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My Rant on Sexuality

biseattlegirl said:
I have no idea where to post this. I just wanted to share my thoughts on what it means to me to be bisexual. If you agree or disagree I would love to get your feedback. I have struggled for a long time to write the words and make them sound cohesive. I hope I have done that.

http://ivyswinger.tumblr.com/post/130204491638/sexuality
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100% agree, people are to held up on labeling everything. Sometimes just enjoying to enjoy is better when you shut your head off.. :)
 
Hey, biseattlegirl, well stated!

And that's coming from a guy whose own sexual fulfillment comes almost entirely within a long-term loving monogamous relationship [on top, she has her romantic novels and fit guys who flirt with her at work, I have my flirting and teasing on Lit and plenty of admiring on the street, we talk with each other about both]. But I appreciate that for a host of reasons there are folk who flourish with things much more fluid than we need them to be.

And it would be crass for me to say, "I don't need that, so it is wrong that you do".

Simon
 
Let me get this out right at the beginning: however people want to label themselves makes no matter to me. If you boyfriend's friend doesn't label himself gay or bi, then who am I to judge? Live and let live, and as long as everything is consensual then more power to them.

However, in the end, you cannot disconnect the act (bj) from the person. If your boyfriend's friend were 100% straight, then I doubt he'd be cool about another guy giving him a blow job. My husband is as straight as can be, and for him, there's no way another guy would be touching his dick for anything but a doctor's exam.

Society likes to label things. It makes life easy and understandable. Less risky and less confusing. Society in general has a difficult time understanding fluid sexuality or concepts including asexuality, panromantics, demisexuals, etc. because those types of sexuality don't fit into a nice, neat box. On top of that, some societies don't like people that are "other" or minorities. Labeling tells society who is "other", which then leads to all sorts of things like homophobia, stereotypes in porn, and white washing.

On an individual level, there is also the matters of "who am I?" and "where do I fit in?" and "are there others out there like me?" Knowing that there are others out there who understand what I am going through, what I have gone through, and what I experience is comforting. It's hard to find those other people without labels of some sort.

In the end, you do have a point. Labels are limiting, and everyone should enjoy their sexuality however they want, labels or no.
 
Labels are for those who wants to put everything in a box, I see myself as pansexual, and I prefer women. But if the right man came by, and he and I clicked and so forth. Sure I would love be with him. And be his boyfriend and vice versa. But why would I say pan, instead of bi ? Well, the reason is this. It does not matter to whether the guy, is an FTM, or the woman is an MTF. Pansexuality is also known as omnisexuality, if we use that term. I call myself left-wing cause that is where I fit, socially, mentally, philosophically in, I am against xenophobia, racism, LGBT phobia and all that jazz, no matter what people has considered me here on lit. And I could go on, but labels schmabels , does it really matter ? Nope sorry, in fact we are all human beings. So let us start at that. We are all human beings. And love is universal. Since people are people. But even here there are puritans, who believe in labels.
I say fuck labels !

biseattlegirl : Great rant !
 
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Wolfman1982 said:
And I could go on, but labels schmabels , does it really matter ? Nope sorry, in fact we are all human beings. So let us start at that. We are all human beings. And love is universal. Since people are people. But even here there are puritans, who believe in labels.
I say fuck labels !

biseattlegirl : Great rant !
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Yeah, labels can be confining, but they also have their uses.

For example - say you're a kid who's attracted to people of the same sex, your parents are heavily against that, and you're miserable and scared that they might kick you out of home. Would you rather phone the "We Are All Human Beings Advice Line", or the "LGBTI Youth Advice Line"?

In this case that label is very useful as a way of saying "we're familiar with situations like yours and we might be able to help".
 
I mostly disagree that labels limit us. But I do agree that labels don't matter when they come from someone else. I think we tend to limit ourselves with labels. Our species uses language to communicate, and even to process, thoughts and ideas. The limits of our language, as well as our own vocabulary, affect the messages we convey and the way we think. How many times have we struggled to find a word to describe something, only to choose a word that we know is inadequate, but "for lack of a better word," we use it anyway. The word "amazing" comes to mind. Entirely overused and inappropriate in a great many contexts, yet we use it in every context from food to sex. We use the word to simplify and describe (with emphasis) a feeling we had, but people probably understand that we were not truly "amazed" by that fajita or by that man's/woman's smile. In that same way, we use the word "bisexual" to simplify and describe what can be a very complicated idea. It's a general term, not intended to go into detail about the great many nuances of a person's sexuality. If we break the term down, we get this:

The prefix "bi" means two, right? And in this context, most understand that it means both males and females.
The root "sex," of course, means those acts which involve genitalia (arguably) either for pleasure or procreation.
And the suffix "ual" means "of the type," or "pertaining to." (That was the best description I could come up with in my Google search.)

So to be bisexual must simply mean pertaining to those who have sex with both males and females. This is a pretty simple definition. Some would use that to say all people who enjoy sex with males as well as females are bisexual. Others would say it depends on how you define sex, how you describe gender, which one you enjoy most, whether romance or intimacy is involved, et cetera. I try not to use "bisexual" as a noun. If I'm not mistaken, the suffix "ual" makes it an adjective. Someone with a better grasp of word usage and language arts would have to help me with that. And so I don't really feel labeled at all unless someone says something like "You bisexuals be like ______." (Fill in the blank there.)

And I don't feel limited at all by the word bisexual. It can include a myriad of ideas pertaining to sex between either males or females. You'd have to come up with a lot more words to delve into the details of my sexuality. In that respect, it is actually kinda liberating.

Okay, so that's a little bit about my opinion on labels. I have more ideas on bisexuality, but I'm gonna put this out first...
 
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Okay, I'm back. Sooooo, where were we? Ah yes... bisexuality. On this, I have to offer an opposing view. But I have to admit that my view is based solely on my personal experience, a little bit of what I've read, and a little journey into my own mind that has evolved over the years.

You see, I believe the term "bisexual" specifically relates to sex. But I also understand that the term is defined by every individual who uses it. For me, it's a broad term used to describe a person who enjoys sex with both men and women. Because it's such a broad term in my mind, it can include guys who don't mind getting the occasional blow job from another guy, and it can include guys who have been with and enjoyed relationships with women in the past, but currently are involved in a romantic relationship with a man. I don't really believe in the "straight guys who like to suck cock" as a non-bisexual group. And I used to consider myself one of those.

I started my sexual experience with men before I knew much about being gay or being heterosexual or even that the term bisexual described a whole bunch of people. I took a guys dick into my mouth because it was my turn to do it. I did it again because I knew when I was finished, he would take his turn again. And I fucked him because, well, who doesn't like to fuck, right? And he asked me to. And when the next guy asked if he could suck my dick, I said yes. Because I'd had my dick sucked before, and I liked it. After a couple times of that, I didn't mind at all when he asked me to suck his. It didn't make me gay, because I knew I still liked girls. When a male friend and I had sex together, it just happened. One minute I walked into a room where he was masturbating, and the next minute we were locked in a 69 in his bedroom. I didn't feel weird about it at all. It felt good. But I still wasn't gay. It's not like we kissed or anything. And being bisexual means you like boys and girls both. But this was just something that happened between two guys who were horny, so it didn't count. Okay, so skip ahead a few years and I was again approached by a guy who really tried to sex me up good. I was a little freaked out at first, but I warmed up to the idea after a while. We spent a weekend together, and it was awesome. But I didn't let him kiss me, so he was gay, but not me. And he let me use his car, so I wasn't really bisexual... I was just... I dunno. Well, after all that, I had pretty much decided that I wasn't gay or bisexual. I was flawed somehow. I thought of it more as a weakness of character than anything else. I didn't feel gay, and I didn't want to be gay, and I wasn't really attracted to men. I just had some really nice memories of fucking guys way back when I was young and undisciplined. And then I went years and years before I really gave it any further thought. And then a woman... the wife of a good friend and the woman who fulfilled my fantasy of watching my wife with another woman... asked me if I would fulfill her fantasy. I agreed, and she watched. I was really really turned on by that, but he and I talked about it. No, it didn't make us gay or bisexual. We just did it for her. Or did we? A few years later, I was single again, and began reflecting on the men I'd been with. On the great memories I had with them, and my regrets about what I hadn't done. Finally, I had to admit to myself that since I enjoyed the sex with all those guys... many times... I am bisexual. I am not flawed or weak or slutty or anything but bisexual. I enjoy sex with men as well as women. To take it even further, I spent a weekend in the Castro pretending to myself that I was a true member of the LGTB community. Probably the most alive I've felt in all my life. And I made out with a guy and absolutely loved it. But I know I'm not a true card-carrying member because I'm still too afraid to be open about my sexuality. I've told one person... a woman I served with who happened to be lesbian. It doesn't really count as coming out, because I still keep it a secret from all my family and friends, my current spouse, and my coworkers. Why? Because I'm afraid. I'm afraid of the disapproval, afraid of losing friends, and of not being accepted by heterosexual society. Yes, I know that's stupid, and I know it's weakness. Isn't it ironic to discover finally that my weakness of character lies not in my bisexuality, but in my heterosexuality. Okay, anyway, that's the Cliff's Notes version of my journey.

Why is that important? Because first, it has shown me that it is possible to be bisexual and not believe it for whatever reason one might concoct. Second, the reflection that it took to get me where I am in my thinking led my to realize that I was conditioned to believe heterosexuality was what men were supposed to be. Even while having sex with those first guys, it had to remain "our secret." No one else should know. It took a long time for me to overcome that conditioning, and so I expect the same applies to those guys who aren't attracted to men but like to suck cock because that's my experience. I only had to open my eyes and allow myself to embrace it, even if only within the safety of my closet. I love my sexuality, and I'm glad I've accepted that I'm bisexual. And so I believe very strongly that anyone who enjoys sex with both men and women should pursue that and accept that they are bisexual as well.

I know it might sound like I believe everyone is bisexual deep down. I know that's not true. And if I have generalized too much, I don't mean to. Everyone is an individual, with their own beliefs and their own definition of bisexuality. This is only my belief: that if you enjoy sex--if you want sex--with both men and women, you are bisexual. There are probably guys and girls who don't care whether the person performing oral sex on them is a man or a woman. And I feel compelled to say here also that there's a big difference between accepting sex and wanting sex with a man or woman or both. But I do not see a huge difference between wanting romance/love and wanting sex. You can have one or the other or both, but it still equates to desire. And to me, that is the key distinction.

More disclaimers: I use oral sex only as an a example here because I'm a guy and I like oral sex a lot, plus it seems to be the predominant sexual activity discussed in this area. Feel free to replace oral sex with any intimate sexual activity you like. :)
 
I also want to apologize for the long-winded posts. But I couldn't stop writing. So much bottled up inside me... sorry.
 
CJontherocks said:
I also want to apologize for the long-winded posts. But I couldn't stop writing. So much bottled up inside me... sorry.
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Well said indeed by you and by BSG. To have either of you as friends or lovers would be awesome.
 
rod43 said:
Well said indeed by you and by BSG. To have either of you as friends or lovers would be awesome.
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I'm easy to make friends with. Look me up if you're in the states, and we can talk about the lovers thing. :)

------

Biseattlegirl: I do like what you wrote, because the bottom line is that people should feel free to enjoy each other.
 
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CJontherocks said:
I love my sexuality, and I'm glad I've accepted that I'm bisexual.
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Good for you!

CJontherocks said:
And I feel compelled to say here also that there's a big difference between accepting sex and wanting sex with a man or woman or both. But I do not see a huge difference between wanting romance/love and wanting sex.
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You can be bisexual but heteroromantic, if you want :)
 
Ty haurni for the "bisexual but heteroromantic" post. I suppose that is the closest description of how I am, though I never cared much for labels. I just do what I want that feels good šŸ˜Š
 
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