Need some feedback here...

[madisoncb29]

Okay so honest question time for everyone. Guys and girls, feel free to respond.

I have a problem with cheating. As in, I have trouble not doing it. During college, I was in a three and a half year relationship with a girl I was madly in love with. She was amazing in pretty much every way. However, I found myself consistently curious about what else was out there, and I would venture out to find out first hand. Many people may not agree with this, but I still argue to this day that I was in love with my girlfriend, and always put her and her needs first. I was a dedicated boyfriend and I will argue that to the day I die. We did not break up because of cheating (she doesn't know about any of it), it was a distance and difference of ideals that broke us up.

Fast forward to today. I'm 26 now, five years removed from college and in a relationship with a different girl. The opportunities to cheat are far fewer when not on a college campus, so for the past year+ I've been with this girl, I have been *physically* faithful to her. That's to say, I have sexted with a few girls that I've known in the past both from this site and not. I've skyped with girls and done inappropriate things as well. As I said, I have not physically cheated on her, but I find myself thinking about it a lot and longing after multiple girls I work with. I probably would cheat if the opportunity was there. At the same time, I found myself thinking about marriage with my current girlfriend and feeling dedicated to her. Same situation as above. I feel dedicated to her and I love her very much.

Okay so my question is, what do I do about this? I've almost resigned myself to the fact that I'll never be able to be 100% faithful to anyone, but I don't really know how to handle it. I plan on getting married someday but I'll always have this feeling of guilt. I'm just wondering how other people on here may deal with similar problems.

Responses from both sexes will be helpful, and feel free to call me a scumbag if you feel it necessary. Hoping for slightly more constructive criticism though, if possible. (I'm a male, in case you're too lazy to read my profile.)

 

[Pip81]

If you feel like you can't be 100% faithful to anyone, then you shouldn't get married. Having to give half of your things to someone else sucks. And chances are, that is what will happen to you.

You're better off finding someone who wants to have an open relationship. That way you can be committed to each other, but still mess around with others if you should feel inclined.

On a side note, even if you haven't been physical with those other girls, skyping, sexting, etc., is still cheating.

 

[madisoncb29]

Fair enough. I hate being alone far more than anything, so I'm sure I'll get married eventually. My problem is, despite what Lit makes it seem, it is REALLY difficult to find someone who is willing to have an open relationship.

Worse than that, while an open relationship would be nice for me, I might have trouble with the other side of it. I think that is what kills a lot of potential open relationships.

 

[madisoncb29]

Bump. Could use some more input.

 

[jezzilee]

I too was going to suggest an open relationship, but if you cannot handle your s/o with someone else why should she be okay with it? I can't help but think there is some "thing" missing from your relationships that you are not even aware that you are missing. Are you just looking for sex on the side or have you maintained affair like romances where feelings are involved? It is such a cliche to say that you just have not found the right person yet, that when you do you will no longer want someone else. Do you like the excitement of the danger of getting caught? You say you feel guilty because of being unfaithful but if you really feel guilty why do you do it? And because I can't stop is not a very good argument.

Have you EVER been cheated on? Do you know what that feels like?

 

[madisoncb29]

I never said she should be okay with it. Obviously, she shouldn't be. The quick answer is, yes I do like the danger. The excitement of being with somebody new. But one night stands don't do it for me, because I also love being able to come home to somebody. Feelings do play a role and almost every affair I've ever had, there were at least some feelings there, but nothing too serious.

Here's the thing. I feel guilty *now* but I didn't so much when I was in college. I enjoyed that. As I said, I haven't had a physical affair with somebody in awhile, so I'm not sure if now that I'm older, the feelings of guilt will get worse or still not be there.

I too was going to suggest an open relationship, but if you cannot handle your s/o with someone else why should she be okay with it? I can't help but think there is some "thing" missing from your relationships that you are not even aware that you are missing. Are you just looking for sex on the side or have you maintained affair like romances where feelings are involved? It is such a cliche to say that you just have not found the right person yet, that when you do you will no longer want someone else. Do you like the excitement of the danger of getting caught? You say you feel guilty because of being unfaithful but if you really feel guilty why do you do it? And because I can't stop is not a very good argument.

Have you EVER been cheated on? Do you know what that feels like?

 

[jezzilee]

This is such a tough question! Who is to say what is actually right or wrong. You have to let your morals guide you and everyone has their own set. What may be okay for you may be something that is definitely not okay for someone else. I did not mean to imply your girlfriend should be okay with you having affairs, only if you were in an open relationship.

 

[horny_irish_guy]

ive been married for 6 years and kinda going through the motions

things got a bit boring and monotonous and found myself in here.
flirting...sexting...skyping...even met a girl

then the wife found out

shit hit the fan big time

made me realise what i had, and more importantly what i couldve lost
the old saying is true....you dont know what you have til its gone!!

now...i just come on here for the stories

 

[madisoncb29]

ive been married for 6 years and kinda going through the motions

things got a bit boring and monotonous and found myself in here.
flirting...sexting...skyping...even met a girl

then the wife found out

shit hit the fan big time

made me realise what i had, and more importantly what i couldve lost
the old saying is true....you dont know what you have til its gone!!

now...i just come on here for the stories

Probably part of my problem that I haven't been caught yet.

 

[Rufus_the_Lame]

Thank you for being so honest. The fact that you feel guilty now, implies that you believe you are doing something wrong. Marriage isn't for everyone, but also doesn't mean that you should break up with your girlfriend.

Have you ever been for relationship or sex therapy? I have personally found the experience very beneficial, comfortable and completely confidential. They won't judge you and they will help you to work through why you feel what you feel.

Take care

Okay so honest question time for everyone. Guys and girls, feel free to respond.

I have a problem with cheating. As in, I have trouble not doing it. During college, I was in a three and a half year relationship with a girl I was madly in love with. She was amazing in pretty much every way. However, I found myself consistently curious about what else was out there, and I would venture out to find out first hand. Many people may not agree with this, but I still argue to this day that I was in love with my girlfriend, and always put her and her needs first. I was a dedicated boyfriend and I will argue that to the day I die. We did not break up because of cheating (she doesn't know about any of it), it was a distance and difference of ideals that broke us up.

Fast forward to today. I'm 26 now, five years removed from college and in a relationship with a different girl. The opportunities to cheat are far fewer when not on a college campus, so for the past year+ I've been with this girl, I have been *physically* faithful to her. That's to say, I have sexted with a few girls that I've known in the past both from this site and not. I've skyped with girls and done inappropriate things as well. As I said, I have not physically cheated on her, but I find myself thinking about it a lot and longing after multiple girls I work with. I probably would cheat if the opportunity was there. At the same time, I found myself thinking about marriage with my current girlfriend and feeling dedicated to her. Same situation as above. I feel dedicated to her and I love her very much.

Okay so my question is, what do I do about this? I've almost resigned myself to the fact that I'll never be able to be 100% faithful to anyone, but I don't really know how to handle it. I plan on getting married someday but I'll always have this feeling of guilt. I'm just wondering how other people on here may deal with similar problems.

Responses from both sexes will be helpful, and feel free to call me a scumbag if you feel it necessary. Hoping for slightly more constructive criticism though, if possible. (I'm a male, in case you're too lazy to read my profile.)