sexual pain and the need to feel it

[july_night]

is it a fetish because it started as abuse?

 

[DirkPitt06]

Some of my most talented and kinky partners have had a history of abuse. They liked the pain fetish, maybe as a way to confront it? Not sure, but I'd say it counts.

 

[july_night]

eroticizing it puts me back in control of the source of what was probably supposed to be some version of love. a taboo allows sexual pleasure to be garnered and sex feels so much better when its naughty as sin.

 

[RawHumor]

eroticizing it puts me back in control

That's not all that uncommon. Some (I can't quantify a number) victims of rape and abuse eroticize their past experiences later in life.

Though masochism is a fetish regardless of its origins, I think.

 

[Primalex]

is it a fetish because it started as abuse?

No, it's not a fetish, because a fetish by definition requires an object: the fetish. You can have a latex fetish, but not a pain fetish.

 

[NiceNastyMann]

No, it's not a fetish, because a fetish by definition requires an object: the fetish. You can have a latex fetish, but not a pain fetish.

Yes and no.

Yes in the strictest sense of your definition - a fetish involves an object of some sort which is required for an individual to have a sexual response.

So we have now disposed of tentacle sex and latex.

But... and I will try hard not to fall into the cheap trick of making a pun (oh hell, if I don't the OCD won't go away. I like 'em big. Butts. Okay, now to resume) the derivation of sexual pleasure from pain is the sine qua none of masochism. Without which this section of Lit would not exist.

As Shel Silverstein wrote in his lyrics to Freakin' at the Freakers Ball (yes chilluns uncle NNM is really that old):

"The greatest of the sadists and the masochists too
Screaming "Please hit me, and I'll hit you"

Ying and Yang. Beer to herring and pickles (oh, wait that's a regional taste. Hmm. Substitute pretzles, onions, radishes - oh forget it.)

The problem - if it really is a problem - is one if idiom. We all pretty much understand what kinky and fetish and all that is. And then do the typical thing and mix it all in...

I know there are die hards out there. Okay. Last point and I go back to drinking beer.

So what BDSM activity does NOT involve some sort of fetish? Clothing - be it lingerie, or leather, or latex. Other spectrum's - school girl outfits, rubber diapers, nerdy girl kit. (Glasses. Ohhhh yeah, black framed oh my god... ahem. Moving on).

How about sexual toys? Crops, clips, ropes and other bindings. Dildoes, vibrators, butt plugs the lot.

These are all fetishistic totems.

Meh. My beer is starting to get warm. Enough of the soap box. Gonna find me some pickles.

As to the abuse angle. Sure. And no. Brain wiring happens very early on. Yeah you get the damaged souls who due to abuse relive their hell over and over and over.

But that's their hell. What about those who truly enjoy getting a jolt of pain and/or humiliation now and again. Note I did NOT say anything about marathon running there.

 

[Primalex]

the derivation of sexual pleasure from pain is the sine qua none of masochism. Without which this section of Lit would not exist.

You forgot to consider that 2 + 2 = 4 though.

The problem - if it really is a problem - is one if idiom. We all pretty much understand what kinky and fetish and all that is.

No, you don't, that is why:

And then do the typical thing and mix it all in...

So what BDSM activity does NOT involve some sort of fetish?

B
D
S
and
M

to be exact.
Because the sadist does not derive sexual pleasure from the whip itself, unless he happens to fuck himself with the handle, which again wouldn't have much to do with sadism.

 

[NiceNastyMann]

You forgot to consider that 2 + 2 = 4 though.





No, you don't, that is why:




B
D
S
and
M

to be exact.
Because the sadist does not derive sexual pleasure from the whip itself, unless he happens to fuck himself with the handle, which again wouldn't have much to do with sadism.

I guess I could suggest that for the sadist the object isn't the whip, but the masochist. But that gets us into fuzzier lines of logic than the clean arithmetic you are cloven to.

Before we get lost into the another dreary explanation of Bondage and Domination which may or may not be a part of but yet is not necessarily a derivation of Sadism and Masochism...

Dreck. Next thing either of us will start tossing in quotes from Kraft-Ebbing.

Go back to the top of the loop - where I said you are defining fetish in a classic/mechanistic fashion. Done. Fini. You win.

To paraphrase the guy who used to sell the cheap but good wine used to say "I like talking about this stuff but I'd rather be doing it."

 

[wolfman57]

it is

it is what you say and am a master at it

 

[Tech_Director]

That is an excellent question.

is it a fetish because it started as abuse?

I really have no idea and I fear that I would need a degree in psychology or psychiatry before attempting to answer such a question.

 

[ArthurW]

It can be argued any way you want. Some need pain to get off. While others learn to add pain to there sex life to make it enjoyable. Others use it to stop sex. Most Dom's use it at time to control sub's. So its up to you.

 

[Primalex]

Go back to the top of the loop - where I said you are defining fetish in a classic/mechanistic fashion.

Of course do I use the classic definition. Using your own definitions to answer questions is rather futile, because that way you can answer everything every way you want. "Is this a square?" - "Yes, it is, it just doesn't have four equal sides. You know, a square doesn't have to have equal sides in my book. There are a lot of shapes that are basically squares, maybe just not in the classical sense."

Meh.

To paraphrase the guy who used to sell the cheap but good wine used to say "I like talking about this stuff but I'd rather be doing it."

It makes sense that he prefers to sell wine than talking about selling wine.


Anyway, a guy who says such thing mixes up "taste" and "quality". Shitty quality can still taste good. A whole industrial sector is working on this. Funny thing, my brother-in-law is wine purveyor and you are really terrible in paraphrasing simple concepts.