Hi I've recently descovered my role as dominet I take good care of my girlfriend she is a submissive. And enjoys spanking, choking, tying up, being told what to do, holding breath, standing in the corner of the room when she's naughty and even toilet play. All thus turns me on. But when I'm away I have fantasy's of her cheating or me sending her out to get a guy to sleep with. This got a tad out of had when she got upset as she didn't want to cheat on me. I don't want this to actually happen. I couldn't stop sending her messages for her to cheat and she didn't want to. I just wanted to make her be obedient and humiliate her.
dominant help
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MeekMe
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(｡-_-｡) Again, you can't force her to do anything. If she doesn't want to have sex with other men then leave it be or find a compromise. I know nothing about either of you but I hope you're respecting her boundaries and that you're operating with consent.
3113
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And again on my part as well:
She clearly doesn't want to cheat on you or she wouldn't get so upset.
Subs want to serve their Doms, but you, the Dom, have a job, too. You are entrusted with making sure your sub doesn't try to do anything beyond her limits; anything that would physically or emotionally damage her rather than develop her. Which is to say, she shouldn't have to remind you, over and over again, that this feels like it would be emotionally damaging to her rather than exciting.
You say you take care of her, but taking care of her is more than creating scenes that you know you'll both enjoy. It's listening to the sub, knowing her limits, accepting them, and not pushing her beyond them until and unless she's ready. She's not ready. She might never be ready. You need to accept that or you aren't being a Dom. You're being a bully.
She clearly doesn't want to cheat on you or she wouldn't get so upset.
Subs want to serve their Doms, but you, the Dom, have a job, too. You are entrusted with making sure your sub doesn't try to do anything beyond her limits; anything that would physically or emotionally damage her rather than develop her. Which is to say, she shouldn't have to remind you, over and over again, that this feels like it would be emotionally damaging to her rather than exciting.
You say you take care of her, but taking care of her is more than creating scenes that you know you'll both enjoy. It's listening to the sub, knowing her limits, accepting them, and not pushing her beyond them until and unless she's ready. She's not ready. She might never be ready. You need to accept that or you aren't being a Dom. You're being a bully.
Devonwilde
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I totally agree with the ladies. You say "this all turns me on" but does it turn her on as well. As the dom it is your responsibility to make sure BOTH of you enjoy the experience. If it is one sided you will find soon it will become stale to one or the other of you. Being the dom takes a little patience as well. I found that you need to take baby steps, don't introduce all your fantasies at once or you will run out of scenarios to share. Make each experience a little different until you find situations you both like and then expand on those. But the key thing is do not force her to do things she does not feel comfortable doing. It is not fair to her.
sereneone4u
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DeepGreenEyes
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Keep in mind that even the roughest games have rules. In fact, when the players agree on what constitutes the playing field, the real fun can begin.
Please have a comprehensive discussion with your girlfriend about your visions for your dynamic. Talk about what excites you both about dominance and submission, what you'd like to do - and what you each absolutely won't accept.
Yes, it's often an awkward discussion and it usually doesn't feel sexy or organic, but it can avoid such hard feelings later on. It's a good thing to revisit along the way, too.
She's trying to have that discussion. You're not listening.
Please have a comprehensive discussion with your girlfriend about your visions for your dynamic. Talk about what excites you both about dominance and submission, what you'd like to do - and what you each absolutely won't accept.
Yes, it's often an awkward discussion and it usually doesn't feel sexy or organic, but it can avoid such hard feelings later on. It's a good thing to revisit along the way, too.
She's trying to have that discussion. You're not listening.
3113
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I was thinking about this, and the scenario reminds me of a master and his dog. The dog is very clever and very willing and does every trick the master asks of her. But when you praise the dog to it's master, telling him how lucky is is to have such her, the master says, "Actually, I'm disappointed. There's one thing I really wish she'd do that she doesn't."
He then orders the dog to jump in the deep end of a pool. The dog clearly has a fear or water and won't do it. The Master keeps ordering it, and the dog, wanting on the one hand to please the master, but on the other hand unable to do what's being asked, whines and gets upset. Instead of ceasing his commands, or comforting the dog—showing it love and understanding--the master looks unhappy. Which makes the dog even more upset.
What would you think of such a master? Would you think him worthy of his dog? As good as he seems to think he is towards her? And if he really wanted to teach her to swim, what would you advise him? Would you tell him to toss the poor animal into the water and risk her panicking and drowning?
I think it best if you focus, instead, on all she can and is willing to do for you. Really, you should count yourself lucky for all you've got in her, rather than let down by this one thing she can't manage.
He then orders the dog to jump in the deep end of a pool. The dog clearly has a fear or water and won't do it. The Master keeps ordering it, and the dog, wanting on the one hand to please the master, but on the other hand unable to do what's being asked, whines and gets upset. Instead of ceasing his commands, or comforting the dog—showing it love and understanding--the master looks unhappy. Which makes the dog even more upset.
What would you think of such a master? Would you think him worthy of his dog? As good as he seems to think he is towards her? And if he really wanted to teach her to swim, what would you advise him? Would you tell him to toss the poor animal into the water and risk her panicking and drowning?
I think it best if you focus, instead, on all she can and is willing to do for you. Really, you should count yourself lucky for all you've got in her, rather than let down by this one thing she can't manage.
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KoPilot
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This entire paragraph is really gross to me.
IrisAlthea
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Have you told her what I bolded?
If she knows it is more about a fantasy and what to me sounds more like role playing by text while you are away, it might be ok or even fun for her.
If you haven't told her, you are probably sending all kinds of mixed signals.
This.
Some things can evolve organically in a relationship, but this is obviously not one of them in your relationship.
3113
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Why?
MeekMe
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Why?
It squicked me out, too. She really doesn't seem to want to do that at all. Also, assuming being with another woman would be more acceptable is really going out there.
For me that would also be crossing a line. I'm monogamous and would never want to be pressured or coached into being intimate with anyone other than my significant other, no matter the gender. Just my opinion.
3113
Hello Summer!
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I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to squick anyone out. I did say that if she wasn't willing to go that way at all he shouldn't pressure her or urge her to, and that he should accept all she loves doing for him without fixating on this one thing that isn't for her.
I will edit out that paragraph and will ask those who quoted me to do the same. If it's bad advice—or even if it's being misunderstood as bad--then I don't think it should remain posted where someone might read it and try it.
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