Ask a MtF TG a question

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[stickygirl]

I've got these ( bugger they come down in price! ) and they're pretty comfy for the time of year.
But the whole heels thing... I've tried great shoes in the shop, like Louboutin, and there's a world of difference between them and a basic high street brand from a comfort pov, let alone how they look. Besides, I'm the kind of girl that is into the great outdoors and feel a bit self-concious in heels

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[stickygirl]

The great outdoors raises its own challenges for foot wear perhaps for some trans who struggle to fit into standard sizes. Whiles plenty is unisex, I imagine there is want to have things that appear the right gender for someone who has made effort to be that gender. ( I hope I am getting terminology correct and polite, as always feel free to correct me! )

I live in work boots, yard boots, and one of the things I did this last fortnight was buy nice boots from tedandmuffy. Its nice to have boots that do not smell of farm and horse and dog and mud and brick dust and lime. And they are smartish and yet flat. But the shin length is just a little short for me ( I am fairly average height but have longish shins) so my over the knee boots sit on the knee .



Elle

Hmmm well actually I'd say outdoors and sportswear was pretty good for choice in sizes and such. You can find broader fits if needs be in pastel colours in places like Cotswold outdoor. Anyway you always accessorise with something purdy
I sail dinghies and that's a unisex sport for sure: men and women can compete on equal terms, though we could do with more women.
Your boots sound good... Photo?

 

[stickygirl]

Language matters: from a memo in the Washington Post
"It is usually possible, and preferable, to recast sentences as plural to avoid both the sexist and antiquated universal default to male pronouns and the awkward use of he or she, him or her and the like: All students must complete their homework, not Each student must complete his or her homework.

When such a rewrite is impossible or hopelessly awkward, however, what is known as “the singular they” is permissible: Everyone has their own opinion about the traditional grammar rule. The singular they is also useful in references to people who identify as neither male nor female."

 

[kismet999]

Communication matters. Accurate communication matters more. Grammar can assist or unnecessarily complicate. This, of course, is only an opinion. Perhaps I am just jealous of those that can 'gram' better than me...I?...[defeated, I skulk off]

 

[Messier82]

I'm a huge fan of Radio 4 podcasts; one of those I regularly download is called Four Thought. I think contributors to this thread might enjoy this intelligent and articulate episode by British actress Adjoa Andoh. I didn't recognise her name either, but Dr Who fans will know her as Martha Jones's somewhat overbearing mother

 

[BradBigBrain]

I told you it was a slow week at work, didn't I???? I'm glad that my question spawned a whole discussion about boots and heels...

You may know that I'm a suicide girls fan (sexy women who just happen to have piercings/tattoos/different color hair, etc.). I was wondering if you have any desire (of course assuming that you haven't done so already) of getting your lady bits/nipples pierced? Or getting sexy tattoos in private places?

 

[stickygirl]

Ha! That question made me laugh. Noooo!!! Absolutely Not!
I'm not a fan of either. I have my ears pierced, but that's it.

...what about you!?

 

[BradBigBrain]

Ha! That question made me laugh. Noooo!!! Absolutely Not!
I'm not a fan of either. I have my ears pierced, but that's it.

...what about you!?

I've got a tattoo on my right arm and an appointment to get my second tat on the left arm in February. I'm thinking of a nipple piercing...but I'm an old fucker, so I'm not too sure.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[stickygirl]

I find it hard to find good sportswear that fits well ( I am not thin ) . It can make fitness much harder than it did when I was not overweight. Anyone thinking it does not preclude access is, IMO, deluded. Its good, and makes me glad that this is not the same, I had feared it might be .


Boots, i am at risk of people hitting the spam button, because I have linked the site twice already.
http://www.tedandmuffy.com/womens-boots/over-the-knee/black-leather/comet/TMB15070.html

They have some really nice, very plain boots I want too, but you know, one step at a time. .

Messier, I don't use the podcasts, but I do love radio four. For something with stodgy reputation it can be right there on bringing things to attention of its audience. I just do not like the dreary dramas they often have mid afternoon. ( its often my nap time )

Love those boots!! ( sorry I missed seeing the earlier post )

My mother complains of trying to stay fit, because the risk of injury/strains seems to creep in with age so it's a double bind. Whatever you do fitness-wise, just make sure it's something you enjoy doing. I'd suggest pilates for building up core strength: good news you do most of it lying down! How cool is that?! Our group are currently trying to outdo each other with the most Christmassy socks, so it's a bit of a giggle too.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[BradBigBrain]

I do yoga.

<snip>
My yoga teacher is used to me saying.....my back wants to go further but my stupid tits/bum/stomach, whatever, is in the way!

My neighbour is a man in his late seventies, and he looks in his fifties. I think its mainly because he is gently physically active every single day, pretty much all day!

I do yoga...at home...only. When I did go to class my yoga instructor would do these ridiculous poses that I would just call "ball crunchers." The first couple of times she'd go to do them, she'd look at me and giggle, then she stopped doing them altogether.

Here's a good looking 75YO dude...

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/f4/90/21/f49021f8f9212b154ccfc82349bd3842.jpg

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[inkyprimal]

-What is the biggest challenge you've faced transitioning?
-Was there any part of it in particular that scared you?
-How do you deal with people focussing on you as a fetish, rather than as a person?

 

[stickygirl]

-What is the biggest challenge you've faced transitioning?
-Was there any part of it in particular that scared you?
-How do you deal with people focussing on you as a fetish, rather than as a person?

good questions... gotta fix supper then I'll come back to this

Supper's delayed so... in reverse order

Yea… the fetish thing can be a problem, but only if you make it so. Lets take the threads on Lit for instance or the plethora of fetish Tumblr blogs. I'm not here to dissuade or criticise people if they have a thing about chicks with dicks: it used to offend me, a lot, but then I had a convo with someone here who made me think about it again, so now I avoid those threads generally and if the fetish crosses my path, I take a deep breath and say "Well, it's not doing me any harm, it's a sex site, so what the hell?" People are gonna get their rocks off on something. Does every woman take offence that straight guys are whacking off about them all the time?
The Tumblr blogs are like stamp collectors or train spotters - they like to collect things. Maybe they play the pics on a loop on their ceiling as they wank? *shrug* so what?
I worry for those girls though, and that hurts me more than any number of guys getting off. Every time I see a girl posing, I wonder why she is doing it - is she doing it of her own free will; is she taking hormones; has she taken Viagra to get that hard; where is she going with her life...? I guess it brings out the mothering in me!

I said at the start, 'if you make it so' because they're plenty of sex workers and regular trans women who are wired for sex one way or another. If you post pics of yourself or hang out in places known for hookers, then you're going to attract that kind of fetish attention and presumably the fetish pays the bills and buys the drinks. The problems really start in places that are unregulated, because of violence towards trans sex workers… another reason why prostitution should be legal….the main reason actually.

The biggest challenge… hmmm… tricky… I'll go with this: biggest challenge is picking yourself up and dusting yourself down, time after time. That has been the hardest thing for sure. Whether its dealing with bureaucracy or medical people or dickheads on the bus or just ending up in tears because you can't get your fucking make-up right. A thousand cuts and no band-aids.

Anything that scared me? Walking home alone, especially when I first transitioned, when you feel like there is a flashing balloon over your head the whole way. The surgery was a cinch because I was surrounded by professionals and other girls and they put you to sleep when the operate
Coming out was simple enough; my school were accommodating ( ie they let me stay ); my family were totally cool with it. I'm sort of nervous about sex, but that's another question!

 

[BradBigBrain]

I'm sort of nervous about sex, but that's another question!

I believe I've told you that you don't have to worry about having sex with me.

What makes you nervous about sex? The physical or the emotional aspect?

 

[stickygirl]

I believe I've told you that you don't have to worry about having sex with me.

What makes you nervous about sex? The physical or the emotional aspect?

Can't separate the physical from emos in this case... meh... pretty the whole thing really. I suppose I ought to just get it over and done with and not expect fireworks the first time. I mean, what if I'm disappointed sensation-wise? I dunno, I dunno. No, I don't just want to go out and get laid - I just don't do things that way.

I'll keep you posted

 

[Gorza]

Can't separate the physical from emos in this case... meh... pretty the whole thing really. I suppose I ought to just get it over and done with and not expect fireworks the first time. I mean, what if I'm disappointed sensation-wise? I dunno, I dunno. No, I don't just want to go out and get laid - I just don't do things that way.

I'll keep you posted

My goes out to you. It takes courage to talk about this. Sexual activity focuses issues around identity for all of us. I imagine this is a hundred times more accute for trans people. My good friend who is trans and lesbian told me she was always afraid of feeling like a man or being treated like a man with a new partner. This was even though she's comfortable in her identity.

 

[stickygirl]

My goes out to you. It takes courage to talk about this. Sexual activity focuses issues around identity for all of us. I imagine this is a hundred times more acute for trans people. My good friend who is trans and lesbian told me she was always afraid of feeling like a man or being treated like a man with a new partner. This was even though she's comfortable in her identity.

We (trans) do the best we can with our thoughts and emotions. To try to put it in a context is not easy. I dare say your friend spent her formative years confused by both her own sense of 'self' and the one imposed on her: you grow up full of self-doubt. When your true self finally finds voice, you can be ridiculed and undermined by the very people you thought loved you. At best they are trying to 'protect' you from the bad old world out there, because 'you might be wrong' or 'don't rush to conclusions', without realising they are throwing fuel on the fire of doubt. Those comments often feel like they'd prefer it if you kept your problems to yourself, so it doesn't take a leap of imagination to see how suicide can be a solution: when no one believes you and, as so many detractors love to point out, your own sanity is doubted. The doubt is far more of a problem than ones gender identity.

Sexual activity requires a lot of confidence, no matter what your gender. I'm sure people have questioned why I have had GRS if I have no interest in having sex? Well, does the body have to be about nothing but sexual activity, when we spend so little time engaged in it, surely not?
There are different types of fear, just as there are different types of courage. But being told 'don't be afraid' is like telling a depressed person to cheer up. What is really being said is that 'your feelings lack value and I am dismissing them' ( because I'd rather you kept your problem out of my face ). So when your trans friend admitted to be afraid of both her own feelings and the judgement of someone she felt strong attachment to, in effect it's a replay of childhood.

I try to address my own fear by confronting it, but I'll do it on my own terms. I welcome questions on this thread because I can turn the screen off any time I want: my own terms. It's good practise for the real thing when there is no 'off' button.

Buy hey... all this navel contemplation might give the wrong impression about my state of mind! I'm just saying sex for me right now is not on the agenda: my own terms. The last thing I need is for some goofy guy and his dick complicating my life!

 

[stickygirl]

Phew - indexed!
No need for regulars to check it, but I'd been meaning to index the thread and it's now on post #1. It's not exhaustive .... but it did take an couple of hours!

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[haurni]

Phew - indexed!
No need for regulars to check it, but I'd been meaning to index the thread and it's now on post #1. It's not exhaustive .... but it did take an couple of hours!

Impressive!

 

[stickygirl]

I feel I can understand this.

I think also that people born in the correct body feel fear about sex. And have disappointing sex or sex that is not disappointing but is not climactic.

I think a lot of emphasis of gender is on sex and need not be. A lot of my womanhood too is not about sex, but is about how I feel about other interaction with the world, and not even people only, but my spiritual or emotional connection, my intellectual and connection and physical connection. As some one born into this body I do not feel only a sexual being, so why would you?

You know how to make a girl tear-up. Can I quote that? Thank you so much for that validation