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Is it wrong to want to spice up your sex life

jc199123

jc199123

Literotica Guru
Joined
May 27, 2015
Posts
4,189
I just wanted to ask the people of Lit if it was wrong of me to ask a significant other to do something to spice up our sex life. It wasn’t anything depraved in fact quite tame. I had asked her for three things one was for her to get a vibrator to use on herself while I watch. I love watching a woman go at herself nothing turns me on more than seeing that and she would start to sext me while I was in class, I was in collage at the time, leaving me with a hard on and no way to take care of myself. The second thing was for us to have more naked sex. I know what you’re thinking you guys didn’t have naked sex and no we seldom had sex naked she was either self-conscious about her body or too lazy to take anyone’s clothes off never really figured out which. She would constantly ask me to make love to her and I would but in the back of my mind it wasn’t making love just us fucking again seeing how we were not naked. The third thing was for us to get a book of different sexual positions I know that one sound bad but here was my reason and it’s the same reason I told her I’m naturally curious if anything peeks my interest I’ll look it up just to learn more. With the sex position book I just want to get it to see how many we could do together. I like when we did missionary, doggy (non-anal), and if we do anal we spoon while a fucked her ass.

After I had asked her to do those things she pretty much yelled at me for about an hour nonstop called me a asshole and pretty much made me feel like asking for what I wanted sexually was very wrong. It made me feel like experimenting in the bedroom with my girl is a bad thing .That I should just keep doing the same old thing with a girl and never try to express what I like sexual with my girlfriends

So please people of Lit I just need to hear a unbiased third party opinion on it. I would prefer the women to answer but all opinion are welcome.
 
All of your requests were reasonable, so it was not wrong for you to broach the subject. I think your wife has deeper problem with your sexual relationship, and it might be good to try to discern what that problem or those problems might be. A better way might be to tell her that you really want to make things better to make her happier and ask for suggestions from her. You probably won't get any at first, but it might open the door to further discussion. Communication is key.
 
I think it is great that you asked. You have to let her know your desires and what turns you on. Hubby lets me know what he likes and wants in the bedroom. I try and make him happy!!! No anal yet, but everything else is good. Will she say what she wants in the bedroom or is what you guys do now all she will do?
 
We are no longer together.
mikendel said:
I think it is great that you asked. You have to let her know your desires and what turns you on. Hubby lets me know what he likes and wants in the bedroom. I try and make him happy!!! No anal yet, but everything else is good. Will she say what she wants in the bedroom or is what you guys do now all she will do?
Click to expand...
She wouldn't tell me anything she would get mad at me and pretty much say that if the sex wasn't good enough then I should do it myself. She would get mad if I tried to help her out and tell her what pleasured me the best.
 
Is not wrong to want to spice it up, but on how is a big gray area, and whether your partner wants to participate, or likes are you going to go about it
 
VampirTARA said:
Is not wrong to want to spice it up, but on how is a big gray area, and whether your partner wants to participate, or likes are you going to go about it
Click to expand...

I tried every way I could think of to ask about both what she wanted and if we could add what I wanted nothing worked
 
jc199123 said:
I tried every way I could think of to ask about both what she wanted and if we could add what I wanted nothing worked
Click to expand...

One thing she has to realize, a relationship is a give and take, you do something she likes and in return she does something you like she has to realize the relationship is not all about her. and for what you explained that you asked did not seem overboard or unreasonable, but no matter what I say or anyone else most likely she's going to be stuck with her own opinion. she needs to wake up and smell the coffee with the issues that you have explained that she has she's not going to keep a man very long and she probably never will unless she changes. I hope the best for you
 
No it's not wrong

It's not wrong to want to spice up the marriage. We all go through it at times. What is wrong is thinking just because you think something is hot and sexy felling your partner will as well. And trust me hang your partner do something to appease you is not the way to go. In the end you find out and it losses some of the luster so to speak.

If you truly want to know the secret to a spicy marriage its communication. Having the hard conversations explaining yourself. I know we did that and I will say it had been amazing since. You remember all over again how much you love each other.

I'd be willing to chat with you if you would like. Just message me what chat app you use and how to find you. I have most of them. I am sure after we chat I would be able to let you here my wife's point of view as well since she is also on here.
 
I get the sense that your gal is quite tightly boxed up in terms of what she can cope with sexually. Her discomfort with being naked with you seems to symbolize that. So the next steps for her are probably not about this that or the other technique or new spice, but about something much more profound: some degree of 'melting' of her inhibitions. Your part in that is probably nothing at all to do with sex and everything to do with the flowering of your relationship with her in terms of how deeply she feels valued, cherished and understood by you, and in terms of the delights you share outside of the bedroom. From those sorts of things a desire for more quality sexual adventure with you may grow in her.

That's my take mate. Best wishes. Could be a long road.
 
jc199123 said:
I just wanted to ask the people of Lit if it was wrong of me to ask a significant other to do something to spice up our sex life. It wasn’t anything depraved in fact quite tame. I had asked her for three things one was for her to get a vibrator to use on herself while I watch. I love watching a woman go at herself nothing turns me on more than seeing that and she would start to sext me while I was in class, I was in collage at the time, leaving me with a hard on and no way to take care of myself. The second thing was for us to have more naked sex. I know what you’re thinking you guys didn’t have naked sex and no we seldom had sex naked she was either self-conscious about her body or too lazy to take anyone’s clothes off never really figured out which. She would constantly ask me to make love to her and I would but in the back of my mind it wasn’t making love just us fucking again seeing how we were not naked. The third thing was for us to get a book of different sexual positions I know that one sound bad but here was my reason and it’s the same reason I told her I’m naturally curious if anything peeks my interest I’ll look it up just to learn more. With the sex position book I just want to get it to see how many we could do together. I like when we did missionary, doggy (non-anal), and if we do anal we spoon while a fucked her ass.

After I had asked her to do those things she pretty much yelled at me for about an hour nonstop called me a asshole and pretty much made me feel like asking for what I wanted sexually was very wrong. It made me feel like experimenting in the bedroom with my girl is a bad thing .That I should just keep doing the same old thing with a girl and never try to express what I like sexual with my girlfriends

So please people of Lit I just need to hear a unbiased third party opinion on it. I would prefer the women to answer but all opinion are welcome.
Click to expand...


Man can I identify!!!!
 
One of the biggest thing people say that is important in a relationship is love and communication.

I only think people over look the most important one, sex. Sex is so critical to a success relationship. We all have different levels are kink that are present but if you can not work with your partner on enjoying yourselves in the bedroom, then that relationship is in BIG trouble.

Can you imagine living your entire life not enjoying your sexual desires? This will lead you to be miserable or cheat.

Good luck man.
 
nyguy1980 said:
One of the biggest thing people say that is important in a relationship is love and communication.

I only think people over look the most important one, sex. Sex is so critical to a success relationship. We all have different levels are kink that are present but if you can not work with your partner on enjoying yourselves in the bedroom, then that relationship is in BIG trouble.

Can you imagine living your entire life not enjoying your sexual desires? This will lead you to be miserable or cheat.

Good luck man.
Click to expand...

Life sucks if you do not enjoy your sex life, I am the kind of woman That gives her husband Sex whenever he wants it, Whatever kind of sexy He wants, And I will for my husband Without hesitation Satisfy any fantasy or fetish He has,, And I have told this to him And I periodically remind So the goofball does not forget, If you do not keep your man happy And well fed The dog will start to roam the neighborhood. I will not have that Because, if he does I will be in prison for killing him. I take no chances of losing the one I love He is my soulmate, My best friend, The wonderful father to my children And the only man I will ever have children with. I did not say till death do us part I said for eternity.
 
VampirTARA said:
Life sucks if you do not enjoy your sex life, I am the kind of woman That gives her husband Sex whenever he wants it, Whatever kind of sexy He wants, And I will for my husband Without hesitation Satisfy any fantasy or fetish He has,, And I have told this to him And I periodically remind So the goofball does not forget, If you do not keep your man happy And well fed The dog will start to roam the neighborhood. I will not have that Because, if he does I will be in prison for killing him. I take no chances of losing the one I love He is my soulmate, My best friend, The wonderful father to my children And the only man I will ever have children with. I did not say till death do us part I said for eternity.
Click to expand...

See, what I mean. Backed up by a milf.

Good luck there guy.
 
Hey TARA I see what you mean about the glasses but please do be assured that among the men who are on Lit the term MILF evokes a huge amount of pleasure!
 
. . . Married to the wrong woman

There's no way around it. Someone earlier on this thread said it all: You're either going to stay married to her and cheat, lead a miserable like with her without cheating, or get divorced . . . or, being miserable together will lead to divorce. Incompatibility in bed is not a way to spend your life. I'm blessed with a wife who eventually embraced my kinks, enjoying the freedom it occasionally gives her.
 
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