How would a Nosy Parker describe the sounds of you having sex?

[Emerson40]

During a recent romantic weekend away, an unknown, funny stranger slipped a wee note under our hotel room door in the early morning hours, congratulating us on our carnal efforts and passionate game play. Our eavesdropper kindly provided a couple of very funny descriptions, describing what our endeavors sounded like, to those passing by our room door the previous night.

Thus, a poll was inspired. As best you can determine, how would a nosy Parker passing by your hotel door, or by your open bedroom window, describe the sounds coming from therein, while sex acts are being committed (partnered or solo)?

Feel free to add your own description should you not see something that adequately describes what others would hear.

 

[DesEsseintes]

I absolutely love the poll options and want to click all of them. Except the mice one. And except I don't have sex.

But IF I did...rawr! I gather.

Also - are any of them what was on the note? Just curious.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Feel free to add your own description should you not see something that adequately describes what others would hear.

One of the best I've seen was "follow these tips and soon you'll have your girlfriend making noises like a vomiting giraffe".

 

[Cumference]

I once had the pleasure of hearing a woman's voice through a (surprisingly thin) wall: "They can't bloody keep doing that forever!".


I considered it a tribute to our libido and stamina, but Lady C was a bit embarrassed.






At least I've never had anybody kick on the wall and scream:
"Make up your mind. Either you kill that poor animal or you set it free!"

 

[Eilan]

Depends on whether or not the kids are home.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I once had the pleasure of hearing a woman's voice through a (surprisingly thin) wall: "They can't bloody keep doing that forever!".

I once crept up outside the happy couple's door and played Yakety Sax on full blast. Probably going to hell for that but it was worth it.

 

[TheSilverLining]

A rusty, squeaky weathervane, spinning erratically in an enthusiastic breeze, while someone vigorously works an old cast iron pump handle, trying extract a pail of water from the well.

You live next door to me, don't you?

 

[Saucyminx]

There's no Soundtrack from Indiana Bone and the Temple of Poon option.

smh

I'm telling you--Herb Alpert is the way to go.

ETA: I really did try to go finish up the 627 things I have to do before cob today, but I just had to pop back and ask. . . in the note, did they mention who was louder? You or the Mrs.?

 

[Bramblethorn]

Do you know what, I don't think I've ever actually heard a Yoko Ono song.

Walking On Thin Ice

 

[glynndah]

Library stacks are a bit noisier than one might expect, even quite late at night. Things echo.

 

[Saucyminx]

Library stacks are a bit noisier than one might expect, even quite late at night. Things echo.

The lady speaks the truth.

 

[CyranoJ]

I went with Yoko Ono song because it was the funniest, but these days my sex probably sounds most like the sumo wrestlers option with added narration by Terrence Howard in-character as DJay from Hustle & Flow.

My personal favourite is overhearing people getting frisky... except that it's so hard to map the sounds to the more common accelerando, crescendo, fortissimo, release, getting up to pee patterns of sex that you find yourself baffled at the mechanics of what must be going on. (I mean, can anyone relate to this or is it just me? My upstairs neighbours are great for this -- what's audible of their sex is generally short thirty-second bursts of activity at intervals of two or three minutes... and nothing else. And from time to time I can't help but wondering, like, are they doing some kind of tantric thing? Is each of those a separate, really brief "round"? Hope they're enjoying it, whatever it is... )

 

[simplegirl]

they'd think I REALLY love apple pie or they'd think I was hitting my thumb with a hammer...repeatedly. It's a crapshoot really.

 

[Emerson40]

Also - are any of them what was on the note? Just curious.

Yes, one of them came from the note.
Another that did not make the list was something about repeatedly whipping the dampened, knotted end of a twisted towel against the sunburnt ass of another.
But I figured, meh, we've all been there.

ETA: I really did try to go finish up the 627 things I have to do before cob today, but I just had to pop back and ask. . . in the note, did they mention who was louder? You or the Mrs.?

Yes.

Walking On Thin Ice

That's what I'm talking about! Start at 3:30 and loop the next minute or so.

Library stacks are a bit noisier than one might expect, even quite late at night. Things echo.

Some of the goodest little witches can be the dirtiest dirty birdies.

 

[Saucyminx]

My money is on you, hoss.

loud and proud

Kinda makes me all tingly down there just thinkin about it.

 

[Cumference]

My money is on you, hoss.

loud and proud

Kinda makes me all tingly down there just thinkin about it.

I once drank some cheap beer that made me sound just like that!

 

[Saucyminx]

I once drank some cheap beer that made me sound just like that!

I was actually thinking the same thing.

 

[midwestyankee]

My money is on you, hoss.

loud and proud

Kinda makes me all tingly down there just thinkin about it.

I'm more of a "Watch your six...guns blazin' kinda guy, myself."

 

[Saucyminx]

Yank, I wouldn't have thought you a Top Gun man.

I'm suprised Lassie wasn't one of the choices. That whole scene still makes me laugh.

 

[midwestyankee]

Yank, I wouldn't have thought you a Top Gun man.

I'm suprised Lassie wasn't one of the choices. That whole scene still makes me laugh.

Not my style. I'm also not familiar with the scene. Should I be? Disclaimer: among the list of "top pervy teen movies" I've seen precisely none.

 

[Saucyminx]

Not my style. I'm also not familiar with the scene. Should I be? Disclaimer: among the list of "top pervy teen movies" I've seen precisely none.

I'm not surprised you don't know that flick. It's an old 1982 teen movie called Porky's. I had to sneak into that one because I wasn't old enough to buy my own ticket. Not Academy material, but it did have it's funny moments.

 

[midwestyankee]

I'm not surprised you don't know that flick. It's an old 1982 teen movie called Porky's. I had to sneak into that one because I wasn't old enough to buy my own ticket. Not Academy material, but it did have it's funny moments.

Now that you mention the name, I seem to recall that it appeared on cable tv late at night in the mid '80s. I might have watched a few minutes before changing the channel to Lawrence Welk.

 

[Saucyminx]

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/15/9b/e5/159be57c953da0a24249e7ebbf09d0c5.jpg

And a'one, and a'two. . .

 

[midwestyankee]

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/15/9b/e5/159be57c953da0a24249e7ebbf09d0c5.jpg

And a'one, and a'two. . .

This is simply cruel.

 

[Emerson40]

My money is on you, hoss.

loud and proud

I don't have the timbre of your example, but I make up for it with vocal range, intensity, and unmatched spontaneity.

Kinda makes me all tingly down there just thinkin about it.

Tingly like you were sitting all weird like, and your labia majora fell asleep pins-and-needly tingly, or TINGLY?

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/15/9b/e5/159be57c953da0a24249e7ebbf09d0c5.jpg

And a'one, and a'two. . .

http://i.imgur.com/29wA6w4.jpg > https://accordionuprising.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/lwelkbubblemaker.jpg?w=600