A Fantasy

[hbbeachbunny]

As you can see,I'm not a writer. This is my best attempt, not even long enough to include with the story list.


The door to the van opens. My captor reaches in and unhooks the arm binder securing my arms from the ankle cuffs and releasing me from this hogtie. I am helped out of the van and stand unsteadily on these sky high heels I am wearing that display my legs and butt to the best advantage. The ankle cuffs limit my steps. My arms are secured by the arm binder. It pulls my shoulders back and thrusts my breasts forward. The only other thing I am wearing is a gag strapped into my mouth and a leather collar around my neck. My captor grabs the leash attached to the collar and with a tug, leads me forward. I look around and see we are in a large parking structure. It is empty except for a large luxury sedan ahead of us. As we approach, a man exits the driver's side and opens a rear door. Out steps a black woman. She is in her thirties with skin like milk chocolate. She has a fine shape and is quite fit. Judging from her designer clothes she wears and the way she carries herself, this is a woman of great wealth and power. As she approaches, the only sound is the click of her heels. She comes up to me and looks me over with a critical eye. A hand cups my breast with a quick squeeze. She slides her hands along the curves of my body, a couple of light taps on my ass. She gives an evil smile when she unexpectedly slips her finger into my pussy and watches my startled reaction. After a few minutes of these intrusions on my body, she slaps me on the ass and says, "Sold". Just like that I become a sex slave. With a nod from the woman, the driver steps forward and hands my captor an envelope stuffed with cash. He quickly leaves, no doubt to grab his next victim. I am left with my new madam. She takes the leash and with a sharp yank, leads me towards the car and my new life of working in her brothel. I can only moan at my fate into my gag. As we approach the car, the trunk lid opens to receive me.

 

[Sean Renaud]

Welcome to lit. I'll be your instructor, the names Sean Renaud. The class? Lit 101.

First this is for story ideas and this isn't a story idea by any stretch of the imagination. What this is an exert or an introduction take your pick. So this doesn't belong here in the technical sense. Fortunately in her infinite wisdom Rubilips rarely slams the gavel down on people who meant well and is genuinely helpful. As am I if you're head is still firmly attached to your shoulders when I've completed my lesson. I make no promises on that. They were out of rulers when I earned my credentials and I just found a battle axe to be soothing.

Second writing in the first person tends to be awkward for the majority of writers. Some people can knock it out of the park with it but most people struggle with it for a number of reasons the biggest being authors don't use it overmuch so you don't have as much to compare it to as you would standard 3rd person writing. In this case your biggest "goof" was that you didn't really say anything about yourself. How much detail you should go into varies from writer to writer so I'll minimize my personal feelings there. However let me tell you a few things.

I know basically nothing about you from this little bit you gave us. I know you were captured since your presuming the man who delivered you is off to grab another woman. You seem to have accepted your fate, not fighting or screaming or anything you'd expect. I'm assuming your white, because the fact that the woman purchasing you being black struck you as a detail worthy of merit. Which means she's a different race than YOU blah blah blah English, America and Europe are the majority of Litizens the odds say you're white. You don't seem sufficiently scared and you also apparently know what you've been purchased for. You know it's to punish you for something you did in the past or even to be the personal fucktoy of this woman.

Continuing on that note when you write first person one of teh things you (generally) should be doing is talking about how you are experiencing the scene. You can smell the woman's perfume, are her hands smooth like a rich person or rough like someone who worked for a living prior to however she got this position. How does it feel when she's looking at you, when she seals your fate with a single word 'sold'. Are you scared as you're being dragged on a leash in the nude. These are all important.

All things said for someone who is writing in what I consider an awkward style and who is claiming not to be a writer you did a more than passable job and we all start somewhere.

Length. . .you wrote 380 words. The Lit minimum for a story is 750. So you are literally five words past the halfway mark and you've barely gotten started yet. So I'm simply going to tell you to shut your dirty mouth and bite your tongue about it not being long enough. That's like telling me you want to make a horror film, having 45 minutes of teenagers driving to Crystal Lake Park and telling me you have no idea how you can make an hour and a half movie! You've got the bulk done and haven't gotten to the meat.

Now if this were to be a story line then you need to tell us more about what it is you want. Do you just want straight non-con sex cus. . .there are epic boat loads of it. You need to have fairly specific request before most of us are going to do more than point you in a general direction. Think Cop Dramas on television. Until you tell me the part where the murders all involve the reincarnated souls of the Knights of the Round Table and you absolutely have to track down Morgana before she unleashes Smaug I'm gonna throw a can of alphabet soup and tell you whatever combo of letters shows up on top there is probably a cop drama on at 9 with it.

The more specifics you give us thought the better off you are. You want lesbian? Group? Toys? Humiliation? Water Sports? Foot Worship? Midgets? Interracial? Piercing? Breath Play? Incest? Body Paint? Milk Enemas?Cosplay? Sorry I ramble. . .but. . .you should probably just skip the BS write this yourself and be proud, you've got the talent and trust me I'm more than happy to tell people who shouldn't write that they shouldn't write.

 

[Mello_SixtyNine]

Lit Proofreading 102

* excerpt

 

[Sean Renaud]

Lit Proofreading 102

* excerpt

If you can read this my ninja assassins have failed in their task.

 

[MyRubiLips]

...we'll see if an author wishes to work with Bunny...if this is a stream of Fetish thought...or if it's more adpt for BDSM Talk like her other posts...

 

[hbbeachbunny]

Thanks for the input. Back to the writing table.

 

[MyRubiLips]

Thanks for the input. Back to the writing table.

So... Is this a story idea? Or...?