My first...

[Desiretobedesir]

Story that is, went live

https://www.literotica.com/s/her-secret-confessions

 

[lovecraft68]

Not bad at all.

Couple things. Not sure why you did the a "M-A-N" thing, maybe its a way to say it I am not familiar with, but it was a mini speed bump for me for some reason.

Lose the word literally....and I mean that literally,lose it, lock it up, don't let it out, its one of the worst adverbs out there, its cousin actually is close...

he literally sauntered over....he sauntered over suffices to say he is confident/arrogant so its a waste of a word

I think the character was a little inconsistent, she seemed pretty damn bold for a fairly inexperienced nervous girl. Most women don't flash their headlights at a guy on the road like that, well not anyone not an aggressive hellcat anyway. And no nervous 18 year old just shows up at a guys house like that. But again...yes, this is fiction I'm just giving my opinion as a reader not a writer.

The guy was too full of himself for my taste, but stressing my taste, the women I write would slap him in the face and walk off-or maybe make him worship their feet, depends on the mood. Now that's me personally, but I think as you get more feedback you may see more say he was kind of jerky for that scenario

Stick him with a different character he won't seem so jerky, but with a girl half his age to act like that he came across as a real jack ass.

But in general I think its a good first effort far better than my first I can tell you that much. I'd say you definitely should keep writing and you're going to get better and better as you do.

 

[Desiretobedesir]

Thank you for your input, I will definitely your advice them next time. I wrote his character in the way I remembered him. He was a jerk, but a sexy jerk lol

 

[lovecraft68]

Thank you for your input, I will definitely apply them next time. I wrote his character in the way I remembered him. He was a jerk, but a sexy jerk lol

And a lot of girls think jerks are sexy in real life.

Hell, my wife finally agreed to go out with me years ago because she said she had to find out once and for all if someone could act like that much of a cocky asshole and be able to back the smack. I always say 'who was acting?"

Keep in mind my opinion is only mine as a reader and not any type of final judgement. Lit is vast and there is an audience for everything and the more you write the more of 'your' audience you will find.

 

[Desiretobedesir]

I was young, it was exciting and very out of character for myself. IRL I wasn't alone in my car, I was with friends, and it was a relatively small town and not a city. It's 96% based on a true event.

 

[lovecraft68]

I was young, it was exciting and very out of character for myself. IRL I wasn't alone in my car, I was with friends, and it was a relatively small town and not a city. It's 96% based on a true event.

And those real life details add reality, the simple common sense of not meeting a guy like that alone initially etc...I don't think you would have lost anything writing that way. Would have made it more realistic to people like me who like things that way, but I don't think it would have turned anyone off necessarily.

Its also a situation that is easy to believe happened. Some so called real events here are so far fetched they can't be read because the eyes are always rolling, yours was very much "This could happen easily."

 

[NOIRTRASH]

I was young, it was exciting and very out of character for myself. IRL I wasn't alone in my car, I was with friends, and it was a relatively small town and not a city. It's 96% based on a true event.

Do you want the truth or a fuzzy trophy?

 

[james4fun3480]

I was young, it was exciting and very out of character for myself. IRL I wasn't alone in my car, I was with friends, and it was a relatively small town and not a city. It's 96% based on a true event.

I thought it was hot

 

[NOIRTRASH]

Times up.

The unvarnished truth from Hell.

I scored it 5 starz.

I didn't comment.

5 stars doesn't really tell the tale, tho. The other day I read the best story in the history of porn. Its 5 stars. Neither your tale nor 99% of other 5 star stories come close to it. Its too superior.

So what I mean is, your effort is better than many but youre not yet Queen of the World. The other writer is queen of the world. Youre a porn princess.

Make the next story better, and move on to the top.

 

[Desiretobedesir]

Thank you for your words, I won't thank the academy just yet lol. I'll do better next time

 

[Sammael Bard]

First, let me introduce myself. I'm that a-hole who pops out of nowhere, crashes a party and disappears back into the night, only to strike again when the moment is right.

Okay, so here's what I thought about your story after reading it. Take everything I say with a gigantic grain of salt:

*ahem*

Your writing was cliched. In other words, it was hackneyed/boring/less than decent. If you're going to write a short story, try to make it a coherent one. I'm not asking you to create a Shakespearean character or an Alastair Maclean plot - just a story that doesn't ring the reality alarm bells.

If you're a shy girl, I don't think you're going to ride around town with a guy you barely know. If you've just passed out from the school of virginity with not-so-flying colours, you can't measure a cock as soon as it jumps out into your field of vision, that too at an accurate 8.5". If you're a woman, I highly doubt that you're going to describe your breasts with the exact cup size. It's almost the same as men saying that they fucked a girl with their 5/6/7/8/9/10 inch dicks.

It just doesn't happen.

Hackneyed portions include very handsome male with a very well endowed cock with lots of stamina with lots of I-can-make-women-scream power. Sorry, having reads hundreds of erotic stories, good and bad, I find it outright boring.

What I liked was the narrator's voice in the beginning. It felt natural and - wait for it - believable. Then all of it went downhill pretty fast. I wanted to vote it a 3 star, meaning it was okay for me, but I did not. I don't vote unless something deserves a 5 star. I hate to bring down someone else's score, especially a nOOb like you.

A word of advice: Keep writing. And always try to write something different. Thousands of stories here, so try something that makes your story stand apart instead of losing itself in the crowd. Else, it'll be a waste of time and energy and totally not worth it. Don't be afraid of experimenting. If something fails, learn from it and never look back. Forward March is the battle cry these days.

I think with a little more creativity, you can do pretty well for yourself. Good luck with your future stories and keep writing.


Cheers!

Bard

 

[Desiretobedesir]

Thank you for your honest input. This was my first, so my hope is it gets better from here.

 

[NotWise]

It's ecstasy, not extasy. Picky, I know.

I somewhat agree with the Bard. Your characters dive into bed pretty quickly and there isn't much in the way of character development. Your narrator's actions seem a little incongruous and difficult to understand.

The readers seem to be enjoying the read. Lap it up and improve your second story.

This is actually the second "based on real events" story I've seen recently from a first-time author. Is there a pattern of writers failing to develop characters when they are trying to write them from memory? Are they trying to cut quickly to the most exciting part of the fantasies that have built up around the event, or what?

 

[lovecraft68]

See I take stories in different context depending on what I think they are going for. This to me was a fairly straight forward fuck piece and as such, it was okay. It was short, strokey, to the point and a lot of people like those.

I would rather see no attempt to really develop a character than someone try it and fail miserably. This story falls into 'for what it was meant to be' category. If it was five pages of this and trying to come across as a 'serious' effort that would be different.

I think some times people need to realize we're not reading the classics here. I think some of the brows need to be lowered when it comes to smut.

 

[Desiretobedesir]

Since it was my first story, I was torn about how much story readers would want compared to the sex. Now I know to expand it a bit more. It's a learning experience

 

[Desiretobedesir]

See I take stories in different context depending on what I think they are going for. This to me was a fairly straight forward fuck piece and as such, it was okay. It was short, strokey, to the point and a lot of people like those.

I would rather see no attempt to really develop a character than someone try it and fail miserably. This story falls into 'for what it was meant to be' category. If it was five pages of this and trying to come across as a 'serious' effort that would be different.

I think some times people need to realize we're not reading the classics here. I think some of the brows need to be lowered when it comes to smut.

Your last paragraph was what I was thinking of. I know I'm not writing for a Pulitzer here or anything. It was fun and I'll continue to try to improve because I love writing and after being away from it for so many years I'm finding joy in it again in a very different avenue.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

See I take stories in different context depending on what I think they are going for. This to me was a fairly straight forward fuck piece and as such, it was okay. It was short, strokey, to the point and a lot of people like those.

I would rather see no attempt to really develop a character than someone try it and fail miserably. This story falls into 'for what it was meant to be' category. If it was five pages of this and trying to come across as a 'serious' effort that would be different.

I think some times people need to realize we're not reading the classics here. I think some of the brows need to be lowered when it comes to smut.

I just read a porn story that impressed the hell outta me. Its not art or for the ages but it took control. It's a WOW. There are all kinds of 5 stars. Plenty write well. But few are stunning. I'd never read stunning porn before.

 

[lovecraft68]

Your last paragraph was what I was thinking of. I know I'm not writing for a Pulitzer here or anything. It was fun and I'll continue to try to improve because I love writing and after being away from it for so many years I'm finding joy in it again in a very different avenue.

Then keep writing and write for you first, that's what counts. Not to say we shouldn't all push to improve, but as long as you're happy, that's reward enough.

 

[lovecraft68]

I just read a porn story that impressed the hell outta me. Its not art or for the ages but it took control. It's a WOW. There are all kinds of 5 stars. Plenty write well. But few are stunning. I'd never read stunning porn before.

You going to share this gem with the class? I want to be stunned(and not by a taser like last time)

 

[NOIRTRASH]

First, let me introduce myself. I'm that a-hole who pops out of nowhere, crashes a party and disappears back into the night, only to strike again when the moment is right.

Okay, so here's what I thought about your story after reading it. Take everything I say with a gigantic grain of salt:

*ahem*

Your writing was cliched. In other words, it was hackneyed/boring/less than decent. If you're going to write a short story, try to make it a coherent one. I'm not asking you to create a Shakespearean character or an Alastair Maclean plot - just a story that doesn't ring the reality alarm bells.

If you're a shy girl, I don't think you're going to ride around town with a guy you barely know. If you've just passed out from the school of virginity with not-so-flying colours, you can't measure a cock as soon as it jumps out into your field of vision, that too at an accurate 8.5". If you're a woman, I highly doubt that you're going to describe your breasts with the exact cup size. It's almost the same as men saying that they fucked a girl with their 5/6/7/8/9/10 inch dicks.

It just doesn't happen.

Hackneyed portions include very handsome male with a very well endowed cock with lots of stamina with lots of I-can-make-women-scream power. Sorry, having reads hundreds of erotic stories, good and bad, I find it outright boring.

What I liked was the narrator's voice in the beginning. It felt natural and - wait for it - believable. Then all of it went downhill pretty fast. I wanted to vote it a 3 star, meaning it was okay for me, but I did not. I don't vote unless something deserves a 5 star. I hate to bring down someone else's score, especially a nOOb like you.

A word of advice: Keep writing. And always try to write something different. Thousands of stories here, so try something that makes your story stand apart instead of losing itself in the crowd. Else, it'll be a waste of time and energy and totally not worth it. Don't be afraid of experimenting. If something fails, learn from it and never look back. Forward March is the battle cry these days.

I think with a little more creativity, you can do pretty well for yourself. Good luck with your future stories and keep writing.


Cheers!

Bard

For what its worth, people do anything. I've had sex with women who knocked on my door looking for a neighbor. I had sex with girls I met walking across campus. I had sex with one who sat by me at a staff meeting. Never seen her before. So the story was plausible.

 

[Desiretobedesir]

It happened. I am a shy on the outside girl. I'm not someone you'd look at and be like oh she's totally do this. We did develop a brief couple months long relationship.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

It happened. I am a shy on the outside girl. I'm not someone you'd look at and be like oh she's totally do this. We did develop a brief couple months long relationship.

If the right person comes along, we will!

 

[Bramblethorn]

Since it was my first story, I was torn about how much story readers would want compared to the sex. Now I know to expand it a bit more. It's a learning experience

There's no wrong answer on that point. I write slow-moving stories, usually without much graphic detail. Others write wall-to-wall fucking. There are readers here for both kinds of stories, and you'll never manage to please everybody. So don't distract yourself too much with "what will the readers think?"; write the story you want to tell.

 

[Desiretobedesir]

There's no wrong answer on that point. I write slow-moving stories, usually without much graphic detail. Others write wall-to-wall fucking. There are readers here for both kinds of stories, and you'll never manage to please everybody. So don't distract yourself too much with "what will the readers think?"; write the story you want to tell.

Thank you for your comment! I've enjoyed reading all of the comments and PMs today. I have a lot to learn and work on, but I'm really enjoying writing erotica.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

There's no wrong answer on that point. I write slow-moving stories, usually without much graphic detail. Others write wall-to-wall fucking. There are readers here for both kinds of stories, and you'll never manage to please everybody. So don't distract yourself too much with "what will the readers think?"; write the story you want to tell.

What you say is a tough notion for most LIT readers to embrace. They demand all hunting-fishing stories, all the time.

Raymond Carver handled it well. After the guys trekked miles back to the river and made camp, a body floated to the riverbank at the camp. Shit! They tied the body to a tree limb, and contacted the police on Monday morning.