Wife Swapping / Sharing / Foursome

[SunnySundays]

Hey all

Not sure if this is the right place to post this - apologies if not and Mods feel free to move if necessary!

Recent events have got me wondering about Wife Sharing / Foursomes / Group Activities etc...

Me and my wife are in our young 30s and some friends of ours, also in their young 30s, seem like they may be heading towards suggesting some "group" activities together. There have been some jokes made, initially made whilst drunk, but now made much more frequently and without alcohol's involvement! These "jokes" also seem to be getting very specific.

They are an attractive couple and there are elements of the idea that are somewhat of a turn on, but I can't seem to shake the ideas of jealousy and the thought that it was just be very awkward for everyone from that moment onwards!

I've read some threads on here where guys / gals are hugely turned on by the thought of their spouses having sex with others...

So, given this is the sexuality and fetish board, I thought I'd ask what aspects of Wife Sharing / Wife Swapping / Foursomes / Group Sex are a turn on?

For those who actively participate in such activities or have previously... How did you start out? Did you have any concerns / fears that turned out to be unnecessary or were they right???

 

[Somehowyou]

If you are going to do this you had better grow a pair. get over your jealousy now. Harness that jealous energy and convert it into intense orgasms. I f you can't then don't do it.

 

[L8tnIt]

I also suggest that you be prepared to become very accepting about the idea of possibly doing something unexpected, like possible same-sex activity. I do not want to make it sound like something to be feared... Far from it! I am humbly pointing out that it becomes a possibility.

 

[Samisstout]

I also suggest that you be prepared to become very accepting about the idea of possibly doing something unexpected, like possible same-sex activity. I do not want to make it sound like something to be feared... Far from it! I am humbly pointing out that it becomes a possibility.

That's not part of the fun?!?! Jk I see what you mean

 

[policywank]

Most people will tell you to lay down some clear guidelines before embarking on such a journey. This is absolutely necessary. However, do not fool yourself into believing you can control the situation, especially emotions. You can agree that jerk at the swingers club is off-limits but when she sees his big dick swing and you hear her take a deep breath and try to hide her rapidly lubricating pussy you'll know she wants to fuck him. You can agree in advance that she won't but you can't agree that she won't want to unless you expect her to be dishonest with you which is a very bad idea in this context.

Your spouse must be strong and have good judgment. Women especially will be inundated with opportunities with other men. Whatever guidelines you agree upon are useless and things will deteriorate if your spouse is the least bit susceptible to hide behind a "I got caught up in the moment." There is no room for that in my view. You know you will be in moments in which you get caught up, so be ready for it.

It is a certainty that someone will "do something" for your spouse that you don't. It may not be better than what you do for them but it will be different and desirable. Don't go into thinking otherwise or you will be lying to yourself or asking your partner to lie to you. This problem can arise for either gender but I think it is tougher on guys. The fact is that few if any women go through life thinking their husband could never want anyone but them - even if we expect them to be monogamous we know and accept that they have desire for other women. Men are much more inclined to delude themselves about their spouse's desire and sexuality and women have been conditioned through most of history to feed that delusion. Plus men have way more performance anxiety issues so the experience can be very jarring.

Also as much energy as you put into making sure you and your spouse are ready for this situation, make sure the other couple is too. As a woman the biggest thing I look out for is guys who are frustrated or bored in their marriage and see swinging as a way to bang other women - me in specific. That's got trouble written all over it. The last thing I need is a guy who thought the swing club was gonna be the playboy mansion and finds out it's party time for his wife and wait in line time for him. I have no interest in guys trying to prove themselves or even the score through me.

I am not saying that will be the situation at a swing club but generically speaking it will be easier for her to fuck other guys than it s for the man to fuck other women. Get used to it.

 

[MelnMe]

With regards to OP I'd like to say I wish we were your age and talking about it!

We're in our 40s and in the very early stages of discussing it.

With regards to PW's post above, it seems I actually have the right attitude for once! My interest in sharing/swapping comes entirely from my desire to see Mel fulfilled physically in every way possible, and all my pleasure would derive from that. I'm good at sex, but I could happily watch her with much younger and more well-endowed men than me, without an ounce of jealousy. I guess our relationship is strong enough for that after nearly 25 years together...

 

[ukbicuriousguy]

Most people will tell you to lay down some clear guidelines before embarking on such a journey. This is absolutely necessary. However, do not fool yourself into believing you can control the situation, especially emotions. You can agree that jerk at the swingers club is off-limits but when she sees his big dick swing and you hear her take a deep breath and try to hide her rapidly lubricating pussy you'll know she wants to fuck him. You can agree in advance that she won't but you can't agree that she won't want to unless you expect her to be dishonest with you which is a very bad idea in this context.

Your spouse must be strong and have good judgment. Women especially will be inundated with opportunities with other men. Whatever guidelines you agree upon are useless and things will deteriorate if your spouse is the least bit susceptible to hide behind a "I got caught up in the moment." There is no room for that in my view. You know you will be in moments in which you get caught up, so be ready for it.

It is a certainty that someone will "do something" for your spouse that you don't. It may not be better than what you do for them but it will be different and desirable. Don't go into thinking otherwise or you will be lying to yourself or asking your partner to lie to you. This problem can arise for either gender but I think it is tougher on guys. The fact is that few if any women go through life thinking their husband could never want anyone but them - even if we expect them to be monogamous we know and accept that they have desire for other women. Men are much more inclined to delude themselves about their spouse's desire and sexuality and women have been conditioned through most of history to feed that delusion. Plus men have way more performance anxiety issues so the experience can be very jarring.

Also as much energy as you put into making sure you and your spouse are ready for this situation, make sure the other couple is too. As a woman the biggest thing I look out for is guys who are frustrated or bored in their marriage and see swinging as a way to bang other women - me in specific. That's got trouble written all over it. The last thing I need is a guy who thought the swing club was gonna be the playboy mansion and finds out it's party time for his wife and wait in line time for him. I have no interest in guys trying to prove themselves or even the score through me.

I am not saying that will be the situation at a swing club but generically speaking it will be easier for her to fuck other guys than it s for the man to fuck other women. Get used to it.

This s a great post and pretty much qualifies as a 'sticky'

 

[CindyCD478]

I also suggest that you be prepared to become very accepting about the idea of possibly doing something unexpected, like possible same-sex activity. I do not want to make it sound like something to be feared... Far from it! I am humbly pointing out that it becomes a possibility.

And whats wrong with same sex activity? That makes it all that much more fun.

 

[Somehowyou]

I am not saying that will be the situation at a swing club but generically speaking it will be easier for her to fuck other guys than it s for the man to fuck other women. Get used to it.

So even when swinging? Damn....I have spent so many friday and Saturday nights out looking for pussy and instead I end up shit faced at 2AM ordering the Grand Slam Breakfast at Denny's.

 

[Jake1945]

So even when swinging? Damn....I have spent so many friday and Saturday nights out looking for pussy and instead I end up shit faced at 2AM ordering the Grand Slam Breakfast at Denny's.

Doesn't seem fair, does it. I am petty much convinced that just about any woman can get laid any time she wants.

 

[sixfeetundernea]

Hey all

Not sure if this is the right place to post this - apologies if not and Mods feel free to move if necessary!

Recent events have got me wondering about Wife Sharing / Foursomes / Group Activities etc...

Me and my wife are in our young 30s and some friends of ours, also in their young 30s, seem like they may be heading towards suggesting some "group" activities together. There have been some jokes made, initially made whilst drunk, but now made much more frequently and without alcohol's involvement! These "jokes" also seem to be getting very specific.

They are an attractive couple and there are elements of the idea that are somewhat of a turn on, but I can't seem to shake the ideas of jealousy and the thought that it was just be very awkward for everyone from that moment onwards!

I've read some threads on here where guys / gals are hugely turned on by the thought of their spouses having sex with others...

So, given this is the sexuality and fetish board, I thought I'd ask what aspects of Wife Sharing / Wife Swapping / Foursomes / Group Sex are a turn on?

For those who actively participate in such activities or have previously... How did you start out? Did you have any concerns / fears that turned out to be unnecessary or were they right???

If someone is jealous or hesitant and you want go keep your marriage, don't do it. This is not just me, so many people I know afterward struggled. It's a fantasy and it often should stay that way. I lost the love of my life because I kept having panic attacks and he said I was mocking him and I made him feel disgusting. I tried my hardest to contain everything, I didn't want to be selfish. As a result, I lost 30 lbs in a month and my bowels were liquid the entire period. I didn't sleep well and could barely eat. No matter his words of "comfort", I couldn't get over that to me, I wasn't good enough. Now I don't know what I'll do in the future because I know all men game that fantasy and I can't be with them knowing it's unfulfilled. I'm crying right now as I write.

 

[sixfeetundernea]

I guess our relationship is strong enough for that after nearly 25 years together...

I don't want you to see this as an attack, but the length of your marriage doesn't have to do with anything. Just because you're married a certain amount of time doesn't mean other couples should have to be able to do what the other wants. It's more about respect and your lifestyle. If one of them don't want it and they've been married the same length of time, they are no less of a person, nor sexually immature.

 

[SubmissiveMom]

I first took part in a threesome with my ex hubby at his request and after much chat I agreed and we planned an evening where I would hostess for them in underwear as they watched a porn video x the video was one of a woman playing hostess to her hubby and friend while they watched a porn video, lol x

Was so much fun and I had the most wonderful sex, pleasing and pleasuring both at the same time, was amazing x one thing leads to another and I ended up in a MMMF foursome, which was even more amazing but began to doubt if he loved me anymore x

Then the Swinger scene. parties, I loved the sex and the attention of all the guys but not him, he started to get a bigger turn-on from watching me satisfy gangs of strangers and I just didn't love him anymore x

Next, I fell in love with one of the 'strangers' who was fucking me, we started meeting privately and hubby found out x No more hubby, now ex and he blames me, lol x

I enjoyed every experience, no matter how extreme and learned a lot sexually, loved the attention and the thrill of so many guys wanting me x

Its fun and adventurous to get involved in this scene but takes a very strong and devoted guy to watch his woman suck and fuck other guys without getting jealous and once the jealousy creeps in it's all over, so think carefully x x x

 

[Cumalong]

I first took part in a threesome with my ex hubby at his request and after much chat I agreed and we planned an evening where I would hostess for them in underwear as they watched a porn video x the video was one of a woman playing hostess to her hubby and friend while they watched a porn video, lol x

Was so much fun and I had the most wonderful sex, pleasing and pleasuring both at the same time, was amazing x one thing leads to another and I ended up in a MMMF foursome, which was even more amazing but began to doubt if he loved me anymore x

Then the Swinger scene. parties, I loved the sex and the attention of all the guys but not him, he started to get a bigger turn-on from watching me satisfy gangs of strangers and I just didn't love him anymore x

Next, I fell in love with one of the 'strangers' who was fucking me, we started meeting privately and hubby found out x No more hubby, now ex and he blames me, lol x

I enjoyed every experience, no matter how extreme and learned a lot sexually, loved the attention and the thrill of so many guys wanting me x

Its fun and adventurous to get involved in this scene but takes a very strong and devoted guy to watch his woman suck and fuck other guys without getting jealous and once the jealousy creeps in it's all over, so think carefully x x x

I very well could be wrong about this, and I apologize if I am. But, it seems like the hubby was doing exactly what he had stated. He let you have fun with other guys while he enjoyed seeing you have a great time. You thought he didn't care because he didn't join in. He really cared for you, but you fell in heat/love with a hard cock guy and started seeing him on the side.

Your hubby was fine with you having the other guys, including your special guy, as long as he watched and enjoyed, because this was agreed to be a together thing for the two of you. You started seeing the other guy on the side, and you wonder why he was mad? Think about it. He was willing to let you have your fun while he watches because it was sex, not personal. You took it personal when you started seeing the other guy on the side.

Not placing blame or condemning anyone. Just stating the case as I see it. Think about what I wrote from a man's prospective. He trusted you to have fun, but stay true to him afterwards. Swinging is swinging, and home is home.

If you were going to see the other guy you shouldn't have let him know. What you don't know won't hurt you they say.

 

[KinkyGAGuy]

Please consider this: If there is any underlying issues in your marriage or relationship, probllems with jealousy, money, self esteem, or whatever. This type of activity will hi-light the issues. If you fight, the issues will be brought out, just that simple.

Also it has been said, women will have an easier time than a man at swinging. In the swinger scene there are 100's of men, with maybe half of the women, and something to consider, 20 to 25 percent of those women are looking to score with your woman as well, and not you.

Really need you to picture someting. Really really think about it. How are you going to feel when your woman is laying on a bed with a strange cocks all around for her to enjoy, and you get nothing? Can you handle seeing her being pleasured while you stand there with your dick in your hand?

Or how is she going to react, if.and.when you do score on that hot woman that has been staring you down all night, and the woman wants no part of your woman? Let me tell you, if your woman has any self esteem issues, she will be crushed, especially if you had a good time and she didn't. You want to know the definition of hell? A jealous woman that feels that she isn't good enough. The jealousy will haunt you everytime you look or speak to a woman any time in the future.

Or, picture this: your sitting at a swingers club chatting it up with another couple, when it is stated that they have no interest in you, but both of them want your wife, and your wife wants them?

I could go on about what I have seen in the clubs here, but I will stop there.

Just somethings to think about. Jealousy brings out the worst in people, and as stated above, once it creeps it, it never goes away, even when couples split up.

 

[MelnMe]

I think anyone who decides to embark upon this particular journey needs to find a way to detach love from sex, something that's traditionally been thought of as being easier for a man than a woman...

 

[KinkyGAGuy]

I think anyone who decides to embark upon this particular journey needs to find a way to detach love from sex, something that's traditionally been thought of as being easier for a man than a woman...

You are correct on this, but it isn't easy. Rejection has a funny way of destroying this thought process.

 

[policywank]

I think anyone who decides to embark upon this particular journey needs to find a way to detach love from sex, something that's traditionally been thought of as being easier for a man than a woman...

You are right that this is what is traditionally believed but I am not sure it is true. Or rather I think there are two very different definitions of the statement.

Men have an easier time with fucking someone they don't love - although I might debate that a woman's view in this regard is more driven by societal pressures and likely consequences of casual sex than any real resistance to it.

But men are less likely to be able to cope with the woman they love having sex with another. I think this is because men see betrayal in the physical act whereas women see betrayal in the emotional connection.

 

[policywank]

Please consider this: If there is any underlying issues in your marriage or relationship, probllems with jealousy, money, self esteem, or whatever. This type of activity will hi-light the issues. If you fight, the issues will be brought out, just that simple.

Also it has been said, women will have an easier time than a man at swinging. In the swinger scene there are 100's of men, with maybe half of the women, and something to consider, 20 to 25 percent of those women are looking to score with your woman as well, and not you.

Really need you to picture someting. Really really think about it. How are you going to feel when your woman is laying on a bed with a strange cocks all around for her to enjoy, and you get nothing? Can you handle seeing her being pleasured while you stand there with your dick in your hand?

Or how is she going to react, if.and.when you do score on that hot woman that has been staring you down all night, and the woman wants no part of your woman? Let me tell you, if your woman has any self esteem issues, she will be crushed, especially if you had a good time and she didn't. You want to know the definition of hell? A jealous woman that feels that she isn't good enough. The jealousy will haunt you everytime you look or speak to a woman any time in the future.

Or, picture this: your sitting at a swingers club chatting it up with another couple, when it is stated that they have no interest in you, but both of them want your wife, and your wife wants them?

I could go on about what I have seen in the clubs here, but I will stop there.

Just somethings to think about. Jealousy brings out the worst in people, and as stated above, once it creeps it, it never goes away, even when couples split up.

I think a lot of it boils down to thinking about what the experience will actually be like as opposed to the fantasy.

Yes the fact that you are among swingers at least clarifies the point that the other participants are open to sex - but the girl in the skimpy dress and slutty heels at the local bar is fairly obviously sending the same signal. That doesn't mean we aren't discerning in who we fuck or that every man in the place is going to get what he wants.. A lot of men seem to adopt the fundamentally flawed view that a sexually open or even promiscuous woman will fuck anybody. That simply isn't true.

Think back to when you were single. Were you reeling in the ladies? The ladies at a swing club may be more open-minded and mature which might be the perfect fit for a man.....but it isn't a magical place where duds become studs.

 

[KinkyGAGuy]

I think a lot of it boils down to thinking about what the experience will actually be like as opposed to the fantasy.

Yes the fact that you are among swingers at least clarifies the point that the other participants are open to sex - but the girl in the skimpy dress and slutty heels at the local bar is fairly obviously sending the same signal. That doesn't mean we aren't discerning in who we fuck or that every man in the place is going to get what he wants.. A lot of men seem to adopt the fundamentally flawed view that a sexually open or even promiscuous woman will fuck anybody. That simply isn't true.

Think back to when you were single. Were you reeling in the ladies? The ladies at a swing club may be more open-minded and mature which might be the perfect fit for a man.....but it isn't a magical place where us become studs.

Great points! I was never assuming that a promiscuous woman would just fuck anybody. I do apologize if I led anyone to believe that.

I was just pointing out some of the things that I have seen and experienced.

When I was single, my success came in spurts (no pun intended). I was either striking out, or connecting with quite a few. Went on a spree for about a year, after my divorce, where sex was just mechanical, had absolutely no emotions. Yes I like several of them as people, had a lot of fun on dates, but as a single guy in a swing club, success was limited.

 

[policywank]

Great points! I was never assuming that a promiscuous woman would just fuck anybody. I do apologize if I led anyone to believe that.

I was just pointing out some of the things that I have seen and experienced.

When I was single, my success came in spurts (no pun intended). I was either striking out, or connecting with quite a few. Went on a spree for about a year, after my divorce, where sex was just mechanical, had absolutely no emotions. Yes I like several of them as people, had a lot of fun on dates, but as a single guy in a swing club, success was limited.

I didn't think you were assuming a promiscuous woman would fuck anybody. I was just commenting on the general misconceptions that guys sometimes bring into this scene.

 

[KinkyGAGuy]

I didn't think you were assuming a promiscuous woman would fuck anybody. I was just commenting on the general misconceptions that guys sometimes bring into this scene.

Ok, thank you!

 

[policywank]

So even when swinging? Damn....I have spent so many friday and Saturday nights out looking for pussy and instead I end up shit faced at 2AM ordering the Grand Slam Breakfast at Denny's.

LOL. Well it might not be that bleak.

Generally speaking a swing club provides a venue that is more conducive to sexual communication with people who are interested in and open to sex. So if I find you attractive, there is an increased likelihood that we will make a connection and have sex. But if I don't find you attractive I am not going to fuck you just because I am at a swingers club. And while being in the club may take down barriers for both genders it doesn't fundamental change who we are or how we interact with others.

There are men with which I can't imagine pursuing a sexual encounter in every day life but I would if I saw them in a swingers club. Interestingly there are also men that I have fucked, but I probably wouldn't have if I had the chance to get to know them in this venue.

I would be interested in the perspective of men who attend swingers clubs but I tend to believe that what "works" there is quite different from what works at a typical singles bar. This may be an unfair stereotype but it seems to me that the guys who prey on insecurity (especially of young women), preen, flatter and bullshit there way into a girl's pants would not get very far at all among more mature, sexually experienced and open women. We want a little more authenticity.

 

[KinkyGAGuy]

Perspective!

In the half dozen times I have been to the clubs over the last 5 years, in my opinion, the approach is the same, the follow through may be a bit different. For instance, you see a woman that you are attracted to, you walk up and start a conversation, ask her to dance. If she is sitting with her husband or boyfriend, you walk up, introduce yourself to him first, shake his hand, then hers, start with asking questions "having a good time"? What are you seeking? Is this your first time? Where are you from? You will know within the first several minutes if they are open to conversing with you, then be yourself ( don't lie). Flirt with her, and if you are interested, him too.

So lets just say, they are seeking a single guy for sex with her: You ask him for permission to dance with her (if dancing is offered at your venue).

Feel them out, see what the boundaries are. If she openly touches you in flirty ways, and there is no sense of objection from him, go with the flow! A lot of the times.when I was there as a single guy, I would let her lead the way to the play rooms, but at the same time, you must keep it known to her that you desire her. Then if all goes well, she will let you know she wants to fuck you. Believe me, noone there has any time for bullshit.

Much to most people's misconceptions, not all of these places are a wild orgy that goes on from open to close. You go there to dance, people watch, be with like minded individuals, then ultimately the sexually charged enviroment.

 

[Somehowyou]

I first took part in a threesome with my ex hubby at his request and after much chat I agreed and we planned an evening where I would hostess for them in underwear as they watched a porn video x the video was one of a woman playing hostess to her hubby and friend while they watched a porn video, lol x

Was so much fun and I had the most wonderful sex, pleasing and pleasuring both at the same time, was amazing x one thing leads to another and I ended up in a MMMF foursome, which was even more amazing but began to doubt if he loved me anymore x

Then the Swinger scene. parties, I loved the sex and the attention of all the guys but not him, he started to get a bigger turn-on from watching me satisfy gangs of strangers and I just didn't love him anymore x

Next, I fell in love with one of the 'strangers' who was fucking me, we started meeting privately and hubby found out x No more hubby, now ex and he blames me, lol x

I enjoyed every experience, no matter how extreme and learned a lot sexually, loved the attention and the thrill of so many guys wanting me x

Its fun and adventurous to get involved in this scene but takes a very strong and devoted guy to watch his woman suck and fuck other guys without getting jealous and once the jealousy creeps in it's all over, so think carefully x x x

Yep, I am a male and I think that you speak the truth. I wanted a MMF with my wife and talked and talked to her about it. She started to warm up to the idea. Finally, she had an affair and then announced she was leaving. We never even had the damn 3sum!!! We just talked about it several times.

She told me that "he loves me and would never want to share me with someone."
The implication was that I was not really in love with her if I wanted to try something like this but he was

So there you go.