Science in Poetry - the comments

[legerdemer]

Please add your comments about the poems in the Science in Poetry thread here.

Comments are welcome on how well science is used in the poem, how successful the poem is overall, your best guess at the poet's identity, and anything else constructive.

 

[greenmountaineer]

some say love #4

Possibly Tzara who didn't announce, but I'm guessing Tess.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

Possibly Tzara who didn't announce, but I'm guessing Tess.

As much as I'd like to claim number 4 I can't, but thank you.

 

[Trixareforkids]

#4 feels like someone had incorporated Todski's style into theirs, so I'm going to guess Butters.

 

[champagne1982]

I did not write a new poem for the challenge but I will share three pieces whiich share science at their roots

E as a variable constant

It throws my theory
of travelling to a simple
moment when the light
sparked that instant
I knew your soul
was mine, my constant love,

into outer space, where speed
is measured in astronomical
doppler shifts of light
and noise as our first mating
slips further ago, accelerating
beyond the realization

that maybe even God
changes his batting hand
now and then; constantly
varied in the tastes
He gives us as life.

Nerds Like It Too

Sex is all about need though want
continually enters the equation
and subsumes the tenderness
that precedes desire.

Now blood pulses a thrum
and makes nerves hum
while flesh sweats
and muscles flex.

Heat transfers through skin -
it's physics. Pupils dilate
and blood surges away
from places not important
to this chemistry. Pheromonic
transfer stimulates glands
and somehow everything
dissolves and is biology.

Einstein's Warp

Silly string theory's
not as effective as bubbles
to foam infinity and gather globs
of galaxies clustered around
a milky way.

Keep expanding through
the variable constant, E only
equals M multiplied
by the square of C
when it is convenient
for physicists to think
that way.

If time never slowed,
strings would snap
and bubbles burst
leaving a matter scatter
mess all over the infinite
multiverse.

 

[legerdemer]

I especially like the last one, though I enjoyed all three. Thank you, Carrie.

I did not write a new poem for the challenge but I will share three pieces whiich share science at their roots

E as a variable constant



Nerds Like It Too



Einstein's Warp

 

[butters]

loving some of the guesses

going back to take another look, so much goodness there. 1/7/8/9 all speak to me. as to who wrote which, i need to reread....

i was only able to approach this obliquely, the spectre of chemistry and physics enough to dry up my muse's juices.

 

[butters]

#2... AlwaysHungry?

 

[AlwaysHungry]

For starters

I'm still a n00b here, but I'm guessing that #3 is Magnetron's.

On #7, the rhythm is bumpy, but the sentiment is touching and I like the way that it begins and ends with the same sentence -- that sentence is ironically transformed in the course of the poem, the way the theme in a piece of classical music sounds so much different at the end, even though the notes are the same.

 

[butters]

Something Like Schrödinger's Cat - leaning towards gm on this one, but there's something about it reminds me of tzara, too.

i'd be surprised if it were magnetron, but sometimes he manages to surprise!

 

[butters]

Heizenburg’s Principles... #3

written by a woman in a masc voice?


hmmn

 

[butters]

i suck at guessing. either the author seems to jump out or hides forever.

 

[AlwaysHungry]

I think #4 gets off to a promising start in the first two stanzas, but the third one throws me off. It seems like a chaos of imagery; some of the images suggest a spark starting a fire, some of them suggest other, unrelated things, and to me, it sort of bogs down. YMMV.

 

[AlwaysHungry]

#8 is interesting. I hope I'm not nitpicking here, but I have a few criticisms. It seems a bit heavy-handed to say ("La petite mort," they say in France), but I'm not sure how I would handle it differently. I would imagine that many Lit readers, steeped as they are in erotica, already know what La petite mort is, so the quotation marks seem unnecessary, along with explanation that the saying comes from France (the name seems clearly French.) But then again, there will be some readers who don't know this. I think I would just trust them (as GM so often does) to go to the dictionary.

On the other hand, I think that connecting Schroedinger's cat with la petite mort is genius.

There is a slight problem with the transition between stanzas one and two -- the first stanza is all about numbers and counting, and then the second stanza drops that completely and moves to to the cat. May I suggest a way to connect the two? If you could somehow refer to cats having 9 lives (but not in this case), you could conceptually connect those stanzas. The reference to "forever" in stanza three suggests infinity, also a kind of number, but it might be stronger if you actually used infinity or a comparable term.

 

[AlwaysHungry]

I like #11, especially the "phosphorus" line and the concluding line about the vein of ore. However, I am baffled by "Yet practice smoothed us into an ever more efficient guile" -- I don't understand how "guile" is being used in this context.

 

[greenmountaineer]

I think #4 gets off to a promising start in the first two stanzas, but the third one throws me off. It seems like a chaos of imagery; some of the images suggest a spark starting a fire, some of them suggest other, unrelated things, and to me, it sort of bogs down. YMMV.

For me, the 3rd stanza was effective. I read it as love is chaotic. It can get messy, and yes it can burn.

I had confusion with the first 2 lines of the last stanza until a pm with the poet clarified their inclusion. Still, I'm not sure they add to the poem. I also thought switching the last 2 lines would have ended the poem with love as "bright," a more effective poetic image IMO than "endorphinised," but that's just my preference. Either are effective.

 

[todski28]

Damn good reading thank you all who have entered so far. Any comments from me at this stage though would be a tad useless

 

[Magnetron]

I find in #11 that the awkward romance between the inbred goats is poetic genius. But ..... Does it really mesh with the rest? I don't care. I just want goats for the farm now!

 

[Magnetron]

Something Like Schrödinger's Cat - leaning towards gm on this one, but there's something about it reminds me of tzara, too.

i'd be surprised if it were magnetron, but sometimes he manages to surprise!

I may have written it.

And I may not have written it.

 

[legerdemer]

I am soooooo enjoying the entries! Though I am feeling a tad inhibited from commenting. May I just say, y'all rock the challenge!

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

# 12 has a butter-y feel.......or someone wearing a butters mask.

 

[butters]

# 12 has a butter-y feel.......or someone wearing a butters mask.

it's a masquerade out there, tess

when i read it, it reminded me of this old one of mine: http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=33650103&postcount=233

 

[Trixareforkids]

Am I the only one who hears [url"https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zxSTzSEiZ2c"] The Rose[/url] in the title of #4? I can't be the only one who hears songs all the time, though I am the only one I know that starts singing them when I hear them, lol.

 

[Trixareforkids]

Oh and #12 seems to feel more like our hostess than butters to me, though it does bare a striking resemblance to the piece butters linked.

 

[legerdemer]

Oh and #12 seems to feel more like our hostess than butters to me, though it does bare a striking resemblance to the piece butters linked.

Gosh, very nice of you, but I only wish.... no, #12 is not mine.