

Don't make god angry.