Advice Neeed

[jiggy45750]

I am 33 and just recently came out as a lesbian. I have not been with a woman, but I know what I'm attracted to and that I want a woman. I have been talking with a woman and been friends with her for about 4 months now. Any advice on what to do to see if she is interested in me romantically? I really like her and would like to explore a relationship but this is all new to me. Just looking for some advice with what to do, how to show interest or to read what she is saying/putting out there.

Thank you in advance.

 

[lesbear]

does she know?

I am 33 and just recently came out as a lesbian. I have not been with a woman, but I know what I'm attracted to and that I want a woman. I have been talking with a woman and been friends with her for about 4 months now. Any advice on what to do to see if she is interested in me romantically? I really like her and would like to explore a relationship but this is all new to me. Just looking for some advice with what to do, how to show interest or to read what she is saying/putting out there.

Thank you in advance.

This friend of yours; have you talked to her at all about being interested in women. Is she interested in women?

 

[jiggy45750]

Yes my friend is interested in women. I haven't told her that I like her like that. We are pretty close friends and she has helped me a lot with coming out and finding myself. I never planned on falling for her but she is exactly what I want I just don't know how to tell her. And what if I do and it goes horribly wrong then I have lost a really good friend.

 

[luv2photograph]

Advice from a bi-male perspective

Jiggy, as a bi-sexual male who was unwilling to admit that fact until recently, my first experience with a gay male may give you some ideas. Several years ago, a friend admitted to me that he was gay and one day came out and told me he would like to give me a bj, and asked me to allow him. He also stated that he would like me to reciprocate, to which I declined. He continued telling me how much he wanted me to participate and finally I agreed. Now, many years later, I am happy that I did agree. We have remained friends but have never repeated our actions, though I truly would if the opportunity arose. Perhaps if you simply tell your friend that you have desires and would like her to help you learn the ropes, sort of, she may be more than willing and you may end up with a closer relationship. Would it not be better to try and know where you stand than to not try and have regrets later?

 

[jiggy45750]

Jiggy, as a bi-sexual male who was unwilling to admit that fact until recently, my first experience with a gay male may give you some ideas. Several years ago, a friend admitted to me that he was gay and one day came out and told me he would like to give me a bj, and asked me to allow him. He also stated that he would like me to reciprocate, to which I declined. He continued telling me how much he wanted me to participate and finally I agreed. Now, many years later, I am happy that I did agree. We have remained friends but have never repeated our actions, though I truly would if the opportunity arose. Perhaps if you simply tell your friend that you have desires and would like her to help you learn the ropes, sort of, she may be more than willing and you may end up with a closer relationship. Would it not be better to try and know where you stand than to not try and have regrets later?

I think you are right in that I should try, maybe I will just talk to her to see if she has any interest in me at all in that way and then just hope that it doesn't change our friendship. I am new to all this and just a little unsure of myself. Thank you for sharing your experience with me.

 

[eric60red]

Its really very simple, kiss her, if she slaps your face, the answer is no, if she doesn't then you have found what you want and will engage in a voyage of discovery.

 

[vintagelady]

I would say tread carefully, especially if you value the friendship. Invite her around, create a nice atmosphere, not overly romantic just casual. Sit beside her, look at the body language, is her body facing you or is she rigid? Is she smiling and making eye contact? Is she SUBTLY touching areas that she might want you to notice, her mouth, just above her breast, her leg-this could be totally subconscious and depends on her confidence. I would then thank her for all she has done to help you coming out and admit that you're not really sure how to move on. Say what you have said here, you're not great with the signs. Depending on her reaction and how comfortable you are, I would then admit your feelings for her, but constantly reassuring her that you don't want to lose the friendship and see where it takes you. If she has been major support for you, but she is not interested I wouldn't want you to lose confidence. Sorry if I sound patronising.

 

[jiggy45750]

I would say tread carefully, especially if you value the friendship. Invite her around, create a nice atmosphere, not overly romantic just casual. Sit beside her, look at the body language, is her body facing you or is she rigid? Is she smiling and making eye contact? Is she SUBTLY touching areas that she might want you to notice, her mouth, just above her breast, her leg-this could be totally subconscious and depends on her confidence. I would then thank her for all she has done to help you coming out and admit that you're not really sure how to move on. Say what you have said here, you're not great with the signs. Depending on her reaction and how comfortable you are, I would then admit your feelings for her, but constantly reassuring her that you don't want to lose the friendship and see where it takes you. If she has been major support for you, but she is not interested I wouldn't want you to lose confidence. Sorry if I sound patronising.

You do not sound patronizing. Thank you for your advice. I think I just need to tell her what's going on but stress the fact that I don't want to lose our friendship. We spend a lot of time together and I definitely don't want the dynamic to change for the worse.

Everyone has definitely been helpful. Thanks again.