Masochism

[Sammael Bard]

My girlfriend is, er, aroused by the idea of me spanking her. On her butt. Fully exposed. We tried twice, and she had to call it off because I was ruining it by asking if she was okay.

Bummer.

I've never hit a woman before. And I don't know how to hit without casing injury. Result is, it ends up slightly more than a caress when I try to go soft.

Are there so-called techniques to spank the butt without causing injury (causing sting without bruise/mark, that's what I heard)? [I tried spanking my own butt for practice, but never understood how could a bloody sting feel so good. #EpicFail]

Should I use a certified inanimate object instead of my hands (whips, paddle)? I used a whip (padded on the pointy edges) after the failed attempts, and the results were...spectacular.

But she wants me to give it a try with my hand. It's now bordering obsession.

I'm not a hardcore sadist. I can only hit people when I'm pissed off.

Any threads in which it has been discussed in detail?

I'll be very grateful if you help.



Regards,
Bard.


ETA: I got my answers. Thanks to all those who helped. As for my experience, well...I think I can get a hang of it. Her moans of pleasure are definitely worth it.

Please do NOT bump this thread as the discussion has been concluded.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[BabblingBrooke]

From the library sticky: http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=37330610&postcount=1

 

[MeekMe]

I think using your hand is probably one of the better ways to start. You'll feel something along with her, it's a sort of connection. Using paddles and such could prove to be tricky. Since she's asking for it, I think it's safe to say she likes it and will tell you when she no longer likes it. Trusting her to be honest about that is part of it.

On the other hand, if it's too uncomfortable for you, have a conversation and see if there's a compromise. If it's too much of a limit, don't push yourself to do it. That could lead to times of not fun.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I cant believe you have a girl friend.

I was born in the South and we're born fully ready to whup some ass. I can get any shade of pink, red, purple you want.

 

[Sammael Bard]

Start soft, build up, trust her to say enough.

The moment when its too much I found quite a shock and a little hard to admit, but its part of the deal that if I ask him to do it, he trusts me to communicate when enough is enough. The build up builds your confidence and her want. This is my modest experience. But in the library sticky you will find more on spanking.

From the library sticky: http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=37330610&postcount=1

I browsed through the spanking threads, but most of them were related to the related dilemma or the scale of the spank. None were even remotely related to techniques.

If there was such a thread, chances are that I missed it.

I think using your hand is probably one of the better ways to start. You'll feel something along with her, it's a sort of connection. Using paddles and such could prove to be tricky. Since she's asking for it, I think it's safe to say she likes it and will tell you when she no longer likes it. Trusting her to be honest about that is part of it.

On the other hand, if it's too uncomfortable for you, have a conversation and see if there's a compromise. If it's too much of a limit, don't push yourself to do it. That could lead to times of not fun.

I like a good research before doing the deed. That way, I know what I am doing. Before we started rope-play, I had to read from a lot of different sources just to be on the safe side of things. This is the research part. It's a new thing for me, so I'm hoping I'll master this thing and get over my anxieties.

This doesn't come even close to the list of things that stretch my limits.

 

[Sammael Bard]

I was born in the South and we're born fully ready to whup some ass. I can get any shade of pink, red, purple you want.

All bark and no bite.

Broken records get boring after a while.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Sammael Bard]

you're looking for a technic he that doesn't cause damage, a flat hand with nothing on it ( no sharp jewellery ) is a pretty wide 'bearing surface to force ratio'. You also mentioned trying on yourself ( good idea) and not understanding how the sting can feel good.....well.....that's just different mind set. Its just that it does. Like having a sweet tooth, or liking animals or being an adrenaline junkie or liking sports.

Perhaps I exaggerated, but it was more of a blow to my butt. A "sting" implies finesse, which I don't have yet. Yes, you're right. Perhaps I'll never understand the spanking fetish, but I can certainly respect it.

One thing I forgot to mention was that my hand, especially my palm was hurting, while my butt remained relatively untarnished. I have rough callouses in places, so that must've prevented the resulting sting on my palms.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

All bark and no bite.

Broken records get boring after a while.

Tell me about it, I've read your reviews.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[seela]

One thing I forgot to mention was that my hand, especially my palm was hurting, while my butt remained relatively untarnished. I have rough callouses in places, so that must've prevented the resulting sting on my palms.

This can probably be remedied by cupping your hand slightly.

 

[Devilius]

Tell me about it, I've read your reviews.

His reviews are definitely better than your shitty one liners.


One of Jimbo's "Review":

It's PC tone bores the shit outta me. I mean, what in hell is a professional? A numnutz who belongs to dog groomers of amerika?

 

[Sammael Bard]

I cannot help, when I tried to spank G my hand was on fire and he said it was nothing to him. Where as, it certainly isn't nothing to me when he spanks now, and it doesn't seem to hurt him. I don't know whether its just a case of practise making perfect, but we got through it through it together, because...that's the deal for us. . He was reluctant to spank hard at first too, but now he has a taste for it and I have had to say 'hard enough' I would say that its possible to get past the reluctance.

No problem at all.

I really appreciated your help all this time.

Reluctance will be an issue as long as I'm afraid of hurting her. That will go away by practice, I think.

This can probably be remedied by cupping your hand slightly.

Interesting.

How about glancing blows? Are they any better than the direct hits? I'll have to try and see.

 

[Tech_Director]

This may help as a little bit of a training exercise for you.

Try clapping your hand to the other, use the four fingers only and go soft to hard as you want. Do this a few times to get the hang of it and then apply that same strength to her butt when you're ready. HINT, don't practice this just before spanking her. Treat the practice completely separately.

The other thing, she has two cheeks and what I find effective is alternating from cheek to cheek. That way you get an even distribution of the STING. Quit asking her if she's okay, trust that when she's NOT, she'll tell you.

 

[Sammael Bard]

This may help as a little bit of a training exercise for you.

Try clapping your hand to the other, use the four fingers only and go soft to hard as you want. Do this a few times to get the hang of it and then apply that same strength to her butt when you're ready. HINT, don't practice this just before spanking her. Treat the practice completely separately.

The other thing, she has two cheeks and what I find effective is alternating from cheek to cheek. That way you get an even distribution of the STING. Quit asking her if she's okay, trust that when she's NOT, she'll tell you.

Thanks, TD. That clapping exercise was a really good one.

I've vowed not to stop or falter unless she tells me. Last two times were enough to hammer the knowledge home.

I also figured that using both of my hands should be a good idea. That way, my hands wouldn't tire out easily.

 

[Tech_Director]

Thanks, TD. That clapping exercise was a really good one.

I've vowed not to stop or falter unless she tells me. Last two times were enough to hammer the knowledge home.

I also figured that using both of my hands should be a good idea. That way, my hands wouldn't tire out easily.

Be wary of using both hands until you're really comfortable. You will have much greater control using just your Dominant hand...laughing...(Yeah...I always like that pun)

 

[seela]

Quit asking her if she's okay, trust that when she's NOT, she'll tell you.

I don't agree with this. I think it's a good thing to ask if she's okay, just don't do it all the time and stop the flow by doing it. And make sure she knows that checking on her is important to you, as it helps you to gauge your actions and learn better for the future.

If you want to ask her if she's ok, you can also do it in a sexy fashion, that sort of keeps the flow in motion. Like rub her butt and say that her ass is starting to look all kinds of red and sexy and then ask her if she can handle more. Or something like that. You can keep it light and playful and make it a part of the whole experience instead of her feeling like it disrupts all the fun.

 

[innerMILFsub]

He was reluctant to spank hard at first too, but now he has a taste for it and I have had to say 'hard enough' I would say that its possible to get past the reluctance.

I really like this post and another where you mentioned G needed to trust you to communicate your limits. This has been an ongoing conversation in my house, as like you mentioned, my husband has had some reluctance due to not wanting to hurt me. Once he realized that I will thoroughly communicate my limits (and have, though not related to spanking), he has let that reluctance drop, especially with how hard he spanks. I feel like this play requires so much trust and communication from both partners. It has to be an ongoing exchange of communication of some kind, and at least for me, aftercare is dire every time.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[BabblingBrooke]

I browsed through the spanking threads, but most of them were related to the related dilemma or the scale of the spank. None were even remotely related to techniques.

If there was such a thread, chances are that I missed it.

Maybe this will become that thread.

 

[Yardley]

My girlfriend is, er, aroused by the idea of me spanking her. On her butt. Fully exposed. We tried twice, and she had to call it off because I was ruining it by asking if she was okay.

Bummer.

I've never hit a woman before. And I don't know how to hit without casing injury. Result is, it ends up slightly more than a caress when I try to go soft.

Are there so-called techniques to spank the butt without causing injury (causing sting without bruise/mark, that's what I heard)? [I tried spanking my own butt for practice, but never understood how could a bloody sting feel so good. #EpicFail]

Should I use a certified inanimate object instead of my hands (whips, paddle)? I used a whip (padded on the pointy edges) after the failed attempts, and the results were...spectacular.

But she wants me to give it a try with my hand. It's now bordering obsession.

I'm not a hardcore sadist. I can only hit people when I'm pissed off.

Any threads in which it has been discussed in detail?

I'll be very grateful if you help.



Regards,
Bard.

Wait till she pisses you off then.

Hey kid I kid.

I think you're more likely to hurt your hand than her butt. If you're hitting hard enough to make your hands sting you're probably doing it right. Put a little wrist into it but try to land with your entire hand at one time rather than just the tips of your fingers. Those of us with a bit of a sadistic streak find that the spankee can take a lot more after it starts to become a pink. In the initial stages she's feeling the sting sharply, afterwards the body's defenses take over and endorphins rush in and it takes and it takes more of an impact to get the results you are looking for.

People have different ways their skin responds some bruising can happen at times. My guess is she wouldn't mind a bruise as a reminder the next day. Ask her.

What you're talking about is essentially calibration. Exactly how hard should you hit? Think of it this way you want to be escalating so start off with less and move towards more. the first time I had the occasion to spank someone she requested it and I didn't realize she meant to spank like I meant it. I had the opposite reaction that you are having but it is analogous. I was surprised to find that I liked doing it and that I found it arousing and that was disturbing to me. Probably for much the same reasons that you have an issue with it. It just seems wrong doesn't it?


The difference between us is that I apparently have a bit of a sadistic streak. That doesn't make it any less psychologically disconcerting to do it. It would make sense though that your discomfort would be a little greater because you're getting nothing out of it I get a mild feeling of guilt.

I'm assuming though from your post that you're something of a pleaser. And I'm sure you get some pleasure from noticing her delight. Push through your discomfort a little bit smack her a little harder and I think you'll get to a place you'll both like.

 

[babslovesherdaddy]

The last spanking Daddy gave me stung like fire and bruised me, but it was awesome. He did ask me if I was ok but only after it was over and only because he hurt his hand. I actually rather liked the bruises. They reminded me of that connection we shared for several days, especially when I sat down! I had my girlfriend take a picture for me to remember.

Is it your girlfriend who is concerned about marks, or you? Maybe talk about it.

 

[hashtag45]

I think you're more likely to hurt your hand than her butt.

The difference between us is that I apparently have a bit of a sadistic streak.

Not surprised…
Coming from someone who has a "let them all burn and die" stand on the Greece issue.