IMOnTheEdge
Experienced
- Joined
- Mar 21, 2015
- Posts
- 34
I am new to this, so I guess the best way to start would be with an introduction. I am single, heterosexual, and curious I guess. I am older (very young fifty) and have only recently discovered this alternate lifestyle -- quite by accident, not important how, but it struck a chord with me. In public I am a hard charger in a high-stress male-dominated career field responsible for 36 organizations that are geographically located coast to coast. In my dreams I just want someone to come home to that can make the day disappear, make all the decisions for me, care for and treat me like I'm all he needs -- in return I give him all he needs -- there isn't much I wouldn't do for a man like that.
I have only been in two relationships -- both with what I would now recognize as extremely dominant men. The first was for 12 years -- fun morphed to bruises and broken bones and the death of a beloved pet -- I played as long as I could but left when I it got too scary (a few years later he ended up shooting himself with the shotgun he threatened me with). I felt it was my fault and was brokenhearted that I couldn't make him happy.
The second was with a very successful older man who was even more dominant than the first -- and much more experienced. I was at his beck and call for 7 years until I understood that I was merely convenient sex for him -- again I was truly heartbroken.
These men left me feeling worthless -- unloved -- and deeply unhappy. It has taken a long time for me to baggage.
For the last 20 year I've been alone by choice - not trusting myself or anyone else. Not really understanding what I needed or why was my fault in my first two relationships -- I'm older and wiser now (I hope) and on the edge of trying one more time. I understand now that I am a natural submissive, that is why I was drawn to these men, but that doesn't mean there are no limits.
Soooo .... that's me in a nutshell. Geez, never thought I would write a book, especially about things I just don't talk about with anyone. Am I just too old too hope that there might me one more chance? Has anyone out there got a success story that would be a light at the end of the tunnel? Or is this just another bad idea -- if so, at least no one gets hurt by it!
Listening ....
I have only been in two relationships -- both with what I would now recognize as extremely dominant men. The first was for 12 years -- fun morphed to bruises and broken bones and the death of a beloved pet -- I played as long as I could but left when I it got too scary (a few years later he ended up shooting himself with the shotgun he threatened me with). I felt it was my fault and was brokenhearted that I couldn't make him happy.
The second was with a very successful older man who was even more dominant than the first -- and much more experienced. I was at his beck and call for 7 years until I understood that I was merely convenient sex for him -- again I was truly heartbroken.
These men left me feeling worthless -- unloved -- and deeply unhappy. It has taken a long time for me to baggage.
For the last 20 year I've been alone by choice - not trusting myself or anyone else. Not really understanding what I needed or why was my fault in my first two relationships -- I'm older and wiser now (I hope) and on the edge of trying one more time. I understand now that I am a natural submissive, that is why I was drawn to these men, but that doesn't mean there are no limits.
Soooo .... that's me in a nutshell. Geez, never thought I would write a book, especially about things I just don't talk about with anyone. Am I just too old too hope that there might me one more chance? Has anyone out there got a success story that would be a light at the end of the tunnel? Or is this just another bad idea -- if so, at least no one gets hurt by it!
Listening ....
