Women don't "need" emotional connections!

[deprivedfemme]

Studies show that women "need" emotional connections for lasting arousal and attraction and guys do not. I hate that generalization although I fall into it. I would love if sex could just be sex and I didn't put so much value in it.

My personal preference,supports the study stance. I need to be in love. I need to feel the "connection". The best part of sharing myself sexually is knowing that in the morning, I can wake up to him cradling me in his arms and make him breakfast. Then we can spend a lazy day wrapped up in one another just to hit repeat.

When I've chatting on here, I've had those same desires to find the one that sparks my interest and I feel like getting to know his personal preferences and spending time with him. I feel that this connection makes it more real. But I turn it over to you all...

 

[EctoJohn]

Perhaps I'm unusual, but I'd rather rather have an emotional connection than just sex.

Would I have just sex?
Well sure, of course.

However I'm happier wit that connection than without it.

 

[Bookishleigh]

I don't agree with this generalization whatsoever. Perhaps I am a rarity but honestly I've been in relationships where the sex has been great but afterward I'd rather we not fake some sort of intimacy that just isn't there by cuddling or doing that awkward should I stay/go? With that said though I've never been one for all the romantic, mushy stuff anyway

And don't get me wrong, it's nice to have the connection but for me it's not a necessity.

 

[greengamegirl]

Studies show that women "need" emotional connections for lasting arousal and attraction and guys do not. I hate that generalization although I fall into it. I would love if sex could just be sex and I didn't put so much value in it.

My personal preference,supports the study stance. I need to be in love. I need to feel the "connection". The best part of sharing myself sexually is knowing that in the morning, I can wake up to him cradling me in his arms and make him breakfast. Then we can spend a lazy day wrapped up in one another just to hit repeat.

When I've chatting on here, I've had those same desires to find the one that sparks my interest and I feel like getting to know his personal preferences and spending time with him. I feel that this connection makes it more real. But I turn it over to you all...

I can't feel anything for a man without an emotional connection, forget about lasting arousal and attraction.

 

[troubledone]

I can't feel anything for a man without an emotional connection, forget about lasting arousal and attraction.

Probably asymmetry at work

 

[SexyAlison]

I personally need that emotional connection but yeah everyone is different

 

[HornyMikeA]

I think it makes the sex better

I disagree with the study,

The sex is so much better when there is an emotional connection.

 

[VelvetCascade]

Emotional connections are a plus, but rare.

 

[barefoot_pixie]

Part of the problem is that everyone assumes that the necessary emotional connection is with Our One True (preferably heterosexual) Love of Our Life. This is not always true. So yes, for real time, face to face interaction, an emotional connection is important to me. BUT I can get that emotional charge from the boyfriend person, or the girlfriend person (if I have one; I don't right now) as well as with close friends. I have friends that I love dearly and I fuck. It seems like a natural progression of the friendship. I have friends that I love dearly and don't fuck too. But everyone I've been intimate with so far is a really good friend of some sort.

So yeah, some sort of emotional connection is good, but not necessarily the connection you're thinking of.

 

[Que]

What she said ^^^^

It doesn't have to be aimed at lifetime commitments.

Studies show that women "need" emotional connections for lasting arousal and attraction and guys do not. I hate that generalization although I fall into it. I would love if sex could just be sex and I didn't put so much value in it.

My personal preference,supports the study stance. I need to be in love. I need to feel the "connection". The best part of sharing myself sexually is knowing that in the morning, I can wake up to him cradling me in his arms and make him breakfast. Then we can spend a lazy day wrapped up in one another just to hit repeat.

When I've chatting on here, I've had those same desires to find the one that sparks my interest and I feel like getting to know his personal preferences and spending time with him. I feel that this connection makes it more real. But I turn it over to you all...

You are probably Demi-Sexual. I suspect that there are more female than male demi-sexuals but anyone can be. If that is true I would hazzard county a guess that it is in the hardwiring.

What gets your motor running is shaped by your life experiences, your temperament, probably genetics and your sexual and romantic history.

Not such a terrible quandary, it just makes casual sex less satisfying. Makes relationship sex more satisfying so, assuming you make good choices in partners, that is a bonus. Less so if you tend to get enmeshed easily with people's that are ultimately incompatible.

I was in a marriage that from first date to divorce lasted a week shy of 20 years. I was ill-prepared to be single again. I got laid by happenstance and it was pretty good. As luck would have it the person was staying at my house for a week before either of us made a move. I was feeling sort of warm fuzzies by then and it went well. That whole need to be connected thing can be tricked a bit with a little non-sexual touch and bonding and genuine interest in the other human being.

The next time, I had captured someone's interest and much to my surprise, because I was passing through and there was no logistical way to take her to bed at the moment, we made for lack of a less crass way to put it, a date to fuck. Seemed awfully simple. Too simple maybe.

So two-three weeks later when I was going to drive 150 miles for out date I drug my feet a little and stopped part way into a little bar and grabbed a burger. An 80 year old there and I got to talking, I explained my history, but not my errand that day. He listened and offered some advice. He said, "You seem like a person that feels things fairly deeply. Aside from any reservations you may have about the righteousness or propriety of a sexual encounter, I would predict you are going to find it unsatisfying if you are not connected to the girl.

He was describing demi-sexuals, and he was prescient. I think I have only had two same-day pick-ups. Nothing at all wrong with the girls their desirability or enthusiasm, but there was something missing with one and the other I had that concern but we bonded in an odd way over some personal stuff on the short ride back to my hotel. Because of how I felt about the second one that didn't feel good to me, I don't try for a same day pick-up. Lowers my batting average to not at least show that level of interest, but it's worth it to me.

As I said, you can trick your body into going along for the ride if you can convince it that Mr. RightNow* is really a guy worth knowing, and that you both have the best of reasons to please each-other.

If it's just a dick, you might as well get a toy if you are, as I suspect, a demi-sexual. Maybe look for other demi-sexuals (hard to imagine how) and work on some cuddling with the understanding you are looking for an emotional and sexual FWB.

I wear this ironically sometimes.

 

[Mindfondler]

I'm very uncomfortable with generalisations about the behaviours of respective genders -- even when restricted to a heterosexual context. I particularly hate the "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" snippets of supposed wisdom that "a woman will do this; a man will do that".

I regard masculinity and femininity as the extreme aspects of a spectrum of attibutes and behaviours than can be demonstrated by individuals of either gender. For example, I know that I generally think (or perhaps I should say "feel") in a way that's more akin to most women than most men. That doesn't trouble me: indeed, I embrace it as part of my individuality.

In terms of the original posting, I'm a guy and I certainly "need" (with or without the quotation marks!) an emotional connection for any lasting relationship -- not just a sexual one. I really can't get on with "cold fish".

I suspect that the study in question was produced by academics who are driven by a need to understand the world by categorising everything into neat little "one size fits all" boxes. Whilst some conclusions may be valid for a large proportion of cases, it isn't right to try to apply them to all individuals. There's a good reason for using the word "individual".
.

 

[deprivedfemme]

Genius

Que-

You are a genius! You nailed the aspect I was trying to wrap my brain around. I am definitely a Demi without hesitation, reservation and now without excuse.

i do admit to being jealous of the ones who don't need it or put that much value into it because I believe it would be sooo much better and easier.

*kisses wealth of wisdom!


Wonder if that makes me a relationship addict versus a sex addict!!! Hmmmm... Wonder if that will be the next big psychology muse.

 

[TheOlderGuy]

Dearest dFemme,

I'd have to agree with all the responses here, and I'm not sure there's much more I can add. The studies are too simplistic to apply to real life. I think that all of us, male and female, fall along a spectrum of male/female/ness. I have always felt more traits associated with the typical female than the typical "American" male. My friends more often than not are female But my sexuality is dominant heterosexual male, with just enough room to be curious about the bisexual experience. And, in truth, I think we all fall somewhere along that bisexual spectrum as well.

Men are driven by the biological imperative to sow their seed wide and far with little regard for the outcome. Women are driven by the need to choose that partner more carefully, with the best possible outcome for the offspring. But we have, in more modern times, travelled far from these procreational models, since most of our sexual experience are recreational. It drives us all toward seeking more meaningful connection in our sexual conduct. And, for me at least, the experience of having sex with a woman deepens my emotional connection to her, in most cases anyway. It is THAT deeply primal connection that I seek, both here and in my daily walk through life. The sex is lovely, but the deep primal emotional dance that happens in that tiny space between a man and a woman is what drives me. And I suspect this is true no matter the genders involved. Without the emotional connection, the sex can feel quite hollow and empty afterward, no matter how raucous it was in the moment.

One other note: I've found, for whatever reason, that the harder I strive to find that connection, the more illusive it becomes. It is in those moments when I least expected it, when I was enraptured in some other beauty of life, that the most profound connections were made.

Studies show that women "need" emotional connections for lasting arousal and attraction and guys do not. I hate that generalization although I fall into it. I would love if sex could just be sex and I didn't put so much value in it.

My personal preference,supports the study stance. I need to be in love. I need to feel the "connection". The best part of sharing myself sexually is knowing that in the morning, I can wake up to him cradling me in his arms and make him breakfast. Then we can spend a lazy day wrapped up in one another just to hit repeat.

When I've chatting on here, I've had those same desires to find the one that sparks my interest and I feel like getting to know his personal preferences and spending time with him. I feel that this connection makes it more real. But I turn it over to you all...

 

[Calliesdad2010]

I agree sex is much better with an emotional connection,

but sometimes that connection isn't there with the other person

and you can't just create it,


so most men and some women can just accept it for what it is-

really good but meaningless sex that feels great in the moment

 

[Que]

Que-

You are a genius! You nailed the aspect I was trying to wrap my brain around. I am definitely a Demi without hesitation, reservation and now without excuse.

i do admit to being jealous of the ones who don't need it or put that much value into it because I believe it would be sooo much better and easier.

*kisses wealth of wisdom!


Wonder if that makes me a relationship addict versus a sex addict!!! Hmmmm... Wonder if that will be the next big psychology muse.

There are two organizations, run similarly. SSA and SLA. SSA is primarily for sex-addicts, where SLA includes, "love addicts" in their definitions.

My gut says that you will find more demi-sexuals at SLA than at SSA. I thought I was a sex addict at one point, I think I am more likely a love addict. Doesn't matter much, the steps work the same either way. In either case it is about being emotional healthy and making good choices.

 

[GiggLeGasm]

I think the other thing to consider is that women can fake/create an emotional connection while men tend not to. I've never faked an orgasm.. but I've faked a connection to trick myself into getting there..

 

[Naturalnaughty]

Yea me too

I fall inline with the studies. I need the emotional connection to sustain the fantasy; without the emotional it is just a fuck and who wants to merely be fucked?

Someone on this thread said "I want to roll over the next morning and feel his arm around me" truer words have never been said...so yes, I want the naughty, the kinky, but at the end I'm just a human, wanting a human connection, a touch, a word that says you are beautiful and I'm so glad your mine; emotional connection.

 

[sexywriterfla]

Studies show that women "need" emotional connections for lasting arousal and attraction and guys do not. I hate that generalization although I fall into it. I would love if sex could just be sex and I didn't put so much value in it.

My personal preference,supports the study stance. I need to be in love. I need to feel the "connection". The best part of sharing myself sexually is knowing that in the morning, I can wake up to him cradling me in his arms and make him breakfast. Then we can spend a lazy day wrapped up in one another just to hit repeat.

When I've chatting on here, I've had those same desires to find the one that sparks my interest and I feel like getting to know his personal preferences and spending time with him. I feel that this connection makes it more real. But I turn it over to you all...

Honestly, as a guy, I totally agree. While in my past I've had purely sexual relationships, and yeah the sex was great, but without that other intense component, it's just sex. There's a famous quote by Anais Nin: "The united beat of sex and heart can create ecstasy."

 

[tishadomina]

Pretty sure that women have always been just like men; some prefer just sex, some prefer just love and some prefer a combination. Society has only just started to allow women who can get by on just casual sex to be known - and even then, finding a tolerant community is rare.

 

[strawberry1994]

I totally understand this situation. Before I met my partner id of fucked for the sake of it. Like alot of fucking but without those emotional hugs or even a kiss afterwards you can feel really used and emotionally abused. I spent 3 years of my life fucking men just for sex. I guess id rather have a hug or a kiss or a cuddle. Even now, my partner and I dont share the same bed. We have our own bedrooms because we work awkward hours from each other. So sometimes we don't even cuddle afterwards, just up and out. If I didnt love and trust him it would feel so horrible. Lol

 

[30bandits]

I think the other thing to consider is that women can fake/create an emotional connection while men tend not to. I've never faked an orgasm.. but I've faked a connection to trick myself into getting there..

yeah, that was fun, we should do that again...

 

[exhibitinlight]

Part of the problem is that everyone assumes that the necessary emotional connection is with Our One True (preferably heterosexual) Love of Our Life. This is not always true. So yes, for real time, face to face interaction, an emotional connection is important to me. BUT I can get that emotional charge from the boyfriend person, or the girlfriend person (if I have one; I don't right now) as well as with close friends. I have friends that I love dearly and I fuck. It seems like a natural progression of the friendship. I have friends that I love dearly and don't fuck too. But everyone I've been intimate with so far is a really good friend of some sort.

So yeah, some sort of emotional connection is good, but not necessarily the connection you're thinking of.

This is really well put. For me sex without any kind of emotional connection is just mutual masturbation, but an emotional connection doesn't necessarily mean you have to be passionately in love with someone - just that you click in some way.

 

[rombo034]

Studies show that women "need" emotional connections for lasting arousal and attraction and guys do not. I hate that generalization although I fall into it. I would love if sex could just be sex and I didn't put so much value in it.

My personal preference,supports the study stance. I need to be in love. I need to feel the "connection". The best part of sharing myself sexually is knowing that in the morning, I can wake up to him cradling me in his arms and make him breakfast. Then we can spend a lazy day wrapped up in one another just to hit repeat.

When I've chatting on here, I've had those same desires to find the one that sparks my interest and I feel like getting to know his personal preferences and spending time with him. I feel that this connection makes it more real. But I turn it over to you all...

Science deducts general laws that apply to percentages.
As a man, in my experience I have always found that kind of studies pretty accurate - until I joined internet. Then, deprived of physical outlook as the first contact, I must admit that my opinion is changed in some fashion.
Or maybe it is a matter of age... :-(

 

[deprivedfemme]

Great!

I think the other thing to consider is that women can fake/create an emotional connection while men tend not to. I've never faked an orgasm.. but I've faked a connection to trick myself into getting there..

What a great point! I have never faked an orgasm nor a connection. But I do believe that I have "talked myself into" a connection and overlooked what my gut said so that I "could" be attracted to someone. It's my drive to find good in everyone regardless. Sometimes I dated the wrong guys because they liked me so much and I foolishly thought that would be enough. Down the road, I realized that I should trust my gut but never compromise my standard or values. Ahhh... Wisdom why did you show up so late???

 

[StarGazer58]

Wonder how much of a woman's need for an emotional connection is from upbringing and the pressure of societal norms and how much is a natural need? Seems the latest generation is comfortable with a hookup culture as evidenced by tinder and other data apps. Where did such a generational change come from and will it change as they age into their middle years? Do you think this need changed for you as you grew older or was it there even in your early 20's