Stupid comments/questions & noteworthy responses

[UtopiaBound]

I'm pretty new here so forgive me if I'm duplicating an earlier thread that I didn't see....

After wearing a collar pretty much 24/7 for the last week, I somehow managed to get mostly odd looks but I know judgmental, ignorant, and just plain stupid comments & questions are inevitable. I'll have a range of responses to give depending on who approaches me and would love to hear what some of you have encountered. Should make for good reading!

Two verbal reactions I heard at work (both from peer level coworkers in my department. No supervisory reactions yet *knock-on-wood*):

"What have you been bad and want to get whipped or some shit?"

"Is that a necklace or part of that weird shit you and _____ are into?"

 

[LallyH]

What reaction were you expecting to get from coworkers?

 

[MeekMe]

I don't wear such things in public and especially not at work. I keep professional life and private life separate.

 

[UtopiaBound]

I was expecting that and more. I'm not complaining about or surprised by it. I won't be no matter what I come up against. This isn't a public display for reactions but it isn't a private only for intimate times either. Not for us anyway. I know different people have different lifestyles and different needs. Just thought it would be interesting to hear others experiences and that's all...

 

[seela]

The times I've been out and about wearing a collar that looks like a collar I haven't gotten any comments at all and not that many odd glances either. The first time I remember thinking that everybody must be staring at me all the time, but in reality nope, nobody cared. (Edit: Of course the reaction would have no doubt been different if I had worn it to work. At the time I was just a full time student in a city filled with students, nobody cares what students do or wear.)

I wear jewelry that I have gotten from J. It's dear to me and has a lot of sentimental value to the pieces, but I don't think of them as collars at all. Used to at one point. And in fact I don't even wear the jewelry every day anymore. Collars and symbols just aren't something I'm into, and it looks like the older I get and the longer I'm involved in bdsm the less interested I become in things like that. And bdsm too.

 

[BabblingBrooke]

I was expecting that and more. I'm not complaining about or surprised by it. I won't be no matter what I come up against. This isn't a public display for reactions but it isn't a private only for intimate times either. Not for us anyway. I know different people have different lifestyles and different needs. Just thought it would be interesting to hear others experiences and that's all...

Could you wear a day collar? Perhaps a necklace or something along those lines so you can feel your collar 24/7, but not display your kink? I would imagine some of the comments from others are because they are uncomfortable. They aren't asking to be participants in your kink, and wearing a collar publicly is, in a way, involving them.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I don't wear such things in public and especially not at work. I keep professional life and private life separate.

This. I don't maintain complete separation, but I try not to share more about my personal life than I know people are comfortable hearing.

(Except for that one time a drunk twit left me with no alternative but to out myself in front of several co-workers, but I didn't get much choice in that.)

If my co-worker with the "Jesus Is Lord" T-shirt can deal with leaving it at home, I can return the courtesy.

 

[MaryanneB]

If you want to hear stupid remarks, have your husband die. Widows have to deal with remarks that
you wouldn't believe. My brother-in-law called me to say "Thank you for taking care of Mike". Excuse me? I didn't think he could to all his other stupid remarks, but he did.

 

[UtopiaBound]

I'm not very good at being a private person with almost everything. I've worn thinner chokers forever and have been known to sport vinyl attire while grocery shopping. At times when I was single and definitely before He brought in bdsm.

Maybe it's because of how He phrased and views things. Maybe because it's a new leg if our journey together. But I view this more as a full lifestyle change than as kink.

 

[UtopiaBound]

MaryanneB - that's awful. :-( I'm sorry people are asses....

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

I have worn a collar in vanilla public on occasion, and gotten comments.
I usually just respond with a wink Let people think whatever they please.
The thing that I found most amusing was that I saw more interested looks from older men than anyone else

 

[MaryanneB]

MaryanneB - that's awful. :-( I'm sorry people are asses....

Thanks for the thought but, believe me, that's just a few of the things said to widows every minute. You learn to just smile and nod and not listen to what the fuck they say. One person told me that I should move back to California because the people in Pennsylvania don't like widows.......excuse me?

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[desertslave]

Thanks for the thought but, believe me, that's just a few of the things said to widows every minute. You learn to just smile and nod and not listen to what the fuck they say. One person told me that I should move back to California because the people in Pennsylvania don't like widows.......excuse me?

That is the silliest thing I've ever heard! I don't know what part of PA you're in, but I grew up in Harrisburg and spent several years in the Philaburbs, and never heard a sentiment like that.

You do have my sympathies for having to hear thoughtless remarks. I got some real winners after my Mom died last year. It wonders me how we've become so insensitive.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[UtopiaBound]

I work with people and hear all sorts of jaw dropping statements daily. These comments people have endured after losing a spouse are right up there with them!

I didn't raise one if my children and I've dealt with 17+ years of hearing opinions and 'advice' that has been at times nothing short of persecution. I can stand up to one on one or societal criticism and I do believe I most often manage to do so with some degree of grace. Of course I am human and do lose my cool at times.

When He says he wants me to view the collar with the same importance as my wedding ring & that He wants me to get to the point where I feel naked without one, I take it very much so to heart. I will take the comments and stares without a second thought if it means I come home to the person I fell for over two decades ago instead of the caged, repressed person who was there a short while ago.

I just wanted to hear what other people encountered because I'm a nosey people person like that.

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

I have worn a collar in vanilla public on occasion, and gotten comments.
I usually just respond with a wink Let people think whatever they please.
The thing that I found most amusing was that I saw more interested looks from older men than anyone else

I should append my statement here to say I have never worn it to work, nor would I wink suggestively at any of the people I work with. Given all the sad sacks out there today, I definitely wouldn't share the meaning of my collar at all - next thing you know you would be up on sexual harassment complaints or some such, just for mentioning it Knowing people, if you just ignore them they will get used to it soon enough and drop the subject.

My favourite was a group of four, two couples, I would guess them to be in their 70s. One man was staring at me and grinning from ear to ear, touching his neck (where a collar might be) and just nodding his head yes emphatically. It's hard to describe... The other couple was giggling like crazy, but the wife was jabbing him with her elbow non-stop. He ignored her. He got an enormous wink

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

You are just so wonderful. I bet your relaxed demeanour and charming personality make a lot of difference in situations like that.


Interestingly there is a silly story in the uk press this week about a teenager who went to school on non unicorn day in goth attire and was sent home because is was deemed by one teacher to have 'bondage' implication. The clothing actually was rather less suggestive than many girls wear IMO, but it also agree it was not appropriate attire for a work/ learning environment. The whole thing was handled badly and I wonder if girls who went in in more 'conventional ' attire with very short skirts or low cut tops were also sent home ( in which case I'm more relaxed about it).

I get a little upset with identikit you g people not expressing themselves through clothing now new fashion is so cheap they look like bright little soldiers in sweatshop produced clothing. But I also thing learning consequences of our choices of how we present our selves is important. These choices ARE important, and boundaries are important for creativity as well as for others who don't want to make the same choices I guess.

Ummm... what is non unicorn day? From which I am inferring that there is also a unicorn day? I like the sound of that, though I'm quite sure my imaginary unicorn day is more exciting. For me at least

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[IrisAlthea]

Ooops, non uniform day. Unicorn day would be better. Let's have one. . Let's, let's! But all the parents opposed to fairy tales and Christmas stories would oppose unicorn day in schools . ( I actually have looked for unicorn horns on occasion but cannot find one I like.....we have plastic dangly things from a tree that look like we have slaughtered a small herd of unicorns though....it looks quite good, in a gruesome manner)

Now I'm kind of disappointed.
Unicorn Day sounds so cool.

 

[MeekMe]

About my answer, I have befriended coworkers and shared a great deal with them (though I prefer a professional relationship). However, I follow dress codes and know that a collar (in the shape of an actually collar) would cause problems at work. My husband would never put me in a position of needing to wear, I dunno, let's say a dog collar at all times. He knows that it isn't acceptable in most professional settings. If it were somehow required, we would most likely use something in place of the collar, like a bracelet or necklace. It would still carry meaning, but wouldn't interfer with my everyday life.

There's no way I would wear something that could possibly give me problems at work. I'm also conscientious of my daily dress/looks and don't care to be limited in my own style (chokers are off limits). I don't feel the need to show or prove my relationship status beyond wearing my wedding rings.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Sweetdaisymae]

This was asked of a friend of mine.

"Is your cunt shaved?"

Her response
"I have no idea, I divorced him 10 years ago."