How To Let Go

[L_McQueen]

I originally posted this the other day in a thread called Ever Ask What's the Point? made by Southern_gal in the Lit Personals section. After thinking about what I wrote, I started wondering how many people go through something similar and especially for as long.

This situation has caused me quite a bit of sadness and frustration. I don't blame the person in this scenario. I guess I'm seeking advice on how to let go after being attached for so long and/or if others have been through this, too.

Sorry if there are other threads on here like this one. I'm new here and it's difficult to shift through such a large site.

So, here goes...

"About two years ago, I met a man online and fell really hard for him. We chatted everyday and I soon realized he was everything I'd ever wanted in a partner. I felt emotionally connected and physically attracted to him. But he was not available and he began to feel guilt - even though our chats never turned totally sexual. Just good fun. Naughty innuendos and flirting. I wanted so much more, obviously. He just couldn't go any further, though, and I respected him for it.

We are still in contact. We email weekly. The trouble is, I still have these very strong feelings. Some days I get really sad because I know that he will never truly be with me. He could never truly love me. He's in the UK. I'm in the US. Which isn't a problem, of course. If we could have taken things further, the thousands of miles would not have stopped me.

So, I found myself asking that question just the other day while feeling quite low. He's the only person I've fantasized about for nearly two solid years. It can be very, very draining. And, yes, I often feel incredibly empty. I never thought that a person I've never physically met could have such an impact on my life.

I think that's why I finally decided to join Lit. To meet other people that I may have something in common with or to even find an eligible guy with whom I can emotionally and physically connect to and possibly meet. I know this current situation is going nowhere, and, frankly, I can't continue feeling like this. It's just too much.

Love is such a curious thing."

 

[JohnnySavage]

I originally posted this the other day in a thread called Ever Ask What's the Point? made by Southern_gal in the Lit Personals section. After thinking about what I wrote, I started wondering how many people go through something similar and especially for as long.

This situation has caused me quite a bit of sadness and frustration. I don't blame the person in this scenario. I guess I'm seeking advice on how to let go after being attached for so long and/or if others have been through this, too.

Sorry if there are other threads on here like this one. I'm new here and it's difficult to shift through such a large site.

So, here goes...

"About two years ago, I met a man online and fell really hard for him. We chatted everyday and I soon realized he was everything I'd ever wanted in a partner. I felt emotionally connected and physically attracted to him. But he was not available and he began to feel guilt - even though our chats never turned totally sexual. Just good fun. Naughty innuendos and flirting. I wanted so much more, obviously. He just couldn't go any further, though, and I respected him for it.

We are still in contact. We email weekly. The trouble is, I still have these very strong feelings. Some days I get really sad because I know that he will never truly be with me. He could never truly love me. He's in the UK. I'm in the US. Which isn't a problem, of course. If we could have taken things further, the thousands of miles would not have stopped me.

So, I found myself asking that question just the other day while feeling quite low. He's the only person I've fantasized about for nearly two solid years. It can be very, very draining. And, yes, I often feel incredibly empty. I never thought that a person I've never physically met could have such an impact on my life.

I think that's why I finally decided to join Lit. To meet other people that I may have something in common with or to even find an eligible guy with whom I can emotionally and physically connect to and possibly meet. I know this current situation is going nowhere, and, frankly, I can't continue feeling like this. It's just too much.

Love is such a curious thing."

How can you be physically attracted to someone you've never met... physically?

You built an image of them in your mind, which may or may not be true in person.

You can't be "physically" attracted to someone until you've been near enough to know if there is "chemistry"

For all you know, the dude may have really bad B.O.

 

[bronzeage]

Does "never truly be with me, never truly love me," mean he's married?

 

[Sinny]

I originally posted this the other day in a thread called Ever Ask What's the Point? made by Southern_gal in the Lit Personals section. After thinking about what I wrote, I started wondering how many people go through something similar and especially for as long.

This situation has caused me quite a bit of sadness and frustration. I don't blame the person in this scenario. I guess I'm seeking advice on how to let go after being attached for so long and/or if others have been through this, too.

Sorry if there are other threads on here like this one. I'm new here and it's difficult to shift through such a large site.

So, here goes...

"About two years ago, I met a man online and fell really hard for him. We chatted everyday and I soon realized he was everything I'd ever wanted in a partner. I felt emotionally connected and physically attracted to him. But he was not available and he began to feel guilt - even though our chats never turned totally sexual. Just good fun. Naughty innuendos and flirting. I wanted so much more, obviously. He just couldn't go any further, though, and I respected him for it.

We are still in contact. We email weekly. The trouble is, I still have these very strong feelings. Some days I get really sad because I know that he will never truly be with me. He could never truly love me. He's in the UK. I'm in the US. Which isn't a problem, of course. If we could have taken things further, the thousands of miles would not have stopped me.

So, I found myself asking that question just the other day while feeling quite low. He's the only person I've fantasized about for nearly two solid years. It can be very, very draining. And, yes, I often feel incredibly empty. I never thought that a person I've never physically met could have such an impact on my life.

I think that's why I finally decided to join Lit. To meet other people that I may have something in common with or to even find an eligible guy with whom I can emotionally and physically connect to and possibly meet. I know this current situation is going nowhere, and, frankly, I can't continue feeling like this. It's just too much.

Love is such a curious thing."

I think the most important thing for you is to figure out why you are longing for someone who does not return your affection (whether because he can't or won't is immaterial). You are worthy of someone loving you in return, you just need to believe that. You are stuck in an infinity loop of unrequited love. To get out, chase real love and ignore the imaginary. Perhaps you feel unworthy of that. Get yourself to a place where you aren't.

 

[Lancecastor]

You are not alone.

Other women also felt a bond with Sean, but he's engaged now, so that's that.

But you'll meet other men online...plenty of fish in the sea!

Be Well;
Lance

 

[L_McQueen]

How can you be physically attracted to someone you've never met... physically?

You built an image of them in your mind, which may or may not be true in person.

You can't be "physically" attracted to someone until you've been near enough to know if there is "chemistry"

For all you know, the dude may have really bad B.O.

Well, good point. I just meant through shared photos, but I understand what you mean.

 

[L_McQueen]

Does "never truly be with me, never truly love me," mean he's married?

Unfortunately.

 

[dolf]

you know what? it's possible to have amazing chemistry online that also works offline. but it's also possible to fool yourself, because you want and need it to be real. experience can eventually teach you the difference.

step one is accepting that this is your fantasy, in your mind, not a true connection. if it were a true connection, he would feel it just as strongly as you do.

 

[L_McQueen]

I think the most important thing for you is to figure out why you are longing for someone who does not return your affection (whether because he can't or won't is immaterial). You are worthy of someone loving you in return, you just need to believe that. You are stuck in an infinity loop of unrequited love. To get out, chase real love and ignore the imaginary. Perhaps you feel unworthy of that. Get yourself to a place where you aren't.

Thanks, Sinny. Sweet and thoughtful advice. I need to find that place for sure

 

[Killswitch]

How can you be physically attracted to someone you've never met... physically?

You built an image of them in your mind, which may or may not be true in person.

You can't be "physically" attracted to someone until you've been near enough to know if there is "chemistry"

For all you know, the dude may have really bad B.O.

Love is not Physical.

Period.

 

[CandiCame]

Love is not Physical.

Period.

Strongly disagree.

 

[Killswitch]

Strongly disagree.

Then hold it in your hands and take a picture and post it.

The point is that Love and attraction are different for every one and on different levels and especially with different requirements.

Johnnys post screams of I have to have a superfox or fuggit. Thats cool, but don't confuse that with "Love"

Thats vanity.

Which is cool, but lets keep it real.

 

[L_McQueen]

you know what? it's possible to have amazing chemistry online that also works offline. but it's also possible to fool yourself, because you want and need it to be real. experience can eventually teach you the difference.

step one is accepting that this is your fantasy, in your mind, not a true connection. if it were a true connection, he would feel it just as strongly as you do.

That last line hits hard, but I know it's the truth. Thanks, Dolf.

 

[Lancecastor]

Maybe you're giving up too easily.

What's to stop you from going to York, England and surprising the guy?

 

[L_McQueen]

Maybe you're giving up too easily.

What's to stop you from going to York, England and surprising the guy?

He's married and I'm not trying to break that up or ruin his family life. I'm trying to let go.

 

[Lancecastor]

He's married and I'm not trying to break that up or ruin his family life. I'm trying to let go.

What if the two of you are soulmates?

Unless you meet him in person, you'll never know.

And if you are meant to be together, his marriage is a mistake that can be corrected.

People get divorced every day to be with their True Love.

What's stopping you from finding love?

 

[Adre]

Do you really think Lit is the best place to meet a replacement? Can't you go outside somewhere and look around?

 

[islandman]

A/L?

Kidding. Chase what's real. Online will never be fulfilling. Believe that you deserve it.

 

[RobDownSouth]

You are not alone.

Other women also felt a bond with Sean, but he's engaged now, so that's that.

But you'll meet other men online...plenty of fish in the sea!

Be Well;
Lance

http://i2.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/010/390/pC8jf5t4eWCDKcMu.jpg

 

[sufisaint]

The good news is that your heart is being opened and you can connect and feel love...the bad news is your mind which feels unworthy of love is punishing you for it by it's obsesion with something it cannot have...I speaking metaphorically... but you need to open up more to people in the real world and take risks...

 

[Lancecastor]

The good news is that your heart is being opened and you can connect and feel love...the bad news is your mind which feels unworthy of love is punishing you for it by it's obsesion with something it cannot have...I speaking metaphorically... but you need to open up more to people in the real world and take risks...

Exactly. This is why she must get on a plane.

The interconnectedness of all things demands it.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Several years ago I met a widow on line. She was pretty and smart and fun! So we met in Savannah, for a week of joy. Her pussy smelled like old roast beef tenderized with a steel mallet at the city dump for a week during August.

 

[thør]

Exactly. This is why she must get on a plane.

I hope she doesn't mind standing in line.

 

[L_McQueen]

Exactly. This is why she must get on a plane.

The interconnectedness of all things demands it.

You've made your point quite clear. No need to carry on. Thanks.

 

[Lancecastor]

You've made your point quite clear. No need to carry on. Thanks.

Seems to me you're the one "carrying on"....you're all over the internet sulking about some trumped up "love" story.