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mattj1979 said:
Hi All,

My wife and I have a very good marriage except for one aspect, but our sexual activities are almost zero now, and I am feeling extremely rejected. Sex rarely happens unless I instigated it, and 99% of them time, when I do, I get rejected. Not horribly like she doesn't love me, but more of being to busy or tired, it just not on her mind or in her priorities. Sex has almost completely gone from our marriage. The sad thing is about 3-4 years ago I reached the time I was completely open to all sorts of experimentation and this has only increased my feelings of rejection.

I am not looking to cheat on my wife, this is not why I am writing this post. I am just writing this post to get it off my chest. I find my porn watching and fantasising increasing greatly and becoming more topically wide spread, which just makes it worse.
Click to expand...

Have you talked with her?
 
Of course. I have opened up and told her several times but it always returns back to normal of a busy life etc.
 
It's the reject that is the worst. We do love each other a lot, and I have spoken to her about how i feel rejeted, and it improves, but then quickly slips in to normal lifes routines. I am not asking for sex every night or for us to become animals or extremely experimental, just more intimate.

OK so secretly I would like a wild and varied sex life, but just not to be rejected all the time would be nice.
 
mattj1979 said:
It's the reject that is the worst. We do love each other a lot, and I have spoken to her about how i feel rejeted, and it improves, but then quickly slips in to normal lifes routines. I am not asking for sex every night or for us to become animals or extremely experimental, just more intimate.

OK so secretly I would like a wild and varied sex life, but just not to be rejected all the time would be nice.
Click to expand...

This is the thread you want, even though it turns from hookup to men and women sharing their stories. You will find plenty of people who can sympathize with you.


http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=751591&highlight=Sexless+marriage
 
Pink_Milkmaid said:
It's a huge, silent club that people don't realize just how common it is.
Click to expand...

It seems so. I'm pleased OP posted. It's good not to feel like the only one on the outside. I'd settle for some human warmth and non-sexual affection TBH. I think I've slmost given up trying for more - knowing they probably don't want to is kind of a turn off. Becomes a cycle.
 
RedStarFic said:
It seems so. I'm pleased OP posted. It's good not to feel like the only one on the outside. I'd settle for some human warmth and non-sexual affection TBH. I think I've slmost given up trying for more - knowing they probably don't want to is kind of a turn off. Becomes a cycle.
Click to expand...

Hearing no a lot even for affection really does create a very negative cycle that requires a lot of energy to break.
 
The mismatch in sexual desire between long-term partners is such a common theme on Lit (let's face it: everywhere, not just Lit) that it makes me wonder if it is inevitable... Yes, there are those who will proudly proclaim that they and their spouse of 30 years still have fantastic sex and they never fantasize about anyone else. And there are others who castigate those who try to find a way to quietly satisfy their physical needs even as they realize their love for their partner has morphed away from the rawly physical into a deep and lovely and important friendship.

I know this is nothing new or profound, but isn't it possible that most of us are just wired to be polyamorous? And after a few years into a relationship... the love is there, maybe stronger than ever, but the sexual urges are pulled elsewhere?
 
I have heard it soooo many times in the years I have been on Lit. Men that have a non existent sex life and are married but we deal with it too. I was married to a great guy that had a corporate job and it was his passion. He lived for his job actually and after a while, well I found what I needed elsewhere. Was that wrong? Yep. Did I regret it? Yep. Would I make that same mistake again if the circumstances were the same. Prolly. My point is get it out of your system safely if possible. Write stories, make friends here where it is safe, life out your fantasy life online if you have too just don't let it get to the point that you do something you may regret.
 
wistfulwench said:
The mismatch in sexual desire between long-term partners is such a common theme on Lit (let's face it: everywhere, not just Lit) that it makes me wonder if it is inevitable... Yes, there are those who will proudly proclaim that they and their spouse of 30 years still have fantastic sex and they never fantasize about anyone else. And there are others who castigate those who try to find a way to quietly satisfy their physical needs even as they realize their love for their partner has morphed away from the rawly physical into a deep and lovely and important friendship.

I know this is nothing new or profound, but isn't it possible that most of us are just wired to be polyamorous? And after a few years into a relationship... the love is there, maybe stronger than ever, but the sexual urges are pulled elsewhere?
Click to expand...

I think this may be true to a certain degree although most will never admit it and there is a ton of social conditioning against such an idea. We hold monogamy up on a pedestal.
 
I have been the one with no sex drive, and I have been the one who was constantly denied. They both suck. I carried so much guilt about not wanting sex, but I couldn't fake it until I made it. We ended up divorcing. Not because of sex, per se, but we treated each other badly. My sex drive took off after the divorce. I ended up remarrying, and he had no drive, nor desire beyond anything vanilla, which I couldn't stand. But he and I are estranged now, and will be divorced as soon as I can pay for it.

Divorce is not the answer at all. It's definitely one of the worst things I have been through. I guess I would recommend marriage counseling for you guys. It could help.
 
mattj1979 said:
Hi All,

My wife and I have a very good marriage except for one aspect, but our sexual activities are almost zero now, and I am feeling extremely rejected. Sex rarely happens unless I instigated it, and 99% of them time, when I do, I get rejected. Not horribly like she doesn't love me, but more of being to busy or tired, it just not on her mind or in her priorities. Sex has almost completely gone from our marriage. The sad thing is about 3-4 years ago I reached the time I was completely open to all sorts of experimentation and this has only increased my feelings of rejection.

I am not looking to cheat on my wife, this is not why I am writing this post. I am just writing this post to get it off my chest. I find my porn watching and fantasising increasing greatly and becoming more topically wide spread, which just makes it worse.
Click to expand...

If women do not feel connected they usually do not feel sexual. Or, it could be something medical such as an inordinately low level of testosterone.
 
If my husband (of 10 years) and I were not polyamorous, I seriously doubt we'd still be married today. Sorry to derail the topic with that anecdote, as you can't just force your partner into polyamory. It sounds like there's much more going on here and lack of sex is only a symptom. Good luck. I hope you're able to find a compromise with your wife that you're both comfortable with.
 
Pink_Milkmaid said:
It's a huge, silent club that people don't realize just how common it is.
Click to expand...



Indeed. My wife has an ongoing medical condition so I'm 2 years into my stretch. Once every two months if we're lucky.


The previous 5 years before that she wanted it daily, varied and constant.
 
mattj1979 said:
It's the reject that is the worst. We do love each other a lot, and I have spoken to her about how i feel rejeted, and it improves, but then quickly slips in to normal lifes routines. I am not asking for sex every night or for us to become animals or extremely experimental, just more intimate.
OK so secretly I would like a wild and varied sex life, but just not to be rejected all the time would be nice.
Click to expand...

You can only control yourself. Do what you can do. Do you behave, do you treat her with kindness and respect? Have you tried doing the little sweet things you used to do—whatever... roses, flowers... intimate texts...—try that. Go for the seduction. Tell her how much she means to you and how you burn with desire for her. You do, right? Or... you did. You want to, tho, right? Burn your desires with hers... right? Don't let things fester inside you and build up... Gotta tell her what you want... need.
And, respectfully, you ought not keep your wild and varied sexual desires a secret from her. You must entice her with them... Probably not all at once, but a little... a few... you'll get to 'em all over time.
I dunno. I can certainly relate to lack of intimacy. I am single (longtimer, too) and I suffer from the lack of human warmth and touch. Plain and simple. It gnaws at me sometimes. I can't imagine feeling like that while the person I adore is sleeping next to me. You gotta do everything you can... if you wanna stay and be happy...
Damn, did I get preachy there, or what? I meant everything nicely... you know, lovingly... helpfully.
:rose:
 
You would think at seventy this wouldn't bother me anymore, but it most certainly does! I would settle or any form of sex with her but not a chance!!!!
 
Not rejected but cant

My wife and I had a very fun, active, kinky, and some would say taboo sex life. Unfortunately cancer has taken over her body and everything has stopped. I do not play without her so for now my only thrill is chatting about old times. Feel free to PM if interested in chatting.
 
I posted a similar story on a different site before. I got accused of making up excuses for wanting to cheat on my wife, and no I never suggested I wanted to cheat on my wife. If feels much better to hear support for problems like this instead of judgement and accusations.

Thank you for posting, it made my day a bit, and thanks for the others sharing as well.
 
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